Changmin/Jaejoong | PG13

Winter Rose. He wondered what it symbolised. He sang the song, perhaps cried a few tears at the memory of his lover, but yet. Why Winter Rose? Why not Winter Star, that sounded a lot better. Stars were always so pretty in the winter, tiny white lights in the dark blue sky. They could say the song was about, a light being able to shine no matter how cold it was, how dark it was, how lonely it was. He could relate because that sure as heck was what he was feeling right then.

Changmin growled. He hated all that sentimental . Maybe the fame, the popularity, the fans are getting to him. Maybe it was that few pieces of fanfiction he read a few days ago. What was it about? A story written like poetry, describing all the troubles they went through. But that was far away from reality, a bit too underrated, maybe.

And there was that other one. He closed the tab after he read the first paragraph. ‘How could fans actually read and enjoy this ?’ was what ran through his mind. ‘Why would they want to read about their idol -my lover- being ?’

Winter Rose. It re-entered his mind again. He likes only that one line that reminds him so much – too much – of his lover. “We should be able to believe in our love”. He was pretty sure his lover said the exact same line to him before he left.

Changmin-ah, just remember. Always keep the faith. Always keep believing. Keep believing in us, in our love.

Changmin sighed. He looked out the closed windows. The snow was quickly falling, and he could see the Han River from his room. That brought back memories; some too painful to recall, because they hurt his heart, oh-so-much.

It was around the end of autumn, the start of winter, where the first few snowflakes were descending from the sky. Two guys were heavily bundled up, for heaven knows how cold it was out there. They were holding mittened-hands, walking closely together by the Han River.

“Jae hyung,” The taller of the two spoke, looking straight ahead.

“You rarely call me hyung. What’s wrong, Minnie?” Jaejoong asked, clasping the hand tighter, not that the former could feel it through the thick fabric.

“I love you,” Changmin said softly, watching a snowflake twirl down.

“I love you,” Jaejoong echoed.

Changmin was never one to cry. That’s why he nearly broke down when a tear rolled down his cheek and fell on his quilt. It was cold this winter. Extra layers were needed.

“Changmin-ah, if you don’t want to worsen your cold, ING STOP KICKING THE BLANKETS OFF!” Jaejoong yelled with frustration and he stacked the pile of blankets back on the sick man.

“It’s heavy, Jae,” Changmin mumbled, pouting.

“Don’t use that stupid “Cute-card” on me. And have you been using that lip balm I gave you? Why are your lips so chapped? They hurt when I kiss you, you know,” Jaejoong nagged, searching the drawers for the stick of lip balm he gave Changmin a week ago, complaining on how his chapped skin dug into his lips. And he was well aware Changmin never used it.

He found it under a packet of- “WHAT THE HELL. Why do you have CONDOMS in your side table? What if one of those shows barge in and sift through your things. HOW WILL YOU EXPLAIN IT?” Jaejoong shrieked. Changmin was damned sure the entire apartment heard him.

Changmin smirked slightly, and was about to reply when Jaejoong started vigorously applying strawberry-flavoured lip balm on his lips while muttering profanities under his breath.

“Love you, hyung,” Changmin piped up as Jaejoong turned to leave.

“Love you,” Jaejoong grumbled.

This time no tears fell. Changmin sat there in silence, just trembling slightly. Maybe it was from the cold, or maybe it was from the coldness he felt in his heart. Changmin pulled his iPod out, thinking that perhaps some music would calm his nerves.

“That day when the sun set, 
My footsteps took me, 
Opening my eyes to a place i thought i had forgotten
Whether I still have some hatred towards you left
I want to be free now”

‘Out of all the songs, why this?’ Changmin groaned. It reminded him too much of the day Jaejoong left. Way too much.

“Jaejoong? Why are you here?” Changmin panted. After three hours of continuous searching in a disguise, he was half-dead. He finally found Jaejoong at the place he always goes to when he is having a mood, or just thinking about some things.

“Changmin,” Jaejoong called out when I took a seat next to him on that one mossy log. “It hurts to say goodbye.”

“We don’t have to do that, do we? So why bother?” I replied, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer.

“You don’t understand, Changmin!” Jaejoong pulled away. He frowned and plucked a flower, softly twirling the stem between his fingers. “I hate SM. I hate it so much. I want to leave this hell-hole.”

“We all do, Joongie. But we can’t,” Changmin sighed, avoiding his lover’s eyes.

“We can! We all can!” Jaejoong insisted.

“No,” Changmin said firmly.

“Fine. I’m going back,” Jaejoong growled, obviously angry.

Hell, Changmin was damned sure that Jaejoong hated every bone in his body. So when Changmin woke up to three empty beds, and Yunho crying silently, he knew what happened. Changmin slowly got off the bed and grabbed his thick coat and gloves. A walk was much needed.

He got to the bottom floor and headed directly Jaejoong’s special place. He sat down on the snow-covered log and one thing caught his eye: A few roses sprouting from the ground, snow covering their outer petals.

Changmin crouched down beside them and looked at them. A rose is a beautiful flower, used to symbolise so many things.  But in the winter, when it’s covered with a fresh layer of snow, the red petals peeking out from the white flakes, it looks truly stunning.

A red rose is used to symbolise love. Snow represents death, purity, and light. A rose covered in snow means love till death: pure, bright, simple love. Changmin smiled. He knew why it was Winter Rose.

Maybe, just maybe.

Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time. It tells us to tell each other right now that we love each other – Leo Buscaglia