realisation
Skinny Love
~chapter twenty-nine~
realisation
____________________________________________
Why can't she belong to me?
Taemin panted and moaned and grunted and panted again, and before he helped Kai placing the damn shelf on the right spot the younger boy had to listen to the lithany of his curses.
"They didn't have heavier ones?" the older one asked sarcastically, making a huge grimace, and Kai made a face at him. Taemin flipped him off.
Kai looked around the werehouse and hummed.
So they changed the floors and they were now in the color of chocolate, all shiny and beautiful. They didn't repaint the walls, but hanged a few things here and there. They placed a huge shelf on the back of the place, and some old sofa on the right, together with a coffee table and a lamp. Right in the middle of the space there was a SZTALUGA and fresh canvas, and a lamp beside it. Yeah, the cable went all the way to the wall, but that was okay, because it somehow added charm to it. They hanged some white christmas lights on the walls all over the place, and even some curtains by the windows, so it wouldn't look so empty. On the right side of the SZTALUGA, by the wall, were new canvas and a shelf with those little white baskets for stuff. There was also a big mirror.
"It still looks empty" Taemin said.
"It's just the basic stuff" Kai said back, even though he knew it looks empty. He hoped that Mari will fill it with her paintings.
The good point of this warehouse was that there was a lot of sun. It was basically pouring by the huge windows. There was a toilette on the back and a magazine, too, on the other side of the building. There was also a basement, which meant so much space that he couldn't even think of the stuff that could fit in there.
"Do you really want to give it to Mari?" Taemin asked.
"Well, she won't let me give it to her" Kai laughed. "She'll use it for the time being, but it will still be mine"
"Which means that you can make what you want out of this place, right?" Taemin asked, gesturing. Kai gave him a stink eye.
"What are you thinking?"
"Don't look at me like I'm satan" he said, elbowing him. "I was thinking about a gym in the basement. I need to get some muscles. You too"
"Huh"
"Don't 'huh' me you jerk" Taemin shoved him to the side and Kai laughed.
~*~
Kai was waiting for Mari to go out with impatience. He was jumping on his feet, curling and uncurling his toes, playing with his hair and making a mess out of them, circling the street lamp a few times, and poking some cats on the street. He liked cats.
Mari finally came out and frowned upon seeing him sitting on the street and poking a fat cat. She went over to him, and he didn't even notice her at first.
"Having fun?", she asked, making him jump. Kai stood up and beamed.
He didn't explain her a thing when he was taking her to the warehouse. He was giggling and Mari was nervous and asked him every minute where is he taking her and that she will be late for her night shift. Kai just hoped that they'll make it in time to see the werehouse in the orange light of sunset.
His prays were heard, because when he opened the doors to the place, it was shining with yellow and pink and orange, and the floor looked like chocolate melting.
At first Mari frowned. They she took a few steps and looked around the place. Her eyes got big and shiny, and she opened , but didn't say a word.
"So I thought that it makes a good storage and workplace" Kai said, standing beside her and watching the whole place with her, trying to contain his excitement. He was rocking on his feet like a child and grinning a bit.
Mari was still silent, but her eyes got watery and she still hasn't closed .
“So I’m gonna take your stunned silence as a good thing,” Kai said.
Mari slowly turned to him and finally blinked.
"Is this seriously...?" she asked, pointing at the space. Kai smirked.
"Use your words" he mocked, and Mari poked him on the ribs. He laughed and took a step back. The red haired turned again, and went towards the canvas. She the lamp, she turned it off again; she the lights on the walls and examined every little photo or poster, and went to see the shelves. They were empty, yet. She touched every wall and listened to her shoes thumping on the floor.
The sun set and it got dark suddenly. Only the christmas lights on the walls were lit up, and made the place glitter.
The girl came back and eyed the whole space once again.
"Are you sure you want to give it to me?" she asked. "I mean... Do you really want me to use it? When did you even buy it?"
"It doesn't matter. And yes, I want you to use it" Kai answered. "You'll make a good use of it. And it's not permanent. We'll pay off your debt and... we'll see"
"I can't even..."
"But there's one condition"
Mari's face fell, but she nodded and sighed.
"If Jaejoong can pay one/fifth of your debt-"
"Kai, no" she took a step back, looking at him with big and warning eyes.
"-then let me do the same-"
"No"
"-and then you can use the warehouse-"
"No, Kai!" Mari shouted, throwing her hands to the sides. "Are you kidding me? After every conversation we had, after everything you found out about me, you're still asking me about this? No means no, nothing changed! I won't borrow any money from you, just... no!"
She stormed out of the warehouse and Kai ran after her. He tripped over the doorstep, of course, but finally made his way towards her and grabbed Mari's wrist; he pulled her onto himself and she shrieked.
"Let me go!"
"Mari" Kai took her both hands and when she heard his tone, she shut up and looked up at him. Kai's eyes were honest and sad, and he didn't know what to say to her to make her listen, but he still tried. "I want to help you, and it wouldn't be a debt. You are like a family to me, just like you're for your step brother, and I'll help you as best as I can, but-"
"No, Kai" Mari closed her eyes and her voice broke. Her hands shivered in his grip. "I can't. You have to understand that"
She glanced at their hands and Kai got the clue. He let her go and she took a step back, not daring to look at him.
"I'm still painting" she said. "And selling them. I met Chen lately, did you know? And Xiumin is helping me a lot. I got more money this month and it's getting better"
"But it might be even better" Kai tried again, but Mari smiled under her nose.
"No. I agreed for Jaejoong's money because of our father and because of the whole thing that happened, but I won't take any of your money, Kai".
She finally looked him in the eyes and Kai closed his eyes, sighing and frowing deeply. He looked at the sky and at the horizon, and finally nodded.
She finally looked him in the eyes and Kai closed his eyes, sighing and frowing deeply. He looked at the sky and at the horizon, and finally nodded.
"Okay" he said. "The warehouse is still yours, though"
Mari didn't know what to say, honestly. Kai watched her face flush, and then her eyes started wandering around and she was clueless of what to say or do. Kai growled and rolled his eyes.
"Come on, give me a hug and we're even" he mumbled, stretching his arms out. Mari raised her brows and then burst out laughing. She came towards him and embraced him, and it was warm and fuzzy.
~*~
"So I got you a big job, big boy" Siwon said, throwing a big pile of papers in front of him, with a big smash. It was seven in the morning and Kai was more than tired. His eyes were sticky for godssake.
"What job?" he asked, yawning. Siwon made a face at him and snapped his fingers in the air. Kai only then noticed a girl in the corner of the room.
"Bring him some coffee, he looks like a rag" the businessman said with disgust. The girl literally ran out of the room. Kai watched her go with raised brows.
"Don't you think you should treat your-"
"No. Shut up. Read" Siwon said, snapping his fingers at Kai. He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Don't roll your eyes"
"You didn't even look at me-"
"Shut your pretty mouth please"
Kai snorted and looked at the papers. Honestly, he had no intentions of reading any of them, but it looked like Siwon didn't care.
It looked like a contract.
"So apparently some clothes company saw your photos in the last magazine and they want you to advertise their newest collection" Siwon explain, seeing Kai's misty eyes.
"Thank god you finally said it, I thought that you'll really tell me to read this" Kai threw the papers in the same second the older man said it, and Siwon laughed.
"I like you, kid" he said, sitting in from of him. The office had glass walls and leather sofas, and really, was that the only interior allowed in every damn office? "So anyway, it's a good firm. You'll get a lot of cash and maybe some more fame, if you know what I mean"
"When would I be having the session?"
"In a week" Siwon said. "Until then you're taking care of your skin, your diet, and your overall image, because right now you look like "
Kai shrugged.
"No, really, like . What did you do all night?"
"Nothing"
"You kids and your parties..."
Kai couldn't help himself snorting; if only Siwon knew that Kai was having some heavy insomnia...
"Are you laughing at me?"
"I'm not" Kai made a serious face and Siwon raised his brows.
"Well that was some good acting" he praised. "So where do you party, huh?"
"I don't party" Kai frowned. He decided to go through the papers again. "Are there any things I can't do or I have to do to have those photos taken?"
"Just the usual stuff, plus they will give your some free clothes and you'll wear them around the city as an alive ad. What do you mean you don't party?"
"Around the city? It's not like I'll be the only person wearing them. Do they want me to be their new face or something? And I just don't"
"Yeah, you'll be their face from now on. They'll probably stick your photos on billboards and . You are a young man, you can't not party-"
"Those two conversations in one are really tiring, don't you think?" Kai gestured between the two of them. "Let's drop one of them"
"Yeah, okay. So what do you do during nights?"
Kai growled loudly and that was when the girl decided to come back with their coffees. Kai wanted to hug her.
~*~
Before they knew, another month passed. Mari was sitting by the window in her apartment and counting the money she collected.
She had 500$ more than usually.
That just seemed unreal.
She took a deep, shaky breath; she could already feel fear tingling under her skin, making its way outside, waiting to be freed. Her heart was already beating fast and furious. She jumped when she heard her phone buzzing and it took her a minute to calm down. She checked the message. It was from Kai and was simply saying "good luck, don't let them get you".
She smiled, but it was faint and quickly disappeared from her lips.
She prepared slowly; she washed her face, put some clothes on, washed her face again, out some makeup, sat in the living room and tried to draw something to calm down; she counted the money again, even though she knew the exact amount, and put it in her purse.
She put on her shoes and went.
The way to the appointment place was always nerve wrecking. She almost got used to that fear, to this awful feeling in her stomach; she wasn't able to eat the day before, and she also didn't eat a thing today, and she knew that she'll probably throw out when it's over, and then she won't be able to wat again for another day.
She counted her steps to think about something else. She sang a song under her nose to make her heart go slower. She focused on her breath to make it deeper, but nothing really helped, so she just walked and walked, until she saw one two familiar shadows at the end of the alley.
It was Garn and Flash - the boss and the guy that got his nose broken by Kai. He looked even uglier now.
She stopped in front of them and Garn smiled at her, beamed, even, fixing his perfect suit. Flash only grunted.
"Can I see the money, please?" Garn asked, already holding an open palm in front of him. Mari gave him the envelope and waited, as always, as he slowly took the money out and counted them.
He counted every bill, each one of them. After a few long minutes he suddenly stopped at the end and frowned. He glanced at the red haired and she felt a pang of fear in her heart. Garn looked at the money, and stared at it as if it was going to tell him the meaning of life. He then started counting again.
He was finished after three more minutes. He put the money into the envelope.
"Well, that's a lot" he said, smiling widely. Flash was observing Mari like a shark. He looked like one even.
"More than always, yes. But that's good, isn't it?" Mari asked. "You'll get your money quicker"
Garn smiled even wider, if it was even possible; he looked handsome and nice, and Mari couldn't believe that he was such a... She didn't even have a word for him. Awful person? Evil person? No, that wasn't enough.
"Mari-ah" he whispered, taking a step towards her; Mari moved back instinctually, but he only got closer. "Mari-ah, Mari-ah, Mari-ah...", he started repeating like a mantra, and Mari could feel her heart almost crashing her ribs. Garn stopped right in fron of her, smelling of cigarettes and some perfumes, and he was definitely too close, he was touching her, and Mari shivered, but tilted her chin up.
"Only I can tell you what is better for me or for my boss" he whispered, his brath on her cheek; he was around Kai's height, but his voice and his breath was cold and not right. She wanted to take a step back, but felt something sharp being put onto her stomach and stopped breathing.
"So next time don't decide for me" Garn said with a smile and a chuckle. Mari couldn't see him smiling, really, since she closed her eyes, but that chuckled make her shiver. She felt pain on her stomach and something cutting through her skin. She stopped moving or breathing, and her eyes filled with tears that she didn't want to show, so she squeezed her eyes shut.
Garn finally took the knife back and took a step back. Mari opened her eyes, but still didn't dare to breathe. The man smiled again. He his heel and the red haired exhaled shakily, tears coming down her cheeks.
When she thought it was over, she felt a slap on her cheek. Garn's strenght knocked her out from her feet and she fell on the hard ground with a punched out grunt. Flash chuckled somewhere in the distance.
Mari tried to stand up, but couldn't; another hit came to her side, and it was the last one. In the time she sat up and curled her arms around her knees, the men were gone, and she was becoming a shivering mess in the middle of the alley.
Panic came a few seconds later, pouring out of her and stopping her mind and heart from working. There were only some weird sounds and white light, and nothing else.
~*~
No matter how many times Mari'd get slapped or hit, she'd never get use to it.
She was staring at herself in the mirror when she heard knocking on the doors. She knew it was Kai, but she hoped that he'll go away if she won't answer long enough. She could be working, right?
So she kept silent, but then her phone started calling and of course Kai could hear that, because she didn't mute her cell.
She cursed under her nose and splashed her face with cold water. She had an ugly bruise on her cheek and it was-
She just didn't want Kai to see her like that.
She got a text message and she decided to read it. It was Kai, and it said "Open up". Of course it did.
"I'm coming" she mumbled and heard a single knock. She opened the doors when Kai was dusting his shoes off. "Are you using Morse's code or something?"
Kai chuckled and looked up, and then his face fell.
He was beside her in a second, his right hand rubbing the outlines of her bruise and the left on her neck, warm and reassuring. Mari let him touch her without a word, closed her eyes even, and put her own hand on his left. Kai froze, but didn't say a word.
"Come on, let's put some ice on it" he said. When he took his hands away Mari felt cold.
He closed the door and took frozen peas from the freezer. Mari sat on the couch in her room and smiled at him.
"I thought you said ice?" she joked.
"There's none" Kai answered, and he was more serious than ever. He was pissed, too; he was biting the insides of his cheeks and making fists from his hands. He sat on her right and put the peas to her cheek gently.
Mari hissed at first, but the coldness was familiar and made her cheek hurt less in a few seconds. Kai kept his hand on her neck, too, and started rubbing her skin out of a habit. He didn't even realize he was doing this.
"It's gonna be okay" he said, and Mari hummed. "It'll get better-"
His voice broke suddenly. Mari frowned. He took his hand back again and Mari heard a loud bang suddenly. She jumped on her place and snapped her eyes open. Kai was standing by the window, his arms to the side, as if he was throwing something before. Mari looked at the floor and saw peas all over the place.
"" he hissed, rubbing his hands into his eyes. "Sorry"
Mari frowned and bit her lip, fighting the urge to cry.
"I just feel so useless" Kai said, scratching his scalp and grabbing fists of his hair.
"There's nothing you can do"
"We have to do something, we have to collect more money, we-"
"I have to" Mari said quietly. "Not we. I"
Kai sat beside her again.
"I'll clean them up" he said, gesturing at the floor. He looked tired, but not more than she was.
"Yeah", she said and they sat there for a few minutes.
"I saw you in the magazine" Mari said, and Kai chuckled, scratching his head awkwardly. The number with his photos has been out for a few days. "Taemin told me you're going to be their new face, is that true?"
In the time she was talking, Kai was picking up peas from the floor.
"Yeah, I-" he started, and then looked at her, shocked. "Wait, you talk with Taemin?"
Mari raised her brows and shrugged as if it was nothing.
"He haven't told me" Kai admitted. "It's not that I'm mad at you or him for talking to each other, I'm just surprised", he finished and went back to picking up the peas. Mari was watching him with tired eyes.
"So how is it like to have so many photo sessions? And have free clothes to wear?" she asked then, out of curiosity. "Did you meet anybody famous?"
"I did, actually, a few good photographers, but I don't remember their names at all" Kai said. He tried to eat one of the peas but made a grimace at the taste. "It's not like I really care, it's more temporary than anything"
"Why temporary?"
"I mean, I have a contract for the next three years, but after that? I don't know if I'll continue working for Siwon"
Mari hummed.
"But it's a great deal. I'll soon see you on the bilboards and " she said, smirking, and Kai flushed without him knowing.
"Those damn peas are everywhere" he mumbled under his nose, and Mari's face fell.
Kai felt anger all over again. He felt useless and mad, and he really wanted to destroy something.
"I'll clean them up later" Mari said quietly.
"I'll bring you another one" Kai said, standing up, and disappeared in the kitchen. This time he brought some other vegatables and manage not to smash them. Mari's cheek got pink instead of purple and wasn't so swollen anymore, so there was that.
"Can I draw you?" the girl asked, when Kai was in the kitchen again, randomly scanning the fridge for something to eat or drink. He found a can of coke in the same moment she asked and made a happy noise. "Does that mean yes?"
"What?"
Mari rolled her eyes and went to the kitchen. Kai was staring at the coke with loving eyes. She put the vegetables under his nose. "I asked you, if you'd let me draw you"
Kai took the bag, put it inside and nodded.
"If you let me drink your coke" he said, grinning at the girl. Mari rolled her eyes again.
"Fine" she mumbled.
They went to her bedroom this time. Kai sat in fron of her on the bed and Mari brought all the things she needed and the lights.
"Okay, so" she said, and started eyeing him from every side. Kai frowned at her, but didn't dare to move. Mari gently put her fingers on both sides of his head and pulled it down a little bit, so when someone looked from her perspective it was like Kai had his eyes closed. Then she touched his hair and Kai could swore that she them before making a mess out of them.
"Stay like this" she mumbled.
Kai liked to see her focused, but relaxed at the same time like this. The red haired took an A3 piece of paper and Kai frowned upon seeing it.
"Why so big?" he asked.
"I want to add something here later" Mari admitted. "I want to draw you with pencil, and then add a lot of colours with paints. You'll look like straight from a fantasy book"
"You mean you're making some magic creature out of me?"
"Maybe"
That didn't sound satisfying, but Kai decided not to say anything.
A long time passed and both of them were silent; there were only sounds of the pencil touching the paper and some faint sounds of the cars and city pulsing outside. Kai got bored at some point and started telling her about photoshoots, and Mari listened and nodded along, and chuckled at some moments. She got incredibly focused on something then and Kai couldn't get a reaction out of her, but she was listening.
"Your lips are obscene" she mumbled suddenly, and Kai opened his eyes widely, forgetting about posing, and looked up like burned. Mari froze completely. She looked up at him, and when their eyes meet, she got red as a tomato. "I meant... Gosh, no, that didn't sound right, I meant their shape, their-uh. Noo. I meant that it's hard to draw them. Dammit"
Kai opened his obscene lips but closed them right away. He just looked down again, almost choking on his own saliva, and Mari hid behind the paper.
Then they were just awkward, but Mari wasn't so nervous at least, and her cheek looked better after holding ice on it. Kai was patient when she was drawing him, and even though it felt weird to be looked at every second, it was kinda okay, because it was Mari.
"Okay" she said after almost three hours. "You're free", she added and bit her lip. Kai straightened up and stretched out, yawning.
"Can I see it?" he asked, his mouth open. Mari shook her head and embraced her drawing protectively.
"Not until it's ready. And now I have to make the bed so you can just go and... I don't know, eat something" she said quickly, gesturing at the doors.
Kai snorted.
Kai snorted.
"You're so kind for your guests", he noted, and Mari smiled under her nose.
Kai was listening to her pacing in the bedroom, the rustle of the covers, and her singing under her nose while he was making them sandwiches. He was done really quickly, because Mari's fridge still wasn't really well-filled. There was no butter, only a few pieces of cheese and a tomato. He also found ketchup and smiled at the bottle.
"I made sandwiches!" he shouted.
"I want tea!" Mari shouted back. Kai frowned at the shelves and went to the bedroom.
"But you have no sugar" he said.
He walked in at the same moment Mari was bending down to pull off the covers. Kai looked at the expanse of her back and at the little piece of skin that was visible right above her hip and he felt a hot wave of something going through his whole body.
Mari straightened up, her hair falling freely on her shoulders. She turned towards him, noticing him in the corner of her eye, and before she said anything, Kai-
"I have to go"
Mari frowned.
"Uh, sure, don't worry about that" she said. "Everything okay?"
Kai send her a reassuring smile and disappeared.
~*~
A few days later Kai decided, together with Taemin, to make an account in an online shop and try to sell some of Mari's paintings and drawings. He also talked with his hyung about Mari and they agreed on not telling Suho about all the weird that's happened around her (Kai only told Taemin that she has some she has to pull together, and Taemin didn't ask further questions).
In the same time Kai was asked to film a real ad that'd show in tv, and because of that Taemin decided to throw a party and now all of their friends were filling up their house, and it was definitely too loud for Kai. He was sitting with Chanyeol, Jonghyun and Kai, and they were all telling jokes and drinking, and Key was drunk enough to laugh at the single letter Jonghyun uttered. At some point Jonghyun and Key started talking quietly between each other and Chanyeol got closer to Kai.
"They look like a couple" Chanyeol said. His voice was even deeper after a few beers. Kai nodded and mutely pulled out his phone, taking a picture of Key leaning towards Jonghyun (who lately dyed his hair white, and now their hair had the same color and Kai wasn't sure if that looks cool or maybe funny).
"I totally ship them" Kai said, nodding, and Chanyeol burst out laughing.
Kai invited Lay and Kyungsoo to the party. He had no idea how Myungsoo made it and how did he even know there was a party, but, well.
At some point he also send a message to Mari to come (with some pajama!) and she promised to drop by at the end of her shift.
He was having fun. For real. He was talking with everybody and it felt like there was a tone of people, even though he could only see his trusted friends. He was sitting on the couch, playing on xbox with Taemin, Kris, Minho, Sehun and Luhan when Mari came, and she got embraced by drunk Jonghyun right away.
"Guys, that's Hyo Rim!" Kai said, but his voice broke at the name somehow. It sounded weak, damn it. "Some of you know her already, she's a mututal friend of mine and Suho's" he finished, and everybody acted like on some AA meeting, saying "Hi Hyo Rim" together.
"Creeps" Kai mumbled, chuckling fondly, and Kyungsoo hit him with a pillow.
Mari was quickly found by Key and finally met the famous Jonghyun, and they talked for a long time. Then she decided to play xbox too, and she was surprisingly good. Then they ordered pizza and had a few more beers and by 2 am everybody were either sleeping or half sleeping.
Kai didn't even know when he fell asleep, but when he woke up, he was on the floor, leaning his back on the sofa, and when he glanced up, he saw Mari sleeping soundly right beside him. She had her back turned at him, her hair pulled up.
She was just wearing a pair of flannel pajama pants that rested low on her hips and a white t-shirt slightly revealing her skin just above her hip. Kai looked at her nape and shoulders, pale and covered with some freckles and moles, and fought the urge to touch it. It’d be so easy to lay down behind her, place a hand on the back of her neck and trail it down her back, and then he’d reach the band of her shorts and cup her hip. Kai would press Mari against himself and place his lips on the crook of her neck, a bruise onto the pale, untouched skin.
.
He wasn’t just attracted to Mari. He liked Mari.
Big time.
____________________________________________
Kai FTW
So yeah the time is finally here, I've kept you waiting long enough didn't I?
The main picture is the moment Kai looks at Mari when she's drawing him. And that's kinda triggering for his feelings too, if I may use that word for describing him. Anyway, I'm pretty proud of this chapter and I hope you all like it.
So yeah the time is finally here, I've kept you waiting long enough didn't I?
The main picture is the moment Kai looks at Mari when she's drawing him. And that's kinda triggering for his feelings too, if I may use that word for describing him. Anyway, I'm pretty proud of this chapter and I hope you all like it.
Thanks to all new subscribers, please comment and let me know what you think ;____;
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