Alam mo ba yung pakiramdam kapag may nagsasabi at nag didikta sayo kung anong klase kang tao at sa tuwing sinasabi nila sayo yun, ikaw naman ‘tong si deny sa kanila at pati narin sa sarili mo pero sa huli, tama naman pala sila?

All that denials just for you to end up exactly what they told you.

Lumaki akong sinasabihan ng mga taong nakapaligid sa akin na magiging isa't kalahating gago ako. And I turned out exactly like that. 

Ganito talaga siguro ang epekto sa akin ng kape sa umaga or maybe, because I'm rushing to get inside the building kung saan ako nagtatrabaho, kung saan ako nag uubos ng sarili.

Nagmamadali ako ngayon intentionally, because during these hours there are s around the lobby.

 

"My girl, Karina you’re almost late." sakto naman ang dating ng isa sa mga gago at ang pinaka gago sa building na ‘to.

Sinabayan niya akong maglakad papunta sa elevator. "You did well with the talk sa Rafaels last night." Hindi ko alam kung tapik pa ba yung ginawa niya or hampas na dahil sumakit ang likod ko.

 

Siya ang boss ko rito. Anak ng may ari ng investment company where I’m working. Full-shot spoiled motherer, Yujin Ferrer. 

 

"Yan pa bang si Karina? Eh magaling yan sa salitaan, 'diba? 'Diba? Tabas ng dila eh." Another who likes kissing asses, Minju Bamorte. 

 

There are two other s ngayon na kasama namin na hindi na sumabat dahil nakarating na rin kami sa floor namin.

 

I'm a stockbroker. Kung napanood niyo na yung Sid&Aya (Not a Love story) na movie, parang ako si Sid doon. Yun nga lang, wala akong Aya and I can sleep anytime I want to.

 

I'm still depressed and I’m not self diagnosing because I see my psychologist once a month. Which is pretty useless. Walang tulong eh, nagtatapon lang ako ng pera doon.

 

"Deal is on. Schedule the check writing on Thursday night." 

 

I bit my fist out of excitement. I just got the biggest deal of the month. I counted three seconds composing myself before responding to Mr. Galvarez. 

 

"Sure, Mr. Galvarez. See you on Thursday night." The man said another thank you and that he's looking forward to this blah-blah before I hang up. 

 

This is what I do sa trabaho. Calls, emails, track everything, watch everything, and all the boring in this competitive corporate world. 

 

I rested my head sa swivel chair, smiling like a bastard that I already am. Yeah right, earlier sa elevator. Hindi lang sila ang gago na nakasakay don, dahil kabilang ako.

 

Gago kasi ako, magaling ako mangumbinse. I bend the world to my liking. At least that's what's been going on for me these past years.

 

I'm well-off. Pera? Not a problem. I have everything I dreamed of. Money, a high-paying job which will be higher as I'm aiming for something bigger, a big condo, lots of insurances, stocks, properties, and luho such as cars, motorbikes, art pieces, and that sort of things.

 

"Babe, you look beautiful as ever." 

 

Also, I have a boyfriend. 

 

"Thank you?" pagpapasalamat ko na patanong sa kaniya as I eyed him pull out the chair for me.

 

He's not usually like this sweet. Nor am I. Besides, we're only together because we're beneficial to each other.

 

I'm halfway done sa pagkain ko ng steak when his cellphone rang. Napatingin ako sa screen ng cellphone niya na umilaw. 

 

Jaemin is Calling.

 

That man again. "Sorry, I have to take this for a second." I just shrugged at him bago siya tumayo at lumabas saglit sa veranda nitong restaurant.

 

Jaemin na naman. 

 

Uminom ako ng red wine, trying to avoid the emerging thoughts. Trying to it up. 

 

After a few minutes, bumalik naman na si Jeno. "Sorry." He apologized while trying to sway it off with a smile. Sure, sorry.

 

I swallowed the piece of steak I was chewing. "Jaemin, Jaemin, Jaemin. Him again?"

 

Jeno just laughed at me. "What are you now? Jealous?" I know, I sounded jealous. Maybe, I am but not over love. Just being a petty .

 

I just shrugged at him. He cleared his throat bago magsalita. "I'm going out of town, the company is sending me with Jaemin to Singapore and then Dubai for about three months."

 

Good, I can finally remove the romantic dates sa schedule ko. "Enjoy, I guess." I continued eating my food while nagkwento pa siya tungkol sa trabaho. I went home alone though because Jaemin called again.

 

There's something going on between Jeno and Jaemin. I'm fully aware of that. We both are.

 

It's nothing to me honestly. Like I said earlier, we're only together because it's beneficial. I don't love him and neither does he.

 

It's more of an investment. 

 

And I'm okay with that. He does whatever he wants and I do the same. Except that I don't sleep around with random people nor date my co-workers.

 

I just work. 

 

I'm a loner, anyway. 

 

Of course, I'm fine with that. But of course I’m lying.

 

It's just that lately, loneliness has been getting too hard to romanticize. Is it because I was never the romantic type?

 

Ewan, itutulog ko na lang.

 

//

 

"You're staying for the night?" I narrowed my eyes asking him. He didn't answer me, instead umuna pa siyang pumasok sa condo ko.

 

I don't know what he's up to. Not interested in any way. I had a rough day at work since I took up two major deals. One of them was pretty hard to convince though I still managed to, like I always do.

 

"Kinda tired lang, why? You don't want ba?" he said bago sumandal sa sofa.

 

Umupo naman ako sa upuan para tanggalin ang sapatos ko. "Ikaw bahala, I'm sleepy." 

 

Narinig ko siyang humikab at nagunat ng arms. "Are you unhappy that I'm staying for the night?"

 

I answered without bothering to look at him. "Nope, I don't really mind." Wala akong pake, inaantok na talaga ako.

 

Pumalakpak naman siya dahil doon. "Great, because I was thinking..." Lumapit siya at kinuha yung sapatos ko.

 

Nilagay niya ang mga ito sa lagayan ng sapatos sa may gilid. Hinihintay ko lang siyang ituloy yung sasabihin niya. "If I should move in here? Or you move in to mine? Pagbalik ko dito sa Pilipinas."

 

Tinignan ko siya at hinintay bawiin kung anong katangahan ang sinabi niya. But mukhang seryoso nga si gago. I sighed and looked at him, "That's bull, remember what you said?"

 

I looked at him in disbelief. Lumapit siya sa harapan ko while making that face. Dumb face. "Exactly, my own words so I can just swallow it hindi ba?" 

 

Hinawi ko siya at naglakad na papasok ng kwarto. I don't have time for this, I just want to sleep. "Come on, babe. We've been together for about three years." Hinabol pa talaga ako.

 

"Jeno, do whatever you want. I just want to sleep right now."

 

Living with him? No way. 

 

I don't want to feel loneliness but I also don't want to witness him bring a stranger into my personal space nor do I want to share my personal space with him.

 

//

 

I'm not Sid yet I can't seem to sleep tonight. Why? Definitely not because I have insomnia, but there's something inside of me that doesn't want to sleep yet. That doesn't want to rest yet.

 

Work was fine naman kanina. Smooth as usual. I'm earning five times the regular employee's . 

 

Nakareceive lang ako ng tawag kanina galing sa magulang ko. Of course, it's the parents again. It's always them to cause saddening bull, anyway.

 

My mother asked for money lang, not for them but for my two brothers. Mas matanda sa akin ng 17 years si Johnny at 3 years naman si Mark. 

 

Both are disappointments. That's why I don't call them Kuya. Para saan pa? Wala naman silang kwenta at hindi nagpapaka kuya. Kahit magpaka anak nga di nila magawa sa mga magulang nila, kuya pa kaya?

 

I'm not even gonna think of them. Binigay ko na lang agad yung perang hinihingi nila. It's not that much for me but surely too much for them. 

 

Tingin sa akin ng pamilya ko nagtatae ng pera. Pero okay lang, I'd rather give them what they want agad kesa hagilapin pa nila ako at kausapin sa personal.

 

I don't want to waste my time. Wala naman akong benefits na makukuha sa kanila. Puro problema lang. 

 

Mga tangina.

 

Kapag wala akong kailangan sa isang tao, hindi ko pinag aaksayahan ng oras. Oo, ganon akong klase ng tao. Manggagamit. At kapag nakuha ko na yung gusto ko sayo, wala ka nang silbe para sa akin.

 

Yup. That's the assholic me. I am that bad, I mean who's not a douchebag ba? Lalo na sa mundong pinasukan ko? 

 

It's all about what's good for you and what's good for the money. 

 

Wala akong pake sayo kung wala kang pakinabang sa akin. 

 

Ganyan naman talaga. Ganyan dapat. 

 

Pero bakit ko binubugbog ang lalaking nakasalampak na ngayon sa lupa dahil sinubukan nitong bastusin ang isang babaeng hindi ko naman kilala at  nakita ko lang sa tapat ng restobar na nadaanan ko? 

 

Kailangan ko ba ‘tong babaeng ‘to? Hindi naman ah? Mag iinvest ba siya sa stocks ko? Bakit ako nangielam? Why did I meddle with other people's business?

 

Tangina.

 

"Tama na yan Miss!" Naramdaman kong hinila na ako papalayo ng guards dito. 

 

Kunot noo akong napatingin sa paligid. May mga taong nakiki-ososyo na galing sa loob ng resto bar at mga taong gaya ko ay naglalakad lang sa daan ngayong madaling araw. Next, I looked at my hands. Namumula ang mga kamao ko, may bakas pa ng dugo ng lalaking nabugbog ko.

 

Nang mabaling ang tingin ko sa lalaki, kitang-kita ko kung gaano ka grabe ang natamo niya sa akin. , I really beat the hell out of this erted son of a .

 

Was I that mad today? Maybe, napagbuntunan ko siya ng hinanakit ko sa mundo. 

 

Baka yun ang dahilan bakit nangielam ako. I saw an opportunity to release my anger without being on the bad side.

 

Oo, yun ang dahilan. 

 

"Thank you." 

 

At hindi ‘tong babaeng ‘to.

Huminga ako nang malalim habang pinapanood siyang gamutin ang mga kamay ko. I don't really need it but she insisted. Nakaupo kami ngayon sa labas, first aid kit ang nakapatong sa lamesa imbes na pagkain. 

 

Sino ba ‘tong babaeng ‘to? 

 

Alam kong siya yung muntik ng bastusin kanina pero anong pangalan niya? Masyado ba akong pagod kaya hindi ako nagsasalita ngayon? Or I'm way too shocked because of what happened and worried kasi baka i-diagnose ako ng psychologist ko na may bull related to anger issues kapag nalaman niya ‘tong ginawa ko? 

 

Hindi ko alam.

 

"Winter nga pala, ikaw?" Magpapakilala ka rin pala.

 

Nagkatinginan kami for about three seconds before I answered. "Karina." 

 

She repeatedly nodded awkwardly bago lagyan ng band aid ang kanan kong kamay. "Thank you ulit kanina, Karina."

 

Thank you. I always hear that phrase. In fact, everyday ko yan naririnig dahil sa trabaho ko but this time, the reason behind her thank you is something.. I guess good?

 

Ito na ba yung heroic feeling? I don't understand the way I think at this hour. Baka kailangan ko na ngang matulog.

 

"Next time kick their asses yourself." I’m not sure kung tama ba yung sinabi ko or mali. Bahala na. Wala naman akong pake.

 

She again, awkwardly laughed a bit before scratching the back of her head. "Sorry hindi ko kasi inexpect na ganun yun."

 

I looked at both of my fists na may mga bandaids na. "You should expect the worst in people." I said slowly looking up to her.

 

Parang nagulat naman siya sa sinabi ko but ngumiti na lang. "Siguro nga dapat ganon." There was a solid seven seconds of silence before she faked a cough and spoke.

 

"Gutom ka ba? Libre sana kita ngayon dito pambawi lang para sa ginawa mo kanina." 

 

Was it the lights or talagang namumula ang mga pisngi niya habang tinatanong niya ako? Doesn't matter, I don’t care.

 

"No, It's fine. I'm heading back narin." sabi ko while checking the time sa screen ng cellphone.

 

ing, 3:23 am. So great, Karina goodluck na lang sayo mamaya sa trabaho. I'll definitely need to drink three cups of dark coffee to stay awake.

 

I bid my goodbye to her by saying "Be careful, Miss Winter." and nodding bago tumayo at maglakad na pabalik sa building ng condo ko.

 

I'm not sure but I think I heard her uttered my name nung tumalikod na ako at naglakad. Baka hallucination ko lang.

 

Regardless, that's such a weird 3 am encounter.

 

//

 

"Here's the baddie." Naghiyawan ang mga naka formal suit na tao dito sa bar na pinuntahan namin. I don't know how they made me agree to come with them kanina. But oh well, here I am so might as well just drink.

 

Pagkaupo na pagkaupo ko umakbay na agad si Yujin sa akin which annoyed me pero hinayaan ko na lang. "Oh, baddie magaling na kamay nyan sheesh no band aids na eh." Nothing is funny with what she said but these ers laughed.

 

"Tama, grabe mag ala-James Bond si Enrique." sabi ni Chan bago ako abutan ng bote. 

 

I just socialized with them, I do that very well. I can't have rumors about me being a loner and not having a social life even though that's the truth.

 

We or more like "I" managed to convince a big name to invest with the help of our company which led a few more of his amigos to contact our company. I'm the star of this company. That's how convinced I am. 

 

I'm happy to be making all this money. To be promoted every other month. I am happy.

 

Even Jeno called earlier to ask if I'm still alive and . I told him about what happened four days ago. He said that it was unrealistic yet cool then dropped the call because Jaemin woke up and he needed to make him breakfast.

 

I really find that call hilarious. Ang funny ng setup namin. Though I'm not complaining, I just let it be. I'm not concerned, not even a bit.

 

Almost nothing concerns me. Because my life is all about me getting to the top. Making millions and millions of money. Oo, millions na.

 

Workaholic eh. And I have nothing else to do but earn, anyway.

 

Live a very comfortable life. But am I really comfortable?

 

it up, Karina. You are a comfortable er.

 

"Thank you, Ms. Karina Enrique." I took the hand of the guy in front of me for a handshake. Sealing the deal.

 

“I should thank you more, Mr. Herald." I said, smiling.

 

Ngiti lang talaga. I let him and his secretary leave first para matawagan ko ang gagong si Yujin at ipaalam na okay na.

 

"! You are really that good Enrique." I heard her clap. "You don't have to make me blush, Ms. Ferrer." sabi ko, taking my iced coffee na inorder ko bago pumunta ng parking lot.

 

"Oh no, I like making you blush. Paano ba yan?" For the record, she's not flirting. That's how people talk in this line of work. 

 

I opened my car bago siya sagutin. "I will have to hang up na, can't call while driving. You don't want to lose your ace, do you?"

 

I heard her laugh again sa kabilang linya. Yujin is that type of boss who's a cheerful annoying arrogant . "Sure, bye- bye sweetheart. You're done for today by the way. Go sleep with a hot babe or something." Before I could respond which I didn't even plan to, she dropped the call.

 

Sobrang nakakairita, 'diba? I don't really hate her though. I mean I do, but not that serious hate where I want to hit her with my car. Besides, she's the first person who believed in me and let me into that company despite of me not being a college graduate.

 

But I can't call us friends. Our connection to each other is purely for business. Plus she's really annoying as so I usually avoid her. Foul-mouthed er kasi yon. I am foul-mouthed as well but not as foul as that.

 

I'm done for today, I guess I'll just go to the mall and see if I can buy something. 

 

I remember getting my first paycheck. Nilagay ko lahat sa mga luho ko. Bought myself an iPhone, branded clothes, and dated myself sa samgyupsal. Hindi ko binigay sa magulang ko because how? That time, I was living all by myself na. I got kicked out of the ing house eh.

 

Bakit naman ako babalik doon para bigyan sila ng pera out of nowhere? 

 

Pinalayas ako kasi wala ng space, wala na kasing matirahan yung pamilya ng walang kwenta nilang panganay so pinaalis ako. Panganay over bunso as usual. 

 

Walang wala ako non. I only had ten thousand sa bag ko. Naranasan kong tumira sa sasakyan for two months. It was ing hard. Real hard, everyday my brain eats itself with worries kung saan ako kukuha ng pera para bumili ng gas at pagkain. 

 

Hindi naisip ng mga magulang ko yon kasi mas iniisip nila yung walang kwenta nilang anak. 

 

Ang gago 'diba? Marami talagang gago sa mundo lalo na sa pamilya kong hindi naman talaga pamilya ang turing sa akin.

 

Pero tama na muna ang paflashback na drama. Rush hour na pala kaya traffic. Nasa bandang gilid pa pwesto ng kotse ko kaya kita ko yung mga taong nag aabang ng masasakyan.

 

It's almost 9 pm na rin kasi. I don't know why but my eyes landed on a familiar figure.

 

A woman who's wearing a familiar jacket and a familiar worried face.

 

It's Winter. How could I forget that name?

 

I pursed my lips thinking if I should give her a ride. She might misunderstand that act of mine if ever.

 

But in the end, I just found myself stopping my car in front of her. Bumuntong hininga ako and asked myself one more time if I'm sure that I'm doing this.

 

And I answered yes one more time.

 

"Hey!" I called her attention. 

 

Napatingin naman siya agad sa akin. Nakadungaw ako sa bintana ng kotse. She looked shocked at first and I'm gonna lie kung sasabihin kong hindi ako napangiti sa itsura niya kanina.

 

That's not so me. 

 

"Karina?" Lumapit na siya sa kotse ko at nagtanong. "Anong ginagawa mo rito?"

 

"Work related and now driving back to Taguig." I paused to see her reaction before asking.

 

"Sabay ka na?" 

 

I once saved her, so I think she won't think of me as a bad person and a potential serial killer naman. ‘Di ba? 

 

My observant eyes saw her gulped before answering. "Nahihiya ako sayo sa totoo lang kasi nakakarami na ako sayo oh."

 

She rubbed her neck. Gawi na siguro niya tuwing nahihiya. "Pero sige pasabay na, malelate na ako sa trabaho ko eh. Bawi na lang ako sayo sa susunod."

 

Pinihit ko yung pintuan para mabuksan at makapasok na siya. I noticed how she paused for a bit after that. This girl is way too easy to read. Interesting.

 

I didn't want to bore her with this whole roadtrip pabalik ng Taguig so I started a conversation.  “Anong work mo?" I simply asked, glancing at her sa left side mirror.

 

"Marami eh." Mukha nga. "Waitress, tutor, atsaka barista." 

 

I nodded bago mag overtake because I saw an opportunity to. "You're juggling three jobs all at once?" I followed up a question. 

 

"Hindi naman, part-time lang naman ako sa mga yon tas tutoring lang tuwing weekends." Ah kaya. Regardless, it's still hard to do three different jobs using one body.

 

Red light. I tapped my fingers sa steering wheel before asking her. Dami ko na atang tanong. "So, what brought you to Katipunan?"

 

Pinakita niya sa akin ang biscuit na rebisco chocolate, I nodded at her. A way para sabihing okay lang kumain sa loob ng kotse ko because she was about to ask din naman. Binuksan niya yung wrapper. "College, nag aaral." 

 

I felt my heart drop the moment I heard her answer. So, she's basically a college student? Do I really have a college student inside my car right now? Walang malisya ha, but still? 

 

God, what was I thinking? 

 

I responded para hindi niya mahalata na I paused for a moment. "College student with three jobs? That's hell." cool kong sabi.

 

I heard her laughed kaya tinignan ko ito bago nagpatuloy sa pag dadrive. "Anong nakakatawa?"

 

"Wala naman." Feeling ko merong nakakatawa pero para sa kanya lang yon nakakatawa.

 

"I'm graduating naman na. One subject na lang, mag mamartsa na ako." That's impressive. 

"Advanced congratulations, Ms. Winter."

 

Nagtataka ako kung bakit hindi siya nakasagot because parang may dumaan na anghel pagkasabi ko non. Kaya nilingon ko siya. "Uhm?"

 

Parang natauhan naman ito at shinake pa ang ulo bago sumagot.  “Ah wala, wala."

 

Wala na naman kahit meron. "You sure?"

 

"Ano lang naninibago ganun." Right. I'm a stranger. "My bad."

 

Nanlaki naman ang singkit na mga mata nito sa akin at umiling iling. "Uy hindi ganon."

 

"Then?" I asked, encouraging her to answer.

 

"Kasi naalala mo pangalan ko."

 

Oh.

 

//

 

Winter.

 

Of course, I do remember her name. Who would forget that name eh season yan? And it's really beautiful.

 

She's really beautiful.

 

"Enrique, lalaki yan no?" Hindi ko pinansin ang nagtanong, bagkus ay nagpatuloy lang ako sa pagtatrabaho. It's just the nosy , Hendery.

 

Tumingin siya sa screen ng computer. "Ah, akala ko naman lalaki. Trabaho pala." See? Really nosy.

 

"Si Enrique? Magbubusy sa lalaki? Nako trabaho lang yan eh kinikita niyan sa isang buwan eh halos pitong buwan sa atin." Another nosy er entered the solo conversation that Hendery was having.

 

"Liz, malay mo naman 'diba? Besides, it's just sleeping.” They both laughed and I just remained focused on what I'm doing. "Tigilan niyo ako. Dun nga kayo at magtrabaho." Of course, they didn't listen and proceeded to annoy the out of me.

 

"Hey, nothing serious and personal naman Karina. Kailan nga ulit uwi ni Jeno? Tagal pa oh, magliwaliw muna." I gave Hendery a blank stare after he said that. Umalis naman na rin silang dalawa dahil dumating si Minju at doon sila lumipat para mag usap tungkol sa katarantaduhan.

 

Cheating happens a lot. Everyone is ing cheating in this building. Everyone the life out of their partners.

 

Not for me though, open relationship naman kami and I'm not interested sa mga ganong bagay. I'm not like them who's thirsty to get laid. Bunch of dead e ers.

 

Maaga akong umuwi that day. No reason at all, Yujin told me it was fine so I just left. Pag uwi ko ng 6 pm diretso tulog ako.

 

I thought mag tutuloy tuloy ang tulog ko but no. I woke up quarter to three am. Hungry as , so I went out to find something to eat.

 

Tinatamad ako mag prepare. I don't even wash my own clothes, nagpapa laundry ako. 

 

One more thing is that, I really feel like going out and feeling the cold breeze. Kumpleto naman na ang tulog ko. Sigurado din na iidlip ako mamaya pagkauwi.

 

I saw a very interesting minimalist café. Bago lang din siguro ito, ngayon ko lang nakita. So, I went inside. Masarap naman ang bread and cake. Mabubusog na ako non. 

 

I was confused at first, wala kasing tao sa counter. I tapped my fingers as I look around. Wala talaga. 

 

My eyes landed on a bell sa counter kaya pinatunog ko ito.

 

"Goodmorning! What can I g-" 

 

Winter? 

 

Oo nga pala. She said that barista din siya. What a small world. She was rushing to get back sa counter and stopped sa kalagitnaan after naming magkatinginan. Naglakad narin naman siya after a second or two at humarap sa akin.

 

For no reason, I smiled at her. "Goodmorning, Ms. Barista." 

 

I swear I saw how she took a deep breath. Am I intimidating? Mukha daw akong masungit sa unang tingin but when I start talking hindi naman na. Kaya nga I always get the ing money, magaling ako makipag usap.

 

"Uh- Eh Goodmorning! What can I get you?" I tried so hard not to laugh at her reaction. Come on, Karina. She's trying to do her job and stay professional despite the stammering.

 

I scanned the menu, holding my chin while picking. "I think I'll just get these two, a glass of water, and this coffee." 

 

Why the did I not bring a book with me again? I had to pick the most bearable magazine tuloy sa shelf nila dito kanina. Their books are fine but either I've read it na or di ko lang gusto.

 

I'm enjoying the food infairness. Sadyang pinili kong maging slow eater ngayon. The ambiance of this coffee shop is really something.

 

Or is it because of their barista? Because of our random eye contacts? Tapos siya ang unang lilihis ng tingin at magkukunyaring may inaayos sa ilalim ng counter or kung anong mahawakan niya doon.

Wala namang ibang nandito kung hindi kaming dalawa lang. Ako lang naman kasi ang customer dito since alas tres na rin.

Wait, it was also three am nga pala noong una naming encounter.

 

Wow. 

 

Should I ask for her number?

 

Definitely not, she's a college student.

 

That would be weird.

 

//

 

My mother called again. What surprised me is that she wasn't asking for money. She was asking for my presence.

 

Hindi ako pinanganak kahapon. I know na papapuntahin ako mismo doon tsaka sila hihingi ng pera. 

 

Am I the bad guy for thinking that way? But it's the truth, yun lang habol nila sa akin. Birthday-birthday celebration ng pamangkin ko? Nek nek nila, ayaw ko silang makita.

 

Sasayangin ko lang ang oras at pagod ko. 

 

Madamot na ba ako? Hindi rin, never ako humindi kapag humihingi sila ng pera. Sobra pa nga sa hinihingi nila yung binibigay ko. So they can shut the up and not disturb me.

 

Basta, hindi ako pupunta.

 

"Lalim ng iniisip ah." I turned my head to the person who suddenly spoke.

 

Yujin Bollocks Ferrer, an even more annoying version now . "I’m just thinking how can I steal the company from you." I joked, accepting the glass of wine she handed to me.

 

Tumawa naman siya. Lahat na lang talaga tinatawanan nitong gagong to. But oh well. At least she's not that type of a boss na naiinggit sa achievements ng employee niya. "You know when I saw your application. I thought you'd make a great laughingstock in this company that's why I hired you." 

 

Do I know? Of course, I do. She already said that countless times. "Also, partly because I saw something in you sa interview." 

 

"Why are we reminiscing now, Yujin?" I squinted my eyes at her before taking a drink. "Because, why not?"

 

She continued with it. "I saw myself in you, your aura screams the thirst in making money. That you'd devour people to get money. The ing money." Even more annoying version, because I think she's tipsy. Where the is her weekly boyfriend or girlfriend now?

 

We're in a party at mismong company ang naghahandle. I forgot the occasion but yeah, free drinks and opportunities to talk to business men and women.

 

"Mukhang nakainom ka na." Yujin just took the glass na binigay niya sa akin dahil ubos na yung laman nung sa kanya at ininom ito. See? Annoying .

 

Umakbay na naman siya and pointed sa direksyon ng dalawang business men at isang business woman. "That woman with a nice , we will need her "yes" in two to three months." Biglang napadaan ang tingin ng babaeng yon sa gawi namin. Specifically sa akin. 

 

I'm sure she checked me out. Woah. I think the job is gonna be challenging. "Do that and I'll surprise you with some goodass ."

 

Foul mouthed talaga.

 

The woman she's referring to is the third daughter of a well-known owner of a business industry abroad. Our company is aiming not just for the money although it's the main aim but for something big for the country. 

 

That woman is the key for renewable energy and power plants to be built in various places all around the country. 

 

Though, we probably have to face protesters. Because, of course we'll need lands to build yung mga planta na yon. I expect that will be a problem in the future.

 

But yup, sa isang araw ko na yan aatupagin. I just want to ing sleep tonight.

 

Which I did. I had a good sleep noong gabing yon. And the following two days. 

 

Everything's going on as usual. In favor of me. 

 

"Ikaw talaga ang alas, Karina Jacinto Enrique!" 

 

I am the Ace. 

 

But whenever I look at myself in the mirror, after ko maghilamos at toothbrush sa gabi. I'd always curse myself to death.

 

Don't get the wrong idea here, I don't want to die. But I also don't know what else I'm living for if it's not the money. If it's not feeding my ego.

 

What the do I do? Who the am I?

Totoo nga yung sinabi ni Thales na the most difficult thing in life is to know yourself. I stared at my reflection with utter disgust and pity. This person right now, whom I'm looking at- sino ba ‘tong putanginang ‘to? May ginawa ba ‘tong tama sa buhay niya at least for ing once? 

 

I shook my head trying to shake the thoughts away.

 

Goddamn. I need coffee. 

 

Some ing air. 

 

Go outside to be surrounded by people. Isolation can be this suffocating. 

 

Yeah, maybe tonight. I can't be alone. I don't want to be alone. 

 

//

 

Madaling araw pero hindi three am. I saw Winter again.

 

Nakasalubong ko lang, tapos na ata ang shift niya. Nakikipagkuwentuhan lang sa loob kasama yung dalawa pang barista. 

 

Umorder ako ng dark coffee but I chose to sit outside. Hindi naman ako mag isa. Kahit papaano may dumadaan daan dito. 

 

Why am I not drinking coffee inside? Because I'm smoking. Two sticks lang. It's Taguig. No one gives a . 

 

To be honest, I thought Winter was just my hallucination. That I'm schizophrenic. kasi ang random ng encounters namin and the things I did for her was.. not me.

 

Ewan. But I'm glad I wasn't crazy. Because obviously, I'd lose everything I've worked hard for if I was crazy. Psychologically.

 

God, I need to see my psychologist pala next week.

Right that useless soft spoken motherer.
 

Okay, now I'm stressed. I need to do so many things next week. I really hate my overthinking mind. Always s me to the fullest.

My train of thoughts got interrupted thankfully with a familiar voice. "You smoke pala.” Betting it took her minutes to approach me. I turned my head to face her. 

 

She's wearing the same jacket but different t-shirt inside and blue jeans. Also she's wearing a cap and slip-on vans. 

 

Aight, not bad.  

 

"Why? Turn off ba?" Like what I expected, that made her go glitch mode. This girl is really something. 

 

And she's stuttering again. "Uh- hi-hindi naman. S-sadyang ano.. Ano.."

 

Pinatay ko na yung sindi ng sigarilyo habang natatawa sa response niya. "Hinga, Win. Hinga."

 

Mukhang lalo siyang nahiya sa sinabi ko since she rubbed the back of her head. Hold on, did I just call her "Win"?

Really Karina? You’re giving out nicknames now?
 

Wait, sabagay. Eh ano naman? I give nicknames and code names naman sa lahat. May mura nga lang madalas.

I slightly tilted my head. “You can sit, by the way.” A conversation won’t hurt. Right?

Umupo naman siya agad. “Alam mo ba na dare lang ‘to?” I took a sip of my coffee. “What dare?”

She placed her right arm sa ibabaw ng lamesa. “Kausapin ka.” Napakunot ako ng noo dahil sa sinabi niya. Kausapin ako? That’s a boring dare. I mean they could’ve dared her something extreme such as-

Wait. I need to stop right there. This girl is a college student.

No way.

“You did the dare because you lost a bet or you’re getting something in return after the dare?” Inubos ko na yung kape ko at inilapag yung mug sa table. “The latter.” Like her choice of words.

“Ano naman yon?” Pansin ko lang na ako lagi yung nagtatanong sa amin. I’m not complaining naman. “Pera, kailangan ko ng panglunch bukas eh.” Right, friends, acquaintances do this kind of thing. Almost forgot. “How much did you get?”

Did I just say Sid’s line sa movie? Because this scene is very familiar.

She did hand gestures. Dalawang fifty so isang daan lang pala. Oo nga pala sapat na ‘yon for lunch. The last time I ate a meal that’s worth a hundred pesos was my homeless era pa. “Not bad. But why me?”

Bakit nga ba ako? May apat na ibang customer sa loob, lumabas pa siya. “Ikaw lang babaeng customer eh.” sagot niya. Yun na nga, why me? Unless..

My eyes caught a rainbow small pin sa bag niya.

Okay? So she’s a member of LGBTQIA+?

Glad to know, I guess? 

 

Though I don’t label myself. Pati ba naman yun poproblemahin ko? Basta I’m a person. If I develop feelings for another, then that’s just it. A person liking another person.

“They want you to hit me up or something?” I tried to by asking, which is a normal response from me.

Ito na naman ang caught up niyang reaction. “O-oy hindi ah.”

I raised my right eyebrow, lifting a corner of my lips. “Talaga lang ha?” Umiwas naman siya ng tingin. “Yabang ah.”

“Pero maiba ako.” Change topic siya bigla eh. Hilarious. “Dapat pustahan talaga kung anong trabaho mo but yun nga nahalata nila yung advantages ko kuno kasi hinatid mo raw ako last time.” Of course, mahahalata nila ang dali mo kayang basahin. “Kaya dare na lang daw na basic lang kaya ginawa ko na agad.”

Madaldal naman pala to. “As you eat your lunch later on, you better think of me.” she gave me a confused look at tinaasan ako ng kilay. Natawa ako sa mukha niya, I’m starting to find her funny. “Oh bakit? Dapat nga hati tayo. If I didn’t talk to you edi wala kang one hundred.”

Tila natauhan naman ito at akmang tatayo na para umalis. “I’m just kidding.” tawa kong pigil dito. “Wag ka na makihati, balak ko mag Jollibee bukas eh first time ko ulit yon in a while. Babawi naman ako sayo next time!” she said with a very funny tone while raising her right hand. Which made me giggle. Nakakailang next time na’to sakin ah.

Jollibee huh? Malungkot na ala-ala lang yung naalala ko doon sa bubuyog nayon but that’s another story for another day.

“Mas bagay sayo yan.” ngiti niya sa akin. “Anong bagay?”

“Tumatawa, humahagikgik, nakangiti.”

Okay?

“Nakangiti naman ako tuwing umoorder ng kape niyo dito.” tinanguan ko ang dumating na katrabaho niya na kinuha yung mug ko. I witnessed pa kung paano tignan ng makahulugan non si Winter at paano pasimpleng pinandilatan siya pabalik nung isa. Pumasok na rin kaagad  sa loob yung katrabaho niya.

“Yung may malikot na mata na yon si Ningning yon, tapos yung isa pa na nasa loob si Chenle. Mga tsinay at tsinoy.” Pakilala niya sa dalawang katrabaho niya. “I wonder what got into them para ibigay yung dare na yon.” sabi ko.

Even though I know that they are definitely in a silly goofy mode kahit madaling araw na. “Ikaw lang yung blue vibe eh. Kanina ang lungkot mo kaya tignan.” Pinastiff niya naman yung mukha niya para ata i-imitate yung itsura ko kanina. Hay.

“Really? I thought I looked cool with the cigarettes.” I shrugged. “Hindi kaya cool ang cigarettes.” I agree, it is not. Mukha lang cool at nilelabelan na cool para mashadow yung fact na self harming siya in a way.

But I was smoking earlier to clear my mind not to harm myself. I hate being sick and I rarely smoke. It's just that ang stress eh. Life’s too ing depressive.

Pinatong na niya yung bag niya, kanina kandong niya ito. “Are you smoking the pain away?”

Good wording. And yes, maybe I am.

“Nabasa ko lang yan ha, topic namin nung nakaraan.” she added. I didn't feel off or anything. “Maybe, chismosa ka ba?” I hope I didn’t offend her with that.

“Grabe ka hindi naman, pero parang ganon na nga.” napailing na lang ako habang natatawa sa facial expressions na ginagawa niya. She is really expressive. “Strangers naman tayo kaya okay lang mag sabi ng stranger things.”

Bad corny wording.

Ngumiwi ako sa kanya. “Corny.”

“Totoo.” 

 

“Pero Karina wag kang mag alala, pareho tayong sad girl. Ang kinaibahan lang eh ikaw sad girl na may pera tapos ako wala.” Pumalatak siya at nagpatuloy sa pagdaldal. 

 

“Number one reason why people smoke is stress relief. Nicotine creates an immediate sense of relaxation, so people smoke in the belief it reduces stress and anxiety.” She snapped her fingers. “Oh 'diba english? Namemorize ko yan.”

Tumango tango ako sa kanya. “So, are you gonna bore the out of me with your trivias?” She leaned back nang kaonti and said “Grabe ka, hindi naman boring yon ah.” Hindi naman nga, sadyang yun ang naisip kong sabihin pabalik.

“I’m kidding.” Napatingin ako sa mga dumadaan. Umoonti onti na rin sila. Winter replied, “Okay lang kahit di ka makinig kausapin ko na lang sarili ko dito.”

“Pero gaano kana katagal dito?” Tignan mo ‘tong isang ‘to, kausapin na lang daw niya sarili niya sabay tanong naman sa akin. “Almost three years. Doon.” Nginuso ko yung building kung saan ako nakatira. “Big time mo naman.”

“Sakto lang.” Sakto lang for the timeline I planned. “Naalala ko tuloy yung pusta ni Ningning na anak ka raw ng mafia boss.” Bigla siyang nasamid sa hangin sa biglang pagtawa. That’s why I handed her the untouched glass of water na pinakuha ko kanina. “Yan hinay.” Ininom niya naman agad yung tubig.

“Thank you ah, sinagip mo na naman ako.” I saved her? “Sagip ka dyan, no one dies just because they choke on thin air.” iling ko. Nang mahimasmasan tinuloy na nya ang kwento. “Yun nga kay Ningning, anak ka raw ng mafia boss at kay Chenle naman old money person na nag tatrabaho sa real estate eme." 

 

Pinagsakop ko ang dalawang kamay ko bago magsalita. "Anong hula mo?" She was quick to respond. "Business woman."

 

And that hit me. This scene happened in that movie. Is it just a coincidence or? Ewan. Baka I'm overthinking things like I always do.

 

"So, may tumama ba sa amin?" Meron. Siya. I'm a stockbroker anyway. "Ikaw." She snapped her fingers and bumulong pa ng yes! kahit rinig ko naman.

 

"Anong business mo?" Business ko? Manipulation siguro. "I'm a stockbroker, if you're not familiar with that basta middleman or woman." When I looked at her to see her reaction, parang alam naman niya. "So magaling ka sa salita?"

 

"I wonder kung pati sa gawa." Binulong niya lang yon pero narinig ko dahil matalas ang pandinig ko. "I can't answer that." Parang nabigla naman siya sa sinabi ko. "You said you wonder kung pati sa gawa magaling ako." 

 

Moments like that di naman talaga bino-brought up. Most people would choose to act fool or they didn't hear anything, but I'm not like most people. Cute niya rin kasi pag nahihiya, I like her facial expressions. 

 

"Luh siya.." Wala siyang masabi ngayon. "So, do you find your job interesting?" I grinned dahil iniba niya bigla ang topic. I would more kaso her question interests me. 

 

Do I find my job interesting? "Yes and No."

She moved and leaned pa to show me that she's focusing and listening to whatever I'm going to say. "Ooh, chika mo na Kars. Lagi ako yung nagkukwento eh. Ikaw naman para quits."

 

"Kars?" Inulit ko yung tawag niya sa akin. "Ay sorry, 12 am strangers deep talk nga pala ang peg natin." Nag peace sign pa siya sa akin with a smile that shows her dimple.

 

Made her even more attractive. "Yes, because I make huge figures. And no because I work with a bunch of various s.” Tumawa siya sa s part. "Grabe ka a-hole talaga?" Winter, you wouldn't want to know what goes in that building. No one would unless they've got no life and really curious about it.

 

"Douchebags?" The word is more satisfying to say than douchebag. "Grabe talaga 'to but totoo malaking factor yung mga co-workers sa trabaho. But if aalisin yon as a factor, do you find your job fulfilling?"

 

Tanginang mga tanungan yan. Kunot noo ko siyang tinignan. "Psychology major ka ba? Pinag aaralan mo ko 'no?" Tinikom naman niya ang bibig niya at umubo. "Uy di ah, grabe ka na talaga."

 

She's scratching the back of her head. "Curious lang eh, 'diba deep talks nga?" I stared at her for three seconds before answering. "My job fulfills my wallet, and I guess that will do."

 

Pumalakpak siya. "Big time ka nga talaga, siguro 6 digits sweldo mo." Nagkatinginan kami. I showed her my fingers. "Gago 7??"

 

Nanlalaki ang mga mata nyang tanong na mas lalong lumaki nung tumango ako. "PUCHA ganon ka pala kayaman?!" Kanina pa ako natatawa sa reactions niya. "Hindi, masyado kang seryoso."

 

Hindi naman always 7 figures. If always edi araw-araw hindi ba? It's not araw-araw. More like monthly.

 

“Eh basta ang yaman yaman mo na para sa akin.” Not as rich as I want to be, at least not yet. “Ikaw, anong trabaho pagaapplyan mo pagka graduate mo?” I asked turning the conversation about her. 

 

She lifted the right corner of her lips. “Hindi pa sigurado eh, basta kahit saan magbukas ng opportunity.” Right, opportunities.

 

“But what do you want to do?” I want to know for some reason. This is a sharing conversation between two strangers naman.

 

“Yumaman.” Isn't that everyone's goal? “Joke di ko alam eh, noong bata ako gusto ko magturo pero ngayon gusto ko na lang magkaroon ng pera.” Tumingin siya sa poste ng ilaw. “Maraming pera, katulad mo.”

 

Oh you don't want to be me. No one would want to be in this life nor ask to have this life. “Hindi mo sure.”

 

We both laughed it off. She snapped her fingers na parang may naisip biglang sabihin.

 

“May tanong ako.” I raised both of my eyebrows and glanced at her. 

 

“If you'll meet your younger self, like the 8 year-old Karina. Satingin mo proud siya sayo?”

 

//

 

A stranger asked me kung makikita daw ba ako ng younger self ko, magiging proud ba yung batang yon sa akin? And that took me in to the blackhole. Because I know, younger me would be very disappointed.

 

Who's that stranger? None other than Winter. During the midnight conversation we shared last week. Nastuck lang sa utak ko for some reasons.

 

I kept thinking about it dahil narin supposedly 8th birthday party ng pamangkin ko ang sinasabi sa akin ng nanay ko sa text few days ago.

 

Wala parin akong balak pumunta. I'm not close to any of my pamangkin, I'm not close to my whole family. 

 

Jeno Calling.

 

I rolled my eyes before picking up the phone. Office hours, nangiistorbo. A very Jeno thing to do.

 

“Babe.” pinagpatuloy ko ang pagtatype gamit ang kanang kamay habang hawak sa kaliwa ang cellphone. “What?” 

 

“Sungit naman nito.” I'm not masungit, I just don't have time for him. I am literally working. “Office hours, Jeno.” I shortly replied.

 

“Geez, freshen up babe.” napairap ako habang napapailing. “I was just gonna ask if you saw the pictures I sent to you last night?” 

 

Right, he deadass spammed me on iMessage nga pala. I care too less to check them out. “Not yet, I'll check mamaya. What's with it ba?”

 

I heard him sighed. “My pictures.” Kumunot ang noo ko. “And?”

 

And he dropped the call. 

 

I shook my head and brushed my hair up using my hand. Ano bang kaartehan yon? Was it intentional na pagbaba or not? Bahala siya. 

 

“Away kayo?” Hindi ko na kailangan tumingin sa nagsalita para makilala kung sino siya. “Nah, he probably dropped it because he had to run some errands or whatever.” I shrugged.

 

Minju sat on my table. “You know what? You're too hot to be with a man.” Inismiran ko siya, wala akong gana makipagsocialize. I just want to get things done and sleep.

 

“Sama ka sa amin maya, try it with women. They're so much better in every way.” As if I didn't know that. Wala lang talaga akong gana at I'm afraid to have a more than platonic connection with a woman. 

 

I shooed her away. “No thanks, I have to sleep early may appointment ako with my doctor tomorrow.”

 

Yeah, I need to face that soft-spoken again. Ang mahal ng bayad pero wala naman tulong sa akin. Maybe because I'm not letting her help me.

 

I don't give a . Bahala na. I'm doing good naman.

 

Then the tomorrow came, late ko na nabasa yung email sa akin na may emergency kaya namove next week ang session. I was driving at nag red light I accidentally clicked the mail app then bam. Three days ago pa yung email, okay lang naman sa akin.

 

Kaso ngayon I don't know where to go. I finished off my work for today yesterday. Maglasing na lang kaya ako? Coffee? Roadtrip? 

 

Sa huli, napagdesisyunan ko na lang na umuwi at matulog. But not really.. 

 

I found myself stopping by sa coffee shop kung saan nagtatrabaho si Winter. I haven't seen her after that conversation na biglang naputol dahil I had a phone call from Yujin na wrong call lang pala. When I came back sa upuan, she's gone.

 

Sabi ng katrabaho niyang si Ningning sinundo daw ng pinsan, nakamotor. Hindi ko tuloy naibigay sa kanya ang sagot ko. 

 

Maybe right now, I can. Sabi kasi nung Chenle, (not that I asked, by the way) bigla na lang sinabi sakin while serving my red velvet cake two days ago na afternoon shift daw nilipat si Winter dahil nag maternal leave ang isa sa mga katrabaho nila.

 

I parked my car first bago pumasok sa kapehan. Medyo maraming customers but hindi naman punuan. I proceeded sa counter but it wasn't her na nandoon. 

 

“Goodafternoon, what can I get you?” He had a wide smile and a cheerful tone.“Black coffee.” tipid kong sagot.

 

Umupo lang ako sa mag bandang dulo malapit sa bookshelf. Occupied kasi yung usual spot ko, okay din naman dito. Plus I noticed na may bagong librong nakalagay kaya ito na lang ang binasa ko. “The psychology of money” by Morgan Housel

 

“Black coffee for Ms. Karina.” 

 

Napataas ang tingin ko from the book papunta sa taong nagsalita. 

 

It's her, Winter with a cute smile showing off her dimples. 

 

“Thank you.” I smiled back with a small nod. Magsasalita pa sana siya kaso parang sinenyasan siya ng katrabaho niya. I continued reading. 

 

But I was reading with my eyes not my mind. My mind is too busy thinking about what the am I actually trying to do? Continuously reminding itself that Winter is a college student and I am a grown adult with a permanent job. 

 

Kahit na graduating na si Winter, she's just too young for me.

Wait-

 

How old is Winter again? Napainom ako ng kape after realizing that I don't know her age yet. I know almost nothing about her.

 

“Out na ako.” 

 

But I will eventually know her. 

 

Ngumisi ako. “That's so brave of you.” Natawa naman siya nang bahagya. “Sira, sa trabaho kasi.” Umupo siya sa upuan sa harapan ko. “But yeah, I'm out na sa family.” 

 

“They're supportive naman di nga big deal sa kanila.” she added bago humigop sa iced coffee na hawak niya. I saw WinHarotera written sa likod na kanina parang tinatakpan niya. 

 

“Nung sinabi ko na gusto ko rin mga babae, sabi ng tatay ko same daw.” patawa tawa niyang kwento. “Si mama naman sabi niya tama behavior daw nakakastress daw kasi mga lalaki.” 

 

Her parents seem fun. Type of parents I wish I had. “Close ka sa parents mo, that's rare.” 

 

Siya naman ang nagtanong. “Ikaw, out ka?” Bago pako makasagot muntikan pa siyang masamid dahil sa biglang pag salita. “Wait, are you even attracted to women?”

 

She has this very visible kabado facial expression which I find cute right now. I never thought I'd use the word “cute” but here I am.

 

“I don't label myself.” simpleng sagot ko na sinundan niya ulit ng tanong. “But have you ever been with a woman?” Have I?

 

“Nope.” Yeah, I've never been with a woman. “Sheeesh, you've never been to heaven, have you?” Kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa pakanta niya yong sinabi. I'm not updated on the music industry, I just listen to whatever spotify recommends to me. 

 

But even though hindi naman paseryoso yun, I find her voice endearing. 

 

I only flirted with women but I never dated one. I can see myself dating a woman though. The woman in front of me. 

 

But she's in college.. so I'm contemplating.

 

“Seryoso, interested ka ba?” I know what she's referring to but I just want to because why not?

“Kanino? Sayo?”

 

There, nasamid na naman siya sa hangin. This time she grabbed her iced coffee by herself. Winter, you're too obvious. Is this intentional or not? It doesn't really matter, I like it.

 

“Ikaw ah.. Sa babae kasi.” Mukhang mochi yung pisngi niya. “Why?” Of course, I know why. I just want to hear it from her. 

 

“Wala lang.” Sure, wala lang. “Baka kasi straight girl ka talaga ayaw mo lang labelan sarili mo because you like getting the attention of pretty girls.” Fairpoint. But no, I'm not straight.

 

I pursed my lips as I nodded at her. “Pretty girls? Like you?” 

 

She jokingly flipped her hair. “Oo.” na binawi rin niya kaagad. “Joke lang, 'to naman.”

 

I formed a smile “It's good to know that you know you're pretty.” Nagtataka naman itong napatingin sa akin. “Bakit?”

 

I honestly answered. “When I was your age, I was too insecure to notice how hot I am.” Yeah, I really made myself believe that I am ugly and anyone else is better than me in terms of everything. The way I belittled myself during my lowest was immaculate.

 

“Bente kwatro na ako, anong your age ka dyan?” I felt my eyes glittered with what I heard. She's 24? I thought she was 21...

“Ikaw, ilang taon ka na ba?” 

 

I couldn't stop myself from smiling. “I'm 25.” 

 

One year gap is beautiful.

 

But she said she's graduating na though? Sabagay iba iba naman ng timeline ang mga tao. I wonder kung saan siya nag aaral. 

 

“Wi-” Hindi ko pa natatapos bigkasin ang pangalan niya, someone ringed up her phone at nag excuse naman siya agad. 

 

After the call nagpaalam narin siya at mukhang nagmamadali rin. I wanted to offer her a ride but I guess I'm not in that level yet.

 

//

 

“Extreme independence is a trauma response.” 

 

Bull. 

 

So what? Everyone is traumatized, anyway. And I know it doesn't make it okay but knowing that fact, lets you know that you're not the only one who's ed up. It gives me a feeling that compensates me.

I did my best to avoid Yujin and her crew today. I just want to be alone after my therapy session with Dra. Wendy. Instead of letting her help me kasi, I’m going against her. Contradicting lahat ng lumalabas sa bibig niya mentally every after session.

Ako ang nagsasayang ng pera eh. Hindi ko rin naman matigil ang pagpunta kasi, I’m a hypocrite. It’s a way to fix my mental health kahit na mismong ako ang sumasabotahe sa planong yon.

Seriously, I am the problem.

“Alone?” A man with waxed-up hair asked. Amoy na amoy ko ang pabango niyang sobrang tapang. Ang baho.

I didn’t answer him. Obvious naman na mag isa yung tao, tinatanong pa. Bobo lang.

I’m currently drinking sa isang bar na narinig kong pinag uusapan nila Yuqi last week. Chill lang daw dito perfect place to clear up thoughts at magliwaliw. Anong pakay ko dito? A drink, a couple of drinks.

Mataas alcohol tolerance ko, kakaiba nga ang epekto sa akin ng alak. Instead of antukin ako, lalo akong nagigising after maging sober. When that happens, ramdam na ramdam ko yung void.

It’s ridiculously funny to me that after everything I’ve achieved and continuously achieving, I still feel empty. 

 

Alam mo yung nakuha mo na yung bagay na buong buhay mo gustong makuha pero parang wala lang? I have millions now. I can just retire and travel the world until I die without having to worry about the money. I can buy anything I want without checking the price tags. Kaya ko na bilhin ang lahat, kaya ko na puntahan ang anumang lugar at bansa ang gustuhin ko.

Marami na akong ipagyayabang, hinding hindi na ako makakayang maliitin ng kung sino man.

Kaya bakit parang wala lang ang lahat ng ‘to sa akin? Didn’t I work hard and push myself that hard to get here?

Maybe, Dra. Wendy is right. I don’t appreciate myself enough.

“Can I buy you a drink?” I my teeth, feeling annoyed. Panira tong gagong to. He has the looks but I’m not interested. I was about to face him and roast his when someone whom I have been thinking of suddenly entered the picture.

“Mayaman yan, baka ikaw pa bilhin niyan kuya.”

Winter.

The way she approached was too polite. Kung si Jeno to, suntok agad at mura.

The annoying guy turned at her and asked “And who are you?” Tatagal pa ang usapan, sayang oras. 

 

“My girlfriend.”

Dim ang ilaw dahil nga sa bar itong setting namin but I can clearly see how Winter turned crimson red. Agad namang umalis ang epal na lalaki pagkatapos mag sorry. Glad he wasn’t a ing who’d force himself on women. 

 

I signaled the bartender to get me two shots of whatever he offered earlier. Hindi ko na matandaan, wala talaga akong pake kanina sa paligid.

“Ikaw ah..” She finally spoke, and there my lips formed a curve again. “What?” Pabiro niyang sinuntok ang kanang braso ko. “Wag ganon, mabilis ako mauto.” Natawa ako sa sinabi niya.

Hindi ko naman siya uutuin. “Gawa mo dito?” pag iiba ko ng topic na mabilis niyang sinagot. “Sinamahan ko yung kaibigan ko na may kameetup dito kanina.” I looked around.

“Wala na, nagmotel na.” Muntikan na akong masamid sa sinabi niya. “Win.” tawag ko sa kanya suppressing my laugh. “Biro lang, nag cloud9 sila sa Antips.” I tried handing her a shotglass with a lemon.

Tinanggap naman niya agad 'to. “Libre 'to ah? 500 lang dala ko.” I watched her take the shot. Tinawanan ko siya nang umasim ang mukha niya. “Ang pait.” nagreklamo pa.

“Isa pa nga.” Kita mo 'to? Dami talagang alam. Tumango ako sa bartender. “Ikaw, bakit ka nandito?” she asked, placing her elbow sa counter.

I don’t think I want to vent, I’d rather talk about other things tonight. Such as about her. “Secret.” sagot ko bago inisahang inom yung kakaabot lang na shot ng bartender. 

 

“Nga pala, I have an answer na.” Yeah, I can’t miss the opportunity to tell her about my answer. Sobrang tagal narin, sana di pa niya nakakalimutan. That question of her was deep, anyway. You don’t encounter nor get questions like that basta basta. Not everyone has substance.

She placed her right hand sa bandang dibdib at umaktong nagulat. “Ano? Sinasagot mo na agad ako? Wala pa nga Kars eh.” She said, grinning.

I made sure my confused face was visible. “Huh?” Trying to process and understand what she meant by that. “Ah wala, wala.” Baka inner joke na siya lang ang nakakaalam. Winter is really something.

“You asked not that long time ago if mamimeet ko younger self ko, kung satingin ko ba ay magiging proud siya sa akin.” Sumingkit ang mga mata niya bago ito nanlaki sa reyalisasyon siguro. She even slightly slammed her right hand sa counter. “AH! Oo, naalala ko yan..”

“My answer is Yes.” I revealed, smiling.

Yes, because we’re rich now. But aside from being proud I think she will pity me. Despite not having everything she wanted, she was happy. Habang ako? Kabaligtaran.

Nagdown-sided smile naman siya while nodding. “Gtk.” That stole the spotlight that sadness was about to take on my system.

“Gtk?” tanong ko.

“Good to know.” I shook my head, dami talagang alam Winter.

Sesenyasan ko pa sana ang bartender for another round but the pretty girl beside me stopped me. “Tama na, punta tayo doon maganda view.” nginuso niya ang terrace part ng bar.

Nauna siya pumunta doon. Syempre hindi ako nakinig, I got us two bottles of san mig para tig isa kami.

Before I approached her, I took my time staring at her back. The view is so much better with her figure on it.

I cooly handed her a bottle of san mig while looking at the citylights. Taguig is a nocturnal city. Kahit na sobrang late na, gising na gising parin ang karamihan sa mga establishments.

“Huy sabi sayo tama na eh. Broken ka ba?” I chuckled bago makipag cheers. Tumungga muna ako nang isang beses. “Nah, trip ko lang.” I darted my eyes at her. Oh iinom naman din pala.

“Alumni ka saan?” Naks siya na ang nagtanong. I was planning to ask her that pa naman pero nauna na siya, so yeah. “PUP, but di ko natapos.” she responded with a sheesh.

“Parehas pala tayong iskolar ng bayan.” I squinted my eyes. “Taga saan ka ba?”

“UP.” Oh. Kaya pala nasa katipunan siya nung nakaraan. “ing UP.” Mabilis siyang napalingon sa akin. “Bakit?” Natatawa niyang tanong kahit na nagtataka sa response ko.

UP rejected me before, I can still clearly remember how my shoulders dropped reading that rejection letter. “But I agree, UP.” she raised her middle finger in the air. “Anong kinuha mo sa PUP?”

“Business ad major in marketing. Ikaw sa UP, ano?” she drank first. “Chemical engineering then nagshift ako sa History kaya magbebente singko sa Diliman si bakla.” Kaya naman pala.

“Does that mean mahilig ka mang ungkat ng past?” I joked as a way to let her know that I don’t find it weird and that I’m not judging her in a serious way. Everyone has their own timeline. 

“No, grabe ka. Gusto ko lang talaga magturo dati. ”

I leaned closer and squinted my eyes. “Dati?” encouraging her to tell her story. I want to know. 

“Yup, medyo lost ako these past months pero figure out ko nalang pagkatapos kong mag martsa.” She didn’t even hesitate sa pagkukwento. Baka hindi big deal sa kanya, magkaiba nga naman kami ng trauma.

Now, it’s her turn to ask.“Ikaw ba, bakit hindi mo natapos?”

I slightly bit the inside of my cheeks. Am I really going to let her know that? Not even Jeno knows about my . But okay.

“Family problems, had to work or else kahit sa kangkungan hindi ako mapupulot.” Summarized, I think Winter is smart enough to know what I’m trying to tell her. Sa susunod ko na idedetailed.
 

Marami pa namang oras. 

She suddenly burped. Nahihiyang napatakip naman siya sa bibig habang nagpipigil ng tawa.  “Sorry, gagi naisahang lagok ko kasi 'tong san mig.” I cracked up a bit. Winter is too funny for me to be stoic. I haven’t laughed like this in a while. By in a while I meant years. 

 

“Kung alam ko lang na mapapatawa kita nang ganyan dahil sa pag dighay ko, didighay ako every minute.” Rinig kong sabi niya habang umiinom ako. 

 

“Charot lang.” Pahabol na dagdag niya. I used my sleeve para punasan ang bibig ko pagkatapos uminom as I grinned at her.

 

I felt my phone vibrated sa loob ng bulsa ko. I took it out and declined the call immediately without checking kung sino ang caller. Ibabalik ko pa lang sa bulsa ko nagring ito ulit. 

 

Jeno Calling 

 

Kunot noo kong dinecline ito. Anong oras na, tawag nang tawag. “Uy baka importante sagutin mo muna.” udyok ni Winter sa akin. I was about to say no but nag ring ulit so I excused myself.

 

“What is it?” agad kong tanong pagka accept. “Woah chill, can't I call my girlfriend?” He is being so unreasonable right now. 

 

Napairap ako sa hangin. “Jeno, it's 1 am.” Istorbo talaga kahit kailan. Wasn't Jaemin with him? Bakit niya ako ginugulo? 

 

“Yeah, it's 1 am and you're outside. I can hear The 1975 song blasting up there.” Right, Love it if We made it is currently playing at the moment. “What about it? I'm kind of in the middle of something, Jeno.”

 

I'm tapping my right foot while waiting for his response. Masyado akong halata na ayaw ko siyang kausap. “Well, I just got the letter literally a few minutes ago from the company. They're extending this business trip for a month or two. Still tentative kung gaano katagal but yeah.”

 

Okay? Good. I don't need to do my obligations as his girlfriend. “Okay, enjoy.” 

 

“Babe, mabilis na lang naman yon. I'll be back before you know it, hm?” I sighed. Wala naman akong pake, Jeno. 

 

“Sure, bye.” The last thing I said bago ko tuluyang ibaba ang tawag. I swallowed a lump on my throat before facing Winter.

 

I showed her my phone. “Sorry, sudden call lang.” Nakasandal na si Winter at wala narin ang dalawang bote ng san mig na pinaginuman namin kanina. 

 

“Oks lang.” nagthumbs up siya. “Sino yon? Kuya mo?” Kuya ko? Walang pake sa akin yung dalawang yon. Ganon din naman ako sa kanila. 

 

Umiling ako dito. “Oh, edi sino?” Should I tell her? I can't lie to her, obviously. But there's something in me that's telling me not to tell her.

 

I believe in honesty is the best policy though. Kahit na ako na yata ang pinaka sinungaling na tao sa mundo. For some reasons, I didn't want to lie to her.

 

“Boyfriend.” 

 

But I kinda wish I did.

 

I witnessed her eyes filled with confusion to denial to disappointment hanggang sa hindi ko na mabasa. 

 

“May boyfriend ka?” she asked. It was almost a whisper.

 

Oh , Karina.

 

 “Oo. Ikaw, do you have someone?” That’s a very assholic response. That was so assholic of me. 

 

I saw her gulp a few times. “W-wala.” 

 

//

 

Winter excused herself para mag cr daw. Noong umabot ng ten minutes na hindi siya bumabalik, I followed her sa cr only to be informed by the barista who served us earlier na nauna na raw ang kasama ko dahil sa emergency.

 

Nagiba din kasi ang tono niya pagkatapos niyang malaman na may boyfriend ako. Parang nababalisa siya noon.

 

The way I let her know or I’ll just say that what I entirely did was stupid. Ang gago ko. I was leading her on then biglang sasabihin ko sa kanya na may boyfriend ako. 

 

Umasa ba siya? Honestly, all I wanted was to get to know her. Have a conversation with her. I didn't think beyond that yet.

 

It's been so long narin kasi. I can't remember the last time I had someone to tell my stories. Maybe, I do remember but I don't want to admit it because those people are long gone in my life.

 

Then there's Winter, the first person whom I talk to like that. I was never like that to anyone.

 

“Earth to Babe?”

 

I blinked three times. Ka-facetime call ko nga pala ang boyfriend ko. “Yeah, go on lang.” 

 

I saw him smiled at nagkwento na ulit. “I'm eating a large shawarma later babe, I'll send you a picture of it mamaya then video. Make sure to check it agad ah?”

 

Jeno has been acting really weird. Hindi naman talaga siya ganito kaclingy, I don't know why biglang ganito. Yes, I am complaining.

 

“I’m also eyeing a piece of artwork here that I think you will like. I'm definitely gonna bring it home to you.” One thing I like about Jeno is that he's thoughtful. Not romantically like ha. Just being appreciative. 

 

“You don't really have to, but thanks.”  When will this call end? 

 

“Babe I have to go na pala, Jaemin is here.” He waved at someone whom I'm sure is Jaemin.

 

Finally, peace. 

 

Anim na araw simula ng pag uusap namin ni Winter sa bar na yon, I only saw her twice. Hindi pa niya ako kinausap o nilapitan sa may coffee shop kung saan siya nagtatrabaho.

 

I'm just sitting comfortably on a swivel chair ko ngayon. I just finished lunch with Mrs. Harmosa where she sealed a deal with us. Big name, big opportunity, big money, and big commision.

 

Everything is getting better and better for me, financially and career-wise.

 

“Kulang ka sa dilig .” I mentally facepalmed because the nosy Minju is here again. “Reto kita gusto mo?” 

 

Minju knows I have a boyfriend yet she's been encouraging me to cheat since day one. “Nah, not interested.” 

 

“Acting saint, are we?” I would rather talk to Yujin at this point. “No, I'm just simply not interested.” I replied, looking back at her. 

 

She smirked. “My friend is friends with Jaemin, your boyfriend ain’t Karina.” I know. I don't really care. I just shrugged. 

 

“Why are you even obsessed with me sleeping with other people?” I lazily confronted her. Bakit nga ba? Wag niyang sabihing type niya ako. 

 

Sumandal siya sa table. “Dare lang dito, the first person to get you to sleep with someone other than your boyfriend gets a pack of money.”

 

I don't even sleep with my boyfriend. I wanted to tell her that but nah, I won't give her the satisfaction. “Y'all are so weird for an adult.”

 

She copied the way I shrugged earlier.

I was planning to go home early and have a goodnight sleep. But how could I? My mind can’t stop thinking about so many things. And the so many things in question is none other than Winter.

That’s why I let Minju and the annoying heads drag me with them sa isang bar na overpriced lahat ng binebenta. Pag kaapak na pag ka apak pa lang namin halos ipakilala na ako ni Minju sa lahat ng namumukhaan niyang tao dito.

I can’t believe that it was Yujin, my boss who saved me from that draining situation Minju had put me in. Wala akong type sa mga pinakilala niya, kasi wala talaga akong pake. “Enrique, I thought they were just ting on me when they said that you’re a loyal er.”

I wish I can mute my ears. “I’m not.” I simply told her. Umakbay siya, halatang lasing na sa dami ng iniinom. “Good to know.”

Gtk.

Winter.

Naalala ko na naman siya. Is she still wearing that jacket or has she finally replaced it with a different one? I don’t know.

The cocktail tasted bitter yet good. Yujin proceeded to annoy the hell out of me, but I’d rather be around her than Minju or Yuqi. “Remember the lady with a nice last time? Third daughter of Upstons ?” Of course I do, I’ve been doing my research. “Yep, what about her?”

Tinaas ni Yujin ang hawak niyang bote ng alak para makipagcheers. I remembered Winter again. We did this sa huling usap namin.

This is so not me.

I brushed away the emerging thoughts by shaking my head and taking a drink. Nagpokus na lang ako sa pinagsasabi ng gago kong boss. “I met her last night, and guess what?”

I don’t want to guess. “What?” I made my tone sound as if I’m interested even though I truly want to leave this place. “She asked about you.”

Me? Ako? For a moment, I was confused. I slightly tilted my head when I felt Yujin leaned. Ibubulong pa yata kahit na wala namang pake ang mga tao sa paligid at may sari-sariling mundo. “Type ka niya, the girl was thirsty.” Her choice of words are disrespectful for me, pero hinahayaan ko na lang. Wala naman akong pake.

“I told her you’ve got a boyfriend and the was thrilled.” Base sa kwento pa lang nito, parang ayaw ko na sa babaeng yon. Yujin cleared at umayos ng upo bago lumagok ulit. “According to her, it's definitely more fun and thrilling if you’re not allowed to do it. The riskier the better.” Natawa siya at kahit hindi naman ako natutuwa sa sinasabi niya, I laughed as well.

Biglang umupo si Yuqi kasama si Minju. “What’s rolling here?” I really want to leave this place. “You mean, what’s about to roll?” They all chuckled, raising their bottles and glasses.

“Enrique, you should make us proud and get that .” Tangina.

Ang gagago at bastos talaga ng mga ‘to. Ayaw ko pa naman sa lahat binabastos ang mga babae. Babae din sila pero mas malala pa bunganga sa mga lalaki naming katrabaho. Shameful.

I grabbed my attache case. Hahanap na ako ng tiyempo para makatakas na sa tanginang lugar na to. I don’t want to see red tonight, baka mawalan ako ng trabaho.

Tatayo pa lang ako nang umakbay sa akin si Minju, I almost snapped but I was able to stop myself and put out a fake smile. “Masyado pang maaga, Enrique.” Gago.

I tried to calm myself down by taking quiet deep breaths. “Was Jeno that good?” It was Chan who beamed in. 

 

“Why is every one of you obsessed with my life?” I made sure I used a tone na hindi mahahalata na gusto kong basagin ang mga pagmumukha nila isa isa “Guys! Chill, chill.” Renjun, the most bearable co-worker I have. 

 

They continued to talk about nonsense bulls na hindi ko na pinakinggan. I saw Yujin took off her coat, may hinahanap yata. 

 

At meron nga. “I thought I forgot to put this kanina, jesus christ.” She handed me a white calling card. 

 

Yeji Upston

 

+639*********

 

I felt her pulled me close by my collar. “Make her scream yes.” I almost caughed because of how hard she slapped my back. Tanginang tapik yan kabigat ng kamay. “Sa deal natin or pwede din sa-” 

 

Gusto ko ng umalis dito.

 

I did what Winter did to me. Kunyari mag ccr pero sa exit dumiretso, Yuqi volunteered to go with me pa sa cr but I insisted. They suffocate me, masyado silang gago. Disrespectful sons of es. Tangina nila. 

 

It's not that I'm any better than them but at least I don't disrespect women like that. Goddamn, I hate those motherers.

 

Hindi ko alam bakit natagpuan ko ang sarili kong nasa harap ng restobar ngayon. I'm standing exactly where I beat the hell out of a erted crap more than a month ago. 

 

Two months na ba? I'm not sure. Kahit na ang dahilan kung bakit ako nandito ay hindi ko sigurado. Bakit nga ba? Dahil nandito ang babaeng nakakairita na dahil hindi lumayas layas sa isipan ko?

 

Nah, I don't think so. 

 

“Goodevening– Karina?”

 

Okay, siguro nga yun ang rason.

 

//

 

Karina Enrique, is this really you?

 

We only exchanged minimal eye-contact anyway, obvious siguro na iniiwasan niya ako but I waited for hours. Three hours, para hintayin matapos ang shift niya. I'm not even sure if she's gonna talk to me yet I still waited. 

 

I've always hated waiting. Mahalaga ang oras ko, bayad ang mga oras ko. Kaya bakit ngayon nandito ako? Ano bang mapapala ko sa babaeng to? 

 

“Tubig lang afford ko, medyo tag gipit.”  

 

Mabilis kong naingat ang tingin ko sa babaeng umupo sa bakanteng upuan na kaharap ko. She's only wearing white tshirt at wala ng jacket. Nasa may labas kami, same table din kung saan niya nilagyan ng bandaid mga kamay ko dati. 

 

I plastered a smile on my face. It was a nervous smile but I know she won't notice it. I'm good with facial expressions. “Kamusta?” I usually don't care about people.

 

But right now, I feel like I want to hear her. “Okay lang, mas kinakailangan na ng pera kaya yon kayod lang nang kayod.” 

 

“Nadagdagan ba trabaho mo?” Tumitingin kasi siya sa relo niya. “Oo, maraming raket inooffer mga aports ko eh.” Mahalaga ang bawat oras sa kanya, we're in the same page.

 

Opening the bottle of water she placed earlier sa tabled, I asked. “So, you're juggling twice the number of jobs you had last time or thrice?” 

 

She raised her right eyebrow. “Grabe di naman, depende lang sa mga raket di naman mga permanenteng trabaho yon.” Uminom na ako ng tubig.

 

“Ano bang trabaho yan?” kumuha ako ng tissue para punasan ang bibig ko. “Secret baka ipapulis mo pa ako.” 

 

This scene is familar? Deja vu? I can't pinpoint but I think I've seen this before. 

 

“Eme lang, basta dyan sa tabi-tabi.” I saw her open her water bottle narin. “Tulad ng?”

 

Nanlaki ang mata niya habang umiinom ng tubig. “Oy ano to interview? Recruiter ka ba?” I wasn't caught-off guard naman. I played it cool. “Hindi naman.”

 

“Ikaw ba? Musta?” tanong niya. Well I've been the usual worst. “Okay lang.” I answered, shrugging.

 

“Kayo ng boyfriend mo?” she scrunched her nose asking that. “Ay ngumiti siya oh.” I smiled? Ang cute niya kasi.

 

“It's not what you think, Win.” iling ko sabi dito. Tumingin siya sa relos niya. “Malelate na pala ako, bandang cubao pa 'tong raket ko sa call center.”

 

She grabbed her backpack. “See you when I see you, Kars.” Kumakaway niyang sabi habang paatras na naglalakad. 

 

I watched her turn around and walk away. Just like the last time, I wanted to offer her a ride but I didn't ask her. 

 

Why? Maybe, because of her smile. Her smile was telling me to back off. 

 

It's weird, but maybe it's the alcohol's effect on me.

 

//

 

Taguig is a big place yet too small for me. 

 

What I'm thinking right now is, will I meet her again? Outside the coffee shop or resto bar... 

 

Chances are high naman. I’ll just make sure to ask for her number once we bump into each other again.

Tapos na ako sa trabaho, not entirely but I can leave my desk and this building. 

 

Yeji Upston : See you later, Enrique.

 

For someone who's a flirt on phone calls, Yeji sure types too formally. I dropped her a call the day after I got her calling card from my boss. 

 

She's nice but too sophisticated. I can sense that she's an all-for-fun type of a person. Hindi pangseryosohan, parang si Jeno.

 

Mga hindi seryoso sa buhay. 

 

Siguro para ring ako.

 

I reserved us a table sa isang mamahaling restaurant na ang boss ko pa ang nag recommend sa akin. Sana nga siya narin ang nagbayad kaso ako na raw. 

 

I'm on my way lang sa laundry shop kung saan ako nagpalaundry ng bagong bili kong susuotin para mamaya. I have to exert effort, I need her “yes”. The company needs it. The Philippines needs it. 

 

Pagkarating ko, agad akong nagpark at naglakad papasok sa laundry shop. I'm glued up on my phone because I'm texting Yeji.

 

You : Sure, Ms. Yeji 

 

I bit my lower lip as I sent that message. Iniisip ko kung tama bang bilagyan ko ng smiling emoji yung nireply ko or hindi. Pero bahala na.

 

I placed the card sa counter without bothering na angatin ang tingin sa kung sino mang nagbabantay ngayon dito. 

 

Tinitignan ko kasi kung magrereply pa si Yeji. I felt disappointed when my screen switch up to an incoming call.

 

Jeno Calling. 

 

I frowned and declined it.

 

“Good afternoon, Ma’am Karina J. Enrique.” 

 

My eyes slightly widened as I glanced up to the person in front of me. Nagtataka ako kung bakit full name pa ang sinabi at bakit boses ni Winter ang narinig ko.

 

But it turned out, it was really her. “Thank you?” Nagtataka parin akong nakatingin sa kanya habang kinukuha ang mga damit na pinalaundry ko.

 

“You work here?” tanong ko. Nagvibrate ulit ang cellphone ko. Balak ko sanang idecline but si Yujin ang tumatawag. 

 

Sinenyasan ko siya na aalis na ako. Bitbit sa kaliwang kamay ang mga damit at hawak sa kanan ang cellphone. 

 

“Oo, part-time lang!” rinig kong sabi niya na pasigaw bago ako tuluyang makalabas.

 

Maayos kong inilagay sa kotse ang mga damit. Inipit ko na lang ang cellphone sa leeg ko para magamit ko ang dalawang kamay. “Goodluck later, Enrique. Make your mommy proud.” 

 

Pagkababa ng tawag, ibinulsa ko na agad ito at sumakay ng kotse para umuwi saglit sa condo. I need to take a shower again and make myself as more appealing as possible. 

 

Kaso I realized something habang naghihintay mag green light. 

 

I ing forgot to get Winter’s number earlier. Kaya I accidentally hit the vehicle's horn out of irritation. 

 

Yup, accidentally.

 

//

 

Red dress, red lipstick, fierce monolid eyes, and a billion dollar smile. The woman sitting elegantly in front of me is indeed breathtakingly gorgeous.

The way she walked earlier, she easily stood out from the crowd. She’s full of confidence. Type of a woman na at first glance pa lang alam mong kaya niyang dalhin sarili niya. Mga taong never naging outcast sa buhay nila.

So far, I only noticed a few of her flaws. I noticed that she depends too much on her looks. Her personality is too typical, o baka this is just the surface? Regardless, I find it too bland and boring. Sana naman hindi talaga siya ito, I at least want to please someone who has substance.

It’s pretty hard to create a smooth conversation when all they do is make you talk about yourself. Ang goal ko pa naman dito ay mapa-oo siya. Yun nga lang parang hindi naman niya iniintindi yung sinasabi ko patungkol sa renewable energy s.

“This is really big not just for the company but for the country.” I gave her a sweet smile. I watched her take a table napkin at mahinhin na pinunasan ang gilid ng labi niya kahit wala namang dumi dahil sa sobrang prim and proper niyang kumain.

Pinapakiramdaman ko pa kung magsasalita ba ulit ako o hindi. Mukhang interesado lang siyang marinig ang boses ko at hindi talaga sa sinasabi ko. It seems like she wants to say or ask something basic again. I almost frowned but I kept my posture.

“So, aside from your job. What else are you good for?” 

My smile almost faded. That question almost surprised me. Well, it did but I was quick to figure out what she was trying to do.

I confidently answered. “Many things.” she gave a lovely smirk. 

 

“For the record, I did not catch anything you said earlier. I was too busy admiring God’s masterpiece.”

Ms. Yeji, I’m an atheist.

But okay. “Really? I didn’t see you pullout a mirror during my blabbering though.” With that, she giggled. Nasabi ko na bang mukha siyang dragon? That cartoon dragon movie I watched because Yujin made me watch it with her. I don’t even want to remember how she managed to convince me.

She tucked her hair behind her ears. She looked hot doing it, by the way. “You’re a smooth talker who shares too little about herself.” It’s good that she noticed that. Akala ko hindi siya marunong makiramdam.

“I hate talking about myself because there’s not much to tell. To be honest, I’d prefer you talk.”

She bit her lower lip while nodding. That gesture is familiar to me. “I’m all ears.” I pointed at my ear, giving her an assuring smile.

The night is long.

Ang haba nga ng gabing yon. The dinner went pretty great. Turned out, Yeji Upston isn’t that boring. I find her interesting. That girl is crazy, such a happy-go-lucky person who has a talent in making money kaya hinahayaan lang ng magulang gawin kung anong gustong gawin.

Hindi ko nga lang siya naihatid pauwi because her bestfriend called her. I texted her pagkauwi ko sa condo which siya ang nagsabi sa aking itext siya pagnakauwi na ako and she did the same.

Hindi pa siya um-oo sa proposal ko, proposal ng kumpanya. Alam ko rin naman na papatagalin niya ang pagbigay ng oo, sana lang ibigay niya this month or next month. Yujin can get impatient at times.

Ang pinagkakaabalahan ko lang the following two days ay limang handshakes na natapos ko din agad. I never said no to any opportunities, unless pagod na talaga ako o may nauna akong schedule para sa mga oras or araw na yon.

Isinaksak ko kasi sa kukote ko na dapat laging ginagrab ang mga opportunities na dumadating. You never know kung kailan titigil ang pagdating ng mga yon sayo kaya as much as possible, go for it. Sanay naman akong tumaya at magpataya.

Nag alarm ako ng 11 pm. Maaga kasi akong umuwi ngayong araw, 6 pm pa lang tapos diretso tulog. Binalak ko lang talagang magising ng ganoong oras because of-

“Black coffee na may onting asukal ulit?” this girl.

Automatic na ngumiti ang mga labi ko. Ganon din naman siya. “Uh, yes.”

Simula ng encounter namin sa laundry shop, hindi na ulit nasundan pa. Sinubukan ko naman kaso hindi ko siya natiyempuhan doon, kahit na sa restobar at sa coffee shop nato nung mga nakaraan. 

 

Sadyang sinabi lang sa akin nung Chenle kahit hindi ko naman tinanong na may shift daw ng ganitong oras si Winter. Parehas sila nung Ningning, hindi ko naman tinatanong pero nagsasabi. Still thanks to them. 

 

Ubos ko na ang kape nang lumabas siya. She’s wearing the same jacket when I first met her na iisipin ko na lang ay paborito niya. “Hi.” she greeted while waving her right hand.

“Hello.” alanganing bati ko pabalik. Ilang segundo kami nagkatitigan bago siya nagsalita ulit. “Una na ako.”

Wait, what?

Body reflex, I stood up and took three steps forward. “Wait.” Lumingon naman siya kaagad at tinignan ako. Based on her facial expression, hinihintay niyang sabihin ko kung ano man ang sasabihin ko.

“Hatid na kita?” At siyempre hindi ko sinabi sa kanya ang unang dahilan na pumasok sa isip ko. 

 

Why on earth would I tell her that I want to talk to her kaya ako nag alarm ng 11 pm at nandito ngayon kahit na maaga pa ang pasok ko bukas? Kung hindi nga siguro ako uminom ng kape, nakatulog na ako kaagad.

Tumagilid siya that’s why hindi ko nakita ang naging reaction niya sa sinabi ko. “Wag na sayang gas mo, sasaglit lang naman ako don para rumaket. Sayang kaya yung 500 magpupunas lang naman ng mga lamesa.” 

 

From that moment, the world felt like it's rotating slowly for me. I had a self conflict as well in a split of milliseconds. 

 

"What if I pay you?" 

 

Yes, I'm stupid. Because the last time I could remember, what I told myself was to ask for her number. Not this.

 

Not copy Sid's way. 

 

Seriously? that movie. 

 

She narrowed her eyes. "Nuraw?" This is a chance to take back what I just said but ayaw ko. Ayaw ng sistema ko. 

 

I unconsciously blinked and glanced at three different sides from my perspective. "What if I pay you to talk to me?" I thanked my amazing tongue for not stammering like a piece of that I am. 

 

Kumunot ang noo niya habang nakaawang ang bibig "Huh?" Huminga ako nang malalim. And I probably swallowed air because nanuyot bigla lalamunan ko. 

 

Pagbalik ko ng tingin sa kanya, naka pamewang na siya. "Magkano naman ibabayad mo? Piso? Akala ko hindi ganon humor mo, sa totoo lang." taas kilay niyang sabi. 

 

I held my chin which I only do when I'm having a hard time constructing a response. What the am I actually doing?

 

I am not Sid. Winter is not Aya. 

 

But I don't want to take it back, I want to push it through.

 

"No, seryoso ako." she crossed her arms. "3k per hour." She was taken aback after I said that. 

 

I can't remember how much Sid offered to Aya but I'm sure it's not three thousand. Karina, why three thousand?

 

I know the answer, but I don't want to say it yet. Not even in my mind.

 

"Boang ka ba?" Yung mukha niya ngayon para ngang tingin niya sa akin ay nababaliw na ako. I my lips dahil kanina pa ako natutuyuan ng bibig ata lalamunan. The last time this happened was a year ago. Work related pa yon.

 

Hindi naman ‘to work related so bakit? Tangina. 

 

Instead of answering, I just stared at her with a small down-sided smile. "Hala boang nga."

 

Maybe, I am boang.

 

//

 

"Teka nga." Nilunok niya muna ang nginuya niyang sisig. "Seryoso yang 3k per hour mo? Sobrang yaman mo talaga, pero di mo naman ako kailangan bayaran." sabi niya saglit bago sumupo ulit ng pagkain.

 

Galing siyang coffee shop pero hindi pa pala siya kumakain ng dinner. She mentioned na she only ate a burger for lunch too. Kaya we're here sa isang kainan na medyo maraming tao lalo na mga kabataang college students na nagwawalwal at kumakain plus jamming dahil may bandang tumutugtog.

 

Nasa bandang likod naman kami nakaupo kaya maayos kaming nakakapag usap. 

 

"Oo, mahalaga ang oras mo 'diba?" Taimtim niya akong tinignan habang ngumunguya. She looks like that pink cartoon character I used to watch when I was a kid. What was their name? Kirby?

 

She shook her head at uminom sprite. "Hindi ka naman na others no'. Tsaka ano na lang iisipin ng boyfriend mo pagka nalaman niyang may binabayaran ka para lang may makausap."  

 

Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na wala namang pake si Jeno. At wala naman akong balak sabihin kay Jeno dahil wala naman akong sinasabi doon bukod sa mga bagay na siya mismo ang nagtatanong. 

 

We rarely update each other, siya lang siguro these past weeks. Or months na ata? He's been acting too much like a boyfriend. It's irritating me.

 

"Nah, okay lang yun." Kita ko kung paano siya saglit napatungo pagkarinig non. "Sus, baka magselos pa yon." 

 

Never gonna happen. Why would he? Wala naman kaming pakialamanan.

 

I guess, I’ll make use of that open relationship Jeno and I agreed on this time. Parang ako si Winter kapag nagtatrabaho, masaya kausap. Tuwing may trabaho lang naman ako masaya kausap, outside work I don’t do efforts to socialize. Lalo na kapag wala kang silbe para sa akin.

Siguro- Okay, hindi na pala kailangan gamitin ang word na “siguro” dahil talaga namang may silbe sa akin si Winter at kailangan ko siya kaya ko ‘to ginagawa. She makes me feel light at some point. 

 

I feel like I can tell her anything and I know that she also feels like she can tell me anything too.

 

"Wala namang dapat ikaselos dito." Tinuro niya ako gamit ang kutsara na ikinakunkt ng noo ko. "Ginagawa mo lang akong kabet eh."

 

Kabet? I chuckled. Siya kabet? "Ikaw, kabet?" Pailing iling akong kumagat sa shawarma ko. 

"I know this seems familiar sayo because of Sid and Aya but we're not them, so don't worry. 

 

Listen to yourself, Karina. 

 

I thought mawawala na ang pagkagusot ng noo niya kaso lalo lang itong kumunot. "Sino naman yang Sid at Aya? Di ko gets, Kars."

 

Napasandal ako sa upuan. She doesn't know? "You don't know them?" She showed me a thumbs down while shaking her head. "Nope, sino ba sila?"

 

Holy . Kaya pala hindi niya ako inasar na feeling Sid kanina. Kumagat muna ako sa shawarma at nag isip isip ng mga desisyon ko sa buhay habang ngumunguya.

 

"Uy sino nga?" Pagkalunok, uminom muna ako ng tubig.

 

I've made up my mind. "Secret and don't search their names nor ask anyone about them." Hindi ko muna ipapaalam. Nakakahiya pa.

 

Tsaka kapagtumagal tagal na. "Duga mo naman lodi." 

 

Nauna akong matapos sa kanya sa pagkain. Nagkuwento lang siya tungkol sa trabaho niya na umikot sa public service. Halata din sakanya na isa siyang pasensyahing tao at magaling makisama.

 

I also shared about what the five handshakes I've accomplished. She was so amazed nga eh, ang lupit ko daw in a cool way. 

 

Although she asked three times kung okay lang daw ba talaga sa boyfriend ko. 

 

"Sure ka okay lang talaga sa boyfriend mo?" There, pang apat na. "Yes, he won't mind." 

 

She rubbed the back of her head. "Inaantok na ako, ikaw ba?" 

 

The word antok made me yawn. "Oh antok na nga siya." I giggled, Winter is effortlessly funny. 

 

Or sadyang natutuwa ako sa kanya? 

 

"I'll drive you." Offer ko na hindi patanong para hindi siya makahindi. "Sus gusto mo lang malaman address ko eh." 

 

Sometimes, I wonder what goes on sa isip niya para makapagisip ng ganitong klaseng response. "If I wanted to know your address edi sana tinanong ko na, ‘diba?” 

 

"Sabi ko nga." She whispered but matalas ang pandinig ko. 

 

I started the engine pagkasakay agad namin ng kotse ko. I mostured the stereo sa kanya. Nagets naman niya kaagad.  

 

Siya, si Upston, si Jeno, at si Yujin pa lang ang nakakasakay dito. As far as I can remember, hindi naman ata nagpatugtog si Jeno dito or Yujin. 

 

"Jeno? Name ba ‘to ng boyfriend mo?" Really? Nagpatugtog si Jeno dito? I can't remember. I care too less to remember.

 

Inulit niya ang tanong niya. "Uy name nga ng boyfriend mo ‘to?" I nodded at her and darted my eyes for a split of second. I'm driving dapat focus lang sa daan lalo na at may mga kaskaserong college students na kakagaling lang sa walwala  ang mga kasabay namin.

 

Kids these days are annoying. When I was their age, I had no life to be that annoying. Honestly, I wish I had life though. I wish I ed up when I was a teenager. 

 

Kaso wala eh, I was too boring. Kaya nga wala akong mashare na kwento kahit kanino kapag nagtatanong sila tungkol sa highschool and college days ko. 

 

"Pogi siguro ng boyfriend mo." Winter, I'm more handsome than my boyfriend. 

 

Okay, Jeno is handsome kaya nga siya ang pinili kong i-entertain in a way back then. I just don't see him like that and neither does he. When I first saw him, I knew I'd never fall for him. The main reason why I entertained him.

 

Talk about assholicity. 

 

Nagovertake ako sa nakakairitang SUV na kanina pa patanga-tanga magdrive. "Mas pogi ako." She filled the car with her laughter.

 

Nakakahawa yung ganitong pagtawa ni Winter. "Bakit?" I asked trying to supress my smile. "Wala, true naman na poganda ka." Kita sa rearview mirror yung pamumula ng tenga niya.

 

I'd point it out but next time na lang. There will be next time naman. 

 

3 hours kami magkausap. That's nine thousand. I've never felt so thankful for myself for always bringing a pack of cash with me.

 

Mas okay naman kasi talagang may dalang cash at hindi lang dumipende sa mga cards. It's safer that way, adulthood things. 

 

Winter played a couple of songs I've never heard of in my whole life. But I was sure that I'll be listening to it for the next days. 

 

Malapit lang ang pinaghatiran ko sa kanya. Its was just a 15-minute drive or less than that. Commercial type din kasi yung location ng bahay. "Di ako dito nakatira." bungad niyang sabi pagka baba na pagkababa ng kotse. 

 

That confused me. "What? Edi tara wherever you live." I was about to unlock my car but she spoke again. "Dito lang ako makikitulog sa friend ko." 

 

Oh. Right. I processed that for about 5 seconds. 

 

Bumukas ang gate at may lumabas ditong babae. A girl with raven hair taller than Winter so I think magkatangkad lang kami. Mukhang nagulat pa nang makita ako. 

 

I just showed a formal smile. Winter, on the other hand. "Karina ayan na pala si Yuna, kapatid yan nung friend ko. Geh, thank you ulit sa libre at hatid. Babye ingat ka sa pagdadrive."

 

Yup, halos ipagtabuyan ako may pagbukas pa ng pintuan ng kotse ko para sa akin. Buti napindot ko ang unlock kanina kaya it didn't alarm. 

 

I stopped her. Ang atat naman niya, I haven't even asked for her number yet and yung nine thousand hindi ko pa nabibigay. "Hold on, Win." 

 

Glad she stopped right away. "Di ko pa nabibigay yung 9k at I.." What the ? Did I just stopped midway of my ing sentence?

 

"Karina, wala yun nukaba. Uwi ka na late narin oh antok ka na ‘diba?" She started guiding me pabalik sa sasakyan. 

 

I really need to have a meeting with myself soon. "Wait lang, I'll give it to you." I raised one my hand gesturing sa kanya na maghintah as I get my pack of money sa isa sa mga drawer ng kotse ko. 

 

Hindi ko na nilabas ang lahat I just took a few na hindi bababa sa siyam na libo. "Huy, ano yan?" her tone kinda raised pero pabulong. 

 

I quickly counted 9k and extended my hand to give it to her. "9k." Her eyes widened but it quickly narrowed. "'Diba sabi ko wag na? Pag yan di ko tinanggihan tamo." She clicked her tongue for a few times.

 

Hinihintay kong kunin niya pero parang wala siyang balak. I am a persistent person pa naman. “Win, kunin mo na." I made sure that I was gentle when I grabbed her elbow.

 

Is it just me or she stiffened a bit? She looked into my eyes naman agad, so I guess no. "Anlaki niyang binibigay mo, Kars."

 

"May isang salita ako, Win." Which is the truth once I really mean it. Nagsukatan pa kami ng tingin. 

 

For about ten seconds, bigla lang tumunog yung gate kung saan kanina nakatayo yung kapatid daw ng kaibigan niya na nakalimutan ko na agad ang pangalan. I almost tensed up after realizing that I was still holding her kaya I slowly (hopefully not awkwardly) let go of it.

 

The shorter girl rubbed her shoulder. “Sige pero 1k per hour na lang, ayos ba?" Definitely not. "Win, kakasabi ko-" she interrupted me by putting her index finger sa lips and saying ssshh.

 

Tinatamad na ako magbalik ng pera doon. So I won't back down. "Just take it, so we can both go to bed and sleep?" 

 

Tila nagpanic siya pagkatapos ko yon sabihin. Lumaki kasi yung butas ng ilong niya at bigla na naman akong pinagtulakan pabalik sa kotse ko. "What?" takang tanong ko. “Jusko baka kung anong isipin ni Yuna, wag kana mateluk antok narin kasi ako."

 

I giggled with the word teluk, I'm pretty sure it's kulet na binaligtad lang niya. Nakaisip na ako ng way para tanggapin niya. "Take 9k this time then next time it will be 1k an hour na lang. Okay?"

 

Mabilis naman siyang nakasagot habang patingin tingin sa gate at sa akin. "Oo, sige na uwi ka na. Ingat, goodnight, godbless." sunod sunod niyang sabi pagkatapos kunin ang pera na inaabot ko.

 

Balak pa ngang tatlong libo lang kunin but of course I made sure nakuha niya at once lahat. I watched her put it inside her jacket's pocket habang nagmamadaling maglakad papunta sa gate. 

 

I thought she was going to get inside na but she turned around para makaharap ulit yung gawi ko. She gestured her hand na parang pinapaalis na nga ako, pumewang pa siya sabay irap. 

 

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko pero natatawa sa ginawa niya. Pati siya napailing din. Hindi bagay sa kanya maging mean girl, pero pwede na.

 

Driving on my way back sa condo, habang nakatayo sa elevator, hanggang sa paghilamos at toothbrush ko at makahiga na ako sa kama ko. 

 

I kept smiling like a fool. 

 

//

 

I was having a nice breakfast with my bacon and toasted bread plus coffee when I realized that I haven't gotten her phone number.

 

What I told myself before that encounter, was about making sure to get her phone number. I only had one job and that is to ask her for her phone number like a normal being.

 

What did I do?

 

Act as if I was Sid. ing Sid.

 

God, lahat na lang talaga.

 

Kaya pagkapasok na pagkapasok ko sa trabaho tahimik lang ako unless kailangan ko ng gawin ang mismong trabaho ko. Pleasing, convincing, manipulating, gaslighting, and using people. 

 

"How's Upston? Is she a good f-" I knew what Minju was going to say. And just like always, this is up to no good. 

 

"Renjun." I called Renjun, cutting off Minju's disrespectful dialogue. Putangina tanghaling tapat, kabastusan na naman. 

 

He responded with a nod. May ginagawa kasi bigla kong tinawag. I pretended I didn't know about things that I obviously don't care about his client but related to my client just to escape Minju.

 

It worked, lumayas naman na si Minju dahil tinawag siya ng iba naming katrabaho dito.

 

I am the star employee in this company yet I don't have my own office. The only reason why is because it's under construction. 

 

"Karina, Yujin's looking for you." salubong sa akin ni Yuqi. I asked her why but she just shrugged at sinabing puntahan ko sa office yung gago.

 

I headed right away there. Baka urgent pero kung walang kwenta, magkukunyari talaga akong may emergency. I don't wanna do her weird favors na hindi makakabuti sa career ko. 

I don't wanna watch cartoon again.

 

I pushed the bell twice and entered agad pagkabukas ng pintuan. "My favorite moneymaker, Enrique." she greeted. Her arms are wide open at umiikot ang swivel chair na kinauupuan niya.

 

"My favorite boss." A sarcastic reply from me. Yujin is my very first boss boss. A boss that is actually a boss because of her basic characteristics. Mayaman at malaking kumpanya ang hawak. 

 

She raised a can of san miguel lights. I remember what happened not so long ago with Winter. San mig din iniinom namin non.

 

I'm really glad she didn't avoid me. "Enrique." My boss called my attention. I immediately turned to her. “I  said, do you want a can or two?"

 

She did? Was I spacing out? I shook my head at her, saying no. "Aight, suit yourself." uminom na siya hanggang sa makalahati niya. 

 

"Hot." Talagang mainit yan sa lalamunan. 

 

"How's Upston?"  Her tone might not appear serious to some but I know she is in work mode now. "The dinner was great. She'll eventually give it a yes in no time." Yujin took a drink looking at me unbelievably. 

 

What now? "Of course, she will say yes. I wanna know how was the b-'' I faked a cough. I hate everyone in this building. Yes, including Renjun because even him was eyeing me differently when Yuqi mentioned Upston and many digusting things she did last night. 

 

I composed myself. "She greeted me a goodmorning earlier."

 

"Karina, you are a heartbreaker." 

 

Am I ? Can a broken break something? 

 

Of course I can, gago ako. Kapag gago ka, you can possibly do anything bad.

 

“Alam mo, nababaitan ako sayo.” Kaya ang hirap paniwalaan ng sinasabi ngayon ng babaeng ‘to. But how can I not? She seems like she means it.

 

Can I really be a good person? Does not doing bad things make me a good person? Questionable. But I guess it does, for some. 

 

Damang dama ko ang lamig ng simoy ng hangin. Sanay naman na ang katawan ko at mas mabilis pa akong mainitan kesa sa malamigan. Magdamagang aircon ba naman eh.

 

I drank the vodka I ordered for the two of us earlier. “Pero may pagka gago ka ganon.” I paused and stared at her after hearing what she added. 

 

Did she just told me that may pagka gago ako? She's not wrong though. Actually she is, because gago ako hindi lang may pagka gago.

 

“Teka lang grabe naman ‘to makatingin.” Di ko na napigilan at napailing na ako. I also looked down to hide my smile in a way kahit alam kong kita pa rin niya. “Hinde, kasi ano nagsearch ako kung ano yung stockbroker para accurate na yung info sa utak ko ganon.” I hope she did not search about Sid and Aya.

Well if she already did, edi sana inasar niya ako. I feel like that’s the first thing she’d do.
“Ah, oo.” I paused for a moment to nod. “Mga gago kasi kami.” Siya naman ang natawa.

I should thank the lighting of this penthouse restobar. Ang visible ng dimple niya. Madalas pa namang nakangiti si Winter. For someone who works more than two jobs a day habang nag aaral, she is too smiley.

Nahahawa rin tuloy ako.

“Bakit may chika ka ba sa trabaho mo?” Chika, huh? Marami, but they’re not worth it to discuss. But at the same time, si Winter kasi yung kinwento na ata lahat ng nakalap niyang tsismis daw sa lahat ng trabaho at mga raket niya.

I took a shot first. “Medyo? But full of typical bull lang naman, the things you’ve read online are probably true but kulang because it’s actually worse than that.” Worse than you can imagine.

“Sige spill, makikinig ako.” Kelan ba hindi nakinig to? Like I said, Winter is somehow just like me. I’m a great listener and so does she. Except the fact that kailangan munang may kailanganin ako sayo bago kita pakinggan. Which is not so Winter kaya somehow lang.

I shook my head. “Wag na.” She showed me a thumbs down. “Ano ba yan, edi ako lang halos nagkwento.” Right, kanina panga siya yung taya sa topic. Ano naman kasing sasabihin ko? Na puro cheaters, manggagancho, walang pake, makasarili, at mayayabang ang mga tao sa amin?

Boring lang but okay. I suddenly remembered the blatant disrespect earlier. “Alam mo feeling ko lagi kang galit sa mga katrabaho mo.” Well, you’re feeling well. Lagi. Every second, I hate them. The kind of hate na gusto ko silang hampasin ng laptop ko.

“Welp, they deserve the hate.” Ngumuya muna siya ng pork sisig na inorder namin dito kanina. “Toxic ba?” worse than that. “Toxic din naman ako.” pinagsalubong niya ang mga kilay niya.

“Sus, resign na.” Resign? I’ve thought of that many times but I never really considered it. I shrugged. I kinda feel indebted din naman sa company and kay Yujin kahit na it seems like I paid more than I should already just by dealing with everyday’s bull.

“Nah.” Tumungga ulit ako. It tastes bitter. “Bakit ayaw mo magresign?” I stared at her for a minute before answering. “Well, it’s like I’m cut out for this and the company I work at has the most potential out of all the investment companies in the Philippines.” And it’s all thanks to me.

I am taking the credits because it's true. I’m the top employee. “Pero toxic naman.”

 

Wow, makapag salita. “Eh ikaw? Hindi ba’t di lang nakakatoxic yung mga trabaho mo, nakakadrain din?” 

 

If I were her, I wouldn't last for a month cause I'd find an easier way to earn money that I want. Easier and decent way, maarte ako eh.

 

"Oh bakit napunta sa akin?" Umiling iling siya pero tumuloy pa rin sa pagkukwento. "Wala naman akong choice, kailangan ko ng pera eh pero okay lang naman kasi nakaipon ako ng experiences at after ko grumaduate ng UP tiyak na nasa unahan ang resume ko."

 

She is right, it is UP afterall. I still hate that university for rejecting me though. 

 

"Wow, you got it planned na." I applauded bago uminom ng beer. "Ako pa ba?" Right, si Winter pa ba? 

 

Before I could forget about it again, I asked her.
 

"Do you have a number?" I asked without hesitation.

I wish I did though, so I could rethink what the did I just ask. Really Karina? Do you have a number my ing . Tangina eh lahat naman ng tao may number.

I was about to bully myself further in my mind when she laughed and then suddenly she’s all I see.

I don’t mind making myself look like a fool if this is going to be the result. I never thought I’d actually like the sound of someone’s laughter. Well, it’s Winter.

“Gusto mo lang ako maging ka textmate eh.” Actually, I prefer phone calls but that will do.

I shrugged before getting my cellphone sa bulsa. “Oh pumayag ba ako?” I stopped midway because of what she said. “Eme lang akin na.” ang dami talagang alam ni Winter.

Pinanood ko lang siyang magtype sa cellphone ko. May nakakaloko itong ngiti na nakapaskil sa mukha niya nang iabot sa akin pabalik ang cellphone ko. “Yan, sige babye na sabay daw kami umuwi ni Ning tapos na shift niya.”

I wanted to stop her and offer her a ride kaso tila nagloading ang isip ko sa contact nasinet niya sa sariling number.

Aya
 

Damn.

Goddamn.

So, she already knows?

But I told her not to..

I saw that nagsend na siya ng tuldok sa sariling number.

You:.

I held my forehead down to my chin out of— I  guess frustrations? Or nervousness?
Why am I even nervous? Wala namang dapat ika-nerbyos.

Biglang nagvibrate ang hawak kong cellphone kaya agad ko itong binuksan.
 

Aya: hoy joke lang di ko parin kilala kung sino yung Aya at Sid. 

 

Tangina?

Aya: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA naiimagine ko mukha mo gagstok

This girl, I swear I-

Aya: kilay mo nagiging isa na naman diyan HAHAHAHAHA
 

 

//
 

“You finally got laid? How’s Upsto-”

I walked past the who tried to ruin my day. Maganda ang mga nagdaang araw ko because of my successful deals closed and of course none other than Winter. 

 

I know I got it so bad when I can admit to myself that Winter is the only person I can think of the whole day for a long time and not get tired of it.

 

Oo, inamin ko na sa sarili ko. 

 

And I know that there will be consequences with these actions. I've caught both intentionally and unintentionally at the moment. 

 

Ha.

 

Bahala na.

 

"Always be closing." Yujin greeted me with three words. Kakapasok ko lang sa office niya. Ni' hindi pa nga ako nakakaupo.

 

I gave her a formal smile before walking towards her table para maupo sa may upuan doon. Kanina sinabi lang sa akin ng kupal na si Minju na pinapatawag daw ako nito. 

 

I thought makakauwi na ako agad after closing two deals today. Yes, balak ko talagang umuwi ng maaga para makatulog ako at mapuntahan ang coffee shop na pinagtatrabahuan ni Winter mamaya. 

 

The woman in front of me is seated comfortably. Nakataas pa ang paa sa desk while scrolling down through her iPad. Mukha siyang iPad kid. 

 

"Enrique, you are the star of this company."

 

This might be giving me another assignment to finish. Hindi ko pa napapa oo si Yeji. Kung bibigyan niya ako, I'd appreciate another promotion.

 

I do my job really well, but I'm no robot. I require such requirements to function more.

 

Okay, medyo kasinungalingan yan. I just happen to want more free time for my little agenda. A tiny and pretty one.

 

"Everyone in this building knows that, boss." I responded calmly but confidence is hinted at in my tone.

 

Napatawa naman ang siraulo. “Like that huh!" Umayos na siya ng upo at ibinaba ang iPad. She threw a small envelope at me na nasalo ko naman. Gago talaga.

 

"That's not an invitation." Kunot noo kong pinagpalit ang tingin sa envelope at sa kaniya.

 

She has this stupid smirk on her face. The way I'd wipe it out of her face is tempting. Sa imagination ko, bangas na mukha nito.

 

My boss annoys the hell out of me. I know I annoy her most of the time too because unlike Minju, I would never kiss her .

 

"Make Upston choose you as her date."

 

Tangina.

 

"See you there, Enrique."

 

//

 

Evening. I'm sitting sa usual spot ko rito sa café. Kanina ko pa iniisip kung paano ko gagawin ang gustong mangyari ng punyetang boss ko.

 

Napailing na lang ako bago tumingin sa may counter. And there she is.

 

Nakakunot ang noo nito, I think she's mocking me. Itinuro niya ang kilay niya at mas pina-OA ang pagkakakunot nito bago umiling iling sakin.

 

Yup, she's definitely mocking me.

 

Ngumisi lang siya bago gawin ang trabaho niya nang may biglang pumasok na customer.

 

With a sip of coffee or two. I opened my cellphone to finally message her.

 

You: Funny taglamig.
 

Bago siya pumasok sa loob nakita kong kinuha niya sa bulsa ang cellphone.
 

Winter: kita ko nga ngumiti ka
Winter: saya mo naman sakin 😼

Did I smile? I mean, did I smile earlier? Because I’m definitely smiling right now because of the smirking cat emoji she included in her message.

You: Why the cat emoji? You look more of a puppy.

Nakita ko siyang nakataas ang kilay habang bitbit ang order ng customer. Pagkaharap niya sa customer bigla naman syang full smile pero bumalik sa pagkakataas ng kilay pagka tingin niya sa akin.

Why? She really looks like a puppy.

Winter and her friend, Ningning exchanged glances after a few palitan pabiro siyang hinampas nito. Hanggang sa nawala na sa paningin ko ang babaeng maikli ang buhok.

Winter: aba

Ang daldal ni Winter kahit na sa text lang. I like it.

You: What? You should take it as a compliment, Ms. Winter.
Winter: luh

Winter: edi arf 🐶

And that’s the moment almost every customer and even her friends, Ningning and Chenle looked at me. Why? Tahimik kasi sa loob ng café, of course they’d notice agad if someone who’s quiet the whole time suddenly laughed.

Not the embarrassing loud laugh just laugh. For a few seconds.

It’s been so long eversince I let out a genuine laugh out of nowhere. This is Winter’s effect on me. Yup, definitely cannot deny it.

She had to attend her night class sa Katipunan kaya hinatid ko na lang siya doon. Hindi ko naman tinanong pero sabi niya makikitulog siya sa dorm ng tropa nya don kasi daw umuwi ng probinsya yung roommate.

Masasabi kong extrovert talaga ang babaeng yun, lahat ata ng lugar may kakilala siya. Maliban na nga lang sa mundo ko. Mas mabuti na siguro yon.

“This is the best financial decision you did this year sir. You have my word, you could never go wrong with this.”

Who am I manipulating this time? Just some old money rich nepo baby in his mid-30’s, risking his daddy’s money. We need this guy for one of our board member’s project sa Visayas. It’s a huge factory for different types of like garments.

“I hope so, Ms. Enrique. If you don’t mind, let's have dinner with my cousin, she's been eyeing your company’s future project.” Sagabal na naman sa oras kong hindi sakop ng office hours.

I rolled my eyes out of annoyance. Hindi na ako nasupresang alam nila ang tungkol sa renewable power plants na gustong gustong ipatayo ng tatay ng gago na si Yujin. We need as many investors as possible. It will cost a lot of money. I’m talking about billions.

“I was about to contact your secretary to set an appointment, but I guess now I will just have to say yes.” Lies after lies. I heard him chuckle on the other line “This thursday night?”

“Sure, Mr. Lapania”

Thursdays are always the big days, it’s either Wednesday or Thursdays. When I dropped by sa office ng boss ko, she was with her weekly boyfriend kaya puro “Oo, yes, no problem, etc.” Ang sagot niya.

Masyadong focus sa lalaki niya to even pay attention to what I said. Pagkalabas ko at lakad papunta sa elevator nakasalubong ko pa ang tarantadang si Minju, I’m somehow surprised nang hindi niya ako iritahin. She had this serious aura. I expected that from her honestly.

Dikit nang dikit yon kay Yujin ever since I worked here, akala ko sipsip lang siya sa boss namin but it did not really take me a long time to figure out that there’s something between the most annoying boss and most annoying co-worker in this building. Besides hindi ako tanga at bobo.

Whatever that is, bahala sila at wala akong pake.

“Edi-” Uminom muna ng tubig ang babaeng kaharap ko ngayon. Kumakain kami dito sa may laundry shop, ako lang kasi a