A/N: A small oneshot I wrote for some wonderful people here on AFF. Enjoy it ~~

It's not too deep, so don't worry.

"Dear Jonghyun,

This may not be a surprise for you. I believe that as soon as you find this letter, you will know what happened.

Yeah, Jungie. I didn't make it. I selfishly decided to leave you and our children just because I was weak.

I had a beautiful family, yet I blew it away just because I wasn't strong enough.

Looking at you, an exemplar father, made me be ashamed of myself. The kids loved you, cared for you, yet they'd give me glares each time I looked at them. No, you know it's true. They don't love me as they love you, and that's comprehensible. I left them for more than four years to a world that wasn't theirs; I left you to pursue a world that just brought me misery. And when I was hurt and came back, even though I was here physically, my mind wasn't.

Please, you remember. I'd come home really late, and sick drunk, at first... until I entered into a bigger world, where I couldn't even distinguish my own children.

Haneul once talked to me, asking me to sleep with her. She gathered all the courage she got to do so, but you know what I did? True that I was on drugs, but it didn't justify the fact that I tried to touch her, to see what she was made of. I didn't get to do anything, though. She ran away, crying, and never approached me after. Maybe I unconsciently wanted to do so, to make them hate me. I didn't want forgiveness, I didn't want anything. I just wanted the world that was stolen from me. The world where I could be a great ballerina, and be applauded by thousands of people.

I don't want to do this anymore, Jonghyun. I came to a limit. I won't make you go through thousands of more detoxifications, or create thousands of excuses to explain my behaviour to the children. I came to the conclusion that you'd be way better without me.

No, I'm not selfish. I just want my children to be in a world they can call theirs, to get a mommy better than me that they can brag about to their classmates... I want you to be truly happy, I want you to get a woman you love with all your might, someone you don't need to worry if she's alive or dead.

That's it, Jonghyun. This is the best for all. For me, for you, for the children.

Please delete those awful memories of ours, and remember me only from when we were teens. Forget this self of mine, and remember me as a passionate teen who'd never leave anything she wanted.

You were the only thing I truly wanted, I must tell you now. I didn't even love ballet as I loved you, but I wanted to make you proud of me. You were such a genious, such a great guy, I couldn't make up to you in any way but dancing. I knew you loved my dancing, and I loved to see you smiling.

I hope you get a better girl than me. Go look for a new woman, make a family with her. I'm not the one you deserve.

Give my blessings to the children. Tell them that I pity not be able to know them that well, but I loved them. Tell Changmin that I will pray for him, that I will ask God to make him into a good soccer player; tell Eun Ryung that she will be a great singer in the future, tell HaNeul that I'm really sorry for what happened before, and that I love her very very much.

I regret not being a good mother for them, but I know that I would never recuperate, as you wanted me to. It's too late to do so, but not too late to help you get another life. For all of you to be happy.

I love you, Jonghyun. I always did, and I always will. You were my first and only man, the one I'd hold to whenever i needed strength.

Whenever you look to the sky, I'll be there smiling at you. I love you.

Goodbye,

Choi Minna."

Jonghyun wiped his tears as he read her letter for the thirtieth time. Their kids were fine now, Changmin was in a soccer school, getting ready to play into the sub-21 national team, Eun Ryung enrolled into an Arts School, and HaNeul was in middle school, planning to be a doctor. All of them were doing fine, but they needed a mom.

He laid down on the ground and looked at the sky.

"Where are you, Minna? Are you looking at us, now?" He smiled. 

He remembered how they met, on the first day of school. How they fell in love, and how they married a few years later.

He remembered how Minna wanted to be a ballerina, and how she fought to achieve her dreams. But that was before. One year after HaNeul was born, she left for Europe and only came back five years later, this time with her ankle injured badly.

When she danced, she was amazing, as if she was from another planet... but having to come back to reality in such a way, that was hard. And the worst was... He didn't really give importance to it. He'd tell her that 'everything would be fine', knowing it wouldn't, he didn't support her as he should... and that was the result. Yet she didn't blame him, she took all the blame.

Even before, when he argued with her a few months after her come back, if she saw that their kids were listening, she'd pretend she was the evil one. Even if it was superficial discussions, she'd make sure she seemed the guilty one.

Jonghyun knew that he was the one who killed his wife. If he had knew her, if he wasn't that busy, if he cared for her enough, she'd still be there.

Suddenly, when he was feeling down, he felt something humid on his face. He looked up and saw the cloudy sky... It was raining, as if Minna wanted to tell him everything was okay. She wasn't hurt, she was fine.

"MINNA! Is that you?" He yelled to the sky, and the rain got stronger. He stood up and opened up his arms, smiling "Minna, I love you!"

With that, the rain stopped and the sun appeared. No one would believe if he told them, but he knew that Minna wasn't dead. She was with him, always with him, inside his heart.

He started walking, when he felt his mobile phone vibrating. He picked up, "Hello? Yeah, Krystall, I'll pick HaNeul up. Don't worry, I'll pick Joshua in my way as well. Ok. I love you too, bye."

He looked again at the sky before going to his car. "Is it really okay to love, Minna? Can I really love two women in a lifetime?"

A soft breeze passed by him, and he smiled. "I love you", he swore to himself again.

Starting the engine, he drove off... to a live without Minna, but full of memories.