Key’s childhood was a blur, a splattering of colors here and there, fragments of dreams he refused to forget, and memories of things he had no idea why he remembered. Thinking about carefree days made him perhaps just a bit too bittersweet, although he supposed that was the general feeling people got looking back on days long past. It hurt his heart to think about it too long, yet here he was on a balcony in the cool night that tasted of rain, doing just that.

“Key? What the hell are you doing still up?” his thoughts were interrupted by a grumbling, sleepy Jonghyun peering in from the house. Key, for once, didn’t have any words and just shrugs in response. Jonghyun sighs and steps into the balcony, closing the door and plopping down next to Key on the couch they had thrown outside. The chill of the breeze seems to knock him out of his groggy state a bit.

“I’m up now, I guess. Might as well stay up,” he says, smacking his lips obnoxiously. Key shrugs again and Jonghyun raises an eyebrow. He wasn’t being bombarded with ridiculous questions and scolded for ‘looking like the mentally challenged lovechild of a dinosaur and a puppy,’- whatever the hell that meant- for once? Well, that was most certainly a welcome change.

“Hey Key, do you know want to know what frog-face did today?”

“So I was watching this one show and I need to stop watching freaky Japanese . But the girl-“

“Oh, and I ended up seeing one of Taemin’s horror movies, too. Innocent maknae, my .”

“Key, are you okay? Seriously, say something, you’re creeping me out-“

“Minho showed Taemin your gay again. You’re a , Kibum.”

“Did you hear me? Minho. Taemin. . Your . Your… very deviant . Seriously, nothing? At all?”

Normally, by now Key would have said something. And by something, he means that Key would’ve started whining and ranting about gods know what set him off that day. Key being Key, this ended in far too many hours of Jonghyun playing therapist for the most ridiculous crap. And he hadn’t even said anything about Minho stealing his - again.

 ‘Did I miss a note to the zombie apocalypse or what?’ Jonghyun thinks, grumpy that he still hadn’t managed to wheedle an answer out of Key.

 “You alright? You’re being pretty quiet. Don’t you want to complain about your… makeup or hair or whatever it is?” Jonghyun says, trying for a different approach- sympathetic and caring friend always succeeded in situations like these. Well, he could work on the sympathetic and caring bit, but he had time for that in the far future.

“If I answer you, will you kindly shut the up, Jonghyun?”

“…Uh, sure?”

“Then I’m just fine. I’m thinking. And even if I did have a problem with my hair or nails, it’s not like you would want to hear it,” Key scoffs, though there is a chuckle rippling through his words.

“True. No offense, but I really don’t ca… actually, never mind,” Jonghyun cuts himself off mid-thought. He wasn’t in the mood to have Key beat him to death with that ing spatula when he could be having a rare serious moment with him. “So what are you thinking about, then?”

“I don’t know. Stuff.”

Jonghyun stifles a sigh. This was Key after all; things were never simple with him.

“Come on Key, don’t be such a girl. Tell me what you’re thinking about.” Key shoots him a sidelong glare, pouting slightly, and Jonghyun has to resist acting like a deranged aunt to tug his puffed out cheeks.

“I have a in my pants, Jonghyun.”

“Oh, I know. I know well. Stop changing the subject, are you planning to answer me?”

“I wasn’t particularly planning to, but… I’m just thinking about life, the past, things like that.”

“…and?” Jonghyun presses on, risking death by spatula. Today, he would be a brave, brave man.

“It’s just, don’t you ever just sit down, and think about everything that you’ve done up until now? And how things that used to matter just aren’t important at all anymore? It’s a bit sad, I guess. I can’t even remember so much of it and I… I still miss it, you know?” Key falls quiet again after that and Jonghyun doesn’t seem to have much to say, just humming thoughtfully in response. The air between them grows silent, although not uncomfortable, as they remember a few whirling details of years that had fled by. A thick nostalgia settles, a heavy, suffocating lump in their throats.

The wind stirs the air around them, a chill creeping into their bones. Key shivers, before scooting closer to Jonghyun and grasping his hand to trace the wide, calloused palm.

“We all miss what we used to have. The simple stuff especially, that’s what I miss. Hanging out with my friends all the time and not thinking about things at all… it’s been years since I’ve seen some of them. Years. Can you believe that?” Jonghyun finally responds, voice hitching in this throat towards the end. “…dammit Key, you’re gonna make me cry.”

Key chuckles slightly, before leaning his head against Jonghyun’s shoulder. Without even looking, he knew Jonghyun was shooting him the famous puppy eyes, which Key takes care to dutifully ignore.

“And I’m the girl here? But that’s exactly what I’m saying, what the hell happened to everything we knew?”

“Things change. People grow up, move on, I guess.”

“I know they do, but I miss before, Jonghyun. I really do,” Key says quietly and Jonghyun swears he catches a sniffle in the sentence. Worry flares in Jonghyun- Key was more upset about this than he had thought.

 “I miss before too, but I like things I have now too. Our stupid friends, my dog, and you know. You.”  Jonghyun releases his hand to tightly wrap his arms around Key, and despite the awkward position, Key tries to hug him back. Smoothing his fingers over the nape of Jonghyun’s neck, he buries his face into the inviting heat. Neither comments on the slightly damp breathing of the other, because that would mean admitting they were almost crying too.

And they were men. Very manly- alright, perhaps that was pushing it-men, who did not cry- except at memorial services, during awards ceremonies, watching romantic comedies, reading old children’s books, when Bambi’s mother died- but damn, you have to be heartless to not cry at that…

Maybe they should get the dust cleaned out of the apartment, yes, that was it.

“You’re really cheesy sometimes, you know that?”

“Yeah, I know, but you love it. It’s true though, I don’t need anything right now,” Jonghyun says, opting to embrace his inner sappiness. He feels Key nod against his neck, a smile curving underneath the sensitive skin of his ear. “Actually, wait. There is something else.”

“What is it?” Key replies, stiffening against Jonghyun.  

“We’re on a cold balcony, everyone is asleep, and this feels like just right time to have . For warmth!”

There is a long pause, in which Jonghyun wonders if that was the best thing to say at the moment. , Key was most likely expecting a declaration of undying love and a magically appearing, overpriced gift or the like. Crapcrapcrap, he needed damage control. Should he sing him a song? But wait, they did not have convenient music that appears from no discernible source, because unfortunately, they weren’t currently living in a musical and-

Then Key bursts out laughing, snuggling closer than he thought was possible, murmuring ‘you idiot, going off ruining the moment,’ and Jonghyun grins, feeling his panic dissipate. Key’s giggles are contagious and it doesn’t take long for the older boy to start snorting alongside him like an idiotic donkey- oh, he must be so attractive at the moment- but damn if Jonghyun cared, because he thinks that love might be a little bit contagious, too.