If you truly love someone, then the only thing you want for them is to be happy....even if its not with you

                                                 - Lauren&L

I met Kim Jonghyun when we were young. We were neighbors and had the same age. We got along fine. We always went to the same school. We were best friends.

I think it was in 8^th grade that I noticed my real feeling for him. That I loved him. And I meant that. He was everything to me.

I loved all the little things in him. His voice, his eyes, they way he laughed, the way he talked. I was in love.

I used to dream about him. About he confessing to me, about our wedding, about our love.

His name is all over my notebooks. He was the only thing in my mind during classes. I just daydream about him. I don’t even know how I managed to graduate.

Sometimes, when I got sad or mad he’d just hug me and tell me how much I meant to him and that he loved me. I know it was just buddy love, but every time he did it I melted in the inside.

*** 

When he called me late that night, I didn’t think he’d say to meet. But he did, so I went. He was at the park, with his back facing me.

“Jonghyun?” I called.

 “You came!” he turned around and pulled me into a hug.

“What’s up?” I asked?

“I have something to tell you.” He looked at me.

I froze. What was that supposed to mean? Was he going to confess?

“You know you mean a lot to me right?” he gave a little smile. I nodded.

“I wanted that you were the first one to hear.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I have a girlfriend.”

With these four words he killed me. I was sure happy for him, he is my best friend. But it’s just unfair.

“So?” he asked

“Co-congratulations, Jonghyun.!” I hugged him. Because I wanted to hide my tears. “Congrats bestie.”

“You crying?” he set free of the hug. “Are you that happy for me?” he smiled. “I knew you’d be. I mean you are my best friend.”

Some tears rolled down my face. “Yeah” I faked a smile. “I-I have to go now. Bye.”

I was running to my house. The fastest I could. Tears rolling down my face and sobbing a lot.

I had this pain in the heart. This pain that didn’t go. How could he be called best friend when he didn’t even know my real feelings? I loved him. I love him.

But I should be happy for him. He found someone to love and all. But my tears didn’t stop. I lost him. I lost the one I love.

And the worst of all is that I didn’t actually lose him. He was never mine to lose.

So I know I can't write sad stories. And that this was boring.

But this is dedicated to you guys who were already left heartbroken because didn't have the guts to confess. :P

hugmeagain