I sat against the rim of our bed and twiddled with my thumbs, while in front of me was the luggage I brought out to bring all my belongings inside. I didn’t dare to leave him, yet his aloof nature in which I asked every time where he was going questioned his fidelity towards me.

He had another girl. It was easy to tell; he would come home each and every night smelling like another girl. He would come into bed and cuddle up beside me even though it wasn’t him holding me, since his heart, mind and soul drifted to someplace else.

Sometimes at midnight, he would mutter a name that wasn’t even close to mine.

‘Minyoung.’

The soft voice that had uttered that name made me desperately wish that it was mine. I tilted my head up and glared at the reflection of the mirror in front of me. I could see myself clearly; worn out from tears, even though it was pitch dark. Being enveloped in this darkness was the only thing I could turn to for solace. If I hid here and didn’t mutter a sound, no one would notice.

I was used to it, anyway.

He was too busy texting on his phone some nights ago that he didn’t notice my unusual quiet manner, creating the silence by the table. He was too busy with ‘work’ that every recent night when he returned he would not even take a second glance at me to ask,

‘How was your day?’

Maybe it was my fault, though. He was very slow in picking up these things, so much that words spoke more for him than actions could have ever shown. He had once told me that he needed me to tell him the things that were bothering me, because he wasn’t a ‘people-person’ who he could relate to in terms of feelings and emotions.

That was true, though.

Still, tears poured down my cheek, and I raised a clenched fist against my lips to prevent myself from saying anything. Not even a mere squeak for him to hear from the living room. I didn’t want him to worry at all, despite of him only presenting the bad times every time I see him.

But the good times were there, too.

“My name’s Kim Myungsoo.”

“The view’s beautiful.”

I looked over at Myungsoo, who was gazing intently at me.

“My view’s better.”

“Miyon, will you go out with me?”

“That’s not how you do it! You play this key, then this.”

“Ohh,” Myungsoo grinned at me, and soon it fell as were enveloped in silence.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he hesitated, “I just, love you, that’s all.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been working so late, Miyon.”

I pouted, resting my gaze onto the television. Myungsoo patted my head and stuck his head out in front of the TV.

“Forgive me?”

My lips slightly curled upwards, and he smiled contently.

 

Myungsoo

‘I’ll see you tonight’.

I must have read this line a billion times already, because my mind was too preoccupied by Minyoung. Every day I had to live, with me going over to her apartment almost every night, was eating my very conscience.

But I love Miyon. I didn’t need to think to know that.

Minyoung was very insecure ever since she had broken up with her -like boyfriend, and needed me—an ex to comfort her. She would always find solace with my hugs, and that was all we ever did, really. She would hug me but would not speak at all. She reminded me of Miyon in so many ways, and many of those times I was compelled to return to the latter, the source of my warmth—my happiness.

I could have just told Minyoung that it wasn’t a good idea to meet up, in case someone saw. In case Miyon saw. But Minyoung had no one to turn to, and I pitied her. I just pitied her, but I never loved her in any way.

But maybe I did.                                                                                             

I was there for Minyoung in her darkest hours—yet I didn’t even take the slightest hint that Miyon might have needed me. It might have been enough to just be there for her, so the opportunity would always present itself if ever Miyon needed to talk to me. I felt useless, either way. I traced my eyes down at Miyon’s favourite novel Nightfall, and re-read the sentence once again:

I’ll see you tonight.

I turned my attention to the sound of the door being opened, and Miyon came out of her room—I didn’t wonder what she had been doing in there—I wasn’t stupid. Her puffy eyes told me she had been crying her out. Then again, I wasn’t entirely sure that I was the reason for her tears—which was why I seldom talked to her these past few days, in the pretence that she would tell me what was in her mind.

Miyon’s shoulders were stiff, and her lifeless eyes which stared into mine communicated that she wanted—no, needed to talk to me. Even in the harsh light above her, she was still the beautiful girl I had met on our first day.

---

“I’m Park Miyon.”

I smiled, admiring her smile which was intended for me.

“Nice to meet you.”

---

Her once bright smile I met five years ago flickered across her brooding expression, and said:

“Can I talk to you?”

“…sure.” I shifted over to give space for Miyon to sit, but in the end she sat on the opposite side of me. Silence spread between us, and I broke it by saying:

“So how are you? You don’t… seem yourself lately.”

She clenched her jaw. “No, I haven’t, have I?”

I smiled weakly, despite the bitterness in her tone just now. For some reason, I wished she had said 'yes, I'm fine' accompanied with a delighted tone that reassured me that I was overthinking these things again--that she had purposely worried me to see how I'd react. I wanted her to say yes, like the time I had asked her out. I wanted her to say she was fine for many reasons, but I knew that between the fantasy and the reality I was witnessing in front of me--I had to accept the latter.

---

I watched her as silence aded the room, while my heart grew increasingly nervous. I  took a deep breath and said: 

"Are you okay?" 

"Uhh, yeah... I'm fine!" She grinned. "I just needed some time to absorb all of this before I can say, 'yes, I'll go out with you!'"

Upon hearing this, I embraced her in my arms.

---

Silence followed once again.

“Miyon, I know there’s something bothering you. You know you can tell me anything. I’ll always be here for you.”

---

“…what are you thinking? Did I say something wrong?”

“Umm…”

“You know you can tell me anything. I’ll always be here for you.”

“I’m just,” Miyon laughed, “I’m just surprised at how corny you are.”

---

“Really? You’ll be here for me?”

I nodded questioningly. I knew there was a contradiction to what I had said just now.

Miyon sighed, then suddenly blurted out, “You know my parents?—you know why they broke up?”

I waited for her response. She’d never spoken about her parents the five years we had been together as a couple; so I was taken by surprise when she instigated this topic. Nevertheless, I turned a professional eye on her, hanging onto her every word.

“They kept arguing. It was ridiculous, they’d argue over nothing and since they’re so stubborn in their ways—no one really wins these arguments. So when they were carrying out their usual routines—that being their quarrels, my dad told my mum that he’ll see her tonight. He never returned.”

She looked at me as the silence had stretched interminably. Tears stood in her eyes, and she had successfully blinked them away—they streaked down her cheeks.

“Myungsoo…”

Before she could even utter the next few words, I suddenly stood up, giving myself a height advantage, “Do you need some tissues? Are you hungry? You know what, Miyon—let’s go out and have a little bit of fun, hmm?”

Just don't say those words.

I walked over to our room, making sure that I hadn’t seemed desperate to her and stopped short when I saw the luggage lying idly there. My voice hitched in my throat and I stood statuesque, while behind me, Miyon muttered:

“I’ll see you tonight.”

I turned around, giving myself the slightest hope of someone else saying it, and not Miyon. My heart raced upon seeing her adamant expression; the words did indeed belong to hers. Suddenly I felt like a lifeless puppet figure; too weak to handle its own mind. Her long jet black hair which had brushed past her shoulders, her favourite purple shirt she was wearing, and her 'piano fingers'.

Would I not see any of them again?

Would I not see her again?

“But I love you.”

---

“So… what do you think?”

“What?”

“I just declared my love for you, and you’re saying nothing?”

“Oh. I love you, too.”

“Wow, so much enthusiasm.”

“But it’s true!”

---

“I’m sorry.”

“Miyon, you don’t understand. Minyoung just needed…”

“So she has a name?” she pursed her lip irresolutely, “Goodbye, Myungsoo.”

Then I realised, I had never told Miyon about my past relationship with Minyoung.

Miyon swung the door open and struggled to move the luggage out. Out of instinct I went over to help her, only to have my offer rejected. I stood immobile as I watched her figure shrink away from me, under the comfortless nightfall that was approaching. I dared not to step out, to chase the only person who mattered most to me. My feet were glued to the ground, yet my voice needed to shout its last breath:

“Miyon!”

She turned around.

“One more time," I muttered, but just loud enough for her to hear, "Can you smile one more time... for me?”

---

“You’re smiling. That means you forgive me!”

“No.”

I knew she was lying. I said:

"Miyon, you’d make a beautiful bride one day. When I earn enough money, I’m going to marry you.”

---

Miyon inhaled a sharp breath and stretched her lips upwards.

Her last smile. 

 

 

 

A/N: I screwed up the order of the flashbacks... goddammit LOL, but I can't be bothered changing it... Hope you like it nevertheless!