Behind the Doors of Your Closet

Chanyeol

I really really hate waiting for him to come home. Sitting idly behind the doors of his closet. Seeing through nothing, doing nothing, thinking blankly.

Then, I felt a presence some ten feet behind me. I passed through the closet door to see Byun Baekhyun walking to his door. It made me glad. I stood still and felt him unlock his flat door.

“I’m back,” I heard him mumble with fatigue as he got inside.

The bedroom door silently creaked open as went inside with a heavy sigh. He threw down his bag on the bed and sat with much relief and let another sigh for some burden was lifted from his shoulders.

Look at him. Tired, worn out, having enough of the bustling pedestrians of the metropolis and the heavy books he had to open day and night. His face was red and sweaty from the scorching, humid heat. His hair was limp and drenched in the sweat of a tiring summer afternoon.

Byun Baekhyun sighed. “Damn. Not again.”

Byun Baekhyun sighed again, and again, as if he could not exhale without stretched nerves. Being ever so oblivious about my silent presence.

He stood up from his bed and went past me to take his clothes before going to the shower.

***

Byun Baekhyun

I really, really hate this creepy feeling at the back of my neck. It felt like wearing a sweater when I know that I was fully with water sprinkling on my back. I tried my best to remain oblivious and continue my fresh, like I mean super fresh shower.

I was busy rubbing shampoo bubbles on my head when something tickled the back of my neck. I turned spontaneously and nothing was there.

Whatever. I resumed my lovely hair-washing ritual for my lovely handsome hair.

I went outside the shower stall and leant my hands straight on the sink. Towel hanging on my neck. Water dripping down my hair. How can I look any more handsome. I wiped down some of the annoying dripping water from my face and took my bottle of facial foam to wash my face. I took the whole time washing my face looking at the sink not wanting to look in the mirror, and there were bits of foam around my brows flowing down my eyes. I took time washing and turned away from the sink as soon as possible for my hatred of the bathroom mirror, thanks to horror movies and their hyped usage of those beings looking over your shoulder.

I was expecting something being there and… nothing was.

I swear all I wanted to do next was sleep.

You’re not gonna do the math worksheet? my alter ego asked me.

No. I answered.

What if there’s someone behind you? another alter ego asked, out of topic.

I rolled my eyes. The ?

I freefell on the bed and tried to go to sleep. I might not sound like your ordinary Seoul student but, let the homeworks do themselves.

***

Chanyeol

This lazybutt. If he were to open his homeworks, or his books or anything, I could stare into his eyes a bit longer.

I kneeled beside the bed, seeing his stern face in the day melt into innocence. My hands shook as I braced myself to touch a bit of his hair, still fresh and scenting of shampoo.

Look at me, Byun Baekhyun. Open your eyes.

***

Byun Baekhyun

He was the most beautiful being I have ever met.

I was walking on this kind of prairie, and there he was, sitting idly on a branch of a big, stray tree. I gave in to my curiosity and approached him slowly.

He heard my footsteps and turned his head to the left to see me. I love this atmosphere. The yellowish late afternoon sun reflecting its rays on the prairie grass. Warm. Picturesque. Movie-like.

He smiled at me and I don’t know why but I love that smile as if it was the warmest, most familiar smile.

“My name is Chanyeol!” he half-yelled from the height so I could hear him, then he leaped down the super tall branch gracefully. Even on the same ground, he was tall. Like, so tall. His face was flushing and warm from the afternoon sun today. He had straight auburn hair that reminded me of the leaves falling from an oak tree.

He was beautiful.

I was just about to stretch my hand to him and introduce myself and suddenly he turned into dust and was flown by the wind. I fell down eternally as if a trapdoor was opened right under me.

.

I woke up in my night-blued dark room and a pair of bright eyes was there staring just inches away from me.

Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn.

It was all my might not to scurry and scream down the open hallway of the flat and knock on my neighbor’s door like crazy. I planned on it in my head but I guess I would just trap myself in more trouble if I really ran.

I sat still and closed my eyes shut. S.H.U.T. T.I.G.H.T.

And suddenly, its cold airy hand was moving.

Holy .

I could feel that hand millimeters away from my nose, and it was cold. I tried to pull away as far as my paralyzed head would let me, but it didn't work. It past its hand over the bridge of my nose and it felt breezy, although there was a bigger breathy feel right in my face.

I guess this… this ghoul thing is not one to breathe silently.

Hell just get me out of here.

My eyes were still shut tight, waiting for the next thing to come.

Seconds passed in anticipation but nothing happened. I suddenly felt safe.

I gathered my remaining courage to peek.

There was nothing or any feel around my back. I opened my eyes longer only to make sure, and I finally convinced myself to go back to sleep.

In this most-unwanted part of the night—trying to sleep—I tried with all my might to enter sleep as soon as possible and think of all the lalala that happened today or was going to happen tomorrow.

And suddenly that freaky breeze came again to my cheek.

I shut my eyes tight and forced myself to just go to sleep as fast as I can.

***

It was an afternoon and I was just home from school. I saw the tall pretty guy from the prairie leaning on my closet. What a pleasant surprise! But what the hell is he doing here?!

He smiled at me as if grateful that I was home already. I smiled back awkwardly to keep it polite.

I sat on my bed and he took steps towards me until we were only so far apart. His arms dangled on my neck as he stood intimately right in front of me and I looked up to his beautiful eyes as if we had been dating for centuries.

I was just about to reach to his face…

And the ringing alarm woke me up.

***

“The ? You smoke too much grass.” Jongin, my best friend, was peeling my pride off by laughing at me. And what I mean by laughing is, laughing.

“Like, dude I swear! Those freaky huge eyes were right in my face staring straight at me! See, even only telling you made me get goosebumps!” I showed the bumpy skin of my arm. “No wonder I never really liked being in the flat alone. Brrr.”

“So you’re finally getting hooked...”

I could only snort. “Psh, you wish.”

Jongin raised his self defense with very logical, rhetorical words. “Well, who knows that the thing might like you. You were the one telling me that it was pretty.”

“That was in my dream, not when I wake up. Duh.”

“Sounds like a yes to me...” Jongin laughed. He was pretty sick of all my bull about last night. “You got me a bit curious. I’ll just spend the night with you.”

With grand miscalculations, Jongin really came home with me and spent the night in. Stupid . This way, it’s either he would see nothing, or he would be the one favored by it. I would be happy if the first one happened, but would be thrilled and totally pleased to see the latter.

At one in the morning, Jongin and I decided to just go to sleep because it was still school tomorrow and there was nothing decent to do in my room anyway.

***

I met Chanyeol again today. He was wearing a pale blue loose dress shirt and smiled so earnestly as soon as he saw me. He turned his back from me and started walking to me trying to evoke curiosity. And when things like this generally don’t work to me, I could not stop my feet from following him.

He made me walk all across the prairie, into such a beautiful forest, and our wonderful chase ended at the edge of a cliff. He happily walked backwards, threatening to fall anytime.

As he realized that he was at the very edge, he turned around, back facing me.

I could only hold my breath as he jumped down, but he soon reappeared, flying.

“Come!” he gestured proudly for me to follow.

Like, of course I won’t, I can’t fly. I gave a ‘you sure?’ face and he nodded eagerly with a happy smile. Oh well. I stepped towards the edge of the cliff and gave it a try.

Hey, damn that! I can really fly now!

Chanyeol made me really know what it feels like to fly, both literally and metaphorically.

But again, Chanyeol turned to dust in the middle of my dreams as we flew into the sky and I fell down so far away into darkness.

I woke up,

and those eyes were there again right in front of me.

Damn I just really don’t know what to do now.

I tried to peek as unnoticeably as possible to see how Jongin was doing down there. His face was bleeding with a big, bad scar. He did not realize that he was scratching it without any pain.

When I returned my gaze, those eyes were closer than ever. Coldness was seeping from it the way it seeps from an open fridge. It was very, very sweet-smelling, yet hinting a nasty stench at the same time.

***

Chanyeol

Look at him. Look at his cute, widened, frightened eyes, blue from the shade of the night. Beads of cold sweat fall mercilessly down his forehead, screaming his enormous fear.

Don’t you dare move, Byun Baekhyun. Your buddy will not open his eyes to see me, I promise.

I touched his face. He tried to move away but was too scared to, only closing his eyes shut.

I giggled and slowly, he peeked and opened his eyes again.

I moved back to the corner behind the bedroom door, watching his eyes watching me.

***

Byun Baekhyun

Outside trying to sleep, this is another thing I really really hate from the night. You know that time when you failed squishing a cockroach and it just has the ability and probability to scurry and sneak under your pillow. This is exactly it.

I watched and watched that darkest corner of my bedroom. From now on, my hate to that place behind the door will multiply infinitefold.

Still highly alert, I tried to look and wake Jongin up. I climbed down my bed and crouched beside him, but I looked at the corner again for the uneasy feeling.

“Ya, Jongin.” I patted his good cheek. He stirred. “Ya, Kim Jongin, wake up! Wake up!” I shook his shoulders.

“Hngg…” He gave a clear answer, still half-asleep.

I needed to find a way to make Jongin really wake up and I saw his hands. It was mean I know, but I took his right hand and made him touch his bad cut by himself.

He yelled so loud from the stinging contact and painfully winced. “Ouch,” Jongin held the area around the cut, trying to ease the pain. He saw fresh blood on the hand he used and was very confused. “What is this?!”

“I told you he was back. Maybe he doesn’t like you so you were scratched.”

He scrunched his face in disagreement and his tone rose. “Why didn’t you wake me up?!”

“You could not wake up for God’s sake, Kim Jongin! Those freaking eyes were closer than they were yesterday, damn I still can’t catch my heartbeat.”

“It’s decided then: it likes you. Congratulations.” He sighed then continued. “What if it wants you to live with it?”

I remained silent as the question gave me chills.

After those few days, nights alone at the flat was never really nice. There was always something rolling, falling, floating, flipping, ringing, and moving without any human kinetic help.

But as days passed, I got pretty used to it. If there was a floating pencil beside me while studying, I wouldn’t even budge. I would only feel informed.

And other than that, it made me like naps more than ever. Whenever I could, I would sneak up a short nap only to see Chanyeol in my dreams. When I dream, he could tell things he could never tell me when I wake up. But he once told me that he really liked observing me while I study or was so fixed on doing something. Creepy, yes, but it kinda pumped me up somehow.

The day ended stale and tiring as usual. I sat idly on the bed. Exhausted. Not thinking of a single thing.

And the softest, most peaceful, loveliest summer breeze came back to me.

***

Chanyeol

I caressed his face and his hair. He closed his eyes silently, happy for me being there.

“Go to sleep,” I whispered in his ear. The only human word that was light enough to say because I was never so strong.

He opened his eyes as he heard me and took a deep breath to convince himself, then he laid down and closed his eyes. I presented him my house in the middle of the prairie and he knocked the door. He was amused to see my tiny house: peaceful walls, the natural floor, the dark wooden furniture.

“Your house is so cozy, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said after shooting wondering glances around the house, smiling at me. I love it when he smoothens his tone to talk to me, just like now. I approached the stove and took the whistling kettle, pouring down the boiling tea.

I gave one teacup for him, and one for me. “Do you like this place?”

“I do. I really do.” He sipped his tea. “How long have you lived here?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged, smiling. “A few moments after I exist, I guess. And it gets better after you come.” I smiled happily. “If you don’t mind, you can stay here.”

He lifted his gaze in slight shock. I understand, though. “No, don’t worry. There are way less worries when you are here, compared to when you wake up. Homeworks, passing cars, nagging teachers, heartbreaks… You won’t ever see that again.” I tried to convince him.

I could see that he really wanted to stay but was too scared to try. He only smiled in his confusion and drank his tea again.

The porcelain teacup clanked upon its saucer. “I can stay for the weekend,” he offered.

“Really?!” I jumped in excitement. “Oh, thank you, Baekhyun!” I popped a hallway leading to a new room beside mine. “You can sleep there tonight.”

***

This place is perfect. It was small, silent, yet perfect. The tea coming out from Chanyeol’s wildly whistling kettle was warm, not boiling as I had expected. And the sugar was just right, the way I liked it. If he wanted, and if only I could forget about my house, my homeworks and my parents, I would totally choose to stay here forever.

I looked into Chanyeol’s eager eyes again. They were soft, although rather scary noting his inhuman state, but they were beautiful nonetheless.

“Chanyeol,” I softly called. He just stood up wanting to take his pot of tea. He turned to his name and smiled. Lovely. “Chanyeol, I don’t want to wake up.” He only gave a content, deep smile, and took his focus back to the stove.

“But you have to go to school, Baekhyun. You’ll need to wake up. I’m afraid you might scare your parents.”

He was right. I don’t want to wake up, but I still don’t want to die.

We spent the weekend with all the things people wished they could experience. All the sweet, mushy things that are just too cute to be true. Never ending skies, green valleys with blooming little flowers, stargazing, flying together and all that.

We floated down and laid on the grass of the valley again, our favorite place. I looked to him and he looked at me as he realized that I was staring.

To whom could I lie that I was not madly in love.

I could not have enough of his eyes…

And the Monday morning alarm resounded everywhere around the valley. The grasses wilt and die. We both sat up in panic and I looked at him trying to find an answer.

“Go wake up, Baekhyun,” he said. I shook my head wildly in fear, not even wanting to think about my snug bedroom.

He sighed in defeat and turned everything into dust, and again, I woke up from a fall.

I sat abruptly from my two-and-a-half-days dream and hid my face in my hands. Damn it, of all the things that could cut my quality time why life. I did not realize that I was even having fever sweat all over.

“You stupid! Don’t listen to the thing!”

That was the very first thing that jumped out of Jongin’s mouth as soon as I finished my story about my long dream. I was just about to defend myself but he said. “You don’t see this ugly, obvious, unhandsomifying scar on my face?! The thing can eat you!”

Somehow, Jongin’s right. My dreams could be mere dreams and I could die in a waste. But I pushed away the thought, it was just impossible. Just impossible.

I was more worried of making people who know me worried. I couldn’t just go to a state of eternal coma only to meet the love of my life, that’s also a bit of impossible.

Jongin and I was still eating stuff from our lunch tray. “If you really, really want to follow the thing into its world, like, think again dude. I mean it.” Jongin consoled me with his mouth full. “If I were you I would just run away from my flat and go to the shrine every possible hour.”

I only forced out a laugh. He didn’t understand. It just felt like a long-distance relationship to me. Difference is, we weren’t separated by nation, but only by a barrier. A barrier not many people could go through. And I am a step away from breaking that.

As soon as I got home, I immediately took a good shower and prolonged it to make Chanyeol wait. When I took my clothes, I suddenly couldn’t move my upper arm because it was held tight to my sides.

He was hugging me.

I asked for more time to Chanyeol and ate quickly (accompanied by clanking dining utensils) and went straight to sleep.

Chanyeol was there in front of me and we did all the dreamy activities I could never grow bored of. Chanyeol asked me to float down, and we landed beside a lake.

“Baekhyunnie,” he called. We were standing facing each other, holding each other’s hands. “Will you… will you stay here with me?”

I nodded. Of course. There was no other answer.

He presented a magic door right behind him, and the door was wide open. He was excited and I was baffled.

He released one hand from me and started pulling me towards the door.

I stopped my steps and he turned to me, slightly disappointed. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I… I can’t, Chanyeol. Not now,” I said, halfheartedly. It was harder than talking with your throat stuffed with a baseball. He looked into my obviously wavering eyes.

He pleaded with wide, disappointed eyes. Please?

I sighed and heavily shook my head. I could not let go of my life now. Just not yet…

Chanyeol threw my hand harshly and closed his eyes, everything around us started burning wildly.

He was as raging as he could, shouting, yelling, thrashing his hands as he cried. The ground was violently shaking. He burned everything with his soft fingers and cursed me with his eyes. “Byun Baekhyun is evil! Evil!” he screamed, face many times scarier than when I see him awake and fire was burning in his eyes. Smoke was oozing everywhere. It hit me with a pain of great, great regret in my heart. I wanted to reach him and hug him tight. To tell him that I was not ready, to tell him that I truly love him. But I was frozen. I could not move a single muscle.

“Don’t touch Chanyeol! Baekhyun is evil! Evil!” He raged on, and so this heaven-turned-hell.

“Chanyeol! Chanyeol wait!” I yelled as loud as I could, although it felt choking. He strode one long step to me and stopped in front of me. His burning eyes was crying as he dug sharp fingers into my shoulders. I yelled so loud in the killing pain. It felt slow, horrible, worse than any burn I could ever imagine. I yelled and yelled, hoping for the pain to go. His pale skin withered and peeled down horribly, revealing dark, rotting flesh. It was very painful to me to watch him change. If I could cry, I don’t know if I still have any more tears to spill.

Chanyeol opened his mouth, spilling sounds scarier than creaking doors. Everything was burning down, including the land we were standing on.

I sat awake and yelled so loud because the sudden movement shocked my wide agape shoulders. I held them and blood was flowing like crazy. My room was messier than streets in war. Trails of smoke was everywhere on the wall, over my books. Some were even burnt and some other still slightly burning. Blood splatters were everywhere. The stench of burning human flesh, and a note of his overly sweet scent was still there.

I tried to stay awake—this very pain was killing me. It was hurting every single nerve of my body. Even my bones hurt so bad, probably worse than being cut with a saw. The agonizing pain was answered as I looked down to my body. My clothes were ruined and burnt, there were burnt scars and wide open cuts everywhere.

I buried my face in my palms and I realized that my eyes felt wet. When I took my hands, I realized that it was soiled with maroon, blackish stain. That was all the tears I could not spill anymore.

“Chanyeol…” I groaned and cried in deep, deep regret, wanting him back.

***

I came and lifted his gaze with my finger, so very disappointed for having to experience this again. If only I could die again, and again, and again. I was very disappointed. Angry. I showed Byun Baekhyun the ugliest, the nastiest of my face. More dreadful, more horrible than it had ever been.

I smoothed the top of Byun Baekhyun’s head for the very last time before gripping it and breaking it loose from his neck, streams of fresh blood jolting in shock.

I cried and I cried as I ripped the man apart and held the soul to stay, before I took its soul and tore it into pieces with all my might.

I sat limp and roared my cries, not being able to truly contain how much I really loved the man, how much I wanted him to stay. I watched the warm remains of Byun Baekhyun lay torn and lifeless in his memory-stuffed bedroom, and memories of us in our dreams started playing in my head and forced more tears to roll. His small, cold eyes in the day. The soft way he talks to me, only me. His warm, human hands.

I just don’t know.

The room was ruined. People watched as the room was burning completely in the untouched building. No neighbors were awake and no one dared to pass through.

I caressed his face slowly for the last time and kissed his colorless lips goodbye, softly, hoping our lost dreams would come back to me.