It’s okay. Cry if you must. It will make you feel better.

He’s in heaven now

Siwon, be strong

Siwon.. I’m sorry..

He was tired of all the people telling him pitiful things. Tired of all the blurred faces sneaking a pat on his shoulder, on his head, tired of all the people who thoughtlessly tried to understand what he felt at the moment. Because nobody will understand. Nobody will ever understand how much pain he had kept hidden behind his emotionless face.

He was fifteen years old. And he lost his father in a car accident.

He balled his fists, staring at his father’s grave before him, adorned with flowers from those who had come to the burial, yet, he didn’t find the flowers beautiful, in fact, he found them out of place, and ugly.

The sky had turned dark, and droplets of rain had touched his skin, but he didn’t care. He didn’t take shelter. He just stood there, as the shower turned into heavy rain, soaking his hair down to the very inch of his black suit.

A warm hand took hold of his fist, the familiarity of the touch made him loosen his grip. He chanced a glance, and thirteen year old Yoona was there, soaked to the bones. Siwon looked away, didn’t acknowledge her presence, but kept his hand in hers.

“he’s really gone isn’t he?” Siwon asked. Eyeing the name etched across the miserable stone.

Yoona tighten his hold on Siwon as a response.

He looked at her again, and every piece of his façade shattered as he let himself drown at her eyes. Gone was the emotionless face he had shown everyone, even to his mother. It was replaced with agony, an emotion he had tried his hardest to suppress.

Yoona took a step and hugged him, her hands at his waist. She didn’t utter a sound, as Siwon, for the first time after his father’s death, sobbed on her shoulder.

-----@@@-----

10 years later

“You’re drooling.”

Yoona turned, blank-faced at the girl beside her. But instead of seeing her friend, Sooyoung, she met her own reflection, hanging loose. Embarrassment reflected in the mirror, she closed , thankful that she didn’t, in fact, drool.

Sooyoung took the mirror down the table and stared at Yoona, eye to eye. “Seriously, girl, you had like years to confess your feelings, but all you did was well, be his bestfriend- for the lack of a better description.”

Yoona rolled her eyes at her friend, the owner of the boutique she had recommended to Siwon. “I can’t believe we’re having this again.”

“because you’re a coward.”

“no, I’m not.”

“yes you are. And what did your cowardice do to you? The guy you love so much--” Sooyoung pointed at Siwon, utterly handsome with his suit on, checking himself at the mirror. “—is already getting married.”

Yoona rolled her eyes again. “I don’t love, like love him okay? I just..well..I have a crush on him—for the lack of a better description.”

Sooyoung grimaced. “yeah right. Keep fooling yourself Yoona and you will spend the rest of your entire life regretting everything.”

“I promise you I won’t” she fired back, finding it rather hard to believe her own words. “and besides, why would I regret something you thought I would regret when he is clearly happy at this marriage. He obviously loves Yuri.”

Her friend sighed in desperation. “the ever understanding and kind bestfriend. Denying your feelings and personally arranging this marriage despite being busy. I won’t be surprised if ever you won an award for that.”

“who’s giving an award to who?”

They both turned. Siwon, with his dashing smile and handsome features, was standing before them. Yoona had to gulp another set of saliva. He’s just too radiant to be real. Because his my bestfriend that’s why I’m thinking like this. She thought. Ignoring Sooyoung’s taunting face.

“we’re just talking about her--” Sooyoung pointed at Yoona “—getting an award for being the kindest bestfriend ever created by God for personally seeing through everything in your marriage. I mean, she’s the best right?”

Siwon smiled. “She is.”

Yoona almost chocked at the look on Siwon’s eyes. There is something in those, something she couldn’t read, something that almost melt her bones. Yet she pushed that something out, dismissing it as a look of gratefulness—for helping him.

She stood up and absentmindedly fixed Siwon’s tie. “make sure that Yuri knows how to tie this piece of fabric. Otherwise you will look really uncool.”

The man laughed. “she couldn’t even properly fold her own clothes, how can she even do this?”

She gave a small smile. Knowing full well Yuri’s personality. She isn’t close to her, but seeing her a few times, Yoona had deduced what kind of a girl she is. Yuri was gorgeous, a sought-after model, who can only look after her own fingernails and toenails. The girl had little capabilities, but she was kind, and she treats well those who were close to Siwon, including her.

She smoothed the piece of fabric. Admiring it as it casually complimented his suit.

“you like it?” he asked.

“well, you look human, so I guess that’s enough.” She teased. Siwon gave her a rueful look, which made Yoona laugh.

“You know, if I was just a bystander, I would think that the two of you are perfect for each other. And are getting married.” Sooyoung said, with hidden meaning only Yoona could understand.

Siwon laughed out loud, as Yoona eyed the designer.

“really Sooyoung, where did you get that impossible idea?” Siwon said in between suppressed chortle.

His question unexpectedly stung her. But she kept her face straight. “who would actually want to marry this derp? Who wetted his pants when he was seven? Who climbed a tree because he thought that he can fly, breaking a leg in the process? Who ran just because there was a cockroach in his bed?”

“there, there. Stop embarrassing me.” Siwon interrupted, his hand slung around Yoona’s shoulder. At his touch, she felt the irritation subside. “I was just joking.”

“you know, the two of you should get going. You still have things to do, venues to book, remember?” Sooyoung interrupted.

“yeah. I’ll change my clothes.”  Siwon then proceeded to the changing room. While Yoona returned to her seat in the long couch. Sooyoung was looking at her in a funny way—teasing her.

“what?”

“love hurts right?”

She rolled her eyes for the nth time. “whatever.”

-----@@@-----

The aisle blossomed with flowers from each side of the red carpet, ranging from every color. Some of them were shipped from other countries; some were plucked from the best shops in South Korea. Tables were arranged at each side, covered with white cloth with a shade of gold at the tips. The sky was blue, the sun behind the tall building, illuminating the vicinity perfectly.

It was a garden wedding, and Yoona scrambled from here to there, making sure everything was working according to plan. She wants everything to be perfect, applying what she usually was when she was at work. A perfectionist, as what people say.

The tables were almost filled with people now that the ceremony was about to start. Laughing and talking anything, happy that they were part of this unforgettable occasion.

Ten minutes before the ceremony was about to start, Siwon arrived with his mother, looking dashing and handsome as always. Yoona caught his eyes, and her heart skipped a beat. He smiled, a very happy and contented smile that it stung her heart. For reasons she doesn’t understand.

“you look really beautiful.” a familiar voice made her turn, breaking the stare she had with Siwon. It was Sooyoung, dressed in pastel pink that complimented both her height, and figure.

She smiled. “thank you. And so are you.”

Sooyoung chuckled. “I know.” They both laughed. “ Where’s the bride? If I’m not wrong, the ceremony’s about to start, right?”

“it’s still a few minutes early.”

But the minutes had turned to an hour, and the visitors had started to talk, their voices low, asking the question Yoona had been asking herself. “where is the bride?”

She looked at Siwon and saw how agitated he is. He was clearly worried. His mother was beside him, making assurances, but the expression on Siwon’s face did not waver.

She started to walk towards him, keeping tabs at his worried face. She was halfway through when Yuri’s aunt blocked her view, as the lady said something that made Siwon’s mother, and the people who heard gasp in maddening shock.

“the bride is dead.”

She heard someone say. And everyone went painfully silent.

She looked at Siwon, who is now unblocked from Yuri’s aunt, for the lady had crumbled into the grass, crying deep, painful sobs. She saw him look at the lady, his eyes almost mad. Standing as rigid as a stone. In a fleeting second, he looked up and their eyes met.

And then she saw the shadow of the fifteen-year-old Siwon, at the cemetery, standing before his father’s grave, eyes hollow, and his face void of any emotion. Her heart ached, because she knew very well how deep he was hurting right now.

The sky turned dark, as if it, too, was grieving. The sunlit garden had turned grey, as droplets of water trickled down their skin. Yoona watched, as Siwon broke their gaze and ran away.

-----@@@-----