I hate myself so much for being a coward. I like her since the first time I met her, but I couldn't admit it. I don't have the confidence to be suitable for her. I'm not brave enough like Junhyung, I'm not great enough like Gikwang, I'm not cute enough like Yoseob..

When I knew she had a crush with an idol, I was devastated. That time I thought I wouldn't have the chance to compete with that guy. I completely made distances to her. I would avoid her when we meet, I would ignore her when our eyes met. But little does she knows, I secretly looked at her, watched her, amazed of her.

Slowly, I became obsessed by her. I changed my number on my football jersey, I changed my hair color same as her, I learnt to be funny and witty, I practiced my dance steps so I could match her. But I guess now it's all useless. I lost her.

Before I become super busy, so does she. We still frequently met on one stage. But she totally ignored me. She looked at me with fury, she would throw away her looks when our eyes met, she would act cold to me and only me.

Now, our distances become wider. We never been in one stage again. It has been so long since the last time I met her. I still followed her appearance on the TV. She looked more prettier and happier every single day.

Now, many guys would flirt with her or even made skin contact with her. Many guys even clearly starts to show their affections to her. 2AM, Shinhwa sunbaes, 2PM, Shinee, don't even mention Super Junior sunbaes, Boom hyung, now the worst is that ballroom dancer guy, her partner on a dancesport competition show she casted.

"You're an idiot, hyung!!" I often heard that sentence from my members. That hurts me, but what made me feel that it's because they were right. I love her but I can't be honest to myself and to her. Now I have to learn to live with all the consequences. I just hope, I still got the chance. One day.