I watched over them again today, as I had everyday for the last six months. First I visited the oldest, watched as he walked around the apartment, sadness and pain in his every step. He missed his friends, his family...the others of his group. I saw as his eyes filled with tears when he caught a glimpse of a picture of the five of them, happy and smiling, hugging and laughing, the warmth of the picture opening the floodgate of happier memories in him. I had to turn away and walk through the walls to leave before he started crying, or I would never make it to the others.
 

Next I went to the next eldest, sighing and walking in to see him stretching and getting ready to practice, his jawline set hard and straight, eyes glittering. He was keeping it inside, keeping everything in, to save his dongsaeng from seeing the pain, hoping to protect him at all costs. He couldn't afford to let anything break him, lest he fall apart and can't be put back together, the lies and rumours everywhere only adding burdens to his shoulders which were already heavy with doubt. He stretched some more and started dancing to the songs that were playing, not really hearing them. When he fell he didn't really feel it, just brought his legs up and put his arms on them, sighing and becoming lost in thoughts for a little while. Knowing he would be busy like that for quite awhile I left, feeling a little different today, knowing my time with them would soon end, praying I could see them together one last time first.
 

Walking into the next one's house brought a light smile to my face, a whisper of a smile that used to be brilliant, used to shock and blind people and make them smile too. There he was, sitting and playing a game with his little brother, his mother in the kitchen cooking. But everything wasn't what it looked like. He wasn't smiling happily and laughing and joking with his little brother, his brother wasn't laughing back and pushing him, telling him he was cheating at the game in front of them. His mother wasn't in the kitchen making dinner for the three of them, laughing at them sometimes and making little jokes of her own. What was really happening was he was crying, crying hard, saying "Please...please help me...help my hyungs and my dongsaengs...make us happy again I miss them so much....why can't everything be the way it was?" and pounding the floor in pain. His little brother was really saying "How can I help my hyung be happy again? Why did all this need to happen? I need a miracle to save my brother...." with tears streaming down his face. Their mother was really screaming in agony, holding her heart, saying "Someone please help my son! He's in so much pain and I as his mother can't seem to do anything to make him feel better! It hurts to see him like this, please....someone help!" The smile that had happened upon my face at my entrance seeped away into a grimace of pain as their yells and screams and tears hit me full force, more so today then ever before. I had to run, run quickly out the door before I couldn't move from the weight of sorrow in that house.
 

Next was the second youngest, and I walked through his bedroom wall, knowing he couldn't be anywhere else in the house but here, numbly playing the video games he loved so much, a lonely soccer ball sitting unused forlornly in the corner. this one was playing silently, his tears on the outside and not the inside, quietly trailing down his face, his lip quivering just a little. He was trying to put his emotions into the game but the game wouldn't let him, was telling him, "You have to feel these to live....if I take them from you you will become nothing of yourself! You will be just an empty shell, and no one wants you to be a lesser version of yourself. Take this pain...you can use it later." He didn't want to listen, but with no music playing and the sounds of the game too soft to really register, he could only hear that playing over and over in his mind, memories and anger and hurt and sadness and happiness all mixed in one confused jumbled mess. It was something he was in the middle of, and not one person could get him out. But maybe...just maybe...four people could. I wiped the ghost tears away from my face and went to the last one.
Being the youngest, he was entitled to be more emotional than the others, but because he was so mature he was the best of them all at hiding it. He didn't scream and cry like he should have, on the inside or the out. He just...sat. In public, he would smile and laugh, show everyone he could handle the stress. But alone, in private, not even his thoughts appeared to him. All he could see and hear were the ghosts of his hyungs, seeing the shadows of the eldest coming to him and cooking for him and hitting him, or his youngest hyung asking to play soccer or video games with him. And he didn't cry. He didn't get angry, he didn't laugh at the memories, he didn't do anything. Didn't even follow the ghosts as they left his line of vision. Just sat. And stared forward. Waiting for the time to leave, to go to the airport and go to another country. To a place where he would feel awkward and uncomfortable, and unable to do much more than he was doing now. Except that was his job, to do more than that. And do his job he would, then leave and come home and continue to just sit, wasting away, not even eating, as everyone knew he loved to do. He had lost his will to eat. And I had lost my will to live in watching these five men. Knowing people could be in this much pain and no one could help them made me hurt.
And then I went away for a little while. Just a little while. And when I came back, it was nighttime. I finally saw all of them in a room together, no one speaking, everyone tense, and my heart broke. Idly I looked around and saw New Years' decorations. 'Oh...it's New Years' already....does that mean I can have a New Years' wish?' And again I felt different, sudden knowledge coursing through me that if I stepped in front of them, right now, they would see me as they had never seen me before. And so I did, I stepped in front of them, and they looked up and they SAW me. I suddenly could speak and understand the language, where before only had basic knowledge, and I spoke to them with confidence I didn't really feel.

"Please...you don't know me...but just take a single minute to listen to me? I won't be much of a bother, it's....call it a dying wish if you will." The leader had gotten up, ready to call someone to take me away, but I was glowing and he sat back down with wide eyes, knowing this wasn't any normal occurance taking place.
"You..you are all one....and the same. But you are all seperate and different. You all want so much to stay together, to be friends again, but no one will come forth first and say it. I have watched you for six months while my body has wasted away in a coma." I saw their eyes widen even more in shock, even the youngest, and the oldest already had tears in his eyes. I nodded. "Yes. I am not alive as you would know it, and I think....I think this is my last night. I think I was granted my last wish, to see you and speak to you, to try to help you as no one else can." I took the youngest by the hand, and motioned for them to all link their hands together, grabbing the eldest's hand and squeezing gently.
 

"I will show you now...how you each affect the others....what you have all gone through. And please, as my last wish, from a dying fan, please, try to help yourselves and become a family again?" I didn't wait for an answer, instead showing them all my memories of them together and alone, pushing them all into their heads like the memories were their own. One by one their eyes all filled with tears, one by one they let go and covered their faces, sobbing quietly. I smiled a little, knowing that I had healed their hearts, just a little. Just enough to make them see that they needed each other. One by one they hugged each other, crying out apologies and I love yous, trying to make each other feel better while sobbing their own pains out. This all took place in a span of about ten minutes, and finally they calmed down enough to remember I was there. They stood and hugged me, tears still falling freely, as well as smiles appearing on each of their faces. They thanked me over and over again. Finally I held up my hand to stop them and shook my head.
 

"I don't want thanks...all.." I had to keep my composure, say what I wanted, before I broke out into tears, the happiness coming from me filling the room. "All I want is for you all to be happy. But if you truly want to thank me...find me. Find me and go to the funeral I know I will be having. I know now I won't live past tonight. So sing....as hard and loud and wonderfully as your heart can. Make others happy. That will be my thanks. Come to my funeral and say goodbye. My name....is Kim Soo-Jung, and I am a Cassiopeia." They all nodded, promising they would appear, promising so many things. But I didn't hear them. I disappeared again. I breifly saw them, one more time, at my funeral, as my family cried and sobbed, with them on the side. They sang to me, a song they had written for me. But what made me happiest, what made my heart soar before I left the world forever, was that night when I had appeared to them. They had gone out onto the stage and introduced themselves together, tears still on their faces, and I could truly feel their happiness and the happiness of all their fans.
 

"To the one who made us realize how much less we are without each other, how much we all mean to each other, we love you. We are Dong Bang Shin Ki." And they bowed as the cheers resounded from the audience.