Based off of THIS starting around 9:20.

I have exaggerated it quite a bit though & timeline might be askew.

I hope you don’t mind.

 

image (c) maknaesnoona

Also please excuse the horrid chapter tites.

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Seungri had been under quite a lot of stress lately. From working on his budding solo career, appearing on variety shows, working for his sponsors and of course the schedule he held with BigBang. It was all slowly driving him into the ground. He felt exhausted and tired and the worst part was he hadn’t been sleeping at all. Seungri was running on an hour or two of sleep for every day for the past month and the side effects made for a very irritable Panda.

 

He tried his best to hide it from his band mates but his boyfriend could see right threw his mask. Seunghyun tried to comfort his boyfriend by inviting him to stay for a while at his villa since his mother was away on vacation. Seungri accepted but blocked most every attempt Seunghyun made to cheer him up in favor of just going to sleep. Which he also noticed that his boyfriend wasn’t doing a lot of. He often woke up to find Seungri standing out on the balcony that was attached to his bedroom. Just staring out into the darkness. He never bothered him at those times. He figured Seungri wanted to be alone. If he needed him, he would have asked, right?

 

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BigBang gathered in the dressing room of the studio that they were doing another talk show in. Everyone chatted happily amongst themselves as they waited to be brought on stage. Seungri immersed himself in his book as a way to avoid having to talk too much, which in turn meant not having to fake happiness again. He was already going to have to push himself so much on stage. Seunghyun was about to ask why he hadn’t turned the page the entire time they had been there when the stage manager came and hustled them out of the door. Seungri took a deep breath, calmed himself and put on his signature grin.

 

The broadcast was easy enough to get through. He truly laughed a few times. It wasn’t too hard to keep a smile on his face. He had prepared stories ahead of time so there was no fumbling around. But towards the end of the show his heart flew to his throat and he felt sick to his stomach. It took every ounce of strength he had to not walk off of the stage- to smile and laugh and pretend he wasn’t hurting. But with each smile he gritted his teeth and feared everyone could see through it. It took even more strength to not dash off the stage as soon as the cameras shut off. He still moved faster then everyone though. He packed up all of his things that he left in the dressing room and was about to run towards the van until he remembered that he rode to the studio with Seunghyun. He felt sick all over again. But this time the hurt was also accompanied by rage.

 

Seunghyun eyed his boyfriend suspiciously. “Are you okay?” he raised an eyebrow. 

 

“Fine. I’m fine just unlock the door I want to go home.” Seungri looked at the ground. Fearing his emotions would spill over if he looked his boyfriend in the face. 

 

Seunghyun unlocked the car and Seungri threw his bag in the back before climbing into the passengers’ seat. Seunghyun’s brow was furrowed the entire ride home as he tried to figure out how to confront his lover. Seungri’s eyes were closed but he shifted uncomfortable in his seat. The tension could have been cut with a knife and it was getting to both of them.

 

When they arrived at the villa Seungri accidentally let his rage get the better of him and he slammed the car door. He moved quickly into the house. He could hear a rather peeved Seunghyun behind him. 

 

“HEY! EXCUSE ME! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM LATELY?” Seunghyun grabbed Seungri’s arm once they were inside the house. “Seungri I’m talking to you. What is going on? Why are you acting like this?’ 

 

Seungri pulled his arm away. “Let go. Leave me alone.” He kept his eyes on the ground. He could already feel the stinging tears in his eyes. 

 

“Seungri plea….” Seunghyun started but was quickly cut off. 

 

“WHAT’S WRONG IS THAT YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU DID! YOU DON’T EVEN THINK YOU DID ANYTHING WRONG DO YOU?!” The burning tears finally broke free and stung as they rolled down Seungri’s cheeks. He glared at the older man who was seemingly unaffected by his out burst. 

 

Seunghyun moved closer to his boyfriend who in turn moved away but was only met with a wall. Seunghyun closed the space between them, wrapping his arm’s around Seungri and pulling him in tight. “Maknae….” he whispered to the sobbing Seungri. “I know I shouldn’t…” 

 

He was cut off again by Seungri shoving him away. 

 

“That’s the point Hyung. You know. You know how badly I was injured by that ing firework and you still made fun of me!” Seungri’s breathing was staggered as he tried to choked out the words in between sobs.

 

Seunghyun tried to close the space in between them again but Seungri put his arm out trying to keep him away. He continued to push forward and with each movement Seungri tried to counter. 

 

“ I’M TIRED OF BEING EVERYONE’S ING PUNCHING BAG!” Seungri spat as his fists pounded against Seunghyun’s chest while he thrashed violently, trying to pull himself away. 

 

The older man only held on tighter to the shaking Maknae. “Please stop and listen to me.” He said coolly. 

 

“NO! I’M TIRED OF THIS! I’M TIRED  OF BEING THE HAPPY GO LUCK SEUNGRI THAT EVERYONE GETS TO PICK ON. I’M TIRED OF NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH.” And suddenly every insecurity Seungri had ever felt seemed to pour out of him. ”I’M TIRED OF YG THINKING I’M USELESS. I’M TIRED OF THE FANS THINKING I’M AN . I’M TIRED OF BEING LOOKED OVER. I NEVER BELONGED IN THIS BAND AND EVERYONE WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME!”

 

With those last few words, Seunghyun’s patience finally boiled over. “LEE SEUNGHYUN KNOCK IT OFF!” His voice boomed through the empty villa. 

 

Seungri immediately stopped and stared wide eyed at his Hyung. It had been a very, very long time since Seunghyun had used his real name and even longer since he used such an angry tone of voice. 

 

He pulled Seungri in tighter, running his hand down the back of his boyfriend‘s head. “You are not useless. You are not an and you are perfect the way you are.” Seungri’s tears continued to fall and he made small hiccupping noises as he tried to control his breathing. “I knew what I was doing when I brought up the fireworks story but I never imagined it would hurt you so much. I would never have said anything if I had known this was going to happen. I’m stupid and selfish and wanted to make myself look good in front of the audience.” Seunghyun kissed the top of his boyfriend’s head. “Seungri, you belong in BigBang. No matter what anyone says. No matter how you feel. Without you we wouldn’t be where we are today. Without you…” Seunghyun’s voice cracked, “Without you where would I be?”

 

Seungri began sobbing all over again. His knees gave out from exhaustion and he slumped against the older man. 

 

“Hold on hold on” Seunghyun muttered as he tried to keep the two of them from falling over. Failing, he opted to just let themselves slowly slide down the wall and on to the floor. He criss-crossed his legs and pulled the sobbing man into his lap. Cradling him, Seunghyun whispered little ‘I love yous’ and ‘It will be okays’ into his boyfriend's hair. 

 

Seungri buried his face into his boyfriend’s shirt, too embarrassed at his childish temper tantrum to look at him.

 

It took sometime but Seungri finally calmed down. He still didn’t dare look at his Hyung. Seunghyun shifted the younger man’s body so that he was facing him, wrapping his legs around his waist and his arms around his neck. He lifted the two of them off the floor and maneuvered his way around the house, Seungri clinging to him like a child. When they reached the bathroom Seunghyun set the younger man down on the sink counter. Seungri stayed silent as his lover fiddled with the shower, getting the water just right. Seunghyun bent down in front the sink and opened the cabinet, Seungri swinging his feet out of the way. Seungri watched as his boyfriend pulled some candles out of the cabinet and a lighter from his pocket. Seunghyun placed the candles in random spots through out the bathroom, lit them, and turned off the bathroom light.

 

“What are you doing?” Seungri mumbled, looking at the floor again. 

 

Seunghyun positioned himself between his boyfriend’s legs. “You are stressed out. I’m part of the reason you are stressed out. So I’m going to help you relax.”  His fingers slide under the hem of the younger man’s shirt but Seungri was quick to stop him. 

 

“Hyun…” his voice was weak. 

 

Seunghyun pushed the hands away and pulled at the shirt again. “It’s not like I’ve never seen them before.” And he slowly pulled the shirt over his boyfriend’s head, Seungri reluctantly lifting his arms up to help.

 

The dim light of the candles made the scars on Seungri’s side a pinkish orange color. He cringed as Seunghyun let his fingers brush over them. They went from his hip bone all the way up to just before his armpit before crossing over his peck, up his neck and ending just by his ear. No one outside of BigBang’s staff knew they were there. Seungri spent hours in the make up chair before shows making sure they were covered. Seunghyun remember how after the accident Seungri didn’t like taking of his shirt in front of him. Seungri eventually confided in him that the scars were a constant reminder of how stupid he can be and how he should think before he acts. Seunghyun initially rolled his eyes and told Seungri to stop being such a drama queen but after a while he began to see that they really did bother him.

 

“You shouldn’t be ashamed of your body. These scars don’t make you who you are. So stop letting them get you down so much.” Seunghyun gripped Seungri’s chin and pulled his face forward, giving his boyfriend a deep kiss. 

 

“You should talk, I’m the only one who has seen you shirtless in years.” Seungri grumbled. 

 

“There is a difference between being modest and being ashamed of your body.” Seunghyun said while undoing the younger man’s belt, button and zipper. Seungri lifted himself off the counter, letting his pants and boxers drop to the floor before climbing into the shower. Seunghyun soon followed.

 

Seungri let the hot water beat against his chest, leaning against the wall of the shower he let out a sigh of comfort. “The candles were a good idea. They smell nice too.” Seungri closed his eyes as his boyfriend’s arms wrapped around his waist, letting his head roll back against his strong chest. 

 

“I got them from a specialty shop in Japan last time we went. They are suppose to be Vanilla Spice and some flower I can’t pronounce.” Seunghyun placed little kisses a lot Seungri’s temple.

 

“I’m sorry.” Seungri turned and buried his face in his lover’s chest. “I really am such a Maknae aren’t I?” 

 

Seunghyun chuckled and began washing the younger man’s back. Sliding the sponge ball up and down his boyfriend’s back, cracking a grin when Seungri let out a moan of comfort. “It is okay Seungri. I just wish you would have let me help you sooner.” 

 

Seungri sighed. “I know. I just don’t like being the weakest. I want to handle everything myself.” 

 

“But there is nothing weak about asking for help Seungri. You really need to understand.” He gripped Seungri’s chin and kissed him. “I’ve asked for help before. Even just for little things. Does that make me weak?” Seunghyun raised a suspicious eyebrow. 

 

Seungri tried to pull away but the older man kept a firm grip on his chin. “No. No I guess it doesn’t.” 

 

Seunghyun pushed Seungri under the shower stream, letting out a little yelp of surprise. “Come on wash off. We’ve been in here for a while. The water will be going cold soon.”

 

The two wrapped towels around their waists and made for Seunghyun’s master bedroom. Seungri put on his boxers and flopped down on the king sized bed. Seunghyun put on sleep pants, a t shirt, and his favorite over sized hoodie. 

 

“I have something for you, hold on.” Seunghyun walk out of the room and came back in with a water bottle in one hand and half a small white tablet in the other hand. “It’s half of one of my sleeping pills. It’s not very strong but it should help you finally get some sleep.” 

 

Seungri blushed. “Omo, you noticed that then.” He plucked the pill from his boyfriend’s hand and downed it with the water. 

 

“It’s hard not to notice when you fall asleep next to a warm body then half way through the night it goes missing.” Seunghyun pulled the covers down and the 2 crawled underneath them.

 

Seungri buried his face into his boyfriend’s chest, taking in his favorite smell. He gripped the fabric with one hand and draped the other over the older man’s side. Seunghyun had one arm under his pillow, the other over his lover, his fingers tracing shaped up and down the warm skin on his back. Their legs intertwined and before he knew it Seungri was making soft snoring noises, his chest rising and falling steadily. 

 

Seunghyun leaned down and kissed his boyfriend’s hair. “Sarang hae baby panda.”