For Orie on Twitter, who asked for a fic seeing Kyusung's relationship through Shindong's eyes!

Donghee knew, as far as he could recall, that he wasn’t and never had been Yesung’s favorite.

He never took it personally and never had been bitter about it; after all, he didn’t need, compared to other members, a hyung to look out for him or simply be dotted on; he wasn’t Donghae, seeking affection from everyone as if he needed it to survive, which especially when he was younger wasn’t so far from the truth, he wasn’t like Ryeowook, insecure of his place in the group, trying his best to get into his leader good graces, but because the later was busy and overthinking everything, he ended up forgotten. He wasn’t like Hyukjae, sweet, lovable Hyukjae, who shared so many life experiences with him, someone he knew when he was way younger. He wasn’t like Siwon, who had his first hardships in life when Yesung was here, just next to him to help. He was just Donghee, confident in his skills, hiding his insecurities and pain behind walls of laughter and jokes, with a more headstrong and distant personality than his younger brothers. 

Yesung loved to love. This was one of the first things you noticed about him after getting to know him, after seeing past his fierce eyes and cold persona. Yesung was a fierce man on stage, but Kim Jongwoon was just a man with too big of a heart and too much love to give, and Donghee sometimes thought that for him, having such a big band with him, with so many people to love, had been a blessing. 

Donghee had never been one to hate, but even he could be surprised about the easiness he had to accept Ryeowook first, to give a warm hand when the rest of them gave him the cold shoulder, especially when it was the most challenging time Yesung had in the band, insecure about his place, insecure about what the future was holding for him, and yet, he couldn’t bare to hurt someone who looks so much like his real younger brother, someone who needed help.

Donghee never told him, but it was the character trait he admired the most about him. His willingness to trust and help no matter how hurt he gets in the process. He himself was too rational, too cautious to lend his bleeding heart so openly to everyone; he knew the risks and preferred not to get hurt over the small benefits he could get out of it. 

So Donghee wasn’t surprised when, once again, a new member threatening his place came into the band; he was the first one to extend a hand towards the new kid. 

The new kid's name was Cho Kyuhyun, and Donghee, as he learned to do with all the others, observed. 

He was awkward. 

His limbs were lanky, as he didn’t know what to do with all his new height, not used yet to towering over most people; he had a nervous smile and flicking eyes; he observed with his worried eyes Leeteuk once in a while as if, more than afraid, he was anxious about getting on his wrong side, later, they would laugh about it, but at the start, it indeed was a source of conflict inside the group, a stressful atmosphere swallowing up everyone and everything. 

Kyuhyun also looked smart, quietly observing as he did himself the members, observing their relationships, how they interacted with each other, their conflicts, and their experiences, and slowly, but indeed, into the band until he blended with the rest, as they all were different colors. They didn’t know at first how a new one could blend prettily into the rest until they found the solution. 

Inside this chaos, some people looked closer to the new kid than others; one of them was Ryeowook, one of the men closest to his age, who had a similar experience. Donghee guessed they could relate and comfort each other in tough times. 

The other was, unsurprisingly, Yesung. 

Donghee knew Kyuhyun woke up his big brother’s part inside his heart almost instantly; he only had a vague awareness of their first meeting, but Kim Jongwoon was too soft-heartened to let someone uncomfortable with his situation alone, so Cho Kyuhyun had been adopted into “Yesung’s little brother's herd.”

Later, Kyuhyun would curse this place he had inside his hyung’s heart; Donghee heard many things just by observing, but at first? No matter what he said, Donghee could recognize thankfulness on someone’s face when he saw it. 

Slowly, it was by observing Kyuhyun’s reactions to Yesung you could get a glimpse of his real personality, the one that was hidden behind the layers of anxiousness he had with the others. Donghee remembers liking what he saw, a young man full of life, intelligent, so intelligent; sometimes it scared him how wistful he could be, how easy it was for him to get what he wanted, how teasing he was, especially with Yesung and the outbursts of anger the later had never failed to amuse him. 

How softer he was with the people he liked.

Kyuhyun looked like him a bit in this regard; he was amongst the less sentimental members, but he wasn’t unaffectionate; he hugged when he pleased, he played, and once he was truly comfortable, it was like all of them had a brat of a little brother they never had before. He remembers, with some endearment, all the chaos the dorms could turn into; he sometimes missed it, the constant noise of people living around him. He could almost see it all over again if he closed his eyes long enough. He could hear Kyuhytun’s laughter and Jongwoon cursing after him; he could hear Leeteuk’s sights and Heechul’s irritated voice asking them to shut up for once. 

But sometimes, when he opened his eyes and only heard silence, it made him think of darker times instantly, and he never liked the dread that followed.

He remembers that their relationship started to change slightly after the accident. 

True to his words, Yesung never got angry at Kyuhyun again.

Sure, he could curse, sigh, or ask him to stop occasionally, but he never got angry lost his temper, which, especially concerning his hyung from the late 2000s, was quite an accomplishment. 

Donghee remembers Kyuhyun’s curious eyes at first, and he knew, seeing those eyes, plans after plan after plan forming in his mind, testing the limits of where he could go until Yesung got mad. 

But Yesung never got mad, and with each failed attempt, Kyuhyun looked increasingly frustrated and pouting but never discouraged until he formed a new plan to get under his skin, to see it fail again. 

Donghee wondered for a while and was quite worried that Yesung would get mad by this attitude or, worse, get hurt. But Yesung never lost his smile, not even once, while looking at Kyuhyun being increasingly annoying with him. Worse, he looked happier and happier each time he saw Kyuhyun approaching him.

“It makes him look alive,” he once told him quietly, a beer in his hands and sad eyes, “When he laughs, teases me, gets frustrated, gets fired up with a new idea, and does it all over again, he never looks more alive.” 

As with everything else, the challenge lost its flavor for Kyuhyun, so he returned to what he had initially done, with an average amount of teasing. 

And yet, it’s after this period that Donghee saw something change; so subtle and yet so life-changing. 

Kyuhyun would deny it years later, but Donghee knew he fell first.

It started small.

Kyuhyun never liked all the touching Jongwoon used to do too much, but after a while, you just got used to it or complained until he stopped. But, maybe it was because it was during their Sorry Sorry promos, so he was the only one seeing it; he remembers suddenly how Kyuhyun’s reaction to his touching changed from annoyed to sudden stiffness, his ears turning subtly red and confusion in his eyes as if he wasn’t entirely sure why he was reacting like this. 

Suddenly, Donghee caught him looking, sometimes blatantly staring, at Yesung as if he was a confusing puzzle he needed to solve, his brows frowning so deeply he got worried that his forehead would be wrinkled before his thirties. 

Donghee wasn’t sure exactly when Kyuhyun realized what was happening or when he panicked or was not over it. He wasn’t omnipotent after all, but he clearly remembers Kyuhyun’s reaction, how Kyuhyun, who had never been to hide or give up, decided to take action instead. 

And clearly, for once, he wasn’t the only one who noticed. 

Leeteuk has many flaws, but one of them has never been to ignore anything happening in the band. Sometimes, Donghee thought he probably saw it all happening before anyone else, before Kyuhyun even started to act differently with Yesung. 

Leeteuk saw Kyuhyun’s behavior; he saw how suddenly Kyuhyun’s attitude started to change with Yesung, how from a cute little brother, he tried very hard to look more mature, and yet keep his maknae’s advantage with him, how he was turning into Yesung’s confident, how he decided not to hide his romantic interests and decided to pursue it. 

He never saw it, but Donghee was sure they talked about it in the early 2010s. He sometimes had been curious about what had been said between the leader and the maknae, but Kyuhyun never stopped what he was doing with Yesung, and Leeteuk never looked too worried, so he guessed he got what was the closest thing he could get from a blessing. But at this point, he realized and said, “Ah, Kyuhyun is really serious about it.” 

Until then, he only saw it as a form of puppy love, a small dog getting attached to the first human showing him affection and mistaking it as something else over time, but getting the leader’s approval to have more? It meant it was serious. 

It made him question so many things about himself and what it meant for the future of Super Junior. Would the shame make Kyuhyun leave the band if it had never happened? Would Yesung be so disgusted, that he leaves?  If they get together by some minor miracle but break up, wouldn’t it affect Super Junior too much? 

If it ever gets public, wouldn’t they both leave the band and, even worse, leave the entertainment industry altogether? He worried about the band's future for the first time in a long time.

But Leeteuk approved.

And if Leeteuk had approved, things would be okay in the end, wouldn’t they? 

And so, as always, he observed.

Yesung’s reaction to all of that was quite interesting. 

See, Yesung wasn’t an idiot.

Yesung could be pretty oblivious, sure, and at first, he probably didn’t think too much about it; he probably just thought that he was getting a new friend, not just a little brother; he probably was overjoyed one of his precious brothers decided he was so important in their heart they decided to spend more time with him. Yesung loved to be alone, but he loved talking with people for hours as much. So it wasn’t surprising he didn’t seem to think too much about it at first, how suddenly Kyuhyun seemed to be everywhere, how sometimes, subtly, he started to reciprocate his touches, or how he seemed to observe him more and more, looking like he knew even before himself what he needed.

However, with time, it changed.

Donghee always thought Yesung was less obvious than Kyuhyun with his feelings.

For a man who loved to overshare about his life, his worries, and everything else, he was quite a good liar, quickly hiding everything deep inside his heart; in that regard, he always had been better than Kyuhyun, who wore his feelings on his face, unable to hide anything to the people who knew him at least a little bit. Still, Yesung was different; Yesung could hide and would hide if he thought it was more beneficial for anyone around him. 

Sometimes, Yesung got locked inside his head, making decisions he thought were best, even though they might not be, concentrating on anyone except himself for those same decisions, no matter who they might affect. 

It was subtle, but Donghee noticed the change; when he started noticing, he wondered how long it had been since the change happened. 

During their Mr. Simple era, at the peak of their career, Kyuhyun was laughing with Sungmin in the waiting room opposite Yesung. At this point, Donghee was paying attention to neither of them, but he was thirsty. When he turned to take one of the bottles next to Yesung, he saw him look up from his phone, quietly looking at Kyuhyun from across the room, true longing in his eyes, something Donghee wasn’t accustomed to seeing on his hyung’s face, especially while looking at one of them, and that’s when he knew.

If he had to compare, Kyuhyun’s love felt like a rainbow, impossible to ignore, shining prettily over anyone under it, and like a child, you couldn’t help but smile while seeing it so bright in the sky, wa nting to touch it and feel more warmth in its colors.

Yesung’s love felt like a drizzle. It wasn’t warm; the sky looked grey, and all the colors washed away on its arrival. It wasn’t as violent as real rain, and you couldn’t prepare yourself for it, so you could only be soaked by its melancholic feeling.

Donghee wished he could just tell him to go for it, that it was okay, that Kyuhyun felt the same way, and that they got their leader’s approval. 

But he also knew it wasn’t his place, so he didn’t say anything and, as usual, only kept observing.

A year later, Kyuhyun’s actions got a bit bolder. 

Probably because Yesung’s enlistment was soon, he felt the need to rush, to do something stronger than his usual flirtations, which weren’t that subtle, honestly, especially since it looked like Donghae, of all people, started noticing something. 

However, Yesung never reacted to any of it. Years later, he would find in himself to satisfy his curiosity and finally ask Yesung if he genuinely had been that oblivious, and his hyung only laughed.

“I think I knew it already back then,” he answered, “after all, I was the only one Kyuhyun acted this way with, as if he was trying to get something out of me… as if he had a different feeling for me. I just thought that no matter what, it wasn’t a good idea.” 

It all came to an end just before Yesung went to the army. 

Kyuhyun confessed. 

He wasn’t exactly sure what happened, but during the party, they had before his enlistment, Kyuhyun kept looking at him, and Yesung? He kept avoiding his eyes. However, what was interesting was the lack of worry or sadness inside Kyuhyun’s own eyes, as if he expected this reaction as if it was part of the plan.

Donghee had never been more scared of his maknae than at this moment. 

Yesung left, Kyuhyun got quiet about Yesung and his feelings, and nothing happened for two years.

When Yesung came back, he paused while looking at Kyuhyun while surrounded by everyone. 

Kyuhyun was still staring at him as if he had done just that for the last two years as if nothing had changed.

“So?” 

Yesung sighed.

“Okay.”

Kyuhyun smiled.

—

After that, Donghee knew they got together. However, it didn’t mean they were really obvious about it. Truthfully, anyone who wasn’t someone close to both of them would probably think they grew apart during this time and not got so close they were intimate. But Donghee knew better; Super Junior knew better. 

Donghee realized, at one point, he got into the habit of observing them more than the others. He wondered if it was because of all those years behind him, of witnessing their relationship grow until what it is today. He could notice the way Kyuhyun leaned towards Yesung; almost subconsciously, he could see the way Yesung always looked for Kyuhyun when he had a question or an issue, the gazes full of endearment they had for each other, the way Kyuhyun shifted the way he looked at him almost instantly when he didn’t think anyone would notice anymore. He saw the whispers during practices, the small chuckles, the laughs full of promises, and the way they always left together.

They weren’t subtle to anyone who knew what to look for. 

—

Donghee had never been Yesung’s favorite.

And it was okay; he had never been sad about it. You don’t need to be the favorite to know someone loves you, and Yesung Hyung always knew how to make sure anyone around him knew he loved them; it was his biggest blessing, the thing and biggest curse, this ability to love people so quickly, so obviously, and with proudness. 

It doesn’t matter if he wasn’t the favorite; after all, he would never have been able to make his hyung as happy as possible if he had held the title.

Donghee looked one last time at his hyung at the dawn of their new journey, the curtain of their new concert opening before their eyes, his eyes smiling, his small hand tightening a much bigger one for a few seconds and finally letting go before going back to his own place, a little bit far away. However, their eyes still locked into each other until the curtain fell and the show started. 

The favorite must always stay by his side, after all.