It was a day in midst of autumn, the leaves on the trees were already turning into various shades of yellow, orange and red, splayed out on the pavements. A chilling breeze runs through my hair and I nuzzle into my scarf. It is quite cold today but still, this day is nevertheless beautiful. I loved autumn days. Everything is coloured and I liked the crisping sound beneath my shoes whenever I stepped onto leaves. My hand is in the pocket of my jacket, the other entwined with a familiar hand of another person. We are walking over the graveyard, breathing in cold, fresh air and as I look at the other man next to me I couldn't contain my giggle. He looks cute with a red nose and squinting eyes. He looks back at me, confused and I just shake my head.

We come to a stop and I crouch down in front of a grave. Because I usually always kept it tidy, I also start this time to pick up every leaf off of the grave and threw them aside. While one of my hands is pre-occupied the other still kept holding onto the other man, who just watched me first a moment ago and then starts helping to get rid of the leaves one by one.

After we finish, I straighten up again, pull down my scarf and reveal my face, showing a faint smile pulling at my lips. I walked a step along the side of the grave and placed my hand gently on the stone, fingertips brushing along the length of the top of it. The stone was cold against my fingers.

Hey, Yoseob.

I always had talked to him in my mind whenever I came here. I walk back to face the stone from the front now, standing opposite of it.

It has been two years now. Two years since you have been gone and I haven't heard your voice anymore. Two years in which I couldn't see you or touch you or feel you, but I know you're always with me. I know you're by my side and watching me and heck, I still miss you so much. I still think about you every day. I still need you, but as the people say: life goes on and I guess they are right. I'm still walking and breathing on this planet so I promise I'll make the best of it. I need to keep going, I need to find my way into life again after all those years of stress, but I could never say I regretted any decisions and moments I went through with you. You were tired too, right? Tired of all the fighting? When you stopped eating, when you stopped wanting to live. I noticed that. I noticed when you already had given up, Yoseob. And when I noticed I cried all night and I cried more seeing you getting sicker and sicker. Maybe I should've tried harder, but was that even possible? I would have never rescued you out of this misery and I'm sorry, but I know you're in a better place now. And hey, as you might see, I gained some weight again. I'm slowly starting to get healthier again, happier even. I work less and went back to continue studying law. Are you proud of me hearing this?

I notice as a pair of arms wrap around me from behind, pulling me closer to the body behind me and lips are kissing tears away I didn't notice were wetting my cheeks. I felt myself blushing and smiling even wider.

Yoseob, I'm happy again, can you see that? After your death I couldn't determine if I could ever be happy again, I thought I would keep being unlucky and I suffocated in my sorrow and drowned them with alcohol. I was a train wreck. I was anything but happy or content with life. But then he came. Doojoon is his name. He accepted me and the situation I was in, he supported me and he loves me and I love him as well. I don't think I will ever love anyone as much as you though, you were the love of my life and I would've done anything for you. You're still taking up the most part of my heart. And if I could've I would've taken that condition away from you, hell, I would've taken it over if that would've been the only option to get it away from you. But life doesn't work that way and I hope I have been a good fiance for you until the last breath of yours.

Ah, lately I haven't visited you as much as in the beginning and I'm sorry. And of course the reason is Doojoon. He's trying to help me to stand up on my feet again. It took long for me to let him into my heart. I know him for a year now and I just realized how wonderful he is in the latest weeks. I never realized how much he tried to help me to get out of my sorrows after he knew my story - our story, Yoseob. He knows that I'm still hurting and still mourning and that he kind of will be only second to you. I know I shouldn't do that, I know I should get over you...but I can't and don't want to. You were the most important person in my life. You should know that nothing can be compared to you, no one will ever mean as much to me as you did to me. But he accepts it and he understands it. Isn't that great? Isn't he wonderful? He's more than I could've wished for.

I sigh shakily and lean back into Doojoon, who nuzzles into my hair.

"He'd be so proud of you..." I hear him murmur.

"Do you really think so?"

"Neh." 

it's dooooone ;A; finally! sigh.