This is too exhausting.

All of this routine of eternal argument with my parents forcing me to get married with fiancée they had choose. How can I marry someone I don’t even love or know?

I don’t even like girls.

I only love you.

And I’m stupid enough to dump you in order to make you stay away from this issue. Yet you only smile when I lie that I don’t want to be with you anymore. It hurts me as well as it does you, you know. I should have just told them that I’ve been in love with you. It is always you.

But I’m a coward and you know that too well.

Because you always been amazing while I’m the only flaw that you have.

I always wonder why you chose me over all of the population in the world. Then my question only brings a warm smile on your sweet lips before you say that the answer was simple.

I think it is complicated.

Well, love is always complicated.

My feet start to drag me automatically. I don’t even know where I’m going to. I only know I have to get away from this madness, fast. There are another yell from my father but I don’t pay any attention either. Not when they causes the chaos in my mind.

It feels like there is a burden on my shoulder that my shoulder starts to become heavy. My chest even grow stiff I can’t oxygen enough. It’s as if like the air is thickening. These feelings of suffering really suffocate me. Like I’m drowning, something – someone drag me deep enough into this pit of despair.

Is it you?

Or is it only ghost of you?

There is a thick cloud over my head literally as the rain going to fall. The darkness keeping me comfortable though or that is what I use to think.

Something squeezes my heart, it happens all the time when I think about you.

Why does it hurt to thinking of you?

It must be something I should pay because of hurting you. Causing you great pain isn’t my intention. You know that, don’t you?

If you don’t then I wish you’d know.

I don’t except you will forgive me anyway. You can hate me if you want. I understand that and I hope you can move on, leave our excerpt of memory so you can gain happiness because I won’t ever have happiness if I don’t live without you.

The thought of living without you is really scare me.

You are like the air I breathe, the world that I see and the music in my ear.

I feel lost like being plunged into a hollow darkness because you are the one who keep me stand on your gravity so I won’t fall further to the miserable reality.

Numbness starts to claim my feet as I feel blurry on my vision. There is water drop on my face when the murky sky roars wildly. Ah, it must be the rain.

Or is it me that crying?

Water begins to drench me though. My hair and my clothes are soaked enough to get sick. I don’t even care to stop for awhile to found shelter. It is so refreshing to my body – like purification – but not to my mind. I’m still struggling with the thought of you.

I look around and find myself familiar with this road. It is so easy to acknowledge this street, so I don’t need to wonder why I’m being dragged here. But what I wonder is why I ended up here all the time?

I try to change my direction. I walk further in the rain yet my feet find their on way to this familiar street again and again. It is like someone has put some spell to my body that it goes on its way. I can’t even control it anymore.

So I give up and here I am, in front of your door, looking so sad and cold and ugly while you might be inside your house with your new girlfriend or someone that completely stranger.

Either of that, I don’t know.

I ring the bell and my heart feels like it want to jump out from the ribs cage. I never felt this nervous to press a bell in my lifetime. Are you going to open your door to me or not?

It only takes a minute for you – when it feels like an eternity for me – to open the door. I expect you’ll shut it again or maybe you just yell at me before doing that. Well that is the worst scene I expect.

Instead you stay still in the silent. Your expression is almost unreadable.

Your face is undeniably as tired as me. There is some streak of dark under your eyes. Your cheeks are slightly hollow it makes me wonders are you eating much. But your face is still gorgeous in the dim light which I always envy.

I try as hard as I can to peek inside to know if there is any presence of other people inside. And I find nothing but darkness. You turn all the lights off inside your house.

I stare into your dark orbs as I feel something stinging on the corner of my eyes. We are standing in silent after finally you give me that perfect smile of yours.

It never failed to take my breath away, your dazzling smile.

As I touched by your warmness I try to speak and finally realize that I’m crying all of this time to find my voice shaky with sob.

“I…don’t know anymore and I-I can’t even think. I know th-this is sounded so selfish…because I was the one who dumped y-you. I, I tried to walk away further from you…I already spend my time walking in a circle b-but my body was being dragged here. I-I don’t even know why I always end up here…to you-Minho.”

You say nothing and only pull me into your warm hug; you don’t even care that you’ll be soaked later and I’m glad that I’m shorter than you so I can rest my head on your strong chest.

It’s always been like this, I talk too much while you say nothing. It’s like you can read my mind.

It’s always been like this, I try to pull away from you but I fall into your gravity again.

It’s always you; it’s your gravity that always brings me back to you.

Because you’ve been the center of my gravity.

Is this failed? Or not? I only know if you tell me, thanks <3