Chan was starting to believe that the universe got off on playing games with him. How is it possible every time he managed to fall asleep, all he dreamed about was Felix? And now, as if being unable to sleep wasn’t already enough, Chan was doing every possible thing to not fall asleep. Because he couldn’t bear dreaming of Felix. Because, more often than not, he woke up crying. Because he loved Felix so much he felt like dying most of the time; from happiness or sorrow, he wasn’t sure anymore.

 

Loving Felix was so easy for Chan. Felix was radiant, kind, gentle, funny, smart, joyful. He felt like a breath of fresh air. He reminded Chan of his homeland, every time he was with Felix, he felt at home; he felt complete. Chan couldn’t quite explain it. He also couldn’t pinpoint exactly when he realised he was in love with Felix. Sometimes, he felt like he knew all along but waited for the right moment to acknowledge it. Other times, he thought of that one time Felix did that one thing that made Chan fall in love with him. And other times, he remembered the first time they met and thought that that was the moment he fell in love: the very first moment their eyes met and Felix shyly smiled at him. 

 

It was now past 2AM and Chan shouldn’t be thinking about Felix. He should be working, he should be doing anything to not fall asleep. Something inside him was telling him that if he fell asleep this time, he would never be the same when he woke up. So, he reached for his cup of coffee to find it empty. Sighing, he put his head in his hands and suddenly began to cry. He was so tired. He felt so helpless. He felt so lonely. He felt so desperate. He wanted Felix like he never wanted anyone else before. He wanted Felix to love him back the same way. He wanted Felix to tell him he loved him in a romantic way. He wanted Felix. So bad. He felt so pathetic crying as he was, alone in his studio. He kind of wished someone would open the door and hold him until he stopped crying without asking questions. 

 

Just as he thought this, the door opened, revealing Minho. Of all the people he could have thought about, Chan would never have expected Minho to come to him. He looked at him and when he saw the concerned look on his face, he began to cry harder. Minho immediately rushed to hold him, making him stand up so they could sit together on the couch. Minho’s embrace was so warm, so comforting; Chan felt so cared for.

“Chan-ah, you have to stop doing this. You haven’t slept for days and I’m worried about you” Minho said, his voice ever so soft as he Chan’s back. “I don’t know why you’re keeping yourself from sleeping but I’m not going to sit back and watch you die slowly. Come on, now.”

 

“I-I don’t want t-to…” Chan sobbed.

 

“I’m not going anywhere until you’ve slept a couple hours,” Minho resolutely said. He manages Chan until his head is on his lap and he starts to his hair. Small tears still rolling down his cheeks, Chan gives way to sleep.

 

When Chan wakes up, he’s still in his studio with Minho nowhere to be found. He sits up, looks around and goes to sit in front of his computer. He looks at the time, 8AM. He slept for six hours straight, without dreaming of Felix. Now that he thinks about it, he didn’t dream at all. He doesn’t know if it’s a good thing or not. Yes, his dreams hurt him but he at least was able to see Felix. Not that he never sees him during the day but the Felix in his dreams is a bit different. Still the same ray of sunshine but, in his dreams, Felix is in love with him. Sighing deeply and looking at his unfinished track, Chan decides he better go home and take a shower. Ha saves everything, turns his computer off and on his way he goes.

 

When he arrives home, everything’s quiet. His fellow Racha members must be sleeping, just like Hyunjin. He makes his way to his room and takes his phone out of his pocket to find it’s run out of battery. He plugs it in charge and goes to the bathroom. He takes his time under the shower, letting the hot water run down his body, relaxing his muscles before washing his hair with more care than usual. He scrubs his body clean and finally gets out of the shower, a towel around his waist.

 

He meets Hyunjin on the way to his room but knows better than to greet him as he still looks sleepy. He enters his room, closes the door and starts dressing up. When he’s all done, he makes his way back to the bathroom to blow-dry his hair and brush his teeth. When he’s done, he goes back to his room and turns his phone on to see if he missed any important call or text. No important calls but a bunch of texts from s and one in particular, Felix. But his contact name isn’t the same; instead of it being ✨Lix✨ it was now My Sweetheart✨🩵✨🩵✨🩵. 

 

“What the hell…” Chan muttered, clearly confused. He didn’t remember ever changing Felix’s contact name. He opens their chat and his eyebrows furrow in confusion.

 

Sent at 11.34P.M

Channie?

Are you

Coming home

Tonight?

I really miss

You

🥺

 

Sent at 2.26AM

Minho-hyung

Told me

You’re fine

And asleep

😊

Sweet dreams

My love

🖤

 

“What the hell…” Chan muttered again.

 

He decided to sit down on his bed and try to make sense of the situation. First of all, he clearly remembered what happened with him crying into Minho’s arms and then falling asleep on his lap. Next thing he knows, he wakes up, all alone and, most importantly, Felix is calling him ‘my love’. Before he could think more about the situation, Jisung knocked on his door and entered the room.

 

“Hyung, are you alright? When did you arrive?” he asked, going to sit next to Chan.

 

“I just arrived, Jisung-ah. Why?” Chan asked, trying to get more information that could help him understand what’s going on.

 

“Minho told me he found you in your studio, sleeping on the couch. He was coming to get you home but since you were asleep, he didn’t have the heart to disturb you so he just came back. Felix was so worried about you, you know? Maybe you should call him” Jisung explained, concern evident in his voice.

 

“I… I’ll do that, yes. Don’t worry about me, Jisung, I’m fine.”

 

Jisung quietly hummed and after squeezing Chan’s shoulder, he went out of the room, closing the door behind him.

 

Immediately following Jisung’s advice, Chan calls Felix. It doesn’t even ring once before Felix picks up.

 

‘Channie! Are you alright? Are you home?’ Felix asked, sounding frantic.

 

“Hey, Felix. I’m fine, just came home and took a shower” Chan answered, unable to conceal the fondness in his voice at Felix’s concern.

 

‘Well, that’s good. Minho hyung told me that you slept in your studio. How many times did I tell you not to do this, baby?’ Felix scolded him but he couldn’t care less about it. Baby? What’s going on…

 

“I-I’m sorry…” Chan hesitantly replied. Felix never called him ‘baby’.

 

‘See you later, honey. I love you’

 

Chan’s heart skipped a beat at Felix’s words.

 

“See you later, Felix” he replied and hung up. 

 

Chan layed down on his bed and pressed the palm of his hands on his eyes. He was feeling really weird. He felt like crying because he was just so confused. He didn’t understand what was going on and it was making him crazy. He definitely knew he hadn’t taken a nap in his studio. He knew he had been bawling his eyes out because he felt pathetic about being desperately in love with Felix. But right now… It seemed like he had Felix, it seemed like they were a couple. And Chan should have been happy about it - and a minuscule part of himself was. But the other part, the big