do listen to Monster by Bigbang while reading this! well, just suggesting. hehehe

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Seunghyun, slow down. Please~?” tears rolled down your cheek.

“Who’s that guy, huh? Why was he so closed to you? Why did you look so happy with him?!”

“It’s not like what you think, honey. He’s just a relative. Trust me. Please slow down, please.”

“I don’t trust you! You’re touching his face just now. Why on earth would you touch a relative like that? And your eyes, you looked like you like him!”

“God, no. Seunghyun, please. It’s not like what you think. Seriously it’s not. I love you and only you, Seunghyun.” You his hair.

He pushed your hand away. “Don’t touch me!” He gazed at you for a second before his eyes returned to the road. “Don’t try to talk me out of this. How could you Mandy? I love you with every bit of me and you do this? What are you?” you could feel the speed was increasing even more.

“Seunghyun, please. He’s a cousin of mine. Trust me. Have I ever lied to you?” Again you tried to his hair but he caught your hand.

“I said don’t touch-“

“Seunghyun! AAAHHHH!”

“AHH!!”

You opened your heavy eyes. The light was too bright for you. Your throat was so dry, it felt like you just ate sand for your meal. You heard noises. As you tried to stabilize your vision, you felt touches everywhere and questions. You tried to ask out for some water but voice was restrained. But someone did feed you some. You felt relieved. You heard a male voice saying about doctor.

“Where am i?” you tried to focus.

“Mandy, you’re in the hospital.” You tried to look at the owner of the voice. “It’s me, Daesung oppa. Remember?” he held your hand but not so tightly.

You smiled and nodded. You looked to his right. “Remember me?” you nodded. It’s Yongbae oppa.

“Mandy-ah, don’t talk for now. Rest.” Jiyong said.

Suddenly, came another person. “I’ve called the doctor. Oh Mandy! Annyeong~” Seungri said cheerily. You smiled. “You finally awake!”

“Awake?”

The doctors and nurses came right on time.  They checked you up and everything seemed fine. But then you realized you’re wrapped with bandages all over.

“Ah!” you felt pain almost every part of your body. Especially at your chest.

“Mandy-shii, you should not move much now. I don’t know if you remembered this but you got into an accident and you’ve been in coma for a month. Your arm and leg were broken. And so were your ribs were fractured. Good thing your concussion isn’t that bad but you have scratches all over due to the pieces of glass. It will take time for you to recover but don’t worry. If you have the spirit, it will be good sooner than you know.” the doctor explained. The professional people went out.

You saw the four members of Bigbang. They were all like your brothers. Since you’re an orphan, they’ve been really nice to you. And so you didn’t expect people called parents to come and visit you. But among all these people, you only wanted to see one face.

“Oppas, where Seunghyun?” you said it slowly, with hope. “Is he still mad?”

They went speechless. Some looked away, some even let out small tears. You couldn’t see it since they turned away.

You’re about to open your mouth but then you saw the door opened. “Seunghyun.” Your lips curled into a smile.

“Mandy-ah.” He smiled as he approached you slowly. He looked like he’s fine. Looking handsome as usual. “You’re awake?” he sat on your left side.

You looked at him as you nodded. “I’m sorry.”

He held your hand as he shook his head. “It’s fine. it’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

“Mandy?” Seungri asked.  You looked at him. He was looking at his hyungs.

“Nothing.” Yongbae said as he smiled. He looked at the others as he mouthed ‘Let her be.’ But you didn’t saw that as you already looked back at Seunghyun.

“I love you so much. I didn’t mean to be mad before. I was very jealous. I’m sorry, baby.” His eyes started to water. You followed.

You shook your head. “It’s my fault.”

“Shhh.” He put his lips on yours. It was a light peck. You missed that. “You need to rest. I want you to recover fast. I don’t want you to lay down on bed like this. It breaks my heart seeing you like this.” you nodded. “Baby, I want you to know that I love you so much, more than anything in this world. I wanna say I’m sorry, for being a bad boyfriend and even as a man, I’m so bad. I always do bad things to you but you always there for me, patiently love and care for me. I’m sorry for always judging your love for me. I know that you have always loved me sincerely but I was always blinded with jealousy.”

“It’s fine, Seunghyun. Don’t say all that.” you tried to wiped his tears away. But he put his hand on yours.

“There’s a lot of thing I wanna say but I don’t know how.” you smiled as you knew his that type of person. He sighed. “Baby, can I ask you a favor?” you nodded. He put his hand on your chest, specifically your heart. “Take good care of this. Remember, whatever that will happen, I’ll always be here, inside this heart. Whenever you miss me, always remember, I’m in here, missing you and loving you more than ever. I’m beating with and in your heart.”

You nodded. The words, you didn’t even know why he said all that but that was the sweetest thing you’ve ever heard from him. “Seunghyun.” You tried to his face. “I love you.”

He smiled as he tried to control his tears that were falling more and more down his cheeks. “I love you too.” His tears felt warm. “Now, don’t cry.” He wiped your tears. “You must be healthy soon! You must be strong! And don’t ever forget me.” he said the last sentence slowly. You shook your head. He smiled before he kissed your lips. He kissed you so passionately and so sincerely. It’s been a while that you had that kinda kiss from him. You felt so happy. Only God knows how happy you were. He pulled away. He your hair carefully and looked at you deeply. His eyes were different when you looked at it this time. You’re about to ask but he cut you. “Baby, I gotta go. I’ll visit you again, okay?” you nodded. “But you need to promise me to always love me and never forget me. Okay?” you nodded. “Good. I love you, remember that. Forever.” You nodded. His tears fallen like rain as he walked away, leaving you.

“Good bye, Mandy.” That was the last thing he said before he went out.

Day by day, you’re recovering. The doctors were surprised by your rapid recovery. With the help of the other four, you’re constantly getting healthy. It’s all because of his words, Seunghyun’s. But the man himself never came to visit you ever since.

“Maybe he’s busy. Well, he’s always been one.” You said to yourself with a very optimistic spirit.

At the same time, you were told about your heart. You knew they did do something with it since you saw a scar there. Maybe a glass stabbed into it? But the doctors didn’t say anything about it. But still, you promised Seunghyun and to yourself that you’ll take good care of it. “From now on, I’m gonna be extra careful with this.” you put your hand on your heart. You realized whenever you missed him or mentioned his name or even just think about him, that heart pumped so fast that you just need to sit down to control it. Somehow, it got so powerful. “Wow!” you chuckled. “What happened to you? I never knew my heart could beat this fast and strong.” you said to yourself as you chuckled a bit.  You took another deep breath and continued your therapy.

When times where you really missing him, like your heart about to burst out, he was like magically appeared before you. Like that one time where the guys were busy so you left alone at the ward.

“Hey baby~” he approached you.

“Seunghyun!” you said as you hugged him back. “Ah.” You’re shocked that he came. It’s the first time since the last time he visited you. You’re missing him so much that you didn’t have the feeling to eat or anything. You just felt like waiting for him and that’s it.

“Sorry.” he said worriedly. Your heart was beating fast again. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. You know that I will.” you smiled at him. He chuckled a bit.

“Can I sit here?” He pointed the bed.

“Sure.” You happily made a space for him.

“Careful, baby.”  He laid next to you. Well, more like you laid closed to him, putting your head on his chest as he made his arm as your pillow. Actually he made you leaned on him like that. And somehow you felt safe and loved.

“I miss you, Seunghyun. So very much. Where have you been?”

“I miss you too and even more.” He pecked your lips as you smiled shyly. “I’ve been busy with this and that.”

“That you didn’t have time to visit me? At all?”

“Well~”

You giggled. “It’s fine. I understand.” you kissed his covered chest.  “You’re Bigbang TOP. I’m sharing you with the public. Of course, I understand.” you smiled.

He smiled. “You’re a good girlfriend.”

“Really?” you looked at him. That’s the first time he said that to you.

He nodded and smiled again. “Yup.” He kissed your lips romantically. He spent the day with you until the visitation hour was done for the day.

He was like an angel, always there when you unbearably missed him, ONLY when it’s unbearable. You felt like he’s still torturing you like before but he’s nicer and more like a real boyfriend now. And this time, you knew your love for him got even stronger and so was his love for you too. You felt so happy.

It’s finally the day you were allowed to go home. It’s one of the happiest day for you. The guys were there helping you out. But still, that one namja wasn’t there again. “Oppas, where’s Seunghyun? Didn’t he know that I’ll be discharged today?” you looked left and right. “And why did this house so dusty? Aish~ this Seunghyun.” You smiled.

They bit their lips. They didn’t know what to say.

“Mandy-ah, let’s sit first.” Jiyong said. You complied. “Mandy, we have something to discuss with you.”

“What is it oppa?”

“We would like you to read this letter.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Mandy,

First of all, I wanna say I’m sorry, for everything that I’ve done to you. I know I’ve hurt you a lot, baby but never once you complaint or be mad at me. Instead, you just accepted and bear it all to yourself. I’m a bad person. I’m the worst. I don’t deserve to have a girlfriend like you. You deserve a better, far better guy than me.

But I want you to know that I really do love you. Despite all the things I did and said in the past, I love you so much. I love you more than I love myself. Maybe I’m just not good at expressing it. But believe me, I love you with all my heart and soul. And I know and believed that you feel the same, right? you’ve always make me happy. I lied when I said you disappoint me because you never did. I don’t even know why I always lied to you. I was trying to fight my feelings because I know I love you so much but you’re too good for me. you’re the one, most beautiful creature, inside out, that I have ever known. You’re an angel. And I’m a devil. Why do have to be the devil’s angel, baby?

Baby, the fight that caused this accident, it was my entire fault. After it happened, I came to know that you did tell me the truth. I met your cousin, myself. I’m sorry I doubted you baby. I should have believed you. I should have trusted you. if I did, this all will not happen at the first place. Sorry for the sufferings that you have to bear because of me.

But there’s one more important thing that I need to tell you. By the time you read this, I’m not gonna be there anymore. I’m not gonna be with you anymore. I’m gone. Forever. You must be wondering why, right? The time you’re in coma, the doctor told me that your heart got weaker each second and you won’t live that long anymore. I knew it’s my entire fault in the first place. You need a heart, a new one. And now, the heart that’s beating in you is me. Sorry if I made a sudden decision but this is the only way to show how much that I love you. And sorry that I made them all silent about this because I want you to read this letter.

Mandy, promise me that you’ll take good care of my heart, our heart. Finally we’re together as one, aren’t we? Finally I got to convey my real feelings for you. I was stupid, was i? Well, as long as you know that every breath that you take, I’m there with you, beating for you, that’s good enough to make me happy. We live as one now. Remember, whenever you feel sad or if you miss me, always remember that I’m here, inside this heart. I’ll always be in here, living this life together with you. I’ll always be here missing you, loving you and beating for you.

Baby, even though I’m gone now, don’t forget me. Never forget me. Because I will never forget you. I know you’re sad with this decision but I’m doing this for you, for me, for us. I can’t live without you. But I want you to move on. I want you to live normally. I want you to be happy, even if I’m not there anymore. But don’t worry, I’m in your heart, remember?

There’s a lot of thing more I wanna say. I don’t think I could write them all. Just know I love you so much, I’ll be missing you, don’t be sad, smile that cute smile always, and don’t forget me. I’ll be there when you need me. I’ll watch over you from here. Don’t worry, okay?

Goodbye my love. One fine day, we’ll meet again. I LOVE YOU FOREVER.

Sincerely,

Seunghyun

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There’s nothing you could say. Only tears described what you felt. “Why? Why did he do this?” you saw there were spots on that paper, he must have cried too when he wrote this.        

“Mandy, we’re sorry. We’re very sorry.” Daesung said. They sat closer to you.

“Why did he do this?” you asked again, looking at them. “Why didn’t he let me die?” you tried to wipe your own tears but it got even more. “I don’t deserve this.”

“Mandy, don’t say that.” Yongbae said to you.

“Did he even think how much I am and will suffer now because of him? This is unfair, just unfair.”

“Mandy, hyung is doing this for your own sake.” Seungri said.

“We’re mad too at first but then, his love for you is even stronger. He said that this is his way of saying sorry and to show the love he had for you.” Jiyong said.

After much console, the guys went home. They wanted to accompany you but you asked to be alone. You wanted some time to think about all this again. You wondered if Seunghyun’s already dead, how and who was actually visited you then.

You stood there at the closed balcony. It’s already night and rainy outside. You thought about all that the guys said, the letter. Tears rolled down again, just like the rain itself. “Well, you’re always not there when the guys or other people came. Maybe they’re right.” you sighed. You thought you’ve gone crazy now. Suddenly you felt a pair of arms hugged you from behind. A familiar one.

“What are you thinking?” he asked as he buried his face in your shoulder.

“Is it really you? Or is it just my imagination?”

“What do you want me to be?”

“I don’t know. But you felt so real.”

“I can be whatever what you want me to be.”

“I want you to be real.”

“So, you know that I’m not?”

“I don’t know.” he snickered. You let yourself out from his embrace and walked to your bed. He helped you as you lay down. He lay close to you, with his arm across your tummy, face buried in your shoulder. “Seunghyun, why?” you looked back at him.

“Because I love you. I don’t know how to show it before. This is the only way to prove that I love you. And still love you.” he said as he looked into your eyes. “And I shall forever love you.”

“I love you too.” You’re blanked with the situation now.

“I know.” he smirked.

“But why? You know I can’t live without you. I don’t mind if I’m dead rather than all this.”

“Don’t worry. I’m always here, in your heart and in your mind.”

“But then, what will happen to me?”

“You need to live your life baby. You need to be normal again.”

“I don’t think I can. And I don’t wanna be normal. ”

“You need to move on someday, baby.”

“Maybe I’ll just choose this life? This already makes me happy. YOU make me happy.”

“Are you sure? I don’t wanna be a reason for you to still live in this world, my world.”

“I don’t mind.”

“I don’t want you to be trapped in this fantasy, baby.”

“As long as I know you’ll be there and love me. I think that’s good enough.”

“Mandy~” He sighed, trying to get you understand that you need to live as usual again.

You smiled. “okay, if I choose reality, what will happen to you?”

“I could disappear if you want me to.”

“No. You can’t!” you thought hard. “What if I wanna live in reality but I want you to still be here with me?”

“It’s all in your mind. It’s for you to decide.”

“Then, just let me lost in this for a while before I go back to reality. A reality that you’ll still be there with me.” He just smiled, nodded and kissed you.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

yay! done! i don't know about you guys but truthfully i cried while writing this. i wrote this while listening to the song and i wrote it for a few days. it's so weird since i cried so badly each time i wrote it. lol well, do leave me comments and thanks so much for reading. sorry for any errors and time taken. hope you guys enjoyed it. see yall in my other stories! annyeoonng~~