fin.
you make me want to (feel)Nothing’s wrong.
Minjeong is fully aware of that.
In fact, everything is going smoothly and she has nothing to worry about, supposedly.
Her grades are more than fine. She’s surrounded by loving and caring people who want nothing but for Minjeong to be happy; her bestfriends Ningning and Aeri would readily drop everything just to come to her aid and her family, though she’s currently separated from them, are nothing but supportive in all her endeavors, even if it took them a long time doing so.
So yes, nothing is wrong.
Minjeong huffs. And yet-
There’s this space within her, a void, growing and gnawing at her lately and it’s becoming less and less easier for Minjeong to bear. She feels overwhelmed with the feeling of emptiness, and yet she knows there’s really—no, literally, nothing to make her feel that way and yet.
One of her professors told her that she’s qualified for some kind of a prestigious internship somewhere. (She’s not sure, she didn’t pay much attention when the professor caught her in between moving classes and mentioned it as part of their small talk. She has yet to properly talk to her about it but there was no rush, she was still a sophomore anyway.) She’s supposed to be happy about it, giddy even, as it was one less thing to worry about in the future. Her future.
But then again her mind has also been preoccupied with her “lovelife” (as what Ningning and Aeri call it) lately.
She has been spending a lot of time with an upperclassman, who Ningning and Aeri bets that Minjeong has a crush on, which Minjeong strongly disagrees with “I’m not crushing on her. I just find her pretty, that’s all.”. Said upperclassman has been asking her out on study dates and the occasional catching her alone for lunch. Minjeong had nothing better to do so she just allowed these moments to happen. But no, the idea of being in a romantic relationship with the upperclassman had never crossed her mind. Her friends think it’s harmless to see how things work out in the end, another reason why she’s entertaining the upperclassman. So,
Nothing is wrong.
Everything is going well as it should.
Nothing new. Just how life’s been going for Minjeong.
But she knows it was only a matter of time before she breaks. She knew it from the moment Ningning caught her the other night.
(Minjeong arrived at their shared apartment first. She had just come from another study date with that senior after cutting it short because she couldn’t focus on anything even after trying for an hour and a half.
Minjeong knows she excused herself and went home as if on autopilot. She just doesn’t know how long she has been on her bed, staring out the window in the dark.
“Hey Min..?” She was pulled out of the thoughts when she felt Ningning’s hand on her shoulder. The lights were on now. “Huh?”
Ningning eyed her with concern. “Are you alright?”
“Oh yeah.” Minjeong stood up. “Sorry, today was just…tiring.” She settles with a lame excuse. Her thoughts are all over the place that she can no longer properly convey them. All she wanted to do at the moment was empty her lungs and let out a good scream, a really good one.
She thought about her professor’s offer, about the upperclassman who’s been keeping close, and she thought about whether or not she wanted them at all. And then she thought about herself. Was she even going on the right path? What were her plans anyway? Did she have any?
Minjeong doesn’t know. But nothing is wrong and everything is going well as it should.
Nothing new. Just how life’s always been.
Ningning looked like she wanted more of an answer from Minjeong but decided to accept what she was told and nodded. “Alright, well I’ve got takeout. Let’s eat.” She was already headed towards Minjeong’s door. “Okay, thanks Ning!”)
It was the first sign. Though Minjeong tried to ignore it and bury it deep in her mind along with the others, convincing herself that maybe she really was just tired.
But then a few nights later, when Ningning said she was going for a late night run to the convenience store down the street and she slipped and casually asked Ningning for a beer.
(Ningning stopped at her tracks. “Minjeong!”
“Hm?”
“Haven’t you sworn off alcohol?!”
Minjeong, who was working on her laptop on their dining table, luckily had her back facing where Ningning was, gulped. Ah yea, that’s right. I have.
“It was a joke, Ning.” She laughed it off and turned around to face her friend. “I’m fine, no need to buy me anything. I’m about to finish this anyway and then I’ll be heading to bed soon.” She pointed to her laptop.
“Are you sure?” Ningning questioned. “Because I’m not sharing my snacks, should you change your mind later.”
“I’m sure. Off you go then, Ning~”)
I’m sure. Minjeong thought. It’s getting bad. I’m getting bad again. She frowned at the thought. She really wanted to have a drink, even just a bottle. But that was out of the question. She’s sworn off it because she’s lightweight and nothing good ever happens when she’s under the influence of alcohol.
And then, inevitably, the third and last sign came.
She woke up and felt like she had just closed her eyes a few moments ago and now it’s already morning. She begrudgingly grabbed her phone and turned the ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode off and frowning upon seeing the notifications she’s received overnight.
One is from the upperclassman, asking if she’d be available later in the evening, something about going to see a movie with her. Another from her professor, an email informing Minjeong about her schedule so they can go over her application on a matching free time. Another one is from her Dad just asking how she's been lately and suggesting for Minjeong to come visit home soon.
They’re nothing new, she’s supposed to be used to this. The upperclassman asking her out wasn’t out of the blue as well, in fact Minjeong thinks it’s been a while since she’s asked. She’s a top student and professors have always taken a liking to her, it’s just that Professore Bae has taken the step higher and is actually trying to get her under her wing. And her parents asking her to visit home isn’t new as she’s been away for college.
They’re all normal messages. Normal requests of her time but she feels overwhelmed. She suddenly felt suffocated and didn't know what to do, or rather she didn’t want to do anything.
She opted to skip her classes that day and stayed in. Ningning had already gone to her classes therefore there was no one around to scold her about skipping.
She wanted to breathe.
She needed to breathe. And in order to breathe, she smokes. Ironically.
It helps her remember to breathe. Every time she breathes in from the lit stick, it reminds her that she’s here, she’s alive and breathing.
“Are you alright?” Aeri was the one who caught her at their humble excuse of a balcony, halfway through her second cigarette that evening. She’s picked up the vice of smoking again since the day she skipped. Minjeong exhales the smoke out of her lungs in haste while pressing the cigarette on the railing to put it out and throws it at the bin beside her. “Yea, sorry. What’s up?”
It’s been a few days since the day Minjeong skipped classes, Ningning came back from her classes bringing Aeri along. Minjeong knows that they’re aware of what’s happening to her. That she's getting bad again.
Aeri leans back on the railing. “Ningning mentioned something.” Minjeong kept mum, she knows what’s it about anyway but she can’t help but want to delay talking about it.
Minjeong thought that Aeri would throw her a bunch of questions like how she’s feeling, if anything’s bothering her, or if she can do anything to help— but they never came. Aeri never opened to ask them. Instead, Minjeong was met with silence, Aeri just stood there beside her and Minjeong appreciates it more than anything as she wouldn't know how to answer any of Aeri’s queries.
Their quiet moment comes to an end when Ningning calls them and says dinner’s ready. It’s been a while since the three of them were together so it was a given that Aeri was going to spend the night. It’s been a while too since the last time they had a sleepover.
After dinner and cleaning up, they all huddled together in Ningning’s room and bed for movie night but just minutes after starting their third movie, Mnjeong noticed that the two were already fast asleep so she stopped the movie, tidied up a bit, and made sure the two are tucked in before she heads to her own room.
She knows she’s more than welcome to sleep with them, Ningning’s bed was big enough for the three of them and usually they do sleep together on nights like this but she wasn’t feeling up for it tonight.
Her hand had already twisted the knob and was about to push the door open when she heard Aeri call her. “Minjeong-ah.” She turned around. “Hm?”
“We’re okay. Ningning and I, we talked and we’ll be okay. We’ll—” Minjeong nods, just waiting for Aeri to continue. “I mean, what I want to say is…if you want to leave and be alone for a while…just” Aeri sat up, still sleepy. “Just be safe and come back to us, hm?”
Ah.
Just be safe and come back to us, hm?
Hearing that, it’s like something in Minjeong’s head clicked. Minjeong flashed her a small smile. “I will. Thank you, Aeri. Good night.”
Aeri knew exactly what Minjeong wanted to do, even when Minjeong couldn’t even bring herself to open up to them. But it didn’t matter, Ningning knew and talked to Aeri about it. Her friends are aware and understanding of her situation. They rather let her go with a promise of her coming back than witness her destroy herself if she stayed.
And so,
While Aeri and Ningning were fast asleep, she packed a duffle bag and a backpack with necessities that’ll last her for about two weeks and then left.
She left Aeri and Ningning a note at the fridge which simply read “I’ll be back soon. Don’t worry much <3 ~ M” and her phone (turned off) on the counter. She had also left a short message to her parents before switching her phone off, so as to make a repeat of last time.
The last and only time she left, she did so in haste and on impulse. No plans or whatsoever and it only lasted for four days. She was found in Daejeon, she was spotted by a patrolling police because it turns out that her parents had reported her missing and she spent the rest of the day being held in the police station. Her parents drove in that very night to fetch her and let’s just say Minjeong had been put under a strict curfew after that.
This time though, Minjeong knows where she’s headed. A small island called Balwang, just a few miles away from Busan. But more importantly, away from everything. It was featured in a documentary a few months ago and ever since then, Minjeong had kept it in mind. For times like this. Exactly times like this.
The commute took her not more than four hours and she’s just glad she’s finally arrived. A train, a bus, and a ferry ride over, and she’s finally arrived. She thinks it's funny that the only thing left was to ride by plane and she’s basically rode all sorts of transportation in just one morning. It made her feel both exhilarating and guilty at the same time, because as she went farther away from her friends and family, she felt more and more free and somewhat becoming whole again.
And setting foot on the island, she knew that she felt loads better than last night. She looked around and felt content, nothing in sight had any resemblance to where she came from and it’s exactly what she needed. No tall concrete buildings in sight, just a bunch of houses lined up next to each other with their spacious yards that displayed big jars containing different pastes and side dishes for sure and the only constant noise was the waves crashing against the shore, (and maybe the chatter of the locals with each other).
It was a sight that Minjeong wasn't used to but she felt comfortable.
There weren't many people nor tourists. In fact, it was only her and a few other locals on the ferry ride to the island. It’s a small town and you can tell that the community is closely knit. The locals she rode with on the ferry told her to go to the town hall so she can register as a tourist and pay some ecological fee so that’s what she did. After paying, the lady at the counter gave her a piece of paper with an address and directions, and was told that that's where she could stay for the rest of her time on the island.
When she reached the address, she was greeted by a cat on the wooden platform in the yard, eyeing her. "Hello? Anybody home?" She called out to no one in particular and carefully set her duffle bag on the wooden platform where the cat was.
No one answered and it seemed like no one was around. She was about to pick her bag up and go back to the town hall when the cat meowed at her. She looked at the cat and smiled. "Hi~" She sat down on the wooden platform and the cat immediately went on her lap, so she petted it. "Where's your owner, hm?"
Distracted by the cat, she didn’t notice someone was already standing near her. “His name is Saebok and he’s actually a senior cat. So please be gentle with him.”
“Oh, okay.” Minjeong nods at the voice and then coos at the cat rubbing his face against her stomach. “Aigoo, Saebok harabeoji~”
She heard a chuckle and the same voice saying, “cute.” and only then did she finally look beside her and the first thing that greeted her was a girl dressed in sweats, quite similar to what she was wearing, smiling at her. “Hi! I’m Jimin. You are?” There wasn't a hint of a dialect in the girl's tone.
Minjeong doesn’t know why felt dry but she only managed to say, “I'm Min-” before her voice failed her and well, another voice butting in, frantic. “Jimin-ahh!! Jimin-ahh!!! Have you seen—”
A pause and a few more footsteps. “Ahh, it must be you, huh?” Now, there's a dialect.
Saebok leaped out of her lap and walked over to the new person. Minjeong's sight followed him brushing his body against the person's legs and saw a grandmother, who seemed to be in a hurry. “It’s you, right? From the town hall?”
“Y-yes?”
Jimin offered her hand to Minjeong and helped her up before facing the grandmother too. “What's going on, halme?”
“Ah I was on my way to your aunt and I passed by the town hall and they said someone was coming to stay at our house.” The grandmother explained but was looking worried. “What do we do, Jimin?”
“It’s alright, Halme. I’ll sort it out. You can go on ahead. You’re already late. Auntie would scold you again.” Jimin teased and with that the grandmother realized that she was indeed late. “Ahh that’s right! She wouldn’t stop nagging me after last time. Sorry, I’ll leave you to it, huh Jimin-ah? Feed our guest!”
Jimin nodded and watched her grandmother walk away. “Be careful, okay? Tell Auntie I’ll come by soon!” Jimin shouted and they saw how the grandmother just waved her off, making Jimin chuckle.
Saebok was now again on the wooden platform, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep.
“Now then, Min.” Jimin faced Minjeong. “You’re here for lodging?”
Minjeong’s forehead furrowed at the nickname. “I-um, yes.”
“For how long?”
“Two weeks at most…?”
Jimin smiles at her. “Do you mind rooming with me then? It’s spacious and we have more than enough beddings.”
“Sorry?”
Jimin smiles at her and then explains that unfortunately for Min, she’s actually here for a vacation as well and that she’s the granddaughter of the owner of the house (the one Min just met a few moments ago) which offers a room, one that Jimin is already occupying. “Wouldn’t want your efforts to travel all the way here to go to waste, no?”
“Oh, uh. Yeah.” Minjeong could only nod. She had not accounted for such an occurrence.
“So, roomies?”
Minjeong was left with no other choice. “Well, not like I have any other choice. Please take care of me.” She said, bowing, to which Jimin laughed in response. “You can try asking at the town hall again actually, but since you’re already here…” Jimin picked her duffle bag up with one hand, her free hand pointing towards the house. “Right this way, please~”
After a quick tour around the house (it wasn’t a big house to begin with so all Jimin did was point Minjeong where things were while they walked to her room). Jimin left Minjeong to settle her things and self in while she prepared their lunch.
Left alone, Minjeong was dumbfounded at first. Shouldn’t they have discussed how much Minjeong would pay for lodging? And the meals too? Minjeong wasn’t able to ask Jimin about it earlier because of how fast things unfolded.
For now, she looks around the room and it is spacious as Jimin claimed. There weren’t many things inside but maybe that was a given since Jimin said she was just on a vacation here as well. Her eyes roamed the room and landed on the cabinet, the one Jimin pointed earlier for her to store her things. This’ll be her home for the time being.
Okay, time to get settled in.
After a while, she’s not sure how much time passed but she had already put her things in the cabinet and laid out one bedding mat and had been idling around when she heard Jimin calling her and that it’s time for lunch.
She heads out and Jimin instructs her to sit on the same wooden platform at the yard earlier while she brings their food out. Minjeong was about to offer help but Jimin practically pushed her down to sit in front of the smaller table on the wooden platform, where there were already a few side dishes placed. “It’s fine. It’s only the rice and few others left. Stay there and make sure Saebok doesn’t snatch the food.”
“Oh, alright.” Minjeong comes eye to eye with Saebok once again. He’s seated right next to her and he’s giving her small blinks, a paw resting on Minjeong’s thigh. “Sorry, harabeoji. Jimin said no.”
He lets out a low meow. “Aww, I know. I’m sorry.” Minjeong says and offers her hand for him to sniff and ultimately brush his face while they wait for Jimin. Saebok, feeling defeated, plops his body against Minjeong’s thigh and gets ready to sleep it off.
“Alright, lunch time.” Jimin announces, finally having brought the last addition to the table, the rice. Jimin reaches out one hand towards Minjeong. Minjeong looks at it quizzingly. “Your bowl, Min.”
“Ah.” Minjeong quickly hands it to Jimin and Jimin returns it filled with rice, and then scooped rice into her own bowl and finally sat across Minjeong.
“So, where are you from, Min?” Jimin starts after a few bites of food.
“Seoul.”
“You in college?” Minjeong nods. “Ah, is it a semester break already?”
“No. I uh…” Minjeong hesitates to answer because she’s skipping her classes. She hears Jimin chuckle. “It’s fine, you don’t need to tell me everything if you don’t want to.”
“Thank you.” Minjeong says. “Um, how about you?”
“I’m supposedly a junior. But I took a leave of absence before the start of term.” Jimin answers casually, Minjeong nods in acknowledgement. “You’re an unni then.”
Jimin eyes her with mischief. “Diving right into the unni-dongsaeng relationship instead of the sunbae-hoobae one, I see.”
“I-” Minjeong starts but is unavailable to think of a response. Jimin laughed. “I’m teasing, Min.”
Minjeong gulps her food down. “That’s not my full name.” Jimin nods. “I know but it’s still a part of your name, right? I can still call you Min nonetheless.”
“That’s true but don’t you want to know my name?”
Jimin grinned. “Up to you, Min.”
Minjeong doesn’t mind it actually, she only brought it up because she thought Jimin would want to know. It’s not like she came here to meet new friends so the anonymity helps. She nods. “You know what, let’s keep ‘Min’. It’s a nickname of mine anyway.”
Jimin nodded. “Why here, by the way?”
“Hm?”
“Here, on this island. It’s not really your go to tourist spot. See, even the lodging you could get around here are just spare rooms the locals have to offer.”
“Ahh.” Minjeong thinks about it. “I don’t know either, actually. I just stumbled upon it in a documentary a few months back and it’s…the kind of place I need to be in at the moment.” Minjeong tried to answer as vaguely as possible, sort of whispering the latter part of her answer. She just hoped Jimin wouldn’t ask further.
“Hmm, I see.” Minjeong waits to see if Jimin has anything more to add. “Well, I hope you enjoy your time here. Though, you’re probably just gonna get dragged by Halme around from time to time. You don’t mind doing some chores, do you?”
“Not at all.” Minjeong says. “Speaking of Halmeoni...How much should I pay for lodging and meals?”
“No need.”
“Huh? Are you sure? I’m staying for two weeks, at least charge me for the meals.”
Jimin chuckles. “There’s really no need, even if you ask Halme later on she’ll just ignore you.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“I really am not.” Jimin puts her spoon and her now empty bowl down. “Do you want seconds?”
Minjeong realizes she’s emptied her rice bowl as well. “Ahh…yes please unni. Thank you.” Jimin laughs hearing what Minjeong just called her, and reaches for Minjeong’s bowl to fill it before hers.
As it turns out, Minjeong finds that Jimin was right about her grandmother and the fees. The moment Minjeong realized that Jimin’s grandmother was back from wherever she went, she approached the old woman to ask about the fees she should pay but was evidently ignored about it.
Now, she’s thrown out of the house and walking about. (She’s walking around town with Jimin because Jimin’s grandmother ordered Jimin to take her to tour the town.)
She hears a soft chuckle beside her. “Don’t feel too bad about Halme. She doesn’t let me pay as well so you can stop pouting about it now.”
“Huh? Aren’t you her granddaughter? Wouldn’t it be weird if she charged you?”
“It’s not weird at all, but-” Jimin softens her expression and shakes her head. “Sorry, I lied. We’re not related but she treats me as if we are so, I’m doing the same. I knew her granddaughter though.”
“Ah.”
“I used to visit Halme with her all the time, that's how I came to know and be close with Halme.”
“Where is she now?”
“She’s…” Jimin looks away. “faraway.”
Minjeong doesn’t dare ask further. “I see.”
Jimin just hums and it’s silent between them for a while, except for the sound of the waves. They were now near where Minjeong arrived earlier today, the ferry port, until Minjeong breaks it with, “No wonder you don’t have a dialect. I thought you were just hiding it for my sake, but it turns out you really don’t have it.”
Jimin chuckles. “Yeah, I was born and raised in Seoul, Min-ah.”
“Me too.”
Jimin nods. “Want to stay here for a bit? It’s quite relaxing to listen to.”
“Yea, I’d love that.”
And stay they did, just taking in the ocean smell and watching over the horizon until the sun set, nobody speaking a word and yet it was comfortable.
Minjeong loves moments like this because she rarely gets to appreciate sunsets in the city. But right now, she’s far from the city and is on an island where the farthest her bare eyes can see is where the ocean and sky meets. This feels nice.
She closed her eyes to listen in; to the distant voices of locals chattering about whatever and to the waves crashing in. The breeze brushes against her face and even if she isn’t used to the smell of the ocean, she breathes it in and out ever so carefully, feeling like her lungs are full of life. This feels nice. I could stay here forever.
“You look at peace...” Minjeong almost missed it because Jimin said it so softly. She smiled because she couldn’t agree more. “I feel so.” Minjeong stated. “I think.”
“Good.” Jimin returns her smile. “That’s good enough, Min.”
Minjeong nodded and returned her attention to the scene before them. The sun was almost gone and the sky was beginning to go dark. She feels somewhat melancholic about the moment passing by just like that and she is again reminded of the things she would eventually return to. She frowns and sighs deep. “Jimin unni?” She called.
“Hm?”
Minjeong hesitated for a bit but decided to ask anyway. A few won’t hurt. She thinks. “Do you know where I can buy some cigarettes?” She decides to indulge herself and that she’ll rid herself from her bad coping mechanisms once this trip is over. A few over this trip won’t hurt.
Jimin raised a brow at her. “You smoke?” Minjeong sheepishly smiled. “Sometimes.”
Jimin nodded. “I’ll be honest, you don’t look like it but yea, there’s a house here that sells a bunch of stuff, it’s the closest thing you could compare to a convenience store back in the city.”
“Can you take me there?”
“Sure.”
She hasn’t been sleeping at night and her two weeks’ almost up. Just a few days more and she’s heading back.
It’s not because the bed wasn’t comfortable.
Nor was it because she had a stranger for a roommate. Jimin has been nothing but accommodating and considerate of her.
It’s just that on the first night, her mind was once again flooded with unwanted thoughts. So instead of tossing and turning in bed, where Jimin was close by, she stepped out of the house so as to not disturb Jimin in her sleep.
She stepped outside thinking that maybe she’ll just get some air, maybe smoke a stick or few to clear her head. But then she found herself enjoying the evening alone, under a sea of stars with nothing to bother her, she started deliberately staying up.
Like the previous nights, Minjeong situated herself on one of the steps leading up to the main entrance of the house, and let time pass. Watching and admiring the skies and stars twinkling above, a lit cigarette resting on the cigarette bowl Jimin had handed her some nights ago, and Saebok resting beside her on her left. Minjeong holds on to this feeling even if it’s just a hint of it. The feeling of tranquility despite everything.
Whenever she’s out here, everything just feels right so she purposely loses sleep. It’s fine, really, because Jimin lets her sleep in and would only wake her up for lunch then off they go for the day’s errand from Halme in the afternoon. It was like a routine she fell ever so effortlessly in and she didn’t mind.
Today was different though, because it’s the morning and she was in the kitchen, standing guard by the stove as instructed by Halme because she was going to step out for a bit and Jimin had yet to return from another errand Halme sent her on so she woke Minjeong up and left her in charge.
She caught sight of the wall clock, it was only a few minutes past 6am and she had just fallen asleep not long ago. She knows because she looked at the same clock before turning in.
“Hey, Min. You’re up?” Minjeong heard a familiar voice, Jimin’s. She had just returned and situated herself next to Minjeong and checked on the food before looking at Minjeong, pouting. Minjeong was about to ask why but Jimin spoke first. “Did you get a good sleep? I can take over, go sleep some more if you want.”
Minjeong didn’t expect that and chuckled. “I slept good, unni. Don’t worry about it.” She (half)lied, technically she did have a good sleep, it’s just that it wasn’t enough for her to feel rested. “And it’s okay, I’m up now.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure, unni.” Jimin studied her for a moment before nodding in response.
Minjeong saw how Jimin opened to say something but was cut off by the stew boiling and the soup spilling out of the pot. The both of them fell into panic and it slips Minjeong’s mind to ask Jimin about it once they got everything back in place.
Halme comes back as well, with news that she had just volunteered Jimin and her to join in the fishing trip tomorrow. It wasn’t anything new to Jimin, Minjeong bets, judging from how the older one excitedly regarded the news. Minjeong on the other hand, panics as she has never fished before and knows absolutely nothing about it.
The fishing trip, as unexpected as Minjeong thought it’d be, was the most interesting thing she’s done in her life so far and should she be asked in the future if she’d be willing to go on one again, she’ll wholehearted say yes (but maybe only if Jimin would be there as well).
They left the house early that day, earlier than the sun rising, with food that Halme packed them that’s enough to even share with the others, and with a promise to Halme that they’ll bring home a bucketful (and that they’ll be careful and enjoy the trip).
“This’ll be your first time, huh? No matter, Jimin will take care of ya.” Minjeong recalls one of uncles saying that to her earlier while they were waiting to board the boat. Minjeong wasn’t expecting much but she finds that the uncle from earlier wasn’t lying. Jimin practically made it her (life’s) purpose to take care of Minjeong, she helped Minjeong wear her life jacket once they were on board and meticulously taught Minjeong how to properly put the bait on the hook while the uncles on board were busy lowering fishing nets down to the water.
Jimin perfectly guided Minjeong, even the uncles with them didn’t bother asking if she (they) needed help.
At the moment, they’re snacking on the food (Minjeong is, Jimin was doing something else) they have while waiting for the fishes to bite, they’ve set up a bunch of lines, the uncles have too, on their side of the boat and they’re now playing a card game amongst themselves.
“Min, can you take my picture?”
Ah, so that was what she was doing. She was busy taking selfies.
“Sure.” Minjeong stands up from her seat, reaching for Jimin’s phone. They take a while because Jimin wants a new profile photo, she says she needs a perfect one.
“You take nice photos.”
Minjeong only nodded and was about to go back to her seat when Jimin grabs her and switches positions with her. “Let’s take yours too.”
Minjeong was forced to do a few poses before Jimin was finally satisfied. Minjeong wasn’t one to fuss about taking pictures, in fact she thinks of it as a chore. (Maybe that’s why her profile picture has been the same one for almost four years now and it’s even one where her face wasn’t showing.)
“How do you want me to send your pictures?”
“Huh?” Minjeong was now back on her seat, eyeing the fishing lines carefully. “Do you want me to send them through bluetooth or—”
“Ahh, I didn’t bring my phone, unni.”
“It’s at home? Okay, I’ll send them later.”
Home. Halme’s house. Minjeong doesn’t know when exactly they started to refer to it as home but she also doesn’t find herself complaining whenever Jimin says so.
(Over the past few days, she and Jimin would run errands for Halme which mostly are them buying something at the market, or fetching/bringing something from/to Halme’s friends’ house. Sometimes, they get more errands to do around Halme’s friends houses too but once they’re done and good to go, Jimin would ask “Let’s head home, Min?” and Minjeong could only smile and nod.)
“Ahh no, unni. It’s not at home.” Minjeong grins. “It’s uhm…it’s in Seoul.”
“Huh.” Jimin settles down on her seat as well. “Well no wonder I haven’t seen you with your phone since you got here.”
Minjeong just nods, not knowing how to respond.
“So, how can I send your phot—” Jimin wasn’t able to finish what she was saying because she saw that one of the lines near Minjeong was moving. “Quick, Min. Grab it!!” She says pointing to it.
Minjeong launches herself forward and tries hard to pull on the line. She curses herself for being weak (she’s not, she just doesn’t know how to optimally use her muscles) and feels like her body would be thrown into the water any second now. “Unni.” She calls and she feels Jimin behind her and her arms snake around Minjeong’s waist. “I got you. Don’t let go.”
And then Minjeong just out (not really.) But the next thing she knows is that they managed to reel the fish in (it was massive and Minjeong is still at loss for words on how they even caught it.) but they were on the boat floor and the uncles are now helping to contain the fish as it was flopping around.
Only when one of the uncles patted her head for a good job did she come to her senses. “We…” Minjeong starts, “we caught it, unni.” She turned around and faced Jimin, who was smiling widely at her. “YOU CAUGHT IT, MIN!! CONGRATULATIONS!!” and then Minjeong felt herself in Jimin’s embrace, all while Jimin’s singing praise for her first catch.
“Huh?” Minjeong’s confused. They caught it together but Jimin’s hyping her up and acting like Minjeong caught the fish all on her own.
Jimin releases her from the embrace, stands up and offers a hand to Minjeong. “Come on, we still have a few lines to watch.”
“Oh, wait. Let’s take a picture of you next to your fish first. I want to show Halme at home later.” Jimin says, still smiling widely. Minjeong, still in a daze from the hug, lets herself be dragged around by Jimin.
The rest of the day was a blur for Minjeong. They caught a few more fishes and the uncles gave them a share of the shellfish and prawns they caught in the nets. They come home with more than one bucket full of seafood, fulfilling their promise to Halme and tonight’s dinner is a feast. Saebok also gets to eat fresh.
It was a tiring yet fulfilling day and she’s physically worn out. Minjeong feels like once her head comes in contact with her pillow, she’ll fall asleep fast but it didn't happen.
It’s been maybe an hour (she’s not sure, the clock was outside) since they went to bed and her mind was keeping her awake. But unlike the previous nights, her thoughts aren’t about the life she’s dreading to come back to in Seoul. Instead, they’re full of Jimin;
of Jimin who doesn’t judge her regardless of how little information she gives the older,
of Jimin who’s been nothing but good to her,
of Jimin referring to Halme’s house as their home,
of Jimin's arms wrapped around her waist,
of Jimin all smiley and praising her like she's some sort of a genius,
of Jimin enveloping her in a hug,
of Jimin who was next to her in the room they’ve been sharing for over a week now.
Minjeong lies awake, debating whether or not to step out like the previous nights. She ultimately decides against it when Jimin tossed and turned. Minjeong doesn’t know how long she held her breath with her eyes closed but the next thing she felt was Jimin’s breath against her neck, her body pressed against Minjeong’s with an arm resting over Minjeong’s torso.
She gasped for air. Oh boy. Tonight’s gonna be a long night.
Their beddings weren’t always this close. No, they used to maximize the use of the spacious room. Though over the days, the space between their beds grew smaller. Right now, however, both their beddings are set up right next to each other with no space in between and Minjeong has Jimin to thank (curse) for tonight’s sleeping arrangement.
It was Minjeong’s second to the last day on the island and just when she thought she’ll be able to relax for the day, Jimin is dragging her along to the town’s square after finding out that Minjeong can play the violin, turns out there was some sort of a celebration and the violinist from the band ensemble they hired had been seasick since arriving that morning and they needed someone else to fill in. Minjeong didn’t hear if it was the town chief’s birthday or his wife’s, either way Minjeong was now a volunteer.
As soon as they arrived at the square, she was handed the instrument along with some music sheets and before she could even bid goodbye to the older, Jimin was swept away to help in preparing the food in the kitchen. She didn’t see Jimin again for the rest of the party. Heck, even Halme was there.
Minjeong still enjoyed it despite having the only person she knows the most away and out of sight. It was now some sort of an afterparty because most of the guests had gone home, even the band Minjeong was volunteered in, had already gone to their lodging to rest. It was only close friends and relatives of the celebrant (Minjeong had confirmed it was indeed the town chief’s wife’s birthday.) and most of them were now drunk. Minjeong’s still only around because when went to the kitchen to ask if Jimin was still around, the celebrant caught her and told her to wait.
“Here.” Minjeong turned to the voice. It was the celebrant and she was handing Minjeong something, Minjeong just received it with both hands and realized it was a ring and an envelope. Minjeong looked at her, confused.
“The ring is Jimin’s. I think she removed it earlier and forgot where she left it. The envelope’s for the both of you, for today’s trouble.” The auntie smiled.
Minjeong blinked. Oh it’s money. “But, auntie paying isn’t necessa—”
The auntie cut her off with her hand waving to her to stop, “Nonsense! It’s my birthday, let me be!” The auntie jokingly said, Minjeong pouted. “Besides, I liked your performance earlier. Please take it, as a token of my appreciation.”
Minjeong weakly smiled. She performed alone earlier because the elders who recognized her cheered for her to do so. Minjeong was swept along by their excitement to even refuse, so she took the guitar and went on the makeshift stage. It was cute, for the lack of better words to describe it. Minjeong found it cute how the elders were singing along with her and it really seemed like it was her mini concert. “Thank you, auntie. I’ll be on my way now. Happy birthday again, Auntie!
The auntie nodded and shooed her, “Yes, yes. Thank you. Be careful on your way hm?”
Minjeong examines the ring in her hand and recognizes that it was indeed Jimin’s. It was the only accessory she’s ever seen Jimin wear, a rosary ring, no earrings or necklaces, just this. Must be quite important. Minjeong decides to wear it on her own finger to avoid the risk of losing it if she just placed it in her pocket.
Something in the way she moves
Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way she woos me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how
Still high from the party, Minjeong hums as she threads her way to Halme’s house.
Somewhere in her smile she knows
That I don't need no other lov—
She was just around the corner to Halme’s house when she spotted someone walking away from the house.
Minjeong’s forehead creases. “Jimin unni?” She says as she recognizes the older but not loud enough to call her. She watches as Jimin carries a big flashlight with her walking towards the trees behind Halme’s house. That’s headed up to the trails we went on a few days before… What is she…? Curiosity gets the better of Minjeong, so she follows Jimin.
Jimin was walking up past the woods and up to the mountrail trail. Minjeong picked her pace up as she bitterly remembered how she had been catching her breath when they went hiking the other day. She didn’t want to be left behind, or rather she didn’t want to lose sight of Jimin. There was just something that’s urging Minjeong to catch up with the older.
She was doing okay keeping up until she slipped on something and twisted her foot. It was dark out and having to rely on only the light from the moon, she couldn’t exactly see the steps she was taking. She panics and swings her arms in the air in effort to grab onto something, anything to cushion her fall.
A hand grabs hers, Jimin catches her in time. “Min!” Minjeong’s eyes widened, she’d thought Jimin was a good few meters ahead. “Unni!!” Jimin helped her sit down carefully. “What are you doing here, Min? The trails are already closed for today, you didn’t even bring a light with you!” Jimin had tossed the flashlight she had with her away earlier when she caught Minjeong. It rolled on the ground and was aimed towards their general direction, so Minjeong can now see Jimin’s face, it’s painted with both anger and concern.
Minjeong apologizes and explains. “You looked like you were in a hurry and I didn’t think much of it but followed you anyway. I’m sorry.”
“Jimin unni...” Minjeong croaked out, Jimin sighed. “I…I also wanted to give this back to you immediately.” She raised her hand to show the ring on her finger. “Auntie said you must’ve forgotten it earlier when you were helping in the kitchen.”
At the sight of her ring, Jimin’s expression is washed with relief and immediately softens. Minjeong removes it from her finger and hands it over to Jimin who receives it with just as much care Minjeong had so as not to lose it, if not more. She then wears it on her point finger.
“I’m sorry for getting mad. I just got scared. How’s your foot?”
Minjeong tries to move her foot, it hurts but not much that she can’t walk. “It’ll be fine, unni. It’s just a little sprain.” Jimin nods and apologizes again before sitting next to Minjeong. “I have something for you as well, actually. I left the party early for it.”
Minjeong raised a brow. “What is it?”
“It’s not here. It’s at home, I’ll give it to you later.”
“Okay.” Minjeong nods. “Unni.”
“Hm?”
“Why were you headed here? You said it yourself. The trails are already closed for the day.”
“Hmm.” Jimin hums and Minjeong doesn’t know how long it took until Jimin spoke again. “Do you want to hear a story, Min?”
Minjeong is confused but nods anyway. “Sure.”
Jimin nods as well and takes a deep breath, preparing herself to share her story.
“I grew up in an orphanage.” Jimin started. “I never knew my parents, nor siblings if I even had any. I went to a school that’s managed by the same nuns who managed the orphanage up until high school because I finally had the freedom to transfer.”
“That’s where I met her, Halme’s granddaughter, and we became close fast. The next thing I knew was that we were doing everything together. She was the first and only person who invited me over to celebrate Chuseok after I told her I don’t celebrate it for…well, obvious reasons.”
“I was hesitant to come but she insisted and that was when I received the first gift I’ve ever gotten in my life. It’s this.” Jimin raised her hand, the one where she wears her ring on. “She was the one who gave me this. So, I want to thank you again, Min. For giving it back to me.”
“No w-worries, unni.”
Jimin smiled. “That Chuseok was only one of the many firsts I had with her. Coming here and meeting Halme was another, and ever since then everything became a tradition, our very own. Like, celebrating birthdays, Chuseok, Christmas, and New Years together. It didn’t matter where nor if we even had enough food, we just had to be together.”
Minjeong softly chuckled. “Must be nice to have someone like that, unni.”
“Do you remember what you asked me on your first day here?”
Minjeong’s head tilted, she wasn’t sure which one was Jimin referring to. “...which one?”
“You asked me where she was and I said she’s faraway.”
“Ahh. Right…I did.”
“She passed away earlier this summer. She was…sick. I wasn't aware but she was mentally unwell and um…succumbed to it. I’ve been here ever since because I couldn’t continue on nor was I strong enough to even try. She’s…” Jimin sighed. “She’s my best friend, the only one I managed to keep close and long enough but she was taken from me.” Jimin bitterly chuckles. Minjeong lowered her head in shame. “I’m sorry, unni.” She wanted to apologize for the remark she made just a few minutes ago.
“Shh, it’s okay. Nothing to be sorry about, Min. You were right anyway. It was nice having her around.” Minjeong pouted, Jimin only smiled at her. “Do you want to head home now, Min?”
“But you haven’t even said why you were headed up here in the first place.”
Jimin doesn’t answer her and just studies her. Minjeong feels conscious all of a sudden and was about to say something, anything to get out Jimin's gaze but Jimin beats her to it. “You know, you look like you need a lot of care.” Jimin says while patting her head.
What does that even mean??? Minjeong’s mind goes haywire. She tries to keep on track, unlike someone. “Unni, you’re deflecting.”
Jimin giggles. “Her tree, it’s here. It’s that one.” Minjeong faced towards the direction Jimin was pointing and saw a small (maybe just a little taller than her) pine tree with a piece of cloth (maybe a scarf?) wrapped around its trunk. “She said she planted it with her dad when she was young and it’s also where she came to whenever she missed her dad.”
“That’s why I came up here, I…” Jimin pauses to choose her words over. “I wanted to talk to her.”
“Oh.” Minjeong clears . “If you don’t mind me asking…what’s her name, unni?”
Jimin stares softly at Minjeong and takes her time before answering Minjeong. “Minju. Her name’s Kim Minju.”
Minjeong blinked. Same initials as me…KMJ. “Y-you can go ahead and take your time to talk to her, unni. I’ll just wait here and rest my foot.” Jimin shook her head. “No. It’s alright, I have a feeling she already knows what I wanted to talk about anyway. Let’s get you home and fix you up, hm?”
Minjeong presses her lips together. “Are you sure?”
Jimin stands up and pats her clothes clean of any dirt. “I’m sure, Min.”
“Okay, let’s go home.” Jimin nods and helps Minjeong up. “Carefully, hm? Lean on me.”
There was something Jimin purposely left out though. The main reason why she’s been staying on the island ever since Minju’s passing; why she’s been lingering around and refusing to face life.
A promise that Jimin reluctantly made to Minju and ever since Min arrived, Jimin can’t help but think if somehow, Minju sent Min for her to fulfill that promise.
(Jimin stood by, just watching Minju make sure she’s got all her things for her trip back to the island. Normally, Jimin would be coming with her but for the first time, Jimin isn’t.
Jimin is forced to stay back because she had been given the opportunity to be one of their department’s prominent professor’s assistants. It was a big deal because she only chooses two students per year at most, Jimin had considered declining the offer because she’d rather be with Minju but Minju insisted. This is good for you, Jimin.
Jimin could only sigh as she watched the bus leave and Minju peeking out the window, waving goodbye to her. This is good for you, Jimin.
She didn’t know what Minju meant by it but she guessed it for her future. What she never would've guessed was it (Jimin being separated from her) is good for her, as a foreshadowing.
Jimin received the news of Minju’s passing just after she got permission from her professor to take the week’s Thursday and Friday off. It’s been three weeks since the summer break and her job as a teaching assistant started. Just halfway through the break and Jimin couldn’t help but miss Minju when she asked for a leave.
Jimin. Minju is gone.
Jimin had almost dropped her phone when she read that on her screen. It was from Halme. She had fished the phone out to relay the news of her getting a short vacation to Minju but she’s the one surprised.
Jimin. Minju is gone.
Her eyes couldn’t believe it, she hasn’t even opened the message yet. She had read it from her notifications, it was the latest one. Her hands were already shaking as she tried to navigate through her phone when she noticed another message below Halme’s.
I’m sorry.
It simply read, nothing else followed. It was from Minju, from last night.
Her brows almost met. Jimin had been busy the past couple of days. That's why she couldn’t immediately return messages. She was almost late today as well because she was finishing a report last night and almost slept through her alarms that morning. She rushed to the university without checking any of the notifications she's had since last night. Maybe she should have, even just for five seconds.
She felt her heart beat go fast when she heard that her call was answered by Halme. “Jimin.”
“Halme.” Her voice trembled and it took her a couple of seconds before continuing. “W-what do you mean Minju’s gone?”
She heard Halme sigh. “She's with her parents now, Jimin. They’re all together now…”
“But…Minju’s healthy? I don’t understand, Halme. What happened?”
And what she heard from her next, she couldn’t take in. “They found her this morning, Jimin. By the shore, her special place. And I just checked her room, she left letters for you and me.”
“No.” Jimin still refuses to listen. “No!” Jimin wanted to argue with Halme, that Minju wouldn’t do such a thing.
“I’m sorry, Jimin. Come visit soon. I know you’re busy so it’s okay if you can’t come now. I’ll take care of things here.”
Jimin doesn’t know how she got through that day and for the next few days for that matter. But she didn’t take the vacation she initially asked for. Instead, just before the classes start for the new academic year, she filed for a leave of absence and has been on the island staying with Halme ever since.
Halme welcomed her without question. The day Jimin arrived was the only day they talked and cried about what had happened. They never talk about it again, nor has neither of them brought it up. They just went on with their lives but not forward.
My dearest Jimin,
Did you know that I met you when I was at my lowest? My parents’ passing had taken a toll on me, even if it had been years since it happened. It’s always been on my mind about how can I live without them? I was with them, I was in the accident too but I lived, I survived when they didn’t. It and I felt empty. I knew that I’ll never be whole again.
Though, it became bearable with you around. You were…so full of love and so generous of it too which was why I clung onto you. You were someone whose peace I never should’ve disturbed but holding on to you and everything that you could offer kept me around longer, albeit prolonging my agony.
This is my choice. Not anyone else's, only mine and mine alone. I just pray that you don’t blame yourself for it.
I’m sorry, Jimin. I know there’s nothing I could say in this letter to excuse what I have done by the time you’re reading this.
But… I hope you never run out of love; to give and to keep for yourself. I pray for someone to come along and reciprocate your love as well as you give it out, because I know I couldn’t. I never could, I never had much left in me.
Jimin,
Please keep on loving.
Whether it be yourself, someone else, or life itself. Please keep on loving. Promise me this, will you?
~ Minju
“I don’t think that’s how you smoke a cigarette.” Jimin’s voice brought her back to her senses. It’s finally Minjeong’s last night on the island and just like her first night here, she couldn't sleep. (She didn't want to, not just yet.)
That’s why she’s outside again, in her usual place as the previous nights with a lit cigarette resting and burning away in the cigarette bowl. The pack she bought days before is almost empty and she didn't even smoke any of them. She lit them and set them aside as if they were some sort of incense, maybe because it was a floral scented one.
“Unni.” She greeted Jimin and put out the cigarette immediately and waved her hands around to fan the smoke away.
Jimin was bracing herself from the cold and yawned. She looks puffy. Minjeong thought and giggled to herself. “Sorry, unni. Did I wake you?” Jimin only shook her head and sat next to Minjeong on the steps. “Can I accompany you tonight?”
Minjeong’s forehead curled in confusion. “...you knew…?”
Jimin nodded. “Yep, since the first night. That’s why I let you sleep in.”
“A..ahh.” Minjeong feels her cheeks flush and says, “thank you.” to Jimin in a hushed voice.
She watches as Jimin fish out something from her hoodie pocket and hand it to her. They were pictures, Minjeong’s pictures from the fishing trip as well as some stolen ones of her from the party. Minjeong checked them one by one then looked at Jimin confused as to why Jimin had them printed. “I didn’t know how else to send them to you.” Jimin answers, as if reading what was on Minjeong’s mind.
Minjeong feels her gut turn with guilt. “Unni…”
Maybe I should at least tell her my name… She thinks it's the least Jimin deserves, especially now that she knows Jimin’s story, her name’s nothing compared to it.
“Unni, my name is—”
“Don’t.” Jimin stops her, she looks at her confused but Jimin only shakes her head. “I’d like to get to know you more, Min, but I don’t think I can right now.”
Minjeong raises a brow, questioning.
Jimin chuckles. “Are you ready to introduce yourself to me?” Minjeong’s jaw drops. “I—” I’m not. I don’t even know myself right now.
Jimin smiles. “When we’re both ready, I hope our paths cross again, Min. Until then, hm?” Minjeong frowns. She doesn’t know when that’ll be because she still has to face her own issues and Jimin is still grieving.
“Okay. When we're both ready.”
Jimin smiles. “Go to sleep soon, Min. You have a long journey ahead of you tomorrow. I’m going to go back to sleep now.”
“Wait, I’m coming too.” Minjeong hurries to follow Jimin back inside.
“Good night, Jimin unni.” Minjeong says. They’re already in bed, facing each other but there was a space between their beddings again.
Jimin already had her eyes closed. “Good night.” she says sleepily. “...Min.”
It’s been three years since then.
Three years and Jimin has never left Minjeong’s mind ever since.
But she’s been better.
After returning to Seoul, her first agenda was to finally talk to her friends about herself and why she left in the first place. She finally opened up even if she didn’t know how to properly express them. Ningning and Aeri were just happy she came back but didn’t know that Minjeong had been harboring such negativity inside her. But no matter what, they gave their best to help her through it and eventually convinced Minjeong to go to therapy.
Which she did and it did her wonders.
Her communication with her friends and family had improved. She no longer keeps them in the dark and she no longer gets the urge to disappear even for a short while. She also managed to politely reject the upperclassman and even got the chance to talk about what she really wants to happen in her career with her professor, which was not what the professor had in mind for her but still helped her nonetheless.
She’s better now and she wonders if Jimin is too.
Should she return to the island? Would she even be there or would she be here in Seoul? Sometimes Minjeong can’t help but think that fate despises her, because she’s never crossed paths with Jimin for the past three years despite supposedly being in the same city.
I wonder if she moved somewhere else? Minjeong was once again lost in her thoughts, thoughts about Jimin, while on the bus. She was on her way to a job interview, at a company her professor referred her to.
She is already a graduate and initially, she wanted to enjoy being unemployed for a while. But her professor had other plans and surprised her with a job interview schedule.
She was walking up to the building when her phone rang, it was her professor.
“Minjeong.” She heard her ever so serious professor’s tone. “Miss Bae. Good morning.”
“Miss Bae? I thought you started calling me unni now— Nevermind. Did you forget your agenda today? It’s at—”
Minjeong chuckled. “I’m walking up to the office building right now actually, though I’ve still got time to spare.”
“Good. I was afraid you weren’t coming, You never returned my messages about them.”
Minjeong grinned. She always liked getting on Professor Bae’s nerves ever since she underwent her mentorship. She grew close to the older woman over time as well, she’s like an older sister Minjeong never had. “Soju’s on me if I get this job, unni!” She heard a chuckle. “Whatever, Minjeong. I’m hanging up now. Goodluck on the interview.”
She was about to put her phone back into her pocket but decided to take a selfie with the office building behind her. She was just trying to find a good angle when she noticed something or rather, someone walking by in the background.
Minjeong turned around as fast as she could to catch a better look at the stranger. Minjeong’s eyes widened.
It’s her…it’s really her.
“J-jimin unni!” She called out, effectively stopping the girl in her tracks. Minjeong was already walking towards her. “Unni!”
Jimin finally turned around and was caught by surprise when the owner of a familiar voice was already there. “Min…?”
Minjeong smiled widely. She still remembers me. That’s a good sign, right?
“It is you!” Jimin spoke again. “Oh wow, it’s been so long, huh? How have you been, Min?”
“Unni. Wait.” Minjeong cleared . “Hm?” Jimin waits for her to continue.
“It’s Minjeong.” She finally introduced herself. “My name is Kim Minjeong.” She smiled and stretched her hand out for a shake.
Jimin was taken aback for a moment before realizing. A smile creeped onto her face. “Minjeong.” She uttered softly, as if trying how it sounds.
“Minjeong.” She said, again. "That's me.” Minjeong answered, her hand still waiting in the air. "Hello, it's nice to meet you.”
Jimin smiled and then grabbed Minjeong’s hand, pulling her in for a hug instead.
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Minjeong.”
Ending Notes:
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ finally finished writing this huhu AND YAY! thanku for reading and finishing it! ♡
also…im sorry for hurt!
im gonna run away now bye—
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