Cho Kyuhyun was sitting alone in a small room. His face was troubled; his eyes were dark, empty, and sad. He was staring at his reflection in the mirror with a dim expression, sighing every once in a while, heavier and heavier each time. Then he took a bottle of pills on the desk in front of him, turned the cap open, put it back on the desk, and grab a glass of water with his free hand.

He stared blankly at the bottle in his hand. He then sighed sadly before drinking the whole bottle of sleeping pills in one shot. He wiped his wet lips afterwards, and then chuckled ironically while putting the now empty bottle back on the desk. He took a piece of paper and began scribbling, waiting for the pills to take effect on his frail and tired body.

Life is nothing but a bunch of God’s craps. He wrote. Sarcasm was always one of his best traits. He knew it well. His face was bitter. What could the world have done to such a beautiful face?

He kept scribbling on the piece of paper, until his eyes caught a photograph on the far corner of his desk. Stood in the picture was his younger self, side by side with his beloved sister, hands on his mother’s shoulder, who was sitting with his father. Smiles, genuine happy smiles, were decorating their faces. The picture of his parent brought back a memory he could never forget.

~~

(Flashback to one year ago)

Cho Kyuhyun stood on a hospital corridor. He was standing in front of room 203, had been so for the last half on an hour. He was hesitant, but he finally decided to come inside. The sight of his mother lying helplessly on the hospital bed broke his heart into pieces. His father was sitting on a chair beside her bed, holding her hand. His back was facing Kyuhyun. He didn’t notice Kyuhyun’s presence until Kyuhyun opened up his mouth and spoke.

“Mom... Dad...” he called.

His father turned around and saw his only son standing like a damn fool across the room. He felt disappointment rose in his chest. Kyuhyun saw the hint of disappointment in his father’s weary face, and it made his feel like trash. But Kyuhyun didn’t realize that his father was also sad. Kyuhyun didn’t know that all his father wanted to do was hug his one and only son, if only he ask for forgiveness and leave that boyfriend of his.

“What are you doing here, you insolent child?! Come to torture your mother some more?” His father cursed unintentionally.

Kyuhyun knew this would happen, but it didn’t mean that it will hurt any less. He felt his eyes started to brim with tears. His mother turned to gaze at her youngest child. She then turned to her husband.

“Honey, can you leave me and Kyuhyun for a while...?” She asked weakly.

“But, you’re—“ Kyuhyun’s father tried to argue. But his wife cut him short with her irresistible pleading eyes, eyes that she passed on perfectly to her only son.

“Please... I want to talk with my son, he’s still my son. Please...”

Her husband didn’t have the heart to argue anymore. So he nodded and walked to the door, glared to Kyuhyun on his way out. His burning eyes was clearly saying, “No stupid business! You hear me?!” And all Kyuhyun could do was nod in return. Then when his father finally closed the door behind him, Kyuhyun scooted closer to his beloved mother.

“Mommy.... I’m sorry mommy...!!” He cried.

His mother patted his head lovingly.

“There there, Kyu... Hush now... You look so skinny, my child. Have you not been eating well? Why won’t you let me take care of you? Why did you have to leave with that man? Where is he anyway? Is he coming with you? Is he outside?” His mother bombarded him with questions that only got Kyuhyun hung his head lower.

“He left...” he said quietly, “Siwon left, were not together anymore... Siwon, he left.” Just by saying that name, bad memories came hurling in Kyuhyun’s mind.

~~

(Flashback to two months ago)

“Please don’t leave me, Siwonnie... Please... I need you! You’re all I have!” Kyuhyun begged, clinging with all his might to a man’s arm. Tears were streaming down his face.

Siwon snapped free from Kyuhyun’s hands. No matter how hard Kyuhyun held on to him, he was always stronger than the younger.

“Well, I don’t need you. Now stop being clingy and let me go!” he yelled.

“Why are you being like this, Siwonnie? You said you’ll stay forever. You said you’ll want me forever...” Kyuhyun had stopped crying. He had run out of tears, at least for that moment.

“People change, Kyuhyun. You’re too much of a burden! Even your parents don’t want you anymore.” With that, Siwon left Kyuhyun, who was already hunched pathetically on the floor. He left his parent to be with him, with the love of his life, and now he’s leaving him, all alone, hurt, betrayed, unwanted, like a piece of garbage.

~~

(Flashback to four months ago)

“If you’re going to be with that man, then get out of this house!” His father yelled in anger.

“Stay, Kyu... Do you hear me?? Leave him and stay here!” His sister begged.

Kyuhyun looked sadly to his mother, who was saying in almost a whisper.

“Just go.”

Kyuhyun couldn’t handle it anymore, he turned and walk away from his family. In his back, voices screaming and yelling and calling out for him, except from his mother. He ran to the front door but suddenly there were hands grabbing his arm at the terrace. His sister had run after him.

“Kyunnie, just listen to mom and dad, alright? Please?” she said.

“I can’t.” Kyuhyun said stubbornly.

“Why, Kyu? Why does it have to be him? That guy is no good for you!” she asked weakly.

Kyuhyun rolled up his sleeves, showing her a long and hideous cut mark on the inner side of his arm. She cringed painfully at the sight. Then he pulled his collar down, exposing a rounded scar from a lighted cigarette being burned onto his beautiful skin. And he finally spoke.

“Remember our school years, noona? These are my souvenirs. People were always so insistent to giving me these souvenirs. And who stood up and protect me?! Siwon. Now how can you say that he’s not good for me?!”

Kyuhyun felt sorry for his sister. He felt sorry for himself as the memory of his miserable life in school came back to him.

~~

(Flashback to Kyuhyun’s sophomore year)

Kyuhyun was walking alone in the school yard, ignoring every hateful glare other students were throwing at him. He was so used to it, he didn’t care about it anymore.

“Look at him, how can a guy be so pretty?!” Kyuhyun heard a girl said.

“I know! What if people think he’s prettier than us?” another said.

“Damn pretty boy! He was a disgrace to all male society.” A boy said loudly, followed by a thundering laughter of everyone around.

“Hello, Kyuhyun!” a guy put his arm around Kyuhyun. Then another one came from his other side.

“Follow us quietly! Or else...!” The guy on his left threatened. So Kyuhyun just do whatever they say as they dragged him up to the school roof.

Kyuhyun had experience every mockery and every torture as the number one and most wanted victim of the bullying program in school, but what happened on the roof that day was a whole new level of torture.

He was ually abused. Violently too. Kyuhyun screamed and cried, but those filthy bastards kept ignorant to Kyuhyun’s pain.

“This is brilliant. You’re prettier than all the girls here, plus you won’t get pregnant so we don’t have to worry about that!” one guy said in between his heavy panting as he ed in and out of Kyuhyun’s opening.

“Leave him alone!” A deep voice said casually from behind a bench. And a tall, well built figure rose up then walkedlazily to the horrible scene. He was yawning and stretching, then glared to the two guys that were abusing Kyuhyun.

“You guys are noisy, and to be honest, it’s embarrassing for all of us. So, why don’t you sissies go and bring your little uninteresting away before I beat the crap out of you? Alright? Alright? GO!” The tall boy said. He scared the other boys away without even trying. Then he came to Kyuhyun who was still sobbing silently.

“Hello, I’m Siwon. I like you. Wanna be my boyfriend?” He said, holding out his hands to Kyuhyun. Ever since that day, for the first time in his life, Cho Kyuhyun was free from being bullied, for his tall, big, handsome boyfriend Siwon would always be near him. And no one dared to mess with that punk.

~~

(Current time...)

Life is really nothing but God’s craps. Kyuhyun put down the pen on top of the piece of paper he’d been writing on. Yes, life is nothing but a bunch of God’s craps. He gave Kyuhyun that face, that body, that physical appearance, and made him a joke, made him suffer because of that sheer perfection. Then He gave him love, He sent him Siwon, only to be hurt and left like this. His life doesn’t get any better, so why being stubborn to stay alive?

How about we get back at Him a little? Kyuhyun thought. He walked to his bed as he felt his body weaken. The drugs must’ve started taking effects. Screw Your plan! I’m going to die now, before you make me.

Cho Kyuhyun laid on his bed, as if getting ready to sleep. He smiled before he finally closed his two beautiful eyes. Good bye, sick world! For eternity. He whispered and lost consciousness.

...

...

...

Is someone bumping my chest?

Thump.. Thump...

Is someone pumping my heart?

“Come on, beautiful! Don’t you give up on me!” A man screamed in frustration.

Is someone calling me?

Voices... voices... Why am I hearing it? Why am I feeling it? Am I not dead?!

Cho Kyuhyun coughed. He spewed out the sleeping pills he had taken in, along with the milk that was forced into him.

“Oh, thank God... Thank God..!” A man was holding him in relieve. Kyuhyun adjusted his sight, trying to focus on this man who was now on his chest, not caring about the Kyuhyun’s vomit that were all over his body. And then he saw him when he finally pulled back.

“S.. Siwon?” Kyuhyun stared in disbelieve at the face. Siwon finally came back to him.

“Yes, how do you know?” the man asked

Kyuhyun kept staring at the man’s face. His eyes, his nose, his lips, everything were all Siwon’s.

“Park Siwon! Is it really you? You came back for me?” Kyuhyun asked. Funny, he should be happy, but he wasn’t.

“Errr... No. I think you mistook me for someone else. My name is Choi Siwon.” The man said. He smiled, and Kyuhyun noticed something different. The dimples. Park Siwon didn’t have dimples. Choi Siwon does. This is not his Siwon. But somehow, he felt happy seeing those dimples. He felt lighter.

“Oh, sorry.” He said. “Why are you here?”

Choi Siwon smiled again.

“I’m here to help you.” He said warmly.

“Why?” Kyuhyun asked again.

“Because.... Because I’ve been looking and waiting for you for all my life.”

Somehow, Kyuhyun felt sincerity in Choi Siwon’s voice. His expressive eyes seemed like saying, “Now that I have found you, I will never let you go.” Kyuhyun smiled when Choi Siwon wiped clean his vomit. Leftover of the sleeping pills he took were scattered everywhere. He snuggled closer when Choi Siwon carried him out to the ambulance that had just arrived outside, inhaling the manly scent from Siwon’s body. Then he heard his conscience speaking “This is the Siwon for you, stupid! Not the one that left!” And that made him smile, inside and out.

“Do you want to come inside, Dr. Choi?” the ambulance driver asked.

“Yes. I will take care of him.” And then he climbed inside and held Kyuhyun’s hands. He kissed Kyuhyun’s forehead, he just felt the urge to. And then he said to the boy.

“I will take care of you, forever. Okay?”

Kyuhyun nodded. Love came out of nowhere, people said, and in the most unexpected situations too. There, in the back of the moving ambulance, Choi Siwon and Cho Kyuhyun found love, there, they began their new life together.

~**~

You know, when you are down to nothing, God is up to something.

---the end---