I, Kim Yunji, never stood out amongst my classmates.  I wasn’t smart enough to be considered a “brain”, athletic enough to be considered sporty, and not pretty enough to hang out with the popular people.  Throughout elementary school and intermediate school, I kept to myself most of the time, only raising my hand if I had a question that no one else bothered to ask.  I mostly sat in the back of the classroom, perfectly content with the fact that half of the kids in my class did not know my name.

I was a no-nonsense kind of person.  Everything, to me, had to be done a certain way, or it was wrong.  I hated and loved that part of me; although it stopped me from interacting with my classmates, it made me a perfectionist.  The people in my class seemed perfectly content with avoiding me as well, probably because they didn’t want to get on my “bad side”.  Looking back, I guess I was the one who didn’t try hard enough.

But it seemed that my cold façade didn’t push everyone away, for my seatmate, Nam Woohyun, loved to talk to me, even though I had nothing to say in response.  On the first day of the new term, he walked up to me with a confident smile.  Sticking his hand out, he practically exclaimed, “Hello, desk partner!  My name is Nam Woohyun!  Please treat me well!”

Naturally, shock and fear ran through my veins.  I remember thinking things like why is he talking to me?  Doesn’t he know who I am?  I don’t know why I responded that day, but I’m glad I did.

“I’m Kim Yunji.”

“Cool.  Hey, Kim Yunji, if you ever need anything, I can be your knight in shining armor.”

I nodded.  “Okay.”  What the hell is up with this guy?

He seemed perfectly content sitting next to me for the first few months, as if I were the reason that he had a smile on his face.  Oddly enough, even though we rarely spoke, he made me feel like I was important to him and that he would miss me if I didn’t show up to school.  Occasionally, he would make eye contact with me, but he would always turn away whenever I glanced his way.

I can still recall one certain conversation we had, simply because it was so ridiculous.  He was testing out some of his pick-up lines on me, assuming that it wouldn’t affect me at all.  He couldn’t have been more wrong.

“Yunji.”

I didn’t answer.

“Yunji~”

“What,” I replied, slightly irritated.

“If you were the sun, I wouldn’t mind getting up in the morning.”

I just scoffed, having nothing else to say.  I rested my head on my desk and faced away from him, in an attempt to hide the pink blush spreading across my cheeks.  I wasn’t sure if it was actually love, but he did have some sort of effect on me. 

“Facebook—Yunji, are you listening to me?”

“Yeah yeah.”

“Facebook always asks me what’s on my mind, and it’s always you.”

I chuckled, still facing away from him.

“Did you just laugh?”

“Maybe.”

“I, Nam Woohyun, got you to laugh?”

Feeling calmer, I turned back to him.  “Yeah.”  I saw him beam.

It was then and there that I learned about his greasy side.  I didn’t expect him to act like that in front of me.  Unfortunately, I never saw that side of Woohyun ever again.

Woohyun couldn’t always be a knight in shining armor.  He couldn’t always do the protecting.  Even knights had to retire for the night, and Woohyun did just that.

“Hey, Yunji?” he whispered one afternoon.

I turned my head but didn’t say anything.  The teacher’s lecture appealed to me in no way, but I knew that I had to take notes if I wanted to pass the class.

“You know my name, right?”

I frowned, wondering how he could even question if I knew his name.  Of course, not even I could forget the way he announced his name to me in front of the whole class.  Nodding my head, I returned my attention to the notebook in front of me.

“You never talk to me, you know?  How can I be your knight in shining armor if you never need to be saved?”

If I ever had something to say to him, I’m sure I would’ve said it.

“We’ve been sitting next to each other for almost a whole year now, and I still don’t know your favorite food, or your favorite color, or what your home life is like, or anything that a good friend should know.”

Friend?  I finished copying down the homework assignment before returning to Woohyun’s words.  He thinks of us as…friends?

“Unless…” he continued, “You don’t consider me as a friend?”

How could I explain to him that I had no idea what a friendship was?  How could I tell him that I had never had a friend before him?  How could I explain that somewhere deep down inside, I felt happy that he thought of me as more than an acquaintance? 

“Do I scare you?”

That caught me off guard.  I almost opened my mouth to respond, saying that yes, he did scare me, but not in the way that he was thinking.  I could feel that the walls I had carefully built around myself break a little whenever he talked to me.  If he kept it up, my walls would crash down, and I’d be vulnerable.  To avoid worsening the conflict, I kept my mouth shut.

“I try to be nice to everyone, Yunji.  Everyone enjoys my company.  And then there was you.  I could never tell what you were thinking.  I’ve never met someone like you before.”

“Ah.”  I wanted to say more, but what else could I say?  I’m sorry that we don’t have more in common?  But I valued Woohyun’s time with me, and I didn’t want to ruin that between us.

My first year of high school ended, and I had never felt more confused.

 

I met him again the following year, in the same class, in the same seats.  It seemed as though he had forgotten everything that we had discussed the previous year, based on his cheeky smile.  I made a goal to try to talk to Woohyun more, soon finding out that we did have a few things in common.  For instance, we both had brothers, and we both enjoyed cooking.  I didn’t say much, but I didn’t ignore him.  I couldn’t ignore him anymore.  He was a special friend, after all.

Also, Lee Howon, a boy I neither liked nor disliked, began sitting in front of me.  He would always lean his head back on my desk, but I never had the heart to tell him to move.  He genuinely looked tired, and I didn’t want to deny him of the sleep he needed, even if it had to be at school.

“Hey Yunji,” Woohyun whispered one day. 

“Hm?”

“My sources tell me that Hoya likes you~”

I chuckled.  “Stop screwing around, Woohyun.”

“Huh?  Why do you think I’m joking?  Would I joke about something like that?”

“No one could ever like me.”

Woohyun mumbled something that sounded like “Why wouldn’t someone like you?”

I stared at Howon, who was leaning his head on my desk yet again, with his eyes closed.  “He doesn't even seem to be interested in me.”

“If you’re too afraid to talk to him, I could set you up,” Woohyun offered. 

But I'm more interested in you, Woohyun.  “It’s not that I'm afraid—”

“You are.”

“…Maybe a little.  But that’s not the reason—”

“It is.”

“Not.”

Woohyun sighed.  “Okay, okay.  I’m just glad that we’re talking now.  I was beginning to think that you hated me for no reason at all.”

Hate is better than unrequited love.  “I just…have a hard time opening up to people, Woohyun.”

“I understand.”

“You do?”

“I used to hate talking to other people for no reason.  But then I met someone who needed someone to open up to them, and I decided that I had to change.  Now, I take it into my hands to brighten up everyone’s day.” He grinned.  “I guess I have that person to thank for changing me.”

“Wow.”  He couldn’t be talking about me, could he?

“And one day, you’ll meet someone that you’ll think, ‘Wow, this person needs a friend’, and you’ll naturally open up to them.”

By the middle of our second year, I could honestly say that I had feelings for Woohyun.  Every time I saw him, my heart would do this funny thing, and I found myself smiling a lot more around him.  It was both a wonderful and frightening experience for me.  I, who had never fallen in love, suddenly found myself head-over-heels for some boy.  I was almost sure that Woohyun did not feel the same way toward me, but that did not matter to me.

Remembering Woohyun’s words, I even managed to start up a conversation with Howon.

“Not sleeping today?” I asked Howon one morning.  We were the only two in the classroom.

“I have homework.”

“Ah.” I wondered what to say next.

“I—”

“I—”

We both chuckled.

“You first,” Howon said.

“I’m Kim Yunji.”

He grinned.  “I know.  I’m Lee Howon.”

“I know.”

From then on, Howon and I became close friends.  Although he was unfriendly, grumpy, and acted tough toward most of the student body, I thought of him as one of the nicest students at school.  I suppose that I knew the real Howon, the Howon that no one else bothered to get to know.  People referred to us as the “campus couple”, even though we weren’t dating.  I never understood why. 

Even more confusing than that, although Woohyun was the one who encouraged us to get together, he was the one who seemed the most bitter about my “relationship” with Howon.

“Hey, Woohyun,” I said.  “Did you hear?  There’s going to be a school dance—”

“Oh?” He pouted.  “You’re not with Hoya?”

What does this have to do with anything?  “No…should I be?”

“Do whatever you want.  It doesn’t concern me.”  Woohyun stormed off just as Howon walked out of the classroom.
“Hey.” I waved.

Howon smiled.  “Hey, Yunji.”

“So…”

“I was wondering…”

I chuckled.  “You first.”

“Okay.  Come with me.” Howon held out his hand.  I grabbed it.

We climbed flights of stairs until we reached the roof.  Slightly out of breath, I stared, amazed, at the clear blue sky.

“Wow.”

“Yunji?  Turn around.”

When I turned, Howon stood with a handful of daisies in one hand and a sign that read, “Will you go to the dance with me?”

My cheeks flushed bright red, but I managed to squeak out a “yes”.  Word spread like wildfire.

The next day, I learned that Woohyun had also found a date, bragging that “Seungyeon noona” was way prettier than all of the other girls at our school, myself included.  Woohyun made sure to emphasize that she was way prettier than I was.

“You’re being immature, Woohyun.”

“Why, are you jealous?  You’re going to the dance with Hoya.”

“I'm not jealous.  And I am going with Howon.”

He grumbled, “I’ll see you there, then.”

“You were the one who wanted us to hang out, remember?  Why are you getting mad at me?” I replied, hurt.

“I’m not.”

Despite saying that, he ignored me for the rest of the day.

On the night of the dance, Hoya came over to my apartment to pick me up.  Mother insisted that she take a billion photos of us before sending us off, to both Hoya’s and my embarrassment.  When we arrived at school, the party seemed to have just started.

I looked for Woohyun, but I couldn’t see any sign of him or Seungyeon.  Figuring that they hadn’t arrived yet, I took a seat in the corner next to Howon.

“Why are we here again?”

I shrugged.  “Parents.”

“Same.”

“Next time there’s a dance,” I replied, “Let’s just go out for food instead.”

“Got it.”

“Well, on the bright side, at least we can watch everyone else dance.”

“Hah.  You don’t want to?”

“I’ve never danced before.” I blushed, glad that the room’s dim lighting hid it from Howon.

“Nah, it’s easy.”

“Easy for you to say,” I grumbled.

“You look even more beautiful tonight, Yunji.” Howon smiled.  “If I hadn’t come here with you, I wouldn’t have recognized you.”

I blushed again.  “Thanks.”

“I’m going to go get something to drink.  Do you want water?” He stood up.

“Actually, I think I’ll go to the bathroom.”

“Okay.”

Pushing through crowds of people, I finally made it to the bathroom.  To my surprise, a couple stood right in front of the door to the girl’s bathroom, and I had no intention of asking them to move.  Turning away, I caught the tail end of their conversation.

“…always liked you, Seungyeon noona.”

Woohyun?  I was never one to eavesdrop, but I found myself drawn to their conversation.

“Honestly, Woohyun-ah, I thought that you would ask Yunji to go with you.  I always see the two of you whispering in the back of the classroom, so I thought you two were—”

“—Forget Yunji, noona.  Yunji doesn’t matter.”

“Woohyun, that’s rude.”

“And plus, she likes Hoya.  Of all people, what’s so good about him?  I’m way more attractive and friendly than he is.  What makes him better than me?”

But I had heard enough.  Completely forgetting my need to use the bathroom, I walked back toward Howon.  I should’ve known that since the first time we met, his smile was not genuine.  I should’ve known that all of the words he said to me were empty promises.  Woohyun was a friend—maybe more than a friend—who I thought highly of, cherished, and respected.  Maybe I was wrong.  No, I was definitely wrong.

I finished my second year, heartbroken and vulnerable.

 

The next year, Woohyun and I were in the same class again, but with some changes.  I switched seats with Hoya’s desk partner, Jieun, who readily agreed.  Woohyun didn’t even question my action and immediately befriended Jieun, though I sometimes felt like he did that out of spite. 

Hoya’s conversations always managed to take my mind off of Woohyun, but sometimes, those conversations were not enough.

I wanted to talk to Woohyun.  I really did.  But I knew that things would be different, no matter how much I thought about it.  And I wanted Woohyun to remain a good memory in my heart, not a bad one.

Jieun was everything I was not.  She had no problems opening up to people, and no matter what she did, no one could hate her.  Not even I could hate her.  She always tried to talk to me whenever we had free time in the classroom, and I appreciated her politeness.

So I continued to bond with Howon, and as time passed, I felt something change about our relationship.  Howon never pushed for information, and he was very understanding.

Even Mother, who had high expectations, loved Howon.  He was everything she dreamed of having in a son-in-law: someone smart, kind, and considerate.

Howon confessed to me that year, in class, during one of our free periods.  He took me out to the roof, and we both laid down, looking up at the gray clouds in the sky.

He broke the silence.  “Yunji, I really like you.  But you like Woohyun, right?”

Eyes wide, I replied, “H-How did you—”

“I can tell by the way you look at him.  It’s the same way that someone in love looks at the person they like.”

“Howon…”

“I’ll confess to you again when you’re willing to accept my feelings, Yunji.  Whether that takes a year or ten, I’ll be waiting for you.”

Tears streamed down my face, and Howon, alarmed, fumbled for a handkerchief. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I made you cry.”

I shook my head, forcing a smile onto my face.  “No, it’s not that.  I’m happy.”

“You’re beautiful even when you cry, Yunji.”

I couldn’t respond to that.

Suddenly, we both heard a sniffle, and we turned to see who else was on the roof.  To my surprise, Jieun stood, resting her arms on the ledge, looking out at the horizon.

“Song...Jieun-ssi?” I called out.

She whirled around, wiping the tears out of her eyes.  “Oh!  Yunji!  Hoya!”

“Are you…okay?”

“Yeah!  Just…well, no.”

Howon nudged me, and I turned to look at him.  He winked at me, as if trying to signal me to take the next step.  “I’ll be off, Yunji.  I hope you feel better, Jieun.”  He left the rooftop, and we were alone.

“Do you want to…talk about it?” I asked.

Jieun smiled.  “I do.”  She sat next to me and began to talk.  “I broke up with Woohyun.”

My eyes widened, and my jaw dropped.  “What?  But…he loved you!”

“No, Yunji, I don’t think that he ever truly loved me…well, maybe as a friend, but never as his girlfriend.  But I really liked him, and I thought that my love would be enough for the two of us—gosh, I sound like a drama, don’t I?”

I gently patted her back.  “You don’t.”

“Do you want me to talk to him?  We aren’t exactly on speaking terms—in fact, he seems to have forgotten my existence entirely—but I’m sure that I could say something to him.”

“You’re a nice person, Yunji.”

“I don’t—”

“But you don’t have to talk to him.  I don’t want to involve you in my mess.”

“I’m sorry, Jieun,” I finally said.

She shook her head.  “Don’t be.”

It was that day when I realized that I had found a friend in Jieun without even knowing it.

On the last day of the term, I confessed to Howon.  He had already confessed to me, and it was time to take matters into my own hands.  I bought him a daisy and a promise ring, and I confessed on the roof.  Maybe I’ve found the right guy.

My third and final year ended just like that.  Maybe things are getting better.

 

Two years later, Howon and I were still together.  In fact, he and I planned to get married.  Jieun agreed to be my maid of honor, and Howon made his best man Woohyun, to my surprise.  Apparently, Howon and Woohyun knew each other from elementary school, and they were pretty close back then.  I still occasionally thought of Woohyun, though his name didn’t affect my heart as it once did.

On the day of my wedding, Woohyun walked up to me with a smile.  I didn’t know what to say, since we hadn’t said anything to each other since our high school days.

“You’ve really grown up, desk partner.” He broke the silence.

I smiled.  “So have you.”

“I can’t believe that you’re getting married to Hoya.  I always thought that I’d—” He stopped mid-sentence.  “But, enough with the past.  Congratulations!”

“There’s nothing wrong with dwelling on the past,” I replied.  “After all, you were my first love, Woohyun.”

“How cruel, telling this to me on your wedding day.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shook his head.  “Don’t be.  Because the truth is, Yunji, I liked you too.  For the longest time.  Ever since the first day I saw you.  Do you remember that story I told you about the person who caused me to open up to people?”

“Yes.”

“It was you, Yunji.”

“I kind of figured.” I chuckled.

“But then, you started to get closer to Hoya and distanced yourself from me.  It was a horrible feeling, but I decided to deal with it.  If you two could be happy, I told myself, then everything would be worth it in the end.”

“You’re cruel as well,” I replied.  “But now, you can find someone better than me.”

Woohyun brought his hand to my cheek and wiped my tears away.  I didn’t even notice the tears.

“I even made you cry.” He shook his head.  “Be happy, okay, Yunji?”

“Yeah.  You too.”

“And if Hoya ever makes you cry,” he added, “I’ll be there for you.” He stuck his hands in his pockets and turned around.

I watched him walk down the hall, most likely toward Howon’s room.

 

There are many kinds of people in life.  Some will stick around while others will fade away, but everyone you meet will have some kind of impact on you.  Even I, who believed myself incapable of making friends, found people that I could trust.  As long as a friend remains with you, it doesn’t matter how long they’ve been there.