[ warning: profanities ahead. ]

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september 6, 2019.

dear diary,

major mood drop incoming, so let me go straight to the point. she is leaving for university tomorrow, which means we'll be far away from each other for who-knows-how-long, and it big time. god knows how much it hurts to be in this current situation. i haven't written to you for months now, a lot has happened during this time; entrance exams were hella stressful and life in general has been a roller coaster ride lately, but one thing's for sure: some things never change.

indeed, i still feel the same towards her. even after all this time.

it's been, what, six years? i should get over her. i have to. soon, she'll be living a new life in the states with new college friends, and even though we promised to keep in touch (we met up frequently during summer and pinky sweared at least three times), it's only natural for her to be seeing boys sooner or later.

as much as i hate to admit it, it ing hurts. just imagining her dating someone hurts so bad, because i ing wish it'd be me. i wish i had the courage to confess and that we'd remain the same even after telling her the truth, but i am a ing coward. i don't want to lose her. i don't even wish for my feelings to be reciprocated, i just hope she knows that she is loved, so very much. she handed me a letter earlier today and i got too sentimental after reading it, i felt the need to reply with an essay through text. a silent confession from me to her, disgui