The five shining boys of SHINee were all sitting around have a couple laughs and drinks. Minho and Taemin were sitting on the floor cuddling while Jonghyun and Key were laughing on the couch with Onew sitting in one of the plush chairs. “Onew-hyung, there’s 5 of us living together, and only two couples.” Taemin stated, with Onew awkwardly nodding in agreement. “Why don’t you have a sweetheart?” Taemin asked innocently as Minho tried to cover Taemins mouth before he asked The question, was too late.

All eyes were on Onew as he smiled to himself and looked out one of the windows. “I did have a sweetheart. Her name was Luna…” Taemin pouted a little as his cheeks turned a rosey color, “You said was…did you guys break up?”  Onews smile faltered slightly as he looked back over at Taemin. “No, Taemin-ah, she died two years ago.” Taemin brought a hand up to cover his mouth as he felt his eyes burn with the threat of tears. “Omo, Onew-hyung, I’m so very sorry, I didn’t know- “No, it’s okay. You couldn’t possibly have known.” Onew shrugged as he looked around the room, then back out the window.

The heavy silence, making everyone shift in discomfort, was broken when Onew was asked,  “I’m sorry if it’s too personal to ask,” Jonghyun started looking down at his multicolored shoelaces, “but what happened to Luna?”  Onew looked around at everyone and saw that they had the same quizzical expression on their faces. “Um, well, she was driving home to visit her parents for Christmas a couple years ago. Her flight was canceled but the traffic reports didn’t say that anything was wrong with the roads. She went by herself, insisting that I went to go see my own family.” Onew paused to wipe a single tear from running all the way down his cheek as he remembered the darkest moment he ever encountered.

“I told her that I could visit my parents next winter, but she insisted that I go this time. I couldn’t argue with my love, it was only about a week or two that I would go without her embrace, without running my fingers through her soft, dark hair…little did I know that that night was the last I was ever going to spend with her.” A long sigh escaped his lips before he continued.

“I got a phone call from another city asking if I could come to the hospital because Luna had gotten into a horrible…horrible car accident. Her little car couldn’t take the force of a semi truck.” Onews tears were flowing freely down his face at this point. “I went over in a rush, almost got into a couple accidents myself, heh… When I got to Luna’s room, I couldn’t tell who was in the bed. There was more bone and muscle showing on the woman’s’ face than actual skin. One of her eyes were gone, and her upper lip was missing also. A blanket covered the rest of her body, but I could tell that a little more than her lower half was absent, too.” Onews eyes were dazed as they now looked at nothing, but saw everything that happened that one morning that changed his life.

“When I walked over and stood next to her bed, all she could do was look at me. Her eye was red and swelling as one tear fell down her face.” Onew then looked at the group and chuckled to himself, “I remember trying to lighten the mood by telling her that she had forgotten to do the dishes before she left or that she hadn’t make her side of the bed. When she twisted her head to look at me as I sat down, I heard something snap. She continued to blink, and her chest rose and fell more rapidly.  I knew what was coming, so I told her that she was still beautiful. That she was still my beautiful, sweet Luna. Her breathing started to slow and I pushed the nurse button as I sang to her…” By now Onew had completely broken down; he was on his knees with his face buried in his hands, sobbing uncontrollably.

By now, everyone was sobbing with their hyung; they never would have known that this horrible tragedy had happened in Onews’ life. He is always so bubbly, either his nose was in a book and he was yelling at you for interrupting or he was laughing at his own bad jokes. “I was alone that night...and for a really long time…” Onew managed to get out. “If, you guys wouldn’t mind…c-could I have a hug?” More sobs erupted from the shining leader, “I haven’t talked about this with anyone besides my parents, and that was over the phone. I couldn’t get much comfort besides their sympathy. Please, I’m sorry if it’s kind of weird…” Onew began begging absent-mindedly. Taemin was the first one to get to him, apologies flowing from his lips as fluently as a river going over a waterfall. The rest of the members lagged a little due to them being a bit uncoordinated, but still got to him.

Onew finally got the comfort that he needed for so long.

…

When everyone else in the house was asleep, Onew stepped out of the house to take a quick walk to the park. He walked on one of the short nature paths when he came upon an old bench with flowers growing around the legs and weeds curling around the rotting wood. Smiling to himself, Onew humbly took a seat.

Bringing his knees to his chest, Jinki rested his forehead on his knees as he thought over the unforgettable thoughts of what happened to his precious Luna. Sobbing to himself he felt something warm ghost over him. When he looked up, he saw nothing. I can feel it…I can feel her, I feel- “Luna…” The warmth grew warmer and it took all of Onews strength not to break down even worse than he did in the apartment building.

“Luna, I’m so sorry…I should’ve gone with you, or told you to wait for another flight. I should’ve offered that we stayed at my parents’ place that year! I should’ve done something to get you off that road and away from that semi…!” He shouted. If there were someone walking by, they would see a celebrity who’s evidently lost his mind, but to Onew, he was confessing. Confessing for a sin that he knew he could never get forgiveness for. He could never get his words across to his one love and hear her say the words of how things could’ve been different.

Onew couldn’t make out any more words as he was completely wrapped in the warmth. “It’s not your fault, Oppa…” Onew continued trying to name a billion things he could’ve done differently, but he kept getting the same reply. It was as though he and the honey sweet voice were arguing; he would shout how could’ve gone with her to try and take the wheel from her hands, the voice replied with, “It’s not your fault, Oppa…” He would cry out that she could’ve gone with him, and the reply was still the same. No matter how he presented a scenario, the voice would reassure him almost in mid-sentence.

The sun was starting to rise on the horizon of the city skyline by the time Onew had got it through his mind that it truly wasn’t his fault. For all Jinki knew, he could’ve lost his mind the entire night, but he didn’t care. He felt familiar lips on his cheek with the faint reply of “Luna loves oppa~” Onew smiled as silent tears slowed rhythmically down his cheeks as he felt the familiar warmth slowly fade as he replied, “Oppa loves Luna…”

When Onew walked through the doors of the apartment, he saw that everyone was gathered in the living room with Jonghyun and Minho tying laces on their boots as they started naming spots to look for something, Key pacing in front of the TV in diva mode on the phone with only God knows and Taemins’ fingers flying over the bright screen of his phone as he texted someone. But when the door closed everyone turned their heads and shot up to their feet, Taemin and Key stumbling a little to reach the elder. “Onew hyung, are you alright?” “Where have you been?” “Are you cold?” “Have you already eaten, hyung?” Were the questions Onew was bombarded with.

“I’m fine, thank you Minho. I went to the park, Key. I’m very warm actually, Jonghyun, thanks. No, Taemin, I haven’t eaten yet.”  Onew looked over everyone closely; Jonghyun and Minho were ready to take on a blizzard and Taemin and Key were in their pajamas with phones in both hands. “Have you guys eaten yet?” Everyone shook their head ‘no’ as they carefully watched Jinki put his coat away and kick off his sneakers.

He walked over and sat on the couch looking at everyone that was still standing by the door. He couldn’t possibly explain what happened to him in the park, they wouldn’t understand and think he was hallucinating due to a possible fever, or put him in a mental home “Are you sure you’re alright, hyung?” Taemin asked, his cheeks ablaze as Minho wrapped his arm around his waste comfortingly. Taking a moment to let the question actually sink in, Onew genuinely answered, “I’ll be alright, thanks Min.”