A Teaspoon of Insecurity
A teaspoon of insecurity-- Marriage Recipe [Writing Contest | Win KPOP Merchandise!]
PROMPTS USED : “When you hold me once you’ll know my heart is beating. My heart is beating faster than the clock. The whole world can hear the sound of my heartbeat” – Hug Me Once by Girls Day
She groggily opened her eyes, adjusting them to the sunlight that sweep through the window. Stretching out her arms, she noticed the absence of the person who should be lying next to her. A sad sigh escaped her lips as she forced herself out of bed and walked to the bathroom for a shower. As her body came in contact with the warm water, she started to reminiscence the happy years she once lived in.
It was a cold winter day. She cursed in her mind for forgetting to bring gloves on such a cold day. Rubbing her hands together didn't do any help either. She's still freezing and at this rate, she might froze to death waiting for her friend to arrive. Her head snapped towards a familiar voice behind her. She ran towards him with an annoyed expression.
"Yah! You are too much. I'm freezing to death and you still laugh?" She said, causing her friend to shut up and look at her apologetically.
"I'm sorry, Haneul. Himchan hyung took too long in the bathroom." Daehyun said, his hands subconsciously reached out to her, giving her warmth.
"Yah! Blame it on me. You're the one who said i should look nice." Himchan said, smacking his head in the process.
Daehyun let go of your hands and rubbed his head as he whined and complained about Himchan. She stared at the guy next to him curiously. Daehyun has told her a lot about Kim Himchan. He was more handsome than she thought he would be. Her heart did a flip flop as their eyes locked for a mere second.
"Hyung, this is Haneul. You know her. Haneul this is Himchan." Daehyun introduced the two of you.
The three of you were about to walked away from the park when Himchan stopped in his track, causing you to look back. He took out a hot-pack and with slightly blushing cheeks, he handed it out to you before he joined Daehyun, few steps ahead of you. You watched him rubbed his hands due to the cold and feel warmth crept up your cheeks as you remember what he said as he gave you his hot-packs.
"Use mine." he said with his low voice, sending tingles all over your body.
She smiles at the memory of their first meeting. It was ordinary yet for her, it was the sweetest thing. She turned the doorknob and walked out of the bedroom, only to find the apartment empty as it has always been for the past two months. Her smile doesn't even last a minute as it turned into a slight frown.
"Himchan?" She called out, hoping her husband would popped out and tell her everything was just a joke.
But who is she to kid. Himchan will never be there. Not wanting to shed any tears for things that has happened every day, she decided to make a cup of coffee and grab a piece of bread, munching it slowly. A huge frame was hung on the living room, showing everyone who entered the place that they were married. But the more she looked at it, the more her heart ache. The gold Ring on her fourth finger feels so cold against her skin now.
"Will you marry me, Haneul?" His y yet comforting voice expressed the nervousness.
She giggled and nodded, giving him a sweet kiss on the lips. It was the most beautiful day she has ever had.
Before she could day dream any further, she feels a throbbing pain in her stomach. She screeched in pain as she clutched her flat stomach, letting her body fell to the carpeted floor.
"Himchan..." She whispered between her ragged breath, dragging her body towards the phone to call the number she remembers by heart.
She prayed he'll be there, since he left his phone on the bedpost.
"Hello?"
"Himchan, help... It hurts..." was all she could say before darkness come to her.
***
Daehyun woke up at the sound of continuous knocking on his apartment's door.
"Who is it?" his croaked against the intercom.
There was no answer. He sighed and went out to open the door by himself, only to find his best friend sitting on the floor with his back against the wall.
"hyung." he sighed.
"Hey Daehyun." He said.
"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be at home with Haneul?" Daehyun asked while letting him in.
"I need to ask you something." he shortly replied, making himself comfortable on the black sofa.
"What is it? Can't you wait until later? It's like 9 a.m and i haven't slept that long..." Daehyun whined.
"Do you love her?" Himchan's question caught him off guard.
"What?"
"You heard me, Daehyun. Do you love Kim Haneul?" Himchan repeated with his sharp eyes boring into Daehyun's.
He didn't say anything and yet it was enough for Himchan.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked.
"Why are you asking me this now?" Daehyun retorted.
"Because apparently i found her diary few months ago and she wrote that she has been in love with you before i came into her life. Heck, i don't know what she's thinking anymore. She didn't write a single thing after that." Himchan blabbered.
"Why are you telling me this, hyung? You know she loves you..." Daehyun said, hiding the pain.
"Because she kept talking about you! How am i supposed to know if she's in love with me or if i was just a rebound all this time?!!!" Himchan shouted, his eyes red.
"Hyung..." Daehyun was about to tell him the truth when the phone rang.
He picked it up.
"It's Haneul." daehyun said, looking at the caller id while Himchan sent him an "i told you so'' look.
"Hello?"
"Himchan, help... It hurts..." Her soft voice can be heard even by Himchan who widened his eyes.
The line went dead soon after, leaving an uncomfortable silence.
"Does that prove you enough?" Daehyun bitterly asked.
Himchan couldn't move from his spot. Her hurting voice is killing him inside and he didn't know what to do.
"Go. She needs you." Daehyun said.
Himchan didn't think twice. He speed off, hoping nothing is wrong with her while Daehyun watched him leave in pain.
'and once again you called me just to find him...' he smiles.
***
Himchan paced back and forth in panic. It has been four hours since he found her lying on the floor unconscious. He stills remember how pale she looked as he carried her to his car and drives as fast as he can to the nearest hospital.
"Mr.Kim?" The doctor finally walked out.
Himchan almost jumped in shock.
"what happened? Is she okay? She's not sick is she?" Himchan worriedly asked, stealing glances at the closed door.
The doctor smiles and shook his head.
"She's just tired and stressed out. Make sure she eats healthily. It's not good for her or the baby if she's too stressed out." The doctor said before he left Himchan dumbfounded.
'pregnant? Haneul is pregnant?' he thought.
When was the last time they make love? His eyes slightly widened. 2 months ago after Yongguk's party. It was the last time he was being himself before he found her diary.
He slowly entered the room and watched her sleep peacefully. He caressed her face softly, kissing her lips as gentle as possible.
"I'm sorry." he cried.
"Himchan?" A whispering voice brought him back from crying.
He stared at your tired eyes.
"You're here." She weakly said, her hand cupped his cheek while Himchan land his hand over hers affectionally.
"I'm sorry." he whispered.
She didn't say anything. Her lips curved upwards as she stared at his wet eyes.
"Why?" She asked.
"Did i do something wrong?" She asked again before Himchan can answer.
Himchan shook his head.
"i was just being insecure. I read your diary.. you loved Daehyun.. and.. and if i didn't interfere.. i...i just don't know... what if you don't love me? What if you're just using me as a rebound? What if you know Daehyun is in love with you and you decided to leave me? I... i couldn't.." Himchan croaked.
She didn't say anything. Is that why he's been acting so cold for the past two months? Before she knew it, a soft laughter escaped her lips. Himchan looked at her. She didn't say a single word but expand her arms, gesturing him to hug her. When his arms perfectly wrapped against her waist, she whispered,
“When you hold me once you’ll know my heart is beating. My heart is beating faster than the clock. The whole world can hear the sound of my heartbeat”
"does that answer your worry, Himchan?" she asked.
Himchan nodded, feeling so stupid for being so insecure.
"I knew about Daehyun. We confronted each other but that time, my heart already belong to you. What can i say? As much as i want to return his feeling i can't. I love you." she said, smiling at him.
Himchan smiles as he gives her a kiss.
"I'm sorry." He said again.
"No. I'm sorry. I still kept that stupid diary. I thought it was the one about you--" she clasped , realizing she has spoke too much.
Himchan raised his eyebrows.
"About me?" He teased.
He chuckled at her blushing face. How he misses all these. He hugs her again.
"I promise i won't do this kind of thing anymore."
"It's okay himchan." She said, glad her husband is back.
"I promise i'll take a good care of both of you. I'm sorry i didn't realized you were pregnant." Himchan said, now remembering how she would run to the bathroom to throw up.
Her eyes widened.
"I'M PREGNANT?!"
Himchan's laughter filled the room as he watched his naive wife freaked out.
"I'm pregnant.'' She kept murmuring.
"Pabo." Himchan lightly hit her head.
She pouts and look down at her tummy. A warm smile tugged her lips. Himchan lovingly gazed at her.
"I'm pregnant." she looked at him.
Everything will be all right now. She knows that.
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