“I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.”

Roy Croft

                Siwon wasn’t a bad person, rather, quite the opposite. He volunteered at his church, he helps his elderly neighbor with her chores, he listens to his parents and his teachers. He was a good student, a good son, and a good Christian. But something was always missing.

                He loved helping people, so no one thought anything of it when Siwon took Donghae, a struggling student, under his wing. Donghae needed help in math, and Siwon was first in his class, so it was only natural. At first, Siwon thought nothing of his after school tutoring sessions with his fellow classmate. It wasn’t until Donghae came running to him in the hall one day, waving around his first A+ paper in math, a huge grin plastered on his face that was brighter than the sun, did something in Siwon shift.

                Siwon found himself spending an awful lot of time thinking about the other male; how he smiled when Siwon complemented him for getting a question right, how his brow wrinkled as he thought, and how he chewed on his lip when he had to have Siwon work through a problem with him. He also found that he felt very comfortable around Donghae, even to the point of inviting him out with his friends, walking him home or bringing him over to his house.

                His parents even loved Donghae and approved greatly of their son being friends with him. They didn’t even yell at him when they had spent all night playing Donghae’s new video game, or when they had made a mess of the kitchen when they attempted to cook for themselves.

                When Donghae kissed him for the first time, it was under the cover of night and Siwon’s parents had gone to bed long ago. The duo stayed up late, watching one Nicholas Cage movie after another and as the credits for City of Angels began rolling and Siwon moved to get up to replace the DVD with another, Donghae caught his arm, pulled him back and pressed his lips firmly to his. When Donghae pulled back, Siwon stared at him with wide eyes and raised eyebrows. Donghae only smiled and kissed him again.

                Siwon never dared to tell a soul of that night, not even his parents. He knew, if he told anyone, he would instantly be labeled as ‘homo’ and would have to face the punishment of his parents and the wrath of God. But, when Donghae would smile at him across a crowded hallway, he couldn’t bring himself to care. When Donghae would corner him in an empty bathroom and proceed to kiss him like it was the last time, Siwon was ready to confess it all if Donghae would only hold him and kiss him like that again.

                When graduation came around, Siwon was giddy. He couldn’t wait to move out and start a new life with Donghae at his side. He was going to continue his schooling in the city and Donghae was going to pursue his dream of becoming a dancer, Siwon was only grateful that Donghae was going to share his dream with him. Siwon wasn’t ready to tell his parents about his real relationship with Donghae yet, but Donghae’s parents, loving and kind, were going to support them if ever they needed it.

                After two years of living with Donghae, Siwon decided it was time and scheduled a visit with his parents. Donghae fretted and begged for Siwon to take him too, but Siwon only kissed him and told him it would be best if he stayed home. Donghae agreed after much persuasion and kisses and Siwon left the following afternoon.

                Two days later, Siwon stumbled numbly into the house, cheeks stained with shed tears and Donghae jumped worriedly from the couch. He asked what happened and Siwon only said, “I love you. I love who I am when I’m with you. They don’t matter,” and proceeded to kiss Donghae square on the mouth, as if to prove it. I love you.