The overwhelming feeling of happiness
The overwhelming feeling of happiness
Donghae started to sulk. He was deeply annoyed by Eunhyuk's cold behavior recently, he thought it wouldn't last because Eunhyuk can have such mood swinging sometimes that himself doesn't even understand, but after three days or so, he immediately sensed something was wrong: Eunhyuk was clearly avoiding him, and at the precise moment Eunhyuk rejected his hug, Donghae felt so heartbroken he wanted to bawl out. Well, it was actually an understatement: he thought his whole world was falling under his feet, because Eunhyuk never ever refused any of his hugs and cuddles before – Eunhyuk knew that skinship is one of the things Donghae would never be able to get rid of.
As soon as Donghae completed his schedule, he went back straight to the dorms and silently watched TV all night, comfortably sprawled on the couch. Usually, he would lock himself in his room, but since the dorms were empty, he thought he could distract his upset mind by watching some funny shows.
The thing is he was an idol and his whole entourage - or almost - was in the show-business, thus, he would automatically see one of his peers on the small screen. Donghae needed everything but thinking about people around him which will make him think of Eunhyuk even more.
So, he decided to put a DVD and watch an Angelina Jolie's movie while texting like a mad man. He saw this movie twice already but still didn't know every line by heart, that was why he would keep watching it until he learnt the whole script. It was his current favorite movie so he would certainly watch it one hundred of times for the next three months.
When he was sad, upset or angry, Donghae would keep texting and checking out all the social networks, reading his fans and friends' messages. People he texted the most might be Kibum, Zhoumi and Sunny. These three did not spend so much time with Donghae, so he made sure he would keep their relationship up by texting. He never calls. He hates calling people. He would always get disappointed and frustrated when no one answers him back. Anyway, everyone was most of the time busy - no time for calling.
Kyuhyun was the first one to come back home from the drinking party that the Super Junior Staff held to celebrate the end of their successful worldwide tour. Donghae skipped it, saying he had some business to take care of and that could not wait any longer. Kyuhyun was rather surprised to see Donghae at home - he thought he would be gone to see a girl or something like that -.
Even though the whole dorm's lights were off, Kyuhyun could distinguish his elder's stoic face from the weak light coming from the TV screen. Such a sad face, thought Kyuhyun. Donghae was either cheerful or serious or dazing, but certainly not sad. Kyuhyun was clever enough to know that something happened to his colleague. "Who was the who broke your innocent heart, hyung?"
Donghae didn't look up. Instead, he lowered his head even further and buried his face against his knees brought up to his chest. "A " he confirmed.
Kyuhyun chuckled, he put his bag on the side of the sofa and sat down next to his band mate. "Tell me everything before the drunkards show up."
Donghae bit his lips to keep himself from talking too much. When he told Sunny and Kibum about how distant was Eunhyuk, Kibum told him to go to talk to him, while Sunny said he should ask Eunhyuk's close friends if they knew anything. The point is that he couldn't ask Eunhyuk's friends because he didn't get along very well with them.
"So?" asked Kyuhyun impatiently. "If it's about Eunhyuk, I'm punching you!"
Donghae pouted, how could he tell him about the truth then?
"So, it's really Eunhyuk. Is he avoiding you? I'm pretty sure he is cold to you too."
"How do you know it?"
"I'm clever, hyung. I just noticed it, I thought you were the one who were acting cold at first."
"I didn't!"
"Yeah, yeah, just talk to him instead of sulking and glooming alone in the dark, you look like a freak."
"You , I look handsome!"
"Yep, of course, if you were not, you wouldn't be a Super Junior, right?" Kyuhyun finally looked at the screen, watching the movie with Donghae. He took an unopened can beer which were remained next to Donghae's side and opened it. The older took his can and both cheered before taking a sip, releasing a moan of happiness.
"God, I drank all night but this one is quite better than the others I had."
"This is because you are with me, I have a special pheromone effect." Donghae laughed hysterically when his younger friend put a face of disgust.
"Well, maybe but you totally can't as much as Angelina Jolie does." Kyuhyun admitted.
The both of them continued to watch the movie while commenting every single scene like two teenagers.
*
Maybe two hours later, the rest of SJ came back to the dorm, a majority being completely drunk and they made so much noise that the two boys who fell asleep during the movie suddenly woke up.
"Oops" Heechul smirked, "are we interrupting something?"
Donghae shook his head negatively, "Nope..."
Sungmin and Eunhyuk who were the only sane members stared suspiciously at Kyuhyun and Donghae who didn't notice anything, one was yawning while the other was falling asleep once again. Donghae tried to keep his friend awake in the sweetest way ever, poking his cheek and pulling on his arm. The kind of action Eunhyuk thought he was the only one to receive from Donghae. He thought wrong. And it kinda pissed him off.
Alcohol was blurring the members' minds and running hot in their blood but Sungmin and Eunhyuk managed to accompany every member in their respective room. Donghae brought Kyuhyun in the bedroom the maknae shared with Ryeowook and entered his own bedroom where Leeteuk was already sleeping deeply, nestled in his blankets.
Before getting in his own bed, Donghae took his phone out of his pocket. He was a little tired to check out everything or to answer all of his text messages. He just needed to check if there was something important: Kibum, his mother, his cousin, Eunhyuk, his manager and some friends from the staff.
Mh, what? Eunhyuk?
Suddenly, he widened his eyes – feeling completely awake. He received two text messages from Eunhyuk. He just sent them when he was sleeping on the couch, asking where he was and also if he ate already. It was the most random text message ever but it made Donghae so happy since Eunhyuk rarely asked that out of concern. Though, he decided to not answer to play along with his unusual cold attitude.
He let his phone fall on his side and went back to sleep.
*
The next morning, Leeteuk already left their shared room. Thus, Eunhyuk was given the task to wake Donghae up, the latter was quite delicate and Eunhyuk always woke him up sweetly to put Donghae in good mood. But this time, Eunhyuk did not have to sneak into Donghae's bed nor had he to his hair. He didn't whisper few words while kneeling down on the floor. Donghae was already awake when Eunhyuk entered his room, notifying him that it was eight in the morning and that he should hurry up before having to upset the whole schedule thoughtfully planned by their managers.
"Hyuk..." Donghae's words were half eaten in his mouth as he turned his head towards Eunhyuk. It was the first time Donghae woke up so easily.
"Yes?"
"Why are you ignoring me?" These words kept running in his head the whole night if not chasing him in his own dreams and nightmares.
Eunhyuk faked a quizzical expression.
“What do you mean? I don't—“
“Stop it. Don't lie Hyuk, who do you think I am? Tell me why you are avoiding me because I don't like this situation and I can't keep it up anymore.”
“I got told to not act too close with you anymore.”
Donghae stared at him, eyebrows knitted.
“What, you must be joking” was the only thing Donghae managed to breathe, he kept gazing fixedly at Eunhyuk in disbelief. “Are you telling me you're acting like that just because someone told you to stop acting too close with me? We are close friends, what's the matter in it?”
“Dong—...”
“Don't Donghae me, stop it. I am really mad at you right now.” Donghae hushed Eunhyuk immediately and instead of leaving the room, he tossed his cushion on Eunhyuk's face. Donghae got up from his bed and made his way to his drawers, looking for something.
“I am sorry, this is Tiff--...”
“Don't you dare to talk about her!” Donghae shrieked while throwing him one of his shirts he stole from Eunhyuk. His yell was so loud that Eunhyuk was afraid the others would rush into the room and kick him out – Because Donghae has every right in this house and each time Eunhyuk does something wrong, everyone would naturally take Donghae's side (even if both of them end up crying like two kids).
“Don't scream, please. I'll tell you what happened, but please don't scream,” Eunhyuk asked calmly.
But no matter how much Eunhyuk could be begging and panicking, Donghae would yell even louder throwing at him all his clothes in the drawers. The blonde kneele down and picked up the neglected clothes on the floor, trying to fold them the way it was before Donghae decided to cast them away on his face – once again.
“You're really an , Eunhyuk. You always get so upset about pointless things!”
“You're the one talking. Are you on your period or what?” Eunhyuk couldn't help answering back this way.
This time, Donghae threw a book at him. And because the blonde knew books could hurt very badly, he quickly put his arms across his face to protect himself.
“I don't even care, after all,” Donghae said suddenly. He closed his drawers and walked around the room, pushing away everything which was on his racks. Books, clothes, framed-pictures, dvds, boxes, everything fell on the floor – including a mug Eunhyuk bought to Donghae in Paris, the mug broke in pieces on the parquet floor. Eunhyuk startled at the noise.
The blonde didn't even dare to ask what he was doing because he knew what he was doing and he had no strength to ask him to stop. The only thing he could do was cleaning after him. When Donghae was furious, he would discard his things until he gets better. When Eunhyuk was distressed, he would start tidying up. The same thing just happened too many times since they met.
“I just can't believe you're doing so much for her.” Donghae started to sob, it was weak but Eunhyuk could hear it. Eunhyuk could always hear Donghae's sobs and tears. No matter how far they are from each other. “I can't believe why you're doing everything to hurt me.”
Eunhyuk remained silent, still folding carefully Donghae's clothes lying on the floor.
“I can't either.”
Donghae turned around and looked at Eunhyuk with wide eyes. He was definitely crying. The blonde lowered his head. He just couldn't face him, feeling guilty for making him sad.
He hated tears. He hated to see someone cry. He hated Donghae's tears and crying face.
“I'm... so--...”
“Shut up already,” he threw away another book on Eunhyuk before running off the bedroom.
The blonde stayed in the room to clean up the messy floor, staring at the broken mug on the floor. He did his best to swallow his own tears.
In the living-room, the atmosphere tensed when the fight occurred in the room next door. They could hear bribes of their conversation and the noise of things being thrown, broken and dropped on the floor. Everything was echoing in the whole dorm. No one dared to ask or to talk. They knew very well what was happening, even though none ever discussed about Eunhyuk's heart matters.
Leeteuk had hard times to not interrupt the fight between the two best-friends. He kept fidgeting in his chair, wondering if he should break into the room to separate them. But he didn't until Donghae rushed out the bedroom and ran into Heechul's arms.
The leader looked at Heechul with concerned eyes but said nothing, he let his friend release all his pain out of his body.
“Stop crying already, tsk!” Heechul finally said after some time. “We've got a schedule!”
“Yeah, Heechul's right, come here, let's go to the bathroom,” Kyuhyun said, grabbing his arm.
Donghae wore sunglasses and didn't even grant Eunhyuk a look the whole day. Heechul and Kyuhyun were too honest to act as if nothing happened. They were obviously mad at Eunhyuk while the others tried to keep a good and bright atmosphere despite their quarrel.
*
“I broke up with her” Eunhyuk told Junsu on the phone.
“You what?!”
Junsu couldn't believe his ears. Eunhyuk was chasing her for almost two years and after two months of dating, Eunhyuk already broke up with her. “Why? Did you discover something shameful about her?” Junsu joked.
“Because of Donghae.”
Junsu went quiet as soon as he heard Eunhyuk's best friend being the cause of their separation.
“I thought you loved her...”
The blonde's voice became weaker. “I do. But when she asked me to stay away from him, Donghae went so mad. He started to cry so much in Heechul-hyung and Kyuhyun-ah's arms that they hadn't talked to me for two days straight! I have regrets for doing that to him.”
“Isn't it your fault? Aren't friends over girlfriends? Why the did you have to be so harsh with him?” Junsu scolded him unconsciously.
“I don't know, I wanted to please Tiff and... well, I thought it would be better for us to keep some distance, we are a little too old for such things like cuddling and stuff. We know each other for more than ten years, we get sick of being constantly together.”
“You're talking about Lee Donghae, Eunhyuk. Are you stupid?”
“Well, I told her I couldn't do what she wanted. And we argued before breaking up, saying I was an idiot for not being able to resist a guy's tears.”
“Huh? 'not being able to resist a guy's tears'?! What did you tell her exactly?”
“...Hum, I said that I tried to do what she asked, but I just hate myself for making him cry that I promised myself I will never leave him anymore.”
Junsu burst into laughing. Eunhyuk was quite a little too honest.
“Stop laughing, Junsu! Plus, Heechul was really angry at me, I thought he would kill me.”
“I thought you loved her enough to try to keep her!”
“No matter how big is my crush, I don't need someone who can't handle my friendship with Donghae.”
*
Donghae, Shindong, Eunhyuk and Leeteuk were at the studio, recording one of the songs of their upcoming album. Of course, everyone had already left after finishing their own parts. Shindong and Leeteuk were still inside the recording room while Donghae and Eunhyuk were sitting next to each other, waiting for their turn.
Actually, it was Eunhyuk who came and sat next to him, as if nothing happened. Donghae tried to leave and sit somewhere else but couldn't go anywhere. He pushed himself at the other end of the sofa.
“Listen, I am sorry, Donghae. I am really sorry, so forgive me please. It had been three weeks already and the fans must have noticed we argued.”
“As if I cared anymore”
“Don't be like this.”
“I am the way I want to be” Donghae retorted childishly.
“I promise I will never do it again. I will never make you cry once again, and I will never try to stay away from you anymore. I wouldn't bear it anyway...”
Donghae said nothing. Eunhyuk stared at him, waiting for him to look back, to say something, anything.
“She won't like it.”
“I don't care about her. I already broke up with her.”
Suddenly, his friend turned to him with wide eyes, he opened his mouth but no sound came.
“We argued.”
“Is it my fault? I'm sorry...” He wasn't really sorry, still, he felt guilty because he knew how Eunhyuk was fond of her.
“Nope, it's not. And what if it was, after all? You're my best friend, she is only a girlfriend, I won't stay my whole life with her. But I'll stay with you forever.”
Donghae frowned, turned his gaze away from Eunhyuk's and noisily ran off the room for the second time in three weeks. Eunhyuk looked around him but no one noticed them, heard their conversation nor even paid attention to them. So he followed Donghae who disappeared in the washroom.
“Donghae?” Eunhyuk called when he poked his head into the washroom. He heard a sob from one of the cubicles. He walked to the only closed door. “Hey, Donghae, why are you crying? I told you I don't want you to cry.”
He only cried harder.
“Open the door at least please?”
Donghae unlocked the door. Immediately, Eunhyuk rushed into the cubicle and took his friend in his arms. He promised himself he wouldn't see him crying anymore for the nth time and if he did, for any random reason, he would be there to embrace him and tell him that everything was fine as long as they were together.
“Why are you crying?”
“Please shut up” he asked hoarsely, still crying.
Donghae never answered.
He couldn't tell him how happy he was (because he was a grown-up man, for God's sake, he just couldn't cry every time Eunhyuk open his sweet mouth to promise him they will stick each other forever).
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