Hankyung sighed; his eyes slowly shifted towards the window he was leaning against. He pressed the skin of his tanned forehead against the glass, his reflection being the only other presence awake in the room. He honestly did not know how much more he could take; he was on his wits end with it all. His hands, that gripped his arms as they lay across his chest, tightened their hold as he closed his eyes. The searing pain was too much. A single tear escaped his slightly opened eyes as his face was lit up by the dull lights from the outside. His only other companion was the silence if one were not to count the man sleeping soundlessly on the mattress. The soft roars of engines from the vehicles that had randomly driven by the home being the only break from the silence.
 

Slowly he, shifted his weight, turned his body to stare head on at the man who had brought him great joy but great ache. His face contorted into one of anguish; his heart stinging at the unpleasant memories. Hankyung didn’t understand where it all went wrong; well, he chose to deny it at least. He knew to be in love and in a relationship with a religious man, such as the one who was on the bed sleeping, would bring great hurdles to overcome. He was willing to take the challenge and he did resulting in three years of commitment to Siwon; his hard work however, seemed to be all a waste. He heard the man mutter in his sleep, Siwon always did, but he no longer called out his pet names or name for that matter. No, now the man who had overwhelmed his heart from the first day they met was calling out another’s name.
 

Hankyung did not know if this meant or hinted at the potential of deceit from his darling, but the sudden change of actions and attitude from the other devastated him. The throbbing pain of his heart when Siwon would ignore or simply nod at him, when he used to smile and latch on to him like a flea, before continuing on with the day as usual was demolishing his dream of finding happiness all over again. Hankyung, when they first met, was at rock bottom and it was Siwon who had helped him get back on his feet. It was during this period when the seed of love was planted before it bloomed in their hearts. Hankyung was reluctant to get into a relationship; he did not want to open himself up in fear of rejection for being who he was. However Siwon had managed to get through his defenses and create a permanent residence inside his heart.
 

His eyes refocused on the sleeping figure as it cuddled the pillow as if it were a person or teddy bear. Hankyung bit his lower lip at the sight, yearning it was him instead of the pillow. He quickly looked away for a second before recollecting himself and reasserting his resolve to take action. He quietly leaned to grab the last of the bags he had packed up while the other had fallen asleep right after getting off from work. Hankyung no longer wanted to feel the sting or the uneasiness Siwon brought; he no longer wanted to live a lie.  He knew from the start a relationship with him would not end on a pretty note. Siwon was too religious, too formed into society to truly take the risks to love him fully. He was silly enough to believe he would be able to change him and now he was dealing with the consequences of his poor judgment.
 

Hankyung took a final glance at the sleeping Adonis on the bed and knew he would never be able to blame Siwon for this mess. No, he could only blame himself for concluding that there was a possibility of hope when in reality there was none. He had clung onto something that was never present, never there and it only led him to fall into a whole of nails and glass. He flung the bag over his shoulder as he closed the bedroom door shut, the floors creaking beneath his weight. He didn’t dare to look around knowing he would simply unravel and become a mess. Hankyung needed to this for himself and for Siwon. He did not need the man to be ridiculed any longer nor did he want to be looked upon as trash. He had resisted the assaults and badmouthing for three years, but he was still human and he had enough. If he didn’t get out now, he never would unless he wanted to end up six feet underground.
 

Shutting the final door behind him, he looked at the taxi that would take him to his destination and muttered a few last words into the bitter cold night.
 

 “Goodbye, Siwonnie.” 

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_{there you have it!}

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