[1]
Patience is a Virtue
Another bright morning here in Seoul, which means another crappy day at school for Shin Jihae. Don't get her wrong, she loves going to school - for the learning, that is. She isn't the type to go around and hang out with friends. She isn't that "social butterfly" that everyone thinks she is. In fact, she can't stand the people that hang around her. But in her mind, they care about her just as much as she cares about them. When she's gone, no one even notices. There's only one reason why she sticks around that area.
L.Joe.
A smile lights up her face just thinking about him. His perfect silky smooth hair. His style; oh gosh, his style. His personality. His laugh. The way his eyes smile as he smiles. Everything about him is just perfection. Her heart is just fluttering at the thought of him. She hates herself for feeling like this. She knows he doesn't feel the same way. She knows she doesn't deserve him. She knows she's not good enough. And yet, she's still trying to get his attention.
Practically everyone knows she likes him already. Those "friends" try to make her jealous by touching him, hugging him, and talking to him. They're just wasting their time. Jihae isn't the type to get jealous. She laughs at their attempts to make her angry.
To be honest, Jihae herself doesn't know why she likes him. Despite the fact that he's absolutely perfect, they don't talk. He had a crush on her best friend in the beginning of the year and she liked him back, but she ended up losing feelings for him and getting a different boyfriend. He's liked 2 other girls after her and you have no idea how much Jihae wished she was one of them. The only time Jihae had the chance to talk to him was online. Of course they had mutual friends so she wasn't afraid to add him. Adding him wouldn't hurt, right?
Near the middle of the school year, he announced he was going to be deactivating his account for awhile, so he put up a status with his phone number, AIM, and email. Being the creeper she is, Jihae smiled and took that chance. She got his number and texted him the next night. They texted for several days, but like every other girl, she got that feeling that she was annoying and a bother, so eventually they stopped talking. But her feelings stayed the same. She still liked him.
Everyday at school was hard. She knew he had feelings for another girl and she had to watch him drool over her. Of course when they used to talk, Jihae slipped up and almost gave away her feelings for him, yet she still wasn't sure he caught on. He said hi to her first sometimes during school and she had to go somewhere private so that she could spazz alone about it. She didn't "love" him, but she sure did like him a lot. She thought her crush was silly. They rarely talked and he was too busy oogling over some other girl. She even tried liking some other guys but of course, Jihae's eyes belonged to L.Joe.
It is now the last day of school and Jihae and L.Joe have not spoken to each other for several months. No reason, really. Jihae's that typical awkward girl that doesn't know how to talk to guys and L.Joe is that typical popular guy that has a lot of friends and no time for awkward people. The most recent time they talked was when Jihae was nervous for her dance auditions. L.Joe overheard her talking to her friend and reassured her that she was going to do great. Of course, Jihae didn't make it in, but still, getting L.Joe to say that was still really refreshing.
Jihae sulked into school yet again, though her mood was slightly better than usual, considering it being her last day until summer starts. She walked through the halls and passed many buildings to get to her locker. As usual, a few of her friends were already there, buzzing about their summer plans. Jihae smiled and nodded her head toward them. "Hey guys." The 6 of them smiled back and continued their conversation. Jihae dropped her small bag on the floor and sat down.
There was no reason to go to any class because grades were already put in and it wasn't like they'd do any work. Instead of going to class, they all met up in the building they usually go to. The group she usually "can't stand" met up with them too. She didn't really bother, because one of the people in that group was L.Joe. Jihae noticed him right when he walked through the door. His reddish brown hair shined in the sunlight. This might sound cliché but he honestly looked like an angel.
Jihae tried her best not to drool. She isn't the type to fawn over guys. She doesn't crush on guys much, but L.Joe's an exception. Jihae tried to keep in her feelings, considering there were two guys in her group that liked her. She wanted to walk up to L.Joe and say hi to him, but he didn't even look her way. It was disappointing. Everyone who knew she liked L.Joe felt bad for her. No one she's liked has ever liked her back. And she's honestly not that bad to look at. She may not be gorgeous and she's not Girls' Generation worthy, but she's not ugly. A lot of people even told her that she looked good with L.Joe, but I guess they just said that to make her happy.
Gazing at L.Joe from across the hall, she made up her mind. She was going to confess to him today. "Jihae, are you okay?" Startled, Jihae pulled her attention away from L.Joe and onto her best friend, Chanmi. Chanmi followed Jihae's gaze and noticed who she was staring at. "Oh, you're staring at Perf?" Perf was the nickname Jihae and her best friends came up with for L.Joe. Perf was short for perfect or perfection, which was what Jihae kept calling him.
"Yeah," Jihae giggled softly, "I'm going to tell him I like him today." Jihae tried to sound confident but she was afraid. She wasn't afraid of telling him, but she was afraid of rejection. She was afraid of what he was going to say. Is he going to make fun of her? No, of course not. He's not that type of person. But Jihae was so terribly afraid that she was thinking any kind of scenario.
"You're seriously going to tell him how you feel?!" Chanmi exclaimed. Chanmi was her first friend ever since she moved to Seoul 3 years ago. If there was anyone she can talk to, it would be Chanmi.
Jihae looked at her best friend and smiled. "I want to. I'm going to try to. I'm just scared." Jihae tried to be confident and positive, but the pep talks just didn't help her at all.
"Don't be scared, Jihae." Chanmi tried to soothe her best friend, "Just tell him how you feel. I honestly think you have a chance. If you don't tell him how you feel, you may be missing out. What if he likes you?" Jihae almost spat in Chanmi's face from laughing so hard.
"HA, him like me? Yeah, sure." Jihae rolled her eyes and turned to L.Joe's direction. He was still standing there with his friends, the "douche bags" as Jihae would frequently call them.
Chanmi smiled softly. "Well, good luck."
"Thanks." No matter what, Chanmi was always the person that could make Jihae smile. Jihae is actually incredibly jealous of Chanmi. Just like L.Joe, Chanmi is perfect. She's talented, smart, and gorgeous. She can sing, dance, and act. She has the hair, the style, and the personality. She's the full package and yet she doesn't think she's good enough. In fact, the best friend I mentioned earlier, the one that L.Joe liked, was in fact Chanmi. Chanmi confessed to liking him in the beginning of the year and he said he liked her back. Though nothing happened after that. They didn't talk a lot and he ignored her at school. So casually, she lost feelings for him and moved onto someone else.
Jihae honestly doesn't get how easy it was for Chanmi to get over L.Joe. She tried.
"When are you going to tell him?" Chanmi's question interrupted her train of thought.
"I'm not sure. I don't even know how to tell him. Do I tell him in person or text?" Jihae closed her eyes in frustration, her bangs falling over her face. "You know how awkward I am! I can't do it in person. I just shouldn't even tell him. I have no chance."
Chanmi seemed startled at Jihae's sudden outburst but she felt the need to calm her down. "Jihae, you never know until you try. If you feel that uncomfortable doing it in person, just do it online or through text. That's how I did it." Chanmi laughed at how she confessed to him.
Jihae let out a nervous chuckle. Confessing to your crush is never easy. Come to think of it, Jihae slipped up many times while they talked. L.Joe probably sensed it already. "Aish." Jihae shook her head furiously, trying to get those thoughts out of her head. Think of the positive. The positive, not the negative, the positive.
A hushed vibration noise came from the back pocket of Jihae's pants. "Hello?" She opened up her phone and put it toward her ear without checking the caller ID.
"Jihae, it's time to go. I'm waiting at the front." Immediately recognizing the husky voice at the end of the line, Jihae responded and quickly hung up. Checking the time on her phone, she was surprised to see that it was already the end of 4th period.
"What the. It's after 4th already? What have I been doing this whole time?" Jihae looked around the hall and noticed most of her friends left already. The only ones there were Chanmi and 2 of her other friends Rin and HaNeul.
HaNeul laughed, "You've been sitting on the floor this whole time. You barely even answered when we tried to talk to you. I could've sworn you were just asleep with your eyes open." HaNeul's comment caused her group to laugh as they helped pick up Jihae from the ground. "Who were you on the phone with anyway?"
Suddenly remembering her phone call, she started to hurry. "Oh yeah! My brother called. He's here to pick me up. I'm leaving early today. Sorry I couldn't take pictures with any of you! I'll see you over the summer! Bye!" Running over and giving each a quick 3 second hug, Jihae dashed down the hall and toward the front of school, quickly leaving with her brother.
The car ride home was the same as always - awkward and quiet. Nothing could be heard between the two except for the loud echoes of the dubstep music coming from her brother's radio. As their car skidded to a stop, Jihae unbuckled her seatbelt as fast as she could and ran inside the house. Her house was quiet. With her mom working 10 hours, her dad barely even being present, and her brother always going out with his girlfriend, there's no one to bother her when she's home. It's both relaxing and saddening.
Running upstairs and into her room, she slammed her door shut and her computer. On the way back home from school, she was still debating on whether or not to confess to L.Joe. It's summer, it's not like they're going to see each other. After an agonizing 5 minutes, Jihae made up her mind. She was going to confess to L.Joe. Instead of doing it at that moment while everyone was still at school, she decided to wait until around 5.
Jihae opened up a new word document and began typing out what she wanted to tell him. "I don't want to sound desperate or anything. Shibal, I have no idea what to say." She slammed her head on her desk, letting out a loud shriek to ease off her frustration. "It's just a confession, Jihae. Calm down. It's just a confession." Slowly lifting her head up, she focused on the word document and began typing. She didn't even have to stop and think. The words came out like nothing.
After a minute or two, Jihae's fingers slowed to a brief stop, wondering if she should add more. Finally feeling content, she read it quietly to herself. "Hey, I know this is really of me since it’s already the end of the school year and it’s even more of me to be doing it through an email, but I just wanted to get this off my chest. Okay, to be honest, I have a crush on you. You probably knew already but I felt like it’s best if you heard it from me personally.. Haha. You probably don’t feel the same way, but it’s okay. I’m alright if you don’t feel the same way. I just wanted to get this off my chest. I hope this doesn’t make things awkward. You can just forget about this if you want, lol. But yeah. Replying to this message is your decision. I just wanted to let you know. Okay, bye L.Joe!"
"Oh my god I sound so stupid." Jihae groaned, rereading her words over and over again. "You know what? Whatever. The worst he could do is reject me and I'm used to that." Quickly saving the document, Jihae ran downstairs to grab a snack and watch TV to kill time. She didn't want to stay on the computer and check the time every 5 minutes. She grabbed a cup of yogurt and decided on watching the recent episodes of Running Man. She couldn't get enough of Kang Gary. Yum.
By the time she finished the last episode, it was barely turning 5. "Perfect timing." She smiled to herself. Pushing herself off the couch, she brisk walked into the kitchen to throw away her empty yogurt cup. Without another moment to spare, she dashed up her stairs. Jihae re-opened her word document and copied everything into an email. It took her about 5 minutes to actually press "send".
"Now, all I have to do is wait."
-x-
This was the first chapter. I'm terribly sorry if you got bored and it started out slow. It'll get better, I hope. Comment and subscribe. K thenkzzz.
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