‘Can’t you see? You and I are just too different!’ Hyosung didn’t care where she was. Even when they were in Secret’s waiting room for their stage on Music Bank, she needed to finish this. She knew that everyone there was staring at them, but nothing mattered much to this.

  ‘I didn’t feel so?’ Still Kikwang was persistent. She kind of knew this would happen. He started flirting with her six months ago, and even when she refused every time, he was still going on. Actually, she felt thrilled about it, but she just couldn’t trust Kikwang to be faithful to her.

  ‘But I did! Like…like our eating habits! You like Western food while I love Korean food. And…and…’ Hyosung was lost of words. She looked wildly in the room, trying to find some inspiration. Ah!

  ‘And our likings!’ Hyosung grabbed a book on her desk. ‘Look! This is my favourite book.’ In her hands was a book full of colorful pictures of butterflies. ‘You know how much I love butterflies. But you hate it so much.’ Although this could only be a minor cause of Hyosung’s refusal to Kikwang, she decided to utilize it to the full extent. ‘I want to have a butterfly garden when I get old. So how can we live together? Think! You are already shrugging!’

  Kikwang face was twisted. He really hated butterflies, Hyosung knew. Kikwang told her when he saw her reading this book.

  ‘So, Kikwang, it won’t work out.’ Hyosung felt bad, but she had to end it. She was afraid.

  ‘Then, I’ll go.’ Without one more look, he turned back and went away.

  Hyosung let out a breath of relief, but somehow her heart was heavy.

  ‘But… but Hyosung, doesn’t you like Kikwang?’

  ‘No.’

  Hyosung went out, unable to face her band mates and staff anymore. She really needed some peace.

 

  The best place to get some is, of course, on the rooftop. She sat down, hefted a sign, and stared at the clouds. She did that so often nowadays, that everyone knew where to find her. On the rooftop.

  Whenever Hyosung was troubled about Kikwang, she went up to the rooftop of any buildings. She couldn’t figure out her true feelings to Kikwang. Of course, he’s attractive and such, but… Hyosung was worried. Firstly, both Hyosung and Kikwang were celebrities, and they both had their own fans. Dating wouldn’t earn them any more fame right? And secondly, there were so many beauties here. Kikwang could easily found another crush, she’s sure. Hyosung was not confident enough to secure his love…no, only his short-term obsession over her.

  She knew she’s being stupid, and this was a great chance. Hyosung had been out of love for so long, and suddenly a handsome man said he loved her, and did all romantic things to her. To be honest, her heart bloomed every time she saw his romantic actions. But she still wanted to be sure. About her true feelings for him, about his true feelings too.

  ‘Hyosung! It’s our stage coming up!’

  ‘Yes!’ Another sign, then Hyosung was gone.

 

  Since then, Kikwang never found Hyosung again. Hyosung was glad; at least she said she was.

  Another week had passed, and they were in the waiting room for Music Bank today.

  ‘Hyosung, there are butterflies outside!’ When they passed a window in the corridor, Sunhwa said.

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘Hey, you always said that butterflies are your lucky charm, and would rush out and see them! Are you alright?’ Sunhwa looked worried.

  ‘Of course I’m alright! Our stage must be successful today!’ Hyosung forced a smile, and went off, leave him teammates behind.

  I am tired only, she told herself.

 

  ‘Hyosung!’ She was on the rooftop when she heard a familiar voice calling her.

  ‘Kikwang? You again?’ She felt exasperated, still when she turned to Kikwang, Hyosung felt the corners of lifting up. With difficultly, she suppressed it.

  ‘Of course! I know that you can’t live without me!’

  Hyosung laughed out. ‘You are joking!’

  ‘You smiled! See, you are happy to see me!’

  ‘Hey,’ Hyosung rolled her eyes, ‘Only because you are too over-confident it’s funny.’

  ‘It hurts you know.’ Kikwang laughed, but Hyosung sensed that he’s serious.

  He was never that serious before. He had only joked every time he saw her, with a light tone complementing every part of Hyosung. Seeing his smile, although really brilliant, she felt annoyed every single time before. Kikwang seemed so light-hearted; it’s hard to believe in his dedication.

  ‘Kikwang?’ Hyosung couldn’t help but felt worried. I care for every being on earth, so it won’t be anything special, right?

  ‘Anyway, are you free on tomorrow morning?’

  ‘You know I have practices every morning.’

  ‘Sunhwa told me you guys have a break tomorrow.’

  Sunhwa the betrayer. ‘Well, what do you want?’

  ’10am, the café below your dorm.’

  ‘How do you know there’s a café?’

  ‘I am a man who prepares everything for his angel.’

  ‘Cliché.’ Still, Hyosung couldn’t help but laugh.

  ‘That’s that then.’ Excited to see her laugh, Kikwang skipped towards the stairs.

  ‘Wait!’ Hyosung shouted, but he’s already gone.

  How do you know I will come?

 

  At 10:15am, Hyosung went to the café. Because it would be bad to break a promise. The café was vacant, probably because of the time.

  She didn’t want to seem anticipated for this…date (should we call it?), so she was late on purpose. With jeans and slippers, without much makeup, sunglasses on, Hyosung was ready for her oh-this-is-a-normal-meeting look.

  In addition, Hyosung took out her book about butterflies, and deliberately put the book up on the table, so that the covers could easily be seen. Satisfied with every preparation, she settled down, and waited for Kikwang.

  Wait a minute, Hyosung suddenly thought, isn’t it weird that Kikwang was late?

  Hyosung was already late for this date, yet Kikwang wasn’t there yet.

  If Kikwang really liked Hyosung as he said, wouldn’t he, using his words, prepare everything for his angel? Then he must be here before 10amand decorate the place. Hyosung was sure, because every other time he dated her, that’s what he would do.

  Hyosung never refused a date suggested by Kikwang. She wouldn’t like to be that cruel. Therefore, in those six months, Hyosung was already used to the formula of dates with Kikwang. First, Hyosung would dress as casually as if she’s meeting an old friend, but Kikwang would be dressed formally. After joking about her clothes, Kikwang would bring her to his reserved activities for them, venues decorating and all. Like once they went to a cinema, Hyosung was embarrassed to see the cinema vacant, only welcoming them, with rose petals everywhere. She was even more embarrassed when they went without cleaning up the place after the film. Anyway.

  So, Kikwang was never late. Hyosung, now, didn’t see a lurking man in the corners, or presents like roses or jewelry boxes lying around. Well, there’s no harm waiting right? Maybe I can even decorate the place for him, as a present.

  On a second thought, better not.

 

  It’s 10:45amalready. Hyosung was frustrated.

  So, everything was just a lie?

  She couldn’t wait anymore. Hyosung borrowed the phone from the café, and wiped out a card from her purse. That’s also a gift from Kikwang: his phone number. He even drew a big red heart on it. Now, Hyosung just wanted to erase it. The heart was nothing. Her heart stopped beating for a second, and it hurts as if someone was squeezing it. It’s alright. You are smart to end it.

  But somehow, Hyosung didn’t feel at all good.

 

  Beep beep…

  One.

  Beep beep…

  Two.

  Beep beep…

  Three.

  Beep beep…

  …

 

  At the end, Hyosung phoned Kikwang fourteen times, yet he still didn’t pick up. The clock announced 11:00am. Hyosung decided to leave.

  As she walked out the café, her heart seemed to be left behind.

  That’s when light hit her. Hyosung knew.

  Her heart had already flown to Kikwang. There’s no use denying.

  With that thought, her knees lost all strength. Focus, she told herself, wait til you reach dorm. You couldn’t cry before that.

 

  She didn’t cry. Hyosung just smiled at her teammates, excitedly waiting for her in the dorm.

  ‘How come you are so early, unnie?’ Zinger grabbed her arm.

  ‘He wasn’t there.’ She smiled to the devastated faces of her friends.

  ‘But…why? He loves you.’ Sunhwa enquired.

  ‘Obviously not. He’s just playing with me.’ And Hyosung went back to her room, still wearing her frozen smile.

  Hyosung passed the whole day’s schedules with that steely smile, but no one had heard her voice that day. She would laugh at the staff or the members’ jokes. Still, she didn’t answer to anyone.

  Only when Hyosung had finished work, and went back to her own room, she crumbled down to tears. How cruel is fate. When she had done deciding, he finally went away. But maybe, maybe everything was her fault, as she was so hesitant before. With this thought, she cried even harder.

  ‘Hyosung?’ Someone asked outside her door timidly.

  I can’t show them my tears. Should I just pretend I’m sleeping? After a few sobs, Hyosung barely stopped her tears, and held her breath to be as quiet as possible.

  ‘Hyosung, there is a phone call for you!’ The person before her door insists.

  Phone call? Shakily, she fought control over her voice, ‘Can’t you take it for me?’

  ‘No, that man asked particularly for you.’

  ‘Okay then.’ With a groan, Hyosung pulled herself together, checked her reflection in her mirror, and opened the door to see an anxious Jieun before.

  ‘I’m just too important or attractive to enjoy a break, right?’ Hyosung smiled bitterly to Jieun, muttered a ‘thanks’, and took the phone.

  ‘Hello?’ She quickly put on a professional tone.

  ‘Hyosung, come quickly downstairs will you?’ A man shouted into her ears, urgently.

  ‘Wait, who are you?’ Hyosung was confused.

  ‘Oh sorry…’ he laughed, but was still talking rapidly. ‘I’m Doojoon, Kikwang was in trouble, please come.’

  What kind of trouble? She was starting to worry, but she remembered today. ‘I don’t think I should care about him?’ Hyosung answered frostily.

  ‘Just please, please come. I’ll explain later.’ With that, he hung up.

  What? Why do all the Beast members think that I’ll always come when they ask?

 

  I just want an explanation. Hyosung thought firmly as she was going down in the lift. I am putting Kikwang down, so I’m not going to see him. But why downstairs? Hyosung was sure that Doojoon had never come here before.

  Once Hyosung walked out the lobby, the first thing that caught her eye was the sight of a man, behind sunglasses, walking back and forth, constantly checking his mobile. What is the matter?

  ‘Oh Hyosung! Thank god!’ Suddenly he ran towards her. Hyosung didn’t recall seeing Doojoon so flustered before. ‘Let’s go!’ He grabbed her hand, and pulled her into a taxi.

  ‘But…but…’ Hyosung, shocked by the speed of Doojoon, was unable to say even one word.

  ‘Kikwang is trying to go and catch butterflies now! It’s an emegercy!’ Doojoon stated solemnly.

  Butterflies?

  ‘Butterflies are dangerous?’ Hyosung asked, eyebrows frowned.

  ‘Yes!’ Doojoon threw an answer to her, while still keeping his eyes on the mobile.

  Hyosung couldn’t help it. She laughed, despite the deadpan seriousness of Doojoon’s face. And once she laughed, she couldn’t stop.

  ‘Don’t laugh, I’m serious!’ Doojoon, scowling, yelled at Hyosung. But Hyosung just went on. She missed laughing genuinely for so long.

 

  ‘You are finished, aren’t you?’ After a good minute, Hyosung finally quieted down. ‘That was a nightmare; you wouldn’t even hear me out!’

  ‘Sorry.’ (Although Hyosung didn’t really mean it.)

  ‘Well then, back to Kikwang. Butterflies are really dangerous to him because he’s allergic to flowers!’ Doojoon finally explained.

  A moment of silence.

  Hyosung never knew.

  ‘But…why do you need me?’ Struggling over regaining control over her thoughts, Hyosung asked the first question that appeared on her brain.

  ‘Because you are the reason why Kikwang wants to catch butterflies.’

 

  And then Doojoon explained the whole situation. It dated back to the day Hyosung rejected Kikwang with the butterfly reason. (Now Hyosung knew why Kikwang gave up that easily that day. It’s never because of the irrational fear Kikwang had over butterflies, which Hyosung had assumed before.) Kikwang was discouraged for the whole week, according to what Doojoon said. Then one day, he suddenly became energized again. No one knows the reason.

  On today’s morning, Kikwang was sick. Their manager didn’t let him out, and so, although he’s really frustrated, he couldn’t leave the dorm. Kikwang didn’t dare to contact her.

  ‘Then why didn’t he pick up the phone when I called him?’

  ‘So it’s you calling? You should know that we wouldn’t pick out calls with unfamiliar numbers!’

  ‘Oh…’ Hyosung blushed.

  Suddenly, after they finished all the schedules, Kikwang had stated that he wanted to go out and catch butterflies.

  ‘So he wants to make up with me?’ Hyosung felt guilty.

  ‘Yes, so while the other members were holding him up, my job was to get you to our dorm as fast as possible!’

  ‘Then let’s go!’ As soon as the taxi stopped, Hyosung rushed out.

  ‘Wait! Seriously, you didn’t know the way. And you were that indifferent before. You even laughed at me! Ah…Hyosung…’ Doojoon whispered as he ran towards her.

 

  The scene that welcomed Hyosung was hilarious, but she didn’t laugh this time. In fact, she felt near tears, by feeling so touched. Kikwang was standing, alone, in the middle of the sitting room. His face was flushed, and he stared at the door with longing. Yoseob was standing near the door, with a guarded expression, arms stiff from the stress of waiting for a crazy man rushing to the door. Dongwoon was sitting on the sofa, wringing his hands as if thinking of something to help. Hyunseung and Junhyung were anxiously standing in the corner of the room, whispering to each other.

  ‘Oh, you’ve come!’ As soon as I walked through the door, Yoseob shouted and run to me, apparently glad. ‘Finally! We could get some rest.’

  Doojoon, who followed me in, led the team to their bedroom. ‘Well, let’s leave them alone here.’

  Hyosung hadn’t look up at Kikwang since she walked in. She kept her head down, and she saw a shadow from below coming near

  ‘Sorry…’ Kikwang said.

  ‘Sorry for not being able to come?’ Somehow, Hyosung felt angry, ‘That’s the reason for throwing your life away to be in the flowers?’

  ‘Hyosung…’

  ‘After I understood your reasons for not being able to come, I had already forgiven you! You shouldn’t go and catch butterflies for me! Even if I own the world’s most beautiful butterflies, it won’t be worth it if I lose you!’ To her horror, her eyes began to well up.

  ‘Hyosung? You…will be sad if you lose me?’

  ‘Of course!’ Hyosung didn’t want to hide her feelings anymore. Without looking up, she reached out her arms and embraced the man before her.

  ‘Oh!’ She heard Kikwang exclaimed, and Hyosung smiled.

 

  They enjoyed leaning at each other and sharing their heat in silence for a few minutes, and then Hyosung broke the blissful hush.

  ‘How did you become encouraged again after I rejected you with my butterflies?’ Hyosung finally looked up into his slightly red eyes.

  She saw a tint of blush on his cheeks. ‘You really want to know?’ Kikwang seemed reluctant to say.

  ‘Yes.’ Stubborn, Hyosung nodded.

  ‘Well, if you must know… I thought that I could raise butterflies with fake flowers, but after I did some research, I knew that it wasn’t possible.’ He talked hurriedly, and avoided my eyes.

  Ha, he was embarrassed about his mistake!

  ‘You’re so cute.’ Hyosung chuckled, and tightened her arms around Kikwang’s waist.

  ‘I’m no kid!’ She heard Kikwang shouted, but it ended with a gentle chuckle.

 

  ‘On a second thought, maybe butterflies aren’t that bad really.’ Kikwang said some time later.

  ‘Why?’ Curious, Hyosung raised her head from the chest of Kikwang.

  ‘Have you heard of the Butterfly Effect?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘You are the butterfly who is the reason for every ups and downs in my heart.’