Beginning Notes; this was honestly inspired by chinese dramas lol so if nothing makes sense then... idk what to tell ya *side eye emoji* enjoy and ignore any mistakes lol
It was the year 1895. I, who was just a mere wolf spirit, had just gotten into a fight with a bear over a hunt. I was injured to the point I had been unable to shift into my human form. He was out picking medicinal herbs to treat the sick when he found me laying in the grass, barely breathing. I remember hearing my heart beating loudly in fear that I would be put to death then and there when he cautiously approached me. I remember the smell clearly, the soothing scent of lavender on his body when he lifted me up onto his cart.
That evening, he tended to my wounds with care as he filled the silence with talking, his voice had such a nice tone it was like listening to the soft melodies of a gayageum. I learned of his name that night, Lee Sungha. I decided that I would remember his name forever. Since I was given this life, I have never been treated in such a caring way, it was a new thing to me but I felt so much gratitude and appreciation for him. Every night since then, he kept at my side and made sure to apply medicine to my wounds until I was fully well.
I was soon finally able to turn into a human a week after. That night, I couldn't help but to sit at his side and admire his sleeping face, tracing a finger gently over his features. Then I felt it, the sudden moment my soul connected with his, latching tightly together that even my core shook with the wolf in my heart howling loudly for its newly founded life mate.
I was overwhelmed with so much emotions I almost felt dizzy. It was as if I finally found my purpose, that there was meaning to my life. I knew then that I will never part from his side and love him endlessly, even if he never knows that inside I exist.
The coming days were bliss. I was given the name "Hoon" for the first time. He provided me with much warmth and tender affection, it felt like my heart would explode at any second from how much love I felt for this man. I had spent the next two years like this, accompanying him to collect herbs, hunting for him, and a lot of other things that I would never get tired of doing with him.
Unfortunately, not all happiness lasts. In the year 1897, we were out on the mountains together. He was picking herbs before the winter season started and I was off searching for more preys to stock up on. I had caught the scent of a leopard in the wind and I instantly knew that something bad was going to happen. It all happened so fast, I had gone to check on him when I was attacked at full force. I could not contain the howls of pain from being repeatedly bitten and clawed. Then amid the fight, he came, throwing a stone at the leopard on top of me.
Fear enveloped me when I saw that it moved its attention on him and ran. I was too late, because of my lack of speed and strength, it got to him. It all happened so fast. I was filled with so much anger that I picked up all my strength and just attacked without any care in the world. At the end of it, no matter how tired I was, I shifted into my human form with what strength I had left and stumbled to his side. This was when I experienced another first with him. For the first time, I felt the great pain of losing a loved one. For the first time, I cried my heart out.
"Sungha" Hoon held Sangha closely to his chest as his tears fell like a never-ending rainstorm, the feeling of a thousand pounds on his chest suffocating him as he sees the color slowly drain from his beloved's face. "I-I'm so sorry, I-I" he couldn't finish and broke out into a sob. "So... this is you..." Hoon blinked away the tears from his eyes and looked at Sungha in confusion, who was smiling faintly up at him. "You knew?" he nodded in response "I have always known"
"When I looked into your eyes" Sungha paused to catch his breath that was drifting away by the minute "I saw a reflection, but it was not mine... you are lovely" Hoon leaned down to pressed his forehead against Sungha's and sniffled, trying to keep his tears in "I'm sorry I never told you" Sungha shakily reached up and cupped Hoon's cheek "It's okay, I know you had your reasons" Thanks to you... I wasn't lonely in the end" and those were Sungha's last words when he went limp in Hoon's arms. He held him tighter as he felt their connection as mates slowly dissipate, feeling desperate he did the only thing he could think of to rekindle it, which was to take a bit of his soul and merge it with Sungha's before it completely disappeared.
After his death, I buried him where we first met and surrounded him with all of his favourite flowers. I spent a total of 1,095 days mourning by his side with my wolf howling in a sad song every night for him. While at his side, I added another to my name, Lee Sunghoon. I was without a name until I met him. I was always so grateful for him; I would never find another like him. On the final day, I was still filled with sadness but I knew I was going to see him again and where I would be able to do that was at the Bridge of Life was where the passed souls go to be reincarnated.
I settled myself at the edge of the river, where I continued to wait for him, no matter how long it took or if I got caught and thrown out. I would wait until I see him cross that bridge. It had already been 54 years when I finally saw him. He stood out among all the others he was with as they made their way to the bridge. I got up from where I was seated and changed into my human form to call out his name. When he looked my way and smiled brightly, I could not help but to cry. That was the face I had been longing to see and missed dearly. Through tears, I told him that I would look for him before I was caught.
It was during the winter of 1951 when his long-awaited birth arrived. I was resting at a cave near his burial site when I felt the moment he took his first breath. Since I had given him a part of my soul, it was easy for me to find him, when he was born, I instantly felt our connection come alive again like a candle being reignited.
When a spirit gives part of their soul to someone, the pain is excruciating but nothing compared to that pain I felt in every bit of cell in my body when I held him in my arms that unforgettable day.
I hadn't really understood anything until after I met him, I was introduced to so many new feelings that I never knew I had. To love someone to a great extent that I was more than willing to give up a part of me just to be able to reconnect our fate in his next life. It's truly an extraordinary thing.
It was like I was being pulled by a rope; a force not seen by the eyes leading me to him. I was filled with excitement for our reunion, I have been waiting for many years to be able to see him again. And when I did, my heart swelled at the lovable sight of him. His new name was Moon Yejun. I made a promise then that I would watch over him and to never let anything hurt him.
I waited until he was seven years old when I made my existence known to him, though I did not let him know of our past. 'Guardian angel' he had called me, his eyes shining the same as his previous life, when he looked up at me. When he gave me such a look, how could I tell him I was only a wolf spirit and not an angel so I played along because the happy look on his face when I said yes is a precious memory I will forever hold dear. Days turned into months and months turned into years, I was by his side through it all, watching him grow into a young man.
He was 21 in the year of 1972 when he came to me with news that added to my list of firsts with him, jealousy. We were walking along a trail just a bit out of town when he told me he was to marry a woman his parents had found for him. That was when I felt an indescribable feeling build up inside of me. All I wanted to do was to run away with him to prevent the marriage from happening, to keep him to myself because he was mine alone, to pour my heart out to him and let him know that all along I have been loving him since the beginning.
I blamed the wolf in me for having such foolish unreasonable thoughts. I was afraid that I would let it get the best of me and scare him away. Ultimately, I failed, it was unbearable hearing of what his parents planned for their wedding, where they would be living together and their future, in which I would not be apart of. I didn't want that.
"You can't marry her" Sunghoon said as he stopped to look at Yejun, all of the emotion he thought he had hidden well now visible on his face. Yejun turned around to face the other man, his heart skipping a beat from the way he looked at him as he said those sudden words. "Why?" "Because" Sunghoon paused "I love you, Yejun" I have loved you since the beginning" he sighed softly and stepped closer "I'm not actually a guardian angel, I'm a wolf spirit" We first met during your last life, the name I have was given to me by you"
Confusion was written all over Yejun's face after hearing his explanation and Sunghoon felt guilty for being the cause of his inner turmoil but he still wanted to fully explain to him. "You two were different people but had the same souls, mine happened to connect itself with yours which was why I am here with you right now and... I can't bear to see you marry someone else, runaway with me" Sunghoon finally paused after his little ramble and watched nervously for Yejun's reaction. In the end, Yejun's mind was swirling with what he had heard and could only respond with "Can you give me time to think about all of this?"
Our walk ended with me taking him home and rushed "goodbyes''. Waiting for his response was nerve-wracking, I felt restless. But I waited patiently and respectfully because I knew it was such a crazy request for me to ask of him. My mind couldn't help but to go wild thinking about a bunch of what ifs and fear that he would never want to see me again after lying to him all his life. It went on forever until I got that knock on my door that night.
The amount of weight that got lifted off my chest was so relieving when I saw him standing there with his bags in hands and hearing those words coming out his mouth filled me with so much joy that him being there felt like a dream,