Seungri stared at the moving fan up at the white ceiling. His mind was swirling, just like the fan and he sighed softly.

It’s tomorrow.

He closed his eyes, trying to get to sleep. It shouldn’t be hard, considering there’s protective arms around him, making him feeling safe and calm.

But not tonight.

He sighed again as he slowly pushed himself up. The little movements he made had the other male groaning and mumbling in his sleep, but still didn’t wake up. Seungri smiled slightly at the sight of his lover burying his face into the pillow. It was just too cute and he couldn’t help but to caress the soft cheek belonged to his lover.

His movement stilled and the sadness began filling him up again.

Seungri quickly, but softly retracted his hand when he felt tears pricking his eyes. Sniffing silently, he quietly lifted the covers and gets up from the warmth of the bed. He shivered slightly when his feet made contact with the cold floor, but he ignored it and mutely exited the room.

The members were still sleeping, much to his glad. Slowly, he took his jacket and slipped into his shoes before slipping out of the dorm, wishing that he could find some peacefulness outside.

--

Seungri regretted exiting the dorm yet again when another cold wind slapped across his face. He sniffed, he’s sure his nose, cheeks and ears were as red as a tomato right now. But he didn’t – couldn’t – go back to the dorm yet.

You see, Seungri is actually nervous and afraid of Big Bang’s comeback tomorrow. Surely he’s really excited (he’s the most excited one actually), but when the comeback’s date was getting nearer, his nervousness began crawling into him, eating him and in the end, a few days before the comeback, he couldn’t sleep at night at all and he always messes up the steps.

Their leader – his lover, the one that he love and love him – had asked him what’s wrong with him (using the leader tone of course, but at night, he would hold Seungri close without saying anything because he knew Seungri would be happy with that) but of course, he won’t say anything because he’s Seungri, Big Bang’s most exciting, happy-go-lucky, funny maknae.

Seungri sighed, lowering his head as he kicked the pebble he saw while he was walking. He softly hummed to Big Bang’s new song, Blue and a soft smile spread across his face when he remembered that the fans love the song and the song had topped most music charts in Korea.

Seungri stopped his steps when his eyes met with a pair of white sneakers. He lifted his head up and met with Hwang Chansung, the maknae of 2PM. Seungri blinked as the older male’s wide eyes and smile met with him.

“I am right! You are Seungri, right? Big Bang’s maknae!”

Seungri blinked again and he nodded slowly before realization hits him. He bowed towards the older male and Chansung laughed and nodded back. Seungri went flustered, how did Chansung ended up being here?

“How did you ended up being here?”

Seungri raised his brows towards the smiling guy before he took note of his surroundings. He’s in front of JYP building.

“What the… How did I…” Seungri muttered before he sighed, I really should watch where I was going…

Chansung grinned and suddenly Seungri felt someone’s warm hands grabbing his cold ones. He looked up and he gave a confused look towards the smiling Chansung, “Your hands are cold!”

Seungri jumped slightly when Chansung suddenly cupped his face. His widened eyes met with Chansung’s worried orbs, “You’re so cold. Why did you come out without wearing something warmer?” The older male shook his head lightly before he grabbed Seungri’s hand and led him into the building, “Let’s get you something to warm you up, neh?”

Seungri just blinked and gaped as he tried to match with Chansung’s long strides.

--

Seungri hummed in delight as he sipped the hot milk Chansung had prepared for him. He looked around him, he’s in the practice room with Chansung. Both of them were leaning against the mirror, a blanket draped across their legs.

Seungri bit his lips, “Thank you…”

Chansung grinned, “It’s okay!” Then, silence filled up the atmosphere before Chansung decided to break the silence.

“Umm… I’m sorry, but can I ask you something?”

Seungri raised his brows, telling the older one to go on.

“…Why are you out there? I mean, your comeback is tomorrow right? Shouldn’t you be home, sleeping and resting?”

Seungri stared at him and for a moment there, Chansung went flustered and apologized for being so rude, but Seungri cut him off with a shake of his head and soft, sad smile.

“I just…. I need to find peace.”

Chansung tilted his head and Seungri continued, “I guess, I’m just nervous. You know, it’s been a year since our last comeback….”

Chansung stilled before he slowly nodded. He leaned against the mirror and Seungri locked eyes with him through the mirror in front of them.

“Hey… Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” 2PM’s maknae smiled.

Seungri shifted his eyes towards the warm milk. It was white and somehow it reminded him of Jiyong’s soft, white cheeks.

“How did you cope with Jaebeom-ssi’s departure?”

Chansung’s eyes widen slightly and Seungri could feel it, but he decided to just go on. “I mean, you look so happy right now. Didn’t you feel sad?”

The silence was back and it was thick around them. Seungri kept his eyes to the white milk that now somewhat reminded him to Daesung’s blonde hair (that made the members amazed and ‘wow’-ed and Seunghyun to blush furiously every time the blonde male smile at him) while Chansung had his eyes closed.

“I guess…” Seungri turned his head towards Chansung the moment Chansung opened his eyes and stared at his reflection on the mirror.

“I am sad, but I guess… Time passed and somewhat you have to move on, you know. The other hyungs are sad too, but they never show it to me, their maknae. And somehow…. That made me wanted to be stronger like them.”

Chansung sighed and his eyes wandered to the blinding lights in the practice room, “It’s hard at first. Really, really hard. I mean, sometimes you just forgot he was not there and you went to his room and say ‘Jay hyung, breakfast!’”

Seungri watched as the older male laughed bitterly, “And then you found yourself standing in front of an empty room, when there’s no gruff ‘go away, maknae-ah, I’m sleepy’ or sometimes when you’re lucky, a cheerful English ‘Coming!’.”

“There were times that I hated Jay hyung for leaving. I mean, he’s our leader, so how could he leave just like that? I asked myself this question every single time, but I met with no answer. But the other hyungs are there, for me and they helped me stand up. The fans are also there, cheering for me, for us. So I guess, that helped me cope with Jay hyung’s absence.”

Seungri nodded understandingly, “Then… Did you still hate Jaebeom-ssi?”

To his surprise, Chansung laughed, not bitterly, but cheerily and Seungri was confused. After the laugh had died down, Chansung ruffled Seungri’s hair, “No, of course not. He’s still my hyung and I still love him as much. Besides, we still hang out together.”

Seungri stared at Chansung and the curve his lips lifted upwards before the two of them broke into laughter.

Seungri didn’t even know why they were laughing, but it felt good.

--

“Thank you,” Seungri said as they stood in front of JYP’s building. Chansung scrunched his nose, “Aish, you’ve said that before!”

Seungri laughed and Chansung joined in later. After the laughter stopped, the two took a calming breath, before a familiar voice chided in.

“Yah, Hwang Chansung!! What are you doing out here!?”

Seungri and Chansung snapped their heads towards the voice and Chansung’s face broke into a grin as the familiar male came towards them, “Junho hyung!”

The smaller male huffed, “Don’t ‘Junho hyung’ me! You know how worried we were!? Junsu won’t stop wailing about his baby missing and they sent me, out the cold, to find you, just because I’m your husband and you’re my wife. I mean, what the with that!?”

“Hyuuuung,” Chansung pouted cutely, “Are you regretting searching for me?”

Junho glared at him before he sighed in defeat while muttering, you know I’m not. Then his eyes darted on another male in front of his boyfriend and his eyes widen in realization, “Oh, you’re Seung…ri, right? Big Bang’s maknae?”

Seungri smiled and bowed towards him, “Nice to meet you, Junho-ssi.”

Junho smiled, showing his pearly white teeth and his eyes turned into crescents, “Nice to meet you too, Seungri-ah.” Seungri blushed and smiled shyly at the male’s informal way of greeting, it made him felt closer to the 2PM’s member.

“Oh, what are you doing here?” Junho asked as realization hits him.

“It’s a secret hyung. Maknae things,” Chansung answered quickly as he sensed Seungri’s hesitation. The older male nodded after giving the two of them a suspicious look. He looked at his watch, “It’s getting late. You should go home, young man. Your hyungs must be worried of you. Don’t be like this brat, always missing and worrying his hyungs,” he glared at the giggling Chansung harmlessly before sighing when Chansung linked their arms together and rested his head on his shoulder while saying ‘sorry’.

Seungri smiled, “I will Junho-ss—Uhm… Junho hyung.”

Junho smiled and soon enough, they parted ways. Seungri stared for a little while at Junho and Chansung’s retreating back, smiling softly at the love between the couple. Sighing as the 2PM members’ figures disappearing into the night, Seungri turned and began to walk.

I’m sorry Junho hyung… I don’t think I’m ready to go home yet.

--

Seungri sniffed and rubbed his hands together. It’s getting colder by the second and Seungri felt like he’s going to freeze to death if he didn’t get anything to warm him up right now. Glancing around, he fastened his steps to the nearest 24-hour convenience store. Lowering his head and snuggle further into his jacket, Seungri stepped inside the store, ringing sound of the bell chimed in his ear.

He was about two steps into the store when he bumped to someone. The person’s belongings fell, scattered around the floor. Panicked, Seungri quickly crouched down to help the person picking up his belongings; shaving cream, ramyeon, chocolates, sweets, chewing gum, strawberry milk and other stuffs Seungri couldn’t make out what they were since the person already shoved them back into the plastic bag.

Seungri stood up when the stranger stood up and he bowed immediately, ‘I’m sorry’ flying out of his mouth as he bowed repeatedly. The stranger nodded and said ‘it’s okay’, until he stopped to look at Seungri properly.

Seungri froze, shoot! He recognized me?

“You… You looked familiar… You’re Big Bang’s Seungri, right?”

Seungri’s head snapped up, fear of being found out consumed in. He was about to ask the stranger to not tell anyone about him being here but stopped abruptly when a familiar face smiled at him.

It’s Super Junior’s maknae, Kyuhyun.

The younger male blinked, stared and blinked some more. Kyuhyun’s smile widen more at the frozen state of Big Bang’s maknae and when realization hits him, Seungri quickly bowed, “A-Ah- Annyeonghaseyo, Kyuhyun-ssi!”

Kyuhyun laughed, soft and velvety, “It’s okay, Seungri-yah. There’s no need to be formal, just call me hyung.”

“Yeah right, when your hyungs told you that you simply flipped them off with a ‘No, thanks’,” Seungri and Kyuhyun’s attention snapped towards the other male, Changmin, DBSK’s maknae. Seungri bit his lips to try holding back his laughter while bowing at the nodding male while Kyuhyun pouted while baby-glaring the younger one.

Changmin chuckled as he ruffled Kyuhyun’s hair (stop messing with my hair, brat!), he stood beside Super Junior’s maknae and smiled at Seungri, “You’re Seungri right? Nice to meet you.”

“Oh, uh—Yeah, nice to meet you too, Changmin-ssi.”

Changmin chuckled, “Hyung is fine,” and Seungri nodded, “By the way, what are you doing here alone? Shouldn’t you be resting right now, I mean tomorrow is Big Bang’s comeback, right?”

Seungri nodded meekly, shuffling his feet in nervousness. Call it a maknae’s intuition or what, but it seems like Changmin and Kyuhyun knew that there’s something bothering him. Without him realizing it, Seungri was being pulled by Kyuhyun, a soft smile on the older one’s face, “Let’s hang out for a while, shall we?”

--

Seungri closed his eyes as he felt the wind blew past him. He shivered and cupped his own face, a silly smile on his face, “This place is great, hyungs.”

They were on the rooftop of some random building. From up there, Seungri felt like he could see the whole world and it was beautiful. The lights from vehicles and buildings and the streetlamps and the stars on the dark sky lighted up the whole city and Seungri felt breathless as he watched the scene in front of him. He had been busy lately that he forgot how it felt like to watch the nightlife of Seoul from top like this (because he had been in a place like this before, with the members) and sorrows filled his heart again.

“Seungri?” Changmin soft voice distracted Seungri from his own sadness and he grinned as he turned towards the two older males, “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?’ Changmin worriedly asked and Seungri felt like crying at how gentle the older male sounded like. It made him felt like spilling out his sadness and thought towards these two males that he had barely talked to. His eyes water and his bottom lip trembled, “Hyung…” he started and Changmin raised his brows with a smile on his face, gesturing the younger one to continue.

“How… How did you cope with Junsu-ssi, Jaejoong-ssi and Yoochun-ssi’s departure?” he asked softly, his eyes lowered because he’s too afraid to see the hurt look in Changmin’s eyes. “And Kyuhyun hyung…. How did you cope with Super Junior members decreasing from 13 to 10? How do you handle it when Kibum-ssi said he’s going to focus on his acting career and when Hankyung-ssi left?”

It was silence between the three of them and Seungri felt stupid for asking such sensitive question. He was about to say he’s sorry and wanted to run away when Changmin lifted his chin so that their eyes met, “Hey… Look at me,” he said, a fond smile on his face and Seungri wondered how Changmin could still smile despite the question.

“It was hard for me, to tell you the truth,” Changmin started, “I mean, I lost three hyungs in the same time and sometimes, I cried when I wake up in the morning and find there’s only the two of us – me and Yunho hyung – in the dorm, no more laughter from the three, no more Jaejoong hyung’s nags, Junsu hyung’s giggles, Yoochun hyung’s whines….”a sad smile formed on Changmin’s handsome face and Seungri could see the water in the older male’s eyes but it was gone when Changmin blinked and smiled widely, “But hey, Yunho hyung is still there with me, taking care of me, and I’m thankful of him. The fans are still supporting us, and I’m also thankful of them.”

Seungri lowered his head and Changmin laughed, “Right, Kyu?”

The Big Bang’s maknae looked up at the mention of Kyuhyun’s name and the older male was also smiling, but he was looking at the glass of soju in his hand, “Yeah… I would be lying if I say I’m not sad when Hankyung hyung left and Kibum hyung decided that he wanted to focus on his acting career and won’t promote album with us.” He sighed, “But then… What could I do? Yeah, I cried and screamed and threw tantrum for weeks but that’s all I could do; I still couldn’t change everything back to how it used to be.”

Kyuhyun lifted his head and stared at the stars, “And time after time, you would realize that there are still other members behind you, taking care of you… And Hankyung hyung and Kibum hyung… Well, it’s not like we’re becoming enemies. Hankyung called us some times and Kibum hyung did come back to the dorm some times, and that’s what important. The fact that we’re still together, though not on stage but yeah… We’re still together.”

--

Seungri grinned as he waved towards the retreating Kyuhyun and Changmin. He laughed softly when Kyuhyun tried to help the drunken Changmin to walk properly. He shook his head and turned around; Kyuhyun’s parting words rang in his head.

Remember, Seungri-ah. It’s normal for a group to break up, but the point is, you’re still together and remembers each other and that’s what important.

Seungri sighed as he kept walking slowly, he wanted to go back to the dorm, but he still feels like there’s something missing.

“Seungri-ah?”

Seungri looked up at the mention of his name and his eyes widened to see Hyunseung in front of him and he realized that he was in front of BEAST’s dorm. He panicked and was thinking about running away (because dammit, he still feels guilty that he took Hyunseung’s position in Big Bang) when the older male stopped him by grabbing his wrist, “I am right! Seungri-ah, what are you doing here?”

The younger one stammered, “Uh…. I-I… I….”

Hyunseung grinned, “Let’s go inside eh? Your hands were cold!”

--

“Aish, you’re such an idiot, going out in the middle of cold like that!”

Seungri stayed silent as Hyunseung covers him with thick blankets, and BEAST’s maknae, Dongwoon was making him some hot chocolate to warm him up.

“Uhm… Thanks…” Seungri said as he took the hot chocolate from Dongwoon and the younger one nodded while smiling shyly.

“So,” Hyunseung started as he sat beside Seungri (and frowned when Seungri flinched), “Tell me, what’s wrong?”

Seungri gnawed his bottom lip in nervousness, “N-Noth—”

“Don’t give me that bull, Seungri-yah,” Hyunseung cuts him while pinning him with a glare. “There’s something wrong and you’d better tell me.”

And Seungri broke down. He started crying like a baby, his body shook as he sobbed and hiccupped, “I… I—I’m afraid hyung…. I-I—I’m afraid…”

Hyunseung stayed silent and Seungri continued, “Wh-What if… What if th-they make Jiyong hyung and-and Daesung hyung leave? Th-Then, what’s going to h-happen to us? T-To Big Bang? I….” he sniffed, “I felt so useless—I—I… When Daesung hyung had that a-accident, I couldn’t do anything to help h-him at all—” he sobbed harder, his whole body shaking as tremor of sadness surged through his body, “A-And… And wh-when Ji-Jiyong hyung—Jiyong hyung... I-I just cried, hyung! I just cried like a ing baby and I felt so useless!”

“Sometimes, I felt like—like I shouldn’t be in Big Bang—Like—Like it should’ve been you, hyung. It should’ve been you—B-Because—Because you might—could do something to help Jiyong h-hyung and Daesung hyung and I-I—”

“Seungri…”

“I’m so useless…. I-I didn’t deserve to be in Big Bang… I’m just a useless—”

“Seungri…”

“It should’ve been you, hyung… I-It should’ve been you—”

“SEUNGRI!!” Hyunseung yelled as he grabbed Seungri’s shoulder, stopping the younger one from babbling. His heart throbbed to see Seungri with so many tears like this. The last time he saw this was the day he left and Hyunseung never thought that he would see Seungri crying so hard like this. The younger one was still sobbing and Hyunseung pulled him into a hug, ignoring it when Seungri’s tears and mucus stained his shirt.

“Seungri-ah… No matter what happened, it’s you who deserved to be in Big Bang.”

“But—I-I—”

“Shhh…. Listen to me, when YG said that you get the position in Big Bang, I was sad and devastated. But you know, everything that had happened has a silver lining…. Look at me now, I met BEAST,” he smiled softly as he hears Dongwoon’s soft footsteps in the kitchen. “And I’m happy right now, Seungri-ah.”

“But hyung… I… I’m not a good maknae…”

“Who said that? You’re a wonderful maknae for Big Bang. I mean, if you’re not suitable for Big Bang, President Yang won’t choose you, right? Are you judging President Yang’s judgment?” Hyunseung teasingly asked and Seungri flinched, “O-Of course not!”

“So… Stop thinking that you’re not a good maknae, okay?
 

Silence, “Okay…”

“Good, now finish up those hot chocolate and let me send you home.”

“But hyung….” Seungri softly said, “My drink was filled with tears and mucus by now.”

Hyunseung stared…and blinked before he broke into laughter.

--

“Seungri-ah! Oh God!” Jiyong exclaimed as he rushed towards the maknae, a thick blanket in his hands. He quickly draped the blanket on the maknae, warming him up, “Yah, where have you been!? You even left your phone, idiot!”

Seungri smiled sheepishly, “Sorry, hyung.”

“Yeah, Jiyong hyung. There’s no need to be angry at him,” Jiyong and Seungri’s head snapped towards the voice and Jiyong’s eyes widened, “H-Hyunseung-ah!”

Hyunseung grinned, “Hey, hyung,” he laughed when Jiyong wanted to hug or shake his hand but couldn’t do it because he was warming up Seungri, “It’s okay, you can continue hugging your baby.”

Seungri blushed while Jiyong just laugh, “Well yeah, he’s such a bothersome baby all right,” and Seungri’s face fell slightly before Jiyong continued, “And yet I don’t know what would happen to me if he’s not here.”

The maknae blushed even darker shade of red and Hyunseung chuckled, “Well…. I have to go, there’s no one in the dorm except for Dongwoon and you know we can’t leave a maknae alone in a dorm or else something will happen.”

“Hyung! That’s not true!” Seungri protested and Hyunseung and Jiyong laughed even harder, “I need to go, bye hyung, Seungri. Good luck for your comeback tomorrow,” the doe-eyed boys raised his clenched fist, “Big Bang, fighting!”

Seungri and Jiyong smiled and nodded as they watched the car left their sight. Jiyong sighed and turned towards Seungri, making the younger one’s brows arched, “What is it?”

Jiyong didn’t answer, instead, he hugged the younger one tightly, “Seriously, don’t leave like that. Daesung was crying because he was so worried, Seunghyun hyung and Yongbae were restless when we found you’ve gone. W-We—I… I needed you, Seungri-ah. Don’t run away again.”

Seungri was dumbfounded and he let Jiyong hugged him before a silly grin broke on his face and tears rolled down his cheeks. He hugged the leader back, burying his face into the older male’s chest, “Okay hyung….”

Seungri-ah, you have to remember, Big Bang needed you as much as you needed Big Bang. You can’t call it Big Bang if you’re not there, same goes for Jiyong hyung, Seunghyun hyung, Daesung and Yongbae hyung…  Without one of you guys, Big Bang won’t be complete. Remember that and stop thinking that you’re no good for Big Bang.

“I promise I won’t leave, hyung.”

--

“Are you ready for this?”

Daesung smiled and nodded, Seunghyun nodded, a small smile on his face and Yongbae grinned, doing a ‘fighting’ gesture. Jiyong sighed in relief and smiled and they all turned towards Seungri.

Cheers from the fans, chants of their names.

The maknae opened his closed eyes slowly before a confident smile spread on his face.

“Let’s do this.”

A/N: *sobs* finally I finished this! Been wanting to write about this for a long time but I couldn’t finish it because I was too busy. Thank God I managed to end this fic, finally. i just re-watched healing camp and god... i was sobbing the whole time!! we luv u big bang!

Dedicated to all VIPs, sorry for any grammar mistakes :) and please excuse me coz i want to re-watch monster MV!!!!!!!!! GAHHH!!

Comment and subscribes~