{1/2}

Life was a game. Taemin decided. 

A gamble and you had two outcomes after all of it. It was either to die peacefully of old age, or to die painfully, disease or some crazy accident. 

Taemin remembered how he would have this thought when he was little of being sick. Not the normal ones like fevers or colds, no, they were the deadly ones like cancer, his brain bleeding, maybe even getting into a car crash. And it all ended up in somehow him having a cure for the incurable maybe even a surgery. Long story short, he lived in his thoughts. 

But life was not as easy as that.

And with a flip of a coin, fate was decided. 

Life was never fair. 

Sitting on the roof of their company made him think of all the things that happened to his life. 

SHINee 

That was all he thought of. And how it was so unfair. 

"Hey," Taemin didn't even need to turn to recognize who it was. The high-pitched, happy-go-lucky tune gave it away anyways, "What are you doing here in the cold by yourself? Everyone has been looking for you, idiot, we're going home now." 

Taemin bit his lips. He didn't want to face him now. 

Please not now. He begged to God. 

And Taemin made the mistake of sniffing.

"Taemin-ah..." 

Kibum's voice was softer more calm, "Hey, don't cry," He whispered as he got closer to where Taemin was. When he reached the railing, the leaned back and watched the sky. 

A comfortable silence fell upon the two boys. 

"How can you be so calm through all this?..." Taemin asked turning from his hyung. He didn't want Kibum to see him cry. The pain was unbearable just thinking of the obvious outcome.  

"Hmm..." Kibum sang, "Taemin-ah... you have to face someone when you're speaking. It's rude when you don't, didn't anyone ever tell you about that?" Kibum  scolded.

Taemin squeezed his eyes shut biting his lower lip until blood drew up. 

"Can you tell me how you're so ing calm about this, hyung? How can you even make jokes at a time like this?" He hissed. Frustration and pain were at the pit of his stomach. He didn't want to think this way, but Kibum didn't give him any other options. 

"Because I'm not," Kibum replied flatly, "I'm not calm about any of this-" 

"It doesn't look like it!" Taemin exclaimed in which Kibum playfully flicked his forehead. 

"Yah! Haven't your parents ever tell you that it's rude to cut someone off when they're talking?" Kibum nagged, while Taemin pouted rubbing the irritated area. 

"As I was saying, I'm not calm about this whole thing, but you know what? I've learned to accept things the way there are, if things are meant to end this way, then that's fine with me. At least I have the people I treasure the most right beside me," Kibum smiled at his dongsaeng. 

"W-who?" 

Kibum gave a pained laugh, his eyes rimmed with tears that were threatening to fall, "Silly it's you, Jinki-hyung, Minho, and Jonghyun-hyung. We're a family after all." 

Taemin looked at Kibums eyes. 

And at that time, both boys cried and everything was so clear to Taemin. 

Kibum didn't want to die. He just didn't want his family to worry.

Sometimes those who smile the most, carry the biggest burdens. And they cried, until there were no more tears to shed. 

"We are here to announce the departing of Key from SHINee, he will no longer be a member of the group and for now on, SHINee will continue it's activities as a four member band."

Taemin remembered that day of so clearly, it was mid-afternoon and they were huddled on the couch, minus Jinki, sitting and watching TV when Minho had changed the channels to find a good show for them to watch, when the news unexpectedly came on showing the press conference that was going on right now. Taemin didn't miss the pain stricken look of their leader, as if he didn't want to face reality, reality that Kibum was indeed leaving. 

"Onew-ssi, is this true? Is Key-ssi really leaving SHINee?", "Did he do something?", "Are you fighting?", "Why is he leaving?". 

To what is looked like, Jinki was about to crack. But being the responsible leader that he was, he chose not reveal any information than needed to the press. 

"We are not fighting," He reveals, "Key-ssi is leaving due to his own decisions and we respect his decision, we love Key. We would never want him to leave, but what's done is done, the only thing we can do is support him and his decision." At that time, he looked right into the camera, as if to say that he was truly saying it to Kibum. 

Taemin inspected Kibum's emotions for anything, the only thing that he picked on was that Kibum was happy. 

"Thank you, Jinki-hyung," He whispers. 

And Taemin once again thinks why life is so unfair. 

It was 2:30 in the morning when all the SHINee members were jolted awake by screaming. It wasn't terrified screaming, like they were used to when Jonghyun, Kibum's best friend, pranks him, rather it was a pain-induced scream that made the members' hearts all drop. 

Kibum...

Jinki was the first inside Kibum's room, soothing him by rubbing his back, humming a lullaby to calm him. Kibum thrashed around Jinki's lap and held his head. Sweat collected around his forehead, he begged for the pain to stop. While Jonghyun went to call their manager informing about Kibum's condition. 

"Stop! Make it stop," He screamed. But there was nothing they could do at the moment. Minho got up and quickly went to get Kibum's medication and a glass of water, while Taemin was left standing there, dumbfounded. 

He didn't know what to do. So he opted on sitting next to Kibum and singing along with Jinki to calm him. He ignored the throb in his heart. 

Kibum had so little time left. 

When Kibum was admitted to the hospital, Jinki spent all his hours by Kibum's side. While Kibum told him to go away and sleep comfortably at their apartment, but Jinki would have none of it. 

Taemin was amused whenever the lovers were at their playfully fighting. 

During the times where Kibum would sleep, Jinki was awake throughout the night, scared that if he fell asleep, he wouldn't get to see Kibum anymore. And when Jinki told this to Kibum, he laughed. 

"Jinki, you're so silly, just go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up. Better yet, go home and get some sleep there. It's much more comfortable." 

When Jinki does go home after the fifth day of being admitted, Kibum gets a seizure. 

Kibum's heart nearly stops. A faint pulse found before doctors could breathe again, Kibum was stabilized for the time being.

Jinki then promises not to leave Kibum ever again. 

A month and a half it had been, and Kibum's case was worsening. His alertness was decreasing and he was moody quite a lot. 

But that didn't stop the other members from religiously visiting the hospital everyday. Sometimes the three of them would go together, because Jinki was practically living in the hospital already, sometimes they would go alone because the other had schedules. 

Jinki, though he did have other schedules, but he opted to cancel them and give them to s in which he could stay by Kibum's side longer. In which Kibum protested at first, but he was quite happy that Jinki had picked him instead of his schedules, that much Taemin could say. 

And then ridiculous rumors started to spread about them fighting and how they were practically disbanded anyways. 

"Why isn't Onew with them at the Music Bank concert?", "Why are the members going to the hospital? Did Onew hurt himself again?", "Why is Jonghyun so distant nowadays are they fighting?", "They're going to disband, there's no way they can continue without one member." 

The quartet were angry. Fans had no right to say that. But the thing was they didn't know about the heartache each member were facing. 

But Kibum said something that made the anger they were feeling wash away and their hearts drop, "I'm sorry," He said, "I-if it wasn't for me, you guys wouldn't be in this situation." 

Jonghyun shook his head, "Do you hear yourself Key? You're here lying in a ing hospital bed and you're apologizing to us? Does that make any sense to you? That disease of yours is screwing with your head. We're not in a 'situation', let them think what they want, because you know what? We're a freaking family, even if you were a pain, we'd love you unconditionally. The only thing you can do got us is to get better and keep fighting, you got that?" 

Situation or not, they were still a family. And they loved each other dearly. 

"Fighting Key-hyung!" Taemin shouted. 

"Fighting!" They all agreed. 

Kibum grinned, "I'll keep on fighting!" 

And to fight was all they could do. 

Taemin wrapped himself in his light sweater, rubbing his arms ridding himself of the cold as he got out of the apartment. It had been two weeks since he'd last seen Kibum. And he started to get nervous of what the older's reaction might be. Happy that Taemin finally come to visit or angry because Taemin hasn't come to pay a visit in two long excruciating weeks. Nevertheless, nervousness and all, he still chuckled to himself. 

"What are you laughing about?" A deep soothing voice came and cut his thoughts from his hyung. 

Taemin hummed and wrapped his hands around the muscular arm, "Nothing really, just thinking about what Kibum-hyung might think of for not visiting earlier." 

Minho rolled his eyes while smiling, "Can't really blame us for that, we've had a busy schedule lately." 

And a busy schedule it was with only three members of an original of five working through those schedules. 

"I'm sure he'll understand," Minho persuaded. 

"I hope so, but knowing Kibum-hyung he'd probably at us first." And unconsciously the two of them laughed as they walked the short journey to the hospital. 

"Good morning Taemin, Minho," The white cladded nurse greeted them from the front desk. 

"Good morning Mrs. Cho," Taemin greets happily as he bows, Minho following his suit and bowing as well. 

"I haven't seen you guys here in a while. Busy schedule?" She questioned the boys. 

"Busy schedule." Minho confirmed. 

The nurse sighs playfully, "I do hope that you're taking care of yourselves." 

"Neh, we are thank you for asking. How has Kibum-hyung been?" Taemin asked. 

"He's still the same, he had another seizure a few days ago, Onew-ssi almost had a heart attack," The nurse informed them, "The doctors also said that his time was so limited now." 

Taemin ignored the tug inside, looked ahead and smiled at the nurse, while Minho was behind him looking none to pleased at the fake smile but who could blame him?

 "Well," Taemin breathed, "Should we get going now Minho-hyung?" 

"We should." 

When they arrived at Kibum's room, they find an intern cleaning up Kibum's sheets. Taemin almost gets a heartache and demands the intern to tell him where Kibum was. 

"Where's Key-hyung? Why are you taking his sheets out?" He demands quickly, his eyes fierce. 

The intern squeaks in fright, "I-I was just going to wash his sheets!" She says in a hurried tone. 

Taemin back down and lets out a breath of relief. Minho patting his shoulder. 

"K-Kibum-ssi is outside, with J-jinki-ssi," She stutters scared and chooses her words wisely, "They're outside at the gardens, Jonghyun-ssi came in as well just a few minutes ago." 

Taemin nodded, "I'm sorry, I just got carried away, and thank you." 

Taemin grabs Minho's hand and leads them to the gardens at the back of the hospital. The hospital's gardens was amazing. The timing was great as well, it was a bright day, but not too hot, not too cold either, just perfect. 

He spots both Kibum and Jinki sitting on a yellow blanket that was laid on the grass first. Jinki is holding a book in his hands while Kibum rests his head on Jinki's shoulder. Taemin tries his best not to stare at Kibum's pale skin and his protruding bones, all indications of his body loosing. 

Jonghyun is sitting quietly on the hospital bench, watching with a grin on his face. He senses both Taemin's and Minho's presence and makes a witty remark, "Those love birds are at it again. I swear, if they weren't my friends I would have puked by now." 

"Gross," Minho comments as he sits down on the on the bench next to Jonghyun. 

"You would do the same." Jonghyun quipped. 

Taemin ignores them and keeps watching the couple just a few feet away from them. 

They just watch for minutes, enjoying the silence, the Jonghyun's cuts in. 

"They made a deal you know?" 

The two youngest members look at their hyung, "What deal?" Minho asks. 

"That they finish reading all the books in Kibum's list of things to do," He replies as he looks at the two. 

"What book are they on?" Taemin voices out. 

"The third one, Kibum has about twelve that he wants to read before..." 

And Jonghyun leaves it at that. Because they all know the outcome, but they don't have the voice, nor the emotional strength to say it out loud. 

Kibum plays with the hem of Jinki's shirt as Jinki reads the lines from the book. He isn't really listening, but it makes him feel at ease whenever he hears Jinki's voice. Soothing and calm, just the type that would make you want to fall asleep. 

Kibum closes his eyes, his breaths shallow and quick. He's thankful that he was able to live this far. Thankful to have Jinki by his side. Thankful that he has his family beside him. 

" 'I meet a third man he's an old man he trips in the street he falls and I help him up, walk him to the curb. He shakes my hand says keep the faith, young man. I ask him what he means, he says keep running and don't let them catch you.'" Jinki reads, marks the book and closes it. 

"Were you even listening to me?" Jinki questions as he taps Kibum's forehead. 

Kibum knits his eyebrows in annoyance not before replying, "Yes I did," he says. 

"Then what was it about?" 

"A man he helped told him to keep the faith..." Kibum mumbles. 

Jinki chuckles, "So you were listening." 

Kibum scoffs, "Of course I have." 

Jinki opens the book once more and begins to read again. 

"Kibum," He interrupts. 

"Hmm?" Kibum hummed. 

Jinki fingers the box in his pocket, "I have to ask you something." 

Kibum opens his eyes and looks at Jinki expectantly. Kibum's face is skinnier, paler, and dark circles were forming, nevertheless, Kibum was still as beautiful as Jinki first saw him. 

"I want you to marry me." 

Kibum doesn't say a word, rather he bows his head down, his shoulders trembling, "W-why would you want to marry-" 

"Why would I want to marry you? Because you're perfect," Jinki hold Kibum's head up, "Because you're smart, sophisticated, beautiful, and most of all, you're amazing and I love you." 

Kibum squeezes his eyes shut, "Jinki you know that I wont last." 

"I know, but what is there to lose? I love you Kibum, and I want to be yours forever. So please, marry me." 

Kibum doesn't say anything for a while and when he does it makes Jinki's heart soar, "Yes, I'll marry you." 

Jinki takes out the velvet box in his pocket, opens it, and slips on the gold band on Kibum's left ring finger and gives his a kiss on his forehead. Jinki lifts Kibum up and places him on his lap, paying no attention to how Kibum was so light now. Kibum rests his head on Jinki's chest comfortably. 

He takes out the book that they've been reading for a while now, " 'Pain is the feeling. Suffering is the effect the pain inflicts. If one can endure pain, one can live without suffering. If one can withstand pain, one can withstand anything. If one can learn to control pain, one can learn to control oneself.' " 

The wind picks up quite a bit after fifteen minutes of reading and he feels Kibum shivering. 

"We should head inside," Jinki decided. 

Kibum shakes his head, "Not yet, read some more." 

"Kibum..." 

Before Kibum could reply, he hears rustling behind them and knows exactly who it is. 

"Key, wind is picking up, let's go inside before you and Jinki-hyung freeze to death here." 

"Nice to hear from you too Jonghyun," He replied none too excited about going inside again but he knows it's for the best. Jonghyun got the wheelchair not to far from them as Jinki got Kibum ready and packed up their stuff. The younger two then came and helped Kibum get situated on the wheelchair. 

Jinki put the book in a beige canvas bag, it was Kibum's favorite after all, and told the younger ones to go in first and to stop waiting for him. 

"Hurry and go in, I'll just pack up these stuff, okay?" With his signature smile, Taemin and Minho agree, but Jonghyun stays and helps Jinki. 

Kibum gets wheeled inside, to the warm, medicine-scented building, they wait at  the doors, just looking at the two oldest. Kibums toys with the ring in his left finger, not believing that that idiot would go and propose to him at a time like this. But he was even more of an idiot for accepting in the first place. His heart felt like a battlefield, a kamikaze of emotions, all clashing at the same time. 

"Oh, what's that Kibum hyung?" Taemin says jumping on him excitedly. 

Kibum giggles, "Your clumsy hyung just proposed to me." 

Taemin pouted, "And he has the nerve not to tell me, what a jerk." 

The trio then laughed aloud, before Kibum gets a coughing fit. 

"Hyung are you alright?" Taemin asks in a worried tone. 

He doesn't miss the faraway look that Kibum has when he stares outside at the two, he closes his eyes and focuses them on Taemin and Minho. 

"Taemin, Minho, can you do me a favor?" Kibum's voice was low and strained. It almost felt like he was begging. Taemin kept quiet. 

"What is it Kibum?" Minho asks. 

Kibum gulps the lump in his throat, not wanting to cry. He wanted to be strong, he wanted to keep fighting, but he wasn't even sure how much time he had left, "Just promise me one thing..." 

Confused, Minho wills Kibum to keep talking, "J-Just take care of him when I'm gone will you?" 

Silence. 

Deafening silence came and Minho disagrees. 

"No Kibum, I can't do that for you," Minho says. 

"Minho-" 

"No," Minho interjected, "Because you know what, you're not going to die, you're going to be taking care of your husband. I refuse to take care of him, because you're not going to freaking die! Do you get it Kibum, you're not going to die. You just... can't." 

It was the first time since Kibum told them about his tumor that Minho ever reacted this way. He was always so calm and reserved about all this, and hearing that from Minho made it all real. He was going to die, and no one could save him. 

Tears rolled on his cheeks continuously, "You're right, I'm not going to die." 

Minho was crying as well. He then crouched down and enveloped the older with in a tight embrace, "You're not going to die, I'm not going to let you. None of us are going to let you go..." 

Taemin stands next to them bangs in his eyes to hide his own when both Jonghyun and Jinki come and asks them what happened. 

"Kibum-hyung did aegyo and Minho-hyung flicked him on the forehead, the idiots," Taemin lies. 

No one buys it, but they didn't say anything either. 

This is actually divided into two parts because it was too long. XD 

You guys wanna know something? I was listening to a freaking happy song when I wrote this. Weird right? 

And who here hates physics? I do~ and I'm failing~~~ But I don't care~~ XD 

Comment please~! 

--♡Cim