Last night, I didn't have a dream. 

It was just... Black. 

       I'm told that it's a good thing, that my mind wasn't thinking too hard....

Oh hell yeah.

It's an AMAZING thing. 

Usually, I would have dreams of being endowed with admirable talents and good looks that everyone was envious of. I would be working in SM entertainment, singing and dancing before the screaming audience. Then after my performance, I would retreat backstage to meet with other popular groups like Big Bang, Suju, SNSD and of course... SHINee.

Normally, in my dreams, SHINee would always be hanging out with me, joking around and playing games. I imagine that I'm the girl of their dreams, causing them to stop whatever they were doing, just to take a glance at me. 

But when I wake up...

I'm back in my old, stuffy room. The first thing I'll see are the SHINee posters that suffocate my walls. First thing in the morning, I'm smiling like an idiot, gaping at the posters in awe and wonder. 

But.. This morning.. ?

I sit up, and only see a blank wall. I've taken every poster down, the marks of tape is all that remains. Smirking, I get out of bed, happy of the fact that I've overcome my overflowing love for SHINee. 

WIthin 10 or so minutes, I'm already changed and ready for a new day. Back then, I would have been still in bed, starring at pictures of Taemin and Jonghyun... and sometimes Key as well... 

While making myself a cup of coffee, something in the corner of my eye catches my attention. I put down my cup and walk towards the glistening material. Carefully, I take it and place it on the table. 

It was a poster of SHINee with their autographs on it. 

One glance, and memories begin flowing back...

~~~~~~~~~~~

It was such a sultry day, there were no clouds and not even a breath of wind.

Despite the hot conditions, I continued running. 

I was heading to SHINee's fan signing event. 

I had to be there.. It was a once in a blue moon opportunity to see them close up, live. 

Nearing my destination, I saw that there was no one there yet. 

'Yes~!' I thought to myself.

However, my happy feelings had faded as quickly as it had come..

Behind me, I heard screams and yells of joy coming closer and closer. 

I turned around, and in horror, found a huge crowd of other fangirls also running my way.

Hastily, I picked up my pace, in fear that they might reach there before me.

By the time I reached it, my legs were like jelly and I was sweating like a pig. 

After fixing myself up, I looked up and saw..

them..

All five of them sitting behind a long table.

They starred at me in curiosity.

I smiled back nervously.

Inside my head, I was thinking, 

'OMOGOSH DX HOW CAN I PRESENT MYSELF LIKE THIS IN FRONT OF THEM!?'

Nevertheless, I approached them and asked them to sign my poster.

They took it willingly and gave me their heart melting smiles after writing. 

'K-Kamsamnida~ SHINee FIGHTING~' I nervously said.

They laughed in response and bid me farewell. 

I carefully placed the signed poster in my bag and got ready to go home.

As I was making my way out, I saw how long the queue had gotten.

Smiling to myself, I thought of how lucky I was. 

However, my thoughts were interrupted when I was roughly pushed to the ground. 

Another massive crowd of fangirls with banners came rushing past me. 

No one cared to give me a hand, or even give me a pitiful look. 

Before I could embarrass myself, I quickly picked myself up and continued to make my way home. 

Halfway, I could feel immense pain surging all around my body every time I took a step. 

Taking a rest, I sat down on the burning pavement and examined my body.

My legs were covered in bruises and cuts, my arms had spots of dirt. Even my outfit got affected, having tears and smears of my own blood on it. 

I didn't think that it would turn out this bad.. From my position, I looked like a homeless girl who had just gotten into a big fight. I was even getting peculiar stares from passer-bys, and an occasional coin was tossed in my direction. 

In utter frustration, I stood up and trudged my way back home. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chuckling, I thought about how stupid I was. Shaking my head, I placed the poster back into its original place and continued to make my coffee. 

When I was done, I wrapped my hands around the warm cup and drank the bitter, yet sweet liquid. 

Taking my time, I walk towards the sofa and plopped down. 

Instinctively, I grab the remote control and turn on the TV. 

As I sip my coffee, I leisurely watch the korean drama that was playing. 

'Hmm... Star King is on the next channel... And SHINee is starring it..' I thought to myself.

Aniya... I don't have the intention to even take a glimpse at their faces anymore.

Once again, another memory comes to mind...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the summer holidays, and all my friends were calling me, asking whether I wanted to hang out. 

I declined all of them, preferring to stay at home.

Stay at home and do what?

Watch reality shows starring SHINee, looks at pictures of SHINee, listen to SHINee songs... etc.

SHINee everything. 

Hours flew by, and evening was fast approaching. 

The only times I would leave the room was to get food, or make a toilet trip.

I would be commenting on videos, reading fanfics and trying to dig up every information I can find about SHINee's everyday life.

My eyes would eventually grow weary and realise that it's time to stop.

Reluctantly, I turned off the computer and looked at the time.

It was already 12 midnight.

But I couldn't care less, since it was the holidays.. 

I would wake up in the early afternoon the next day, and go on the computer right after. 

My friends continued calling, and I kept declining. 

Ultimately, my phone stopped ringing. Texts from friends no longer came. 

As the weeks passed by, I was filled with frustration. 

Nothing could keep me content, not watching videos of SHINee, not looking at pictures or research about them...

I was yearning for something more..

Something real.

I kept searching and searching, hoping that the answers to my desperate questions would spring up.

But..

Nothing.

I soon realised that it's totally impossible..

What I've been reading in fanfics.. are just a part of my imagination... 

I can never get close to them.

I'll never be friends with them.

I'll never be loved by them...

The realisation hit me hard, sending me into depression.

At that moment, I was left with nothing..

No friends.

No life.

I had given everything..

Just for SHINee. 

And did I get any benefit?

Not even a pinch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The korean drama episode ends, and I sit there staring blankly at the screen. 

A wide grin stretches across my face, knowing that I have solved all my issues of the past.

I now have my friends back, and we hang out quite often.

I'm fitter and have a better figure, cause I exercise regularly. 

Thinking about exercising, I decide to go out.

I text one of my friends, asking whether he wanted to hang out.

Almost instantly, I got a reply. 

Smiling, I got my coat and head outside.

As I was walking towards my destination, I spot a lonely figure squatting on the pavement. 

Out of curiosity, I approach him or her.

While I was doing so, I could hear that it was a girl, sobbing quietly. 

Tentatively, I make my way beside her and squat down as well.

'Hey.. What's wrong? Are you cold?' I gently asked.

She slowly looks up and meets my eyes.

Forcing a smile, she replies,

'I want to say I'm ok.. But really.. I'm not..'

I immediately felt pity for her.

Thinking that she must be cold, I take off my jacket and wrap it around her.

Out of gratitude, she genuinely smiles.

'That's better isn't it? So.. What happened?' I asked in anticipation.

After sniffling and sobbing a while more, she finally spoke up,

'Well.. Do you know SHINee? I saw them coming out from their performance .. and I was just.. so excited when I saw Jonghyun. And I went up to him and pecked him on the cheek. After doing so, their manager hit me.. on the head.. I've never been so embarrassed before.. It was so humiliating..' 

Hearing what's just been said, I had a feeling that this was something like dejavu..

Only that her situation was worse than mine...

Attempting to make her feel better, I her back.

'Hey.. Don't worry.. I know exactly how you feel..' I smiled.

Her eyes flashed to mine, 

'No you don't! No one does!' She retorted.

Smiling, I begin telling her about my experience. 

While I was telling my story, her tears dried up and her mood was significantly changing.

'You mean... I can really solve this problem of mine? That.. everything can go back to normal?' She asked.

Giggling, I nodded.

Patting her head, I tell her that I need to go.

She stands up with me and bows 90 degrees. 

I do the same and say goodbye.

I couldn't help feeling like a heroine. Overwhelmed with happiness that I was able to help someone. 

After a few minutes, I finally reach the appointed place I was to meet with my friend.

Finding each other, I wave to him as I walk towards him.

He runs instead and crashes into me.

We laughed our hearts out.

'Hey, Omo where's your jacket? It's freezing out here~' He said.

It was only then, that I realised I had left my coat with that girl.

'Oh.. I forgot about it...' I lied.

Chuckling, he takes off his jacket and places it on my shoulders. 

'kekeke.. Gomawo...' I giggled.

'Ok then ^^ Shall we go?'

Happily obliging, we walked hand in hand towards the shopping mall.  

~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that I'm no longer a fan girl.. I can live life at much ease.. 

______________________________________________________________________________________

------------- My Corner (?) ------------ 

So how was it? ^^ hehe PLEASE COMMENT~ and thanks for the early subscribers. This fanfic doesn't totally relate to me.. I used to be like a hardcore fangirl.. but now.. I still love SHINee.. but not so hardcore lar XD hehehe 

so yea.. Hope you like the story, and hopefully it doesn't change your mindset about loving your fav group too much.

This is my.. second one shot.. and I'm sorry if it's too long LOL. But yea.. hope you've enjoyed it.

K. THNX. BAI. 

~ RANDOM QUOTE TIME~

Sometimes, not being in control is the most beautiful thing in the world...