3 years ago

“Taeyang! Taeyang open up!” You screamed. You were in front of Taeyang’s apartment and were super excited because you just learned how to bake a chocolate cake from your friend. You wanted to make some for Taeyang, but your mom wouldn’t let you near the oven since your little incident with apple pie. But you just knew you could make the cake and Taeyang’s apartment just seemed to be the perfect place to make it!

Taeyang unlocked the door, hearing the screaming from you. Taeyang just knew by the sound of your voice that you were super excited about something and that almost always meant trouble for him.

Taeyang opened the door to your smiling face and you pushed yourself right into his apartment. He looked down at what you were holding and it seemed to be ingredients of some sort. The feeling of dread started to come into him as he saw you heading towards his kitchen.

He closed the door shut and ran to where you were. “Oh no you don’t -----! Remember the last time you tried making something? You almost burned down my apartment!”

You put the food supplies down when you heard what he said. You felt guilty about that time but you just knew you could make the chocolate cake. “Oh please Taeyang! I know I can do this! Please, please let me?”  You whined and gave your best impression of a puppy pout.

“Oh please don’t! You’re not going to trick me into agreeing with sort of trick again -----.” Taeyang said, trying to resist looking at you. He knew himself well enough. He knew he would agree to whatever you asked if you looked at him like that. And you knew that fact way too well.

“Please Taeyang?” You tried again, making your voice sound as innocent as possible. You tugged at his shirt, trying to make him look at you. Taeyang hesitated when he felt the tug, but his control left him and he finally looked down at you. His resolve crumbled seeing that look in your eyes and he sighed.

“Fine, just try not to set my kitchen on fire.” He said, defeated.  You screamed happily and started to prepare the supplies for your cake. Taeyang just sighed again; thinking himself weak against you. He could never resist anything you asked, but seeing the happy look on your face, he found himself not caring about his easily broken resolve. He shook his head, and headed back to the living room, leaving you to do as you pleased.

After 20 minutes, he heard a screech coming from the kitchen, so he stood up quickly from the chair, and headed to you. You were holding a pot that seemed to have a black burnt blob inside. Taeyang could see that you were disappointed and he went up to you.

“Taeyang… my chocolate burnt…” Taeyang looked at his now ruined pot and ran his hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry Taeyang… Please don’t be mad at me!” You pleaded with him. Taeyang looked at you and couldn’t help bust burst out laughing. There were chocolate streaks all over your face and even some on your hair! You looked at Taeyang, happy that at least he didn’t look mad at you. Taeyang saw the big smile on your face and a few more chuckles escaped from his lips. He got a paper towel and got some water on it. He went closer to you and tilted your face so that he could get a better look at where all the chocolate was.

“You idiot.” He said with a small smile on his face, as he softly wiped all of the chocolate from your face.

(End Flashback)

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Seung-hyun looked at the drink in his hands and sighed. His date kept blabbering on, not really noticing that Seung-hyun was not paying attention to a word she was saying. He lifted the drink to his lips, and took another big gulp, really wanting to go home. He’s starting to learn not to expect too much from these dates because they always turned out like this.  Ever since of you, every girl has lost their appeal to him.

“No Seung-hyun, no. You are not going to think about her. No.” He whispered to himself, really forcing himself not to think about you. Forcing not to remember your face every time he closed his eyes, forcing himself to keep his feelings at bay.

“Seung-hyun? Seung-hyun are you even listening to me?” the girl screeched at him. He honestly forgot her name and he couldn’t even remember the reason that he agreed to go out with her. He turned to look at her and saw her eyes bulging and her whole face turning red from anger. He started to think of your angered face and he couldn’t help but think how beautiful you was compared to this girl.

“Um… Look I think it’s time for me to turn in for the night.” Seung-hyun said, getting up from his chair. The girl turned to glare at him and didn’t stand up from her seat.

“We’ll I’m staying here and giving myself a good night. Since you obviously can’t!” She screamed at him. Seung-hyun just shrugged, and started to walk towards the exit. He was honestly more than happy to leave that horrid woman. All he wanted to do was to get to bed and give himself a nice and long sleep. He hasn’t been getting that much sleep lately and he has been hoping that one of these dates he has been going to will keep his mind off things. He has been going to these dates because he needed something to stop thinking about that conversation he had with In-Na.

Flashback (1 month ago)

Seung-hyun just dropped you off to your job, and he couldn’t keep a silly smile from appearing on his lips. Every time he was with you, he couldn’t help but feel so happy. He just couldn’t help himself. All that’s been on his thoughts were you. It seemed to him that everything he did now involved you.

Seung-hyun felt a tap on his shoulders and turned around to see In-Na with a serious look on her face. The smile on Seung-hyun’s face drifted away and he started to look worried. For the years that he had known In-Na, he has never seen this look in her face. She was always the one smiling and making jokes, so to see such a serious, almost defeated look on her face made him worried.

“Have some coffee with me Seung-hyun.” Seung-hyun didn’t hesitate and followed In-Na when she turned around to the nearest café. They found a small table, and quickly made an order when the waitress came.

“Is something wrong In-Na?” Seung-hyun asked looking at In-Na’s tired face. He knew something had to be wrong because In-Na would never look for him in the middle of the day without a reason. In-Na sighed and looked completely torn with what she was about to tell him.

“I don’t know what else to do Seung-hyun. But I can’t let Taeyang keep doing this to himself.” With the mention of his best friend’s name, Seung-hyun eyes widened and curiosity took over. He saw Taeyang a few days ago and it didn’t seem as if anything was different or if anything was wrong with him.

“Taeyang? What’s wrong with him?”

In-Na rubbed her face with her hands and Seung-hyun noticed how tired she looked at that moment. “That little bastard really is a masochist.” A sad chuckle fell from her lips. “That little bugger really doesn’t know how to depend on his friends.”

“In-Na what’s wrong with Taeyang?” Seung-hyun was getting impatient and worry was starting to fill his mind. He just really needed to know what happened to Taeyang.

In-Na looked at Seung-hyun and had a troubled look on her face. She was hesitant to explain but she knew she needed to.

  “I went to a club to meet up with Hyun Woo, planning to have fun, but I saw Taeyang. I had never seen him so drunk before and he couldn’t even keep his head up. So I called Hyun Woo and told him to meet up with me later because I needed to take Taeyang home. And almost every night for the past 3 months, I have been picking up Taeyang from some club because he was way too drunk to even stand up. I tried stopping him many times, trying to ask him what was wrong, but he wouldn’t tell me. No matter what I’ve tried to do, he just pushes me away and continues to drink his heart out.” The waitress came and gave them their orders and said not to hesitate to call her over if they needed anything else. They just nodded their head and In-Na took a drink of her coffee.

“I have never seen Taeyang like this Seung-hyun. He seemed… seemed so lost, so sad. I didn’t even think such an expression would ever show in his face. He was always strong and seeing him so weak like this really bothers me.”

Seung-hyun couldn’t even take a sip from his coffee because guilt was eating him up. He was Taeyang’s best friend for almost 14 years and he didn’t notice any of these? He couldn’t believe how self-centered he had been for the past few months. He hadn’t been able to think of anything but you and he could not even notice that something was wrong with Taeyang. He really wanted to go to where Taeyang was right now. He wants to make Taeyang feel better and be his support to whatever was bothering him.

“I didn’t know what caused him to start drinking that much. During the day, nothing seemed wrong. Taeyang doesn’t give any indication that something is hurting him and I can’t help but think that maybe I was just having some pretty wacky dreams.” In-Na took another sip of her coffee and closed her eyes.

“But during the night, he drowns himself in alcohol and his walls start to crumble. Seung-hyun, I had never seen Taeyang cry, but I know for certain that there were tears in his eyes.” Seung-hyun face was turning white from worry. His eyebrows were creased and his lips were pursed. He looked at In-Na to explain more about this.

“Seung-hyun I couldn’t take looking into his eyes because there was so much pain hidden in there. He fell apart right in front of me and he finally told me what was bothering him.” Seung-hyun looked like he was at pain, guilt eating him up. He couldn’t believe this was going on and he didn’t have a clue.

“In-Na what do I do? What’s wrong with him? Tell me what I can do to help Taeyang!” Seung-hyun shouted desperately. He had never despised himself this much before. How selfish and self centered he had been. Taeyang and Seung-hyun were family, he was the one who was always there for him when Taeyang lost his family.

In-Na looked torn, and it seemed as if she had a hard time trying to reply to Seung-hyun. “He’s been like this because of… because of -----… and you.” In-Na slowly said. Seung-hyun looked startled, wondering what In-Na was talking about. Neither of them would do anything to hurt Taeyang. He knew for a fact that you cared for Taeyang as much as he did. You two were really great friends when he met you. He met you through Taeyang and you seemed to care for each other very much. He couldn’t even come up with a reason that they were causing such pain to Taeyang.

“Me and -----? What? What could we have done to cause Taeyang to be like that?”

In-Na hesitated to answer. She was already breaking her promise by telling Seung-hyun all of this. But she couldn’t stand another night of Taeyang doing that to himself. He is slowly killing himself with all of the alcohol he keeps consuming. She knew she promised Taeyang that she wouldn’t tell Seung-hyun or you this. Taeyang wanted you two to be happy, and he didn’t want to be a disturbance to your relationship. Taeyang wanted to keep his pain to himself; he didn’t want any of you knowing how much it was hurting him. But In-Na couldn’t stand what Taeyang is doing to himself. She needed to stop Taeyang from harming himself even more than he already has.

“Taeyang… is in love with -----.” In-Na finally got out.

“Taeyang has been in love with her for years.”

Seung-hyun was stunned with what he heard… Taeyang… loved you? Seung-hyun was shocked into silence and In-Na couldn’t help but feel guilt for what she was about to ask. She knew she was being unfair to Seung-hyun and you but whenever she remembers the sadness she saw in Taeyang’s eyes, she knew she was making the right choice.

“Seung-hyun, I know I’m being unfair to you and ------, but Taeyang needs her. He’s loved her for almost 6 years  and I’m begging you to break it off with her.”

Seung-hyun was silent with her request. Break it off with you? He didn’t think he could do that to you, or to himself. In-Na saw the hesitance in Seung-hyun and couldn’t help but feel guilty.

“Please, before more feelings could be formed between you two, please break it off. Taeyang told me how much ----- means to him. How much he loves her. Seung-hyun I’ve never seen Taeyang speak so lovingly about someone before. Please Seung-hyun, there are only a few people Taeyang has cared about since his family’s death, please don’t take ----- away from him. I beg you, please let ---- go. ” In-Na pleaded with him.

She knew this would not be what Taeyang would want, but In-Na knows Taeyang needs you. She saw how much your relationship with Seung-hyun was tearing him apart. And she knows how Taeyang won’t do anything about it, because you two were people he cared so much about. But In-Na couldn’t let him hurt himself anymore that he already has. She needs to do this, for the sake of Taeyang.

Seung-hyun couldn’t help but feel as if he was being suffocated. Just a few moments ago, he was feeling as if he was the luckiest man on earth. And now he just found out that it was out of the expense of his best friend. He had been hurting his best friend, never noticing the pain that Taeyang had been feeling. Taeyang was someone he never wanted to hurt. But he didn’t know what to do, because it was a bit too late. He was already falling for you.

End Flashback

Seung-hyun made the hardest decision he ever had to make. He decided to give up on you.  No matter how much he wanted to be with you, he just couldn’t let himself keep hurting Taeyang. He never wanted to be the reason for Taeyang’s pain. Never.

But it was just too hard. It was so hard trying to keep himself away from you. He couldn’t even properly break up with you because he knew that once he hears your voice tremble, once he hears you cry, his resolve would crumble. So all he could do was ignore you, hoping that the distance would make their separation a bit better for them.