❛ hansollover
❝ E X O T I C G R O U N D S — the last batch (closed)
HansolLover
reviewed by --rlabmidnight
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title: 4/5
It told a little too much, but I guess it did fit the story.
f/d: 10/10
It was simple and neat. And I love how you added the gif of tiger.
appearance: 5/5
It was neat and clean too. The poster fit nicely with the story.
plot: 13/15
It was all good, but it wasn't clear as to what exactly Zain did to betray her. It was very vague.
originality: 14/15
The plot was a little cliche, but you added the whole soul part to it, so it made it more interesting.
grammar & spelling: 17/20
There were a few grammar mistakes.
Original sentence -
"Oh how I liked the taste of taking over, it makes me feel alive."
Revision -
"Oh how I liked the taste of taking over; it makes me feel alive." There should have been a semi-colon between 'over' and 'it' since it's two different thoughts.
Original -
"It was almost an obsession but at the same time it was a nightmare."
Revision -
"It was almost an obsession, but at the same time it was a nightmare." You need to add a comma before the word 'but'.
Original -
"I remember Zain's days when I used to smile."
Revision -
I remember the days with Zain when I used to smile." It just didn't make sense at first.
Original -
"It was my turn to be , and it wasn't a good feeling, it was really harsh."
Revision -
"It was my turn to be , and it wasn't a good feeling. It was really harsh."
or
"It was my turn to be , and it wasn't a good feeling; it was really harsh."
Again it's two thoughts, so by putting them together, it became a run-on sentence. So either of the two are fine.
flow: 9/10
It had a good flow, but coming to the end of the story, it was a little rushed.
It felt like it needed a little bit more details to it.
characterization: 9/10
The characterization was all good, but I think Zain's personality needed to be told more. As in, what kind of person was she? Or how she acted.
overall enjoyment: 8/10
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total: 89/100
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