Chapter 3
Is It Okay if I Like You the Way I Do?>>Beenzino - If I Die Tomorrow<<
And it ends there.
So once again, I'll introduce myself. My birth name is Wu Yifan--according to my id card. I just told everyone about my first love story that, unfortunately, I can't remember a single thing of it.
I just finally found my old diary book that I left somewhere in my apartment. Well, yea I just finally back, after 2 years, and I finally recognize some of my old self. As well as this guy named Zhang Yixing. I loved him. I couldn't live without him but I finally understand why I did leave him at the end. The old me was probably couldn't take all the pain that he gave. And those pain are finally gone when I decided to move to Qingdao.
In Qingdao, I met a good friend and he took care of me well. So what happened after I arrived Qingdao was totally a disaster. I got an accident right after I left the airport. The taxi that I rode got hit by a big truck and it left me unconscious for more than a month. That's when I met this friend. He told me that I got a dementia, temporary dementia. That's why I couldn't remember anything. I don't even remember my name, my house, my friend, everything. That's why I can't remember a single thing about Zhang Yixing.
Because I didn't have a place to live, this friend allowed me to live in his place until I remember everything. After checking my wallet then we finally discovered about my name, my address, and a letter that I kept inside of it. There was no single name in the letter but I knew there was something that made me decided to leave that place. This friend told me to go back and settle things but since I don't remember anything then I decided to settle things when I got my memories back.
Two years in Qingdao was awesome. My friend, Huang Zitao, helped me with everything. He helped me formed the new me, also found me a new name, Kris Wu because I can't even remember this Wu Yifan anymore. As Kris Wu, we played a lot. One thing that I'm sure about Wu Yifan is that he could play piano well. My brain may not function well but all of my hands, my fingers, remember every touch of it. I can just play piano like there's no tomorrow.
That's why we made a duo. Zitao can play guitar well and we both working at a jazz cafe and played some music there to feed ourselves.
And I started to smoke. It's not because of Zitao but because of the time. Time taught me to smoke and it really helps me forget about the world that I've forgotten. Sometimes I thought that leaving my old life behind was the best decision to make, but Zitao said it was wrong. No one can run away from life. Either because of an accident or our own will, it will just come back to you in every way it could be. Even if I chose to live forever as Kris Wu, those memories of the past would come to me in a speed of light.
So finally I decided to go back. To find my old self before it finds me first. I'd rather find my own way back home before all those things thrown at me in a form of a lump of clay that will stick to me forever. I'd probably let myself learn about it one by one, page by page like what I'm doing right now, reading in my old bedroom that smells like a place where someone lives for more than 2 years there. It's totally clean, not even have a single dust, unlike what I've imagined before I came, and the door isn't locked either. I wonder why.
And Zhang Yixing. Even though I can't even remember a single thing about him, this heart and lips tell the otherwise. My heart stirs everytime I read his name. My lips tremble everytime I say his name. The old me definitely loved this guy more than anything in this world. Another thing that I've learned right after I arrived is that there's no way I want to go back to my old self. I knew that it was painful and I thank to God that finally He erased everything because if me right now is the old me, I would rather die.
But the old me was strong enough because he still chose to be alive, to live his life eventhough it was hard. That's why I decided to move forward.
I'm walking down the stairs of my apartment to find something to drink. I don't know why but there's a coffee shop that attracts me so much. I enter the shop and my intuition was right. It is one of the best smell I've ever smelt. I love everything in this coffee shop, as well as the sound of coffee brewing and that one person who sits next to my table. I don't mean to be rude by watching him but the way he reads his book is so familiar. I don't know why but he attracts me so much. The way he turns his book to read another page, the way he smiles whenever he reads something funny. This reminds me of myself back then with Zitao. When we were into our music and performance, we didn't care about the world. I kinda miss him right now because he doesn't come with me, since I'll be back to Qingdao next week.
I sip my hot coffee and try not to look too much to the other way but my body feels don't like it. It seems like it is programmed to stare and smile at that person even though I never saw him before, or maybe he is someone in the past that I actually know, but how to explain about what I'm feeling right now, no one can explain. I honestly can't remember how it feels to be falling in love, but I guess what I'm feeling right now is almost the same.
I wonder how does it feel to be my old self when the only person he could see was Zhang Yixing. I never ever feel in love again after the accident so I never know what it actually feels and my own diary isn't helping. It probably feels like this when he first saw Zhang Yixing. It's written in the book as the most miraculous moment in his life and I guess I feel the same right now.
People said falling in love is beautiful but the old me didn't think so. So I just...
"Yixing!! Yifan is back!"
This moment is probably the most miraculous moment to the new me when someone that I stared at the whole time was him. I know it's gonna happen but not this fast, not this way. When he approaches that one person who shouts from outside of the coffee shop. When he brushes of his tears that keep falling down. When I can't move but keep my mouth silent because I feel that my heart is ready to explode. When I finally understand why the old me chose to live his life and not given up his life even though it was full of pain. When I just realized, how many times I die, how many times I forget, I'll keep coming back to him.
My heart answers his call. And right at that moment I know that I have to comeback.
So I run to find him. Escaping out from the deepest cave inside of my heart to search for the light. It might be hurt when the light touch your bare hand but I've touched it once, another one would just feel the same and I'm all ready for it.
My heart is ready to love Zhang Yixing one more time.
The End.
Thanks for reading my story. Please leave me some love at the comment section ;)
Comments