There I was, staring at the ceiling. It was way past my bedtime but I didn’t recognize it as that scene kept playing inside my head. I kept asking myself, do I deserve this kind of master? I mean look at me, I look like I’ve been chewed by a lot of pit bulls, which was the truth. My clothes are wrecked, my arms, body, and legs are full of stitches and dirt, and my face— I could only see with one-eye, the other was lost and my new master just sewed a button on the other. It was pretty painful, but it was thoughtful of her. She fixed me inside-out.

For you see the one who owned me before was a monster. I thought I would be happy because he bought me from the shop, I finally get to see the world, but I ended up only being a chew toy of his dog. I thought I was gonna die back then until one day. I was slightly peeking out of his bag pack because he and his dog are gonna walk and play in the park. I decided to jump out from the bag and commit suicide, but when I did that—the wind slightly blew me away because I have no insides anymore, most of it is gone; it’s still a miracle that I am here. The wind blew me over the fence, I got stuck at a branch of a tree for a while and there I saw her. The goddess, in front of me. I was awed by her gaping mouth and wide eyed beauty. Her long hair is dancing to with the wind. Then she ran away, I thought she got scared of me but she came back holding a long stick. With her tongue sticking out, she jumped all with her might and tried poking me, it hurt me—I fell.

I fell in a pair of warm hands. 

“Gotcha.” She said as she flipped me over and I got to see her face up close.

I held her index and middle finger, I was scared.

But she was smiling at me, I was blinded. 

“Wow you’re very—”

‘Ugly?’ I thought to myself.

“cute.” She chuckled to herself and hugged me.

She shouldn’t have hugged me. I was dirty, I don’t want to put loads of germs in a goddess, and it’ll make her sick.

“What’s your name?” She asked me.

‘Amber’ I told her.

She looked at my pendant. “Amber, what a nice name. You must be a girl doll.”

‘No.’ I answered back. ‘I’m a boy.’

“But your hair is way too short; I wonder what happened to you.”

‘My master cut my hair short because he said I was a boy.’

“Anyway, I will take a very good care of you now so you don’t need to worry. I will try and fix you up in anyway I can.” She raised me eye-to-eye level with her and I saw her round eyes, it’s enchanting.

‘What’s your name?’ I asked as we went inside her room.

It took her awhile to answer because she was busy looking for her kit.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you my name. I am Jung Soojung by the way, but you could call me Krystal.”

‘Krystal? I’d like that, your name is pretty.’ I smiled stupidly at myself.

Then I fell asleep.

When I woke up I saw her putting some clothes on me—in front of a mirror.

I nearly screamed because I was shocked. ‘Is this me?’

“Ta-da! All done, I did great in fixing you up right?” I nodded.

I was looking quite dashing—and kinda fat, did I gain weight? I smell like detergent soap, I have new clothes, I am not ripped apart, I have two eyes again—one with a blue button. But my clothes are kinda itchy—and what the—it’s a dress. I sighed but it’ll have to do, since she said I am a girl.

‘But Krystal, I am a boy.’ I told her.

She must haven’t heard me since she was too busy brushing my hair. Thank goodness my hair was still short, I like it this way.

“I am sorry I wasn’t able to fix your hair, it just—short looks best on you. Oh and I put on some cottons inside you again.” She flashed her pearly whites on me.

And that was the day I found my new master. Also the day that I’ve decided to devote my everything to her—to make her smile and happy in any way. I love it when she smiles—it gives me back my insides that I’ve lost. Especially in the left part of my chest, she makes me feel like I am real and not just a doll.

We played on the park, mostly on the swings. She’ll sit me on her warm and soft lap while we swing away. I could hear her laugh all day and I was overflowing with happiness. Then I’d hear her sing, it was the loveliest kind of sound I’d ever hear—very soothing. It calms me.

We would watch her favourite cartoons and imitate them. She would always say I am her prince, but she also says I am a girl—she is confusing isn’t she? But I like her just like that, it gives her the charms.

I liked the best when it’s night time, she’d hug me very tight.

‘Why do you hug me? Am I not itchy?’ I asked.

She didn’t reply, she must be sleeping already. Then under the rays of the moonlight seeping through her window, I saw her smile and hug me tight. I think I make her feel safe and secured—or is it the other way around?

‘Don’t worry, I’ll protect you always—you are my princess. Even if the sad times come, I will be comforting you. I am right here beside you, always.’ I buried my face in her chest and smelled her, she smelled like a cloud made up of candies.

We were happy everyday, even in school we would play and I get to meet her friends they were all nice, except for a kid named Luna, she’s kinda loud which scares me. It gives me back the ugly things I’ve experienced in my old master’s house.

Every birthday of hers I was there sitting beside her, singing her a happy birthday and making her happy. She would always put some icings on my face and laugh. She says I look funny. I am really happy with her.

Then one day, I was sitting in her lap—facing her. She looked matured now because she’s already 12. I am so proud of her. But she still has everything that I’ve mentioned before. She’s still the same goddess master—I’ve met a few years back, but more beautiful and amazing.

But I feel something weird inside me, I feel… worried.

Her eyes feel sad today. ‘What’s the matter?’

“Amber, I want to thank you for everything. You know, for always being here with me. You’re the amazing—even when you don’t say anything, I can feel that you’re always listening to me or comforting me. I know this sounds crazy and you can even say that I am crazy but I think I love you—not in a way that I care for you because you are my toy—I don’t even think you’re a toy.”

‘You are not crazy.’ I told her and squeezed her index and middle finger.

She chuckled as she wiped the tears forming. “I don’t even know what I am saying anymore, I must be really crazy.”

She sighed, spread her body on the grass and raised me up. 

She was just looking at me crying. “I can’t really do it.”

‘Do what?’ I asked while she hugged me.

“I can’t give you away.” She started to cry.

I remember when I saw her sister, she was scary. When she saw me the first time, she told Krystal to throw me away and she’ll just buy her a new one. She thinks I am disgusting—I think of myself that too. But I was thankful that my master didn’t throw me away, she protected me from the evil witch. Sometimes I think she got mixed up with the roles we play—because I always end up being the prince that saves her from her evil Ken and Barbie doll.

‘Then don’t.’ I said to her.

“But I am growing now—and I won’t have time to play with you anymore.”

I almost let my tears out, but I kept them in, I need to be brave every day, especially during Krystal’s hard times. ‘I will always have time to play with you.’

“I don’t know what to do.”

‘Do what your heart tells you.’

“I am just afraid that one day—I’ll wake up not being able to take a very good care of you and I’ll disappoint you.”

‘Whatever happens, I won’t ever be disappointed in you. You’ve done so much for me already and I am thankful for everything.’

“You know, even when others tell you you’re ugly, don’t believe them okay? Only me—believe only me. Because to me you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

Did she just say person? ‘I will always believe you. I—I should be saying those things to you not the other way around.’ I laughed, even after these years; she still manages to confuse me.

“I wish you were real.”

‘I am.’

“—Then maybe one day we’ll be able to love each other.”

‘Don’t we love each other now?’

“Then I can marry you.”

‘We’re married already. Don’t you remember? Ken was the priest, Barbie was the best man and we put candy rings on each other and ate them—I still have mine in my pocket but without the candy though because you ate it too, and it was funny.’

“And I could feel you hugging me back when I hug you.” 

‘I do always hug you back, don’t you feel it?’

“And I could hear you say sweet and loving things to me.”

‘I never for once forgot to say that you’re amazing.’

"And also, I would know more about you."

'My life only revolves around you.'

“And we would say to each other ‘I love you’ everyday.”

‘I love you.’

“And when I do this,” She raised me up—looked at me for a while and put her lips on mine. “I could feel you kissing me back.”

I kissed her back.

"I wish you were real and I didn't have to pretend like this."