Words in italics indicate the Japanese language

 

It was in the early hours of the morning that Shotaro realized he was in labor. After hours of feeling achy and what he initially thought were practice contractions and the general pregnancy discomfort, Shotaro concluded that his body was preparing for birth and their son was on his way to being here. The joy both he and Sungchan felt after Shotaro sheepishly suggested that maybe he was kind of in labor was palpable, and Sungchan was doing everything in his power to make this more comfortable for the older. They had both been preparing for weeks but now that Shotaro was in early labor, it felt like they weren't ready at all. As a pair, they had gone through the hospital bag three times to make sure everything Shotaro would need was in there and had checked the nursery twice over to see if they had forgotten to buy anything important. Before Shotaro was in true pain they both worked on the apartment and made sure it was clean before leaving so they didn't come home to chores needing to be done. They worked tirelessly when they probably should have been sleeping but how could they when their son was on the way? They had at least tried, but after an hour and a half, almost two of cuddling and staring at the walls and ceiling, they decided it was useless and they should make proper use of their time awake. Even though it was now 5 am, a few hours after realizing Shotaro was in labor, they were working hard to make sure everything was going to go smoothly and make it less stressful once they were home again. 

Including making sure the car seat was fastened correctly and safely in the car. Sungchan had installed the car seat in his car and checked weeks ago, as soon as he bought it from the dealership, but he could never be too careful. He left the apartment momentarily with Shotaro's permission to check on the straps and to see if the base wasn't too loose and it all seemed up to par just as he'd left it before. Something he did change while he was out there was attach a sun blocker to the window so no sun would get in their baby's eyes when driving. Sungchan hated the idea of traveling with his son and the bright sun rays hurting his little eyes, and his mother had suggested it for the same reason. He wanted to protect Jisung from everything if he could, and this was something small but something important. 

Once done with his task, Sungchan stepped back to admire his work and it made his heart sing. His smile was so wide and so bright, evident of the joy of being a father soon. Seeing the car seat installed with the little, purple blanket folded neatly inside, a soft toy hanging from its clip on the handlebar with a mirror velcroed on the headrest across it so Sungchan could see Jisung when he was driving, it all looked ready for his arrival. He was so close to being here, and the reality of it felt like a ton of bricks crashing onto his chest. Sungchan was incredibly excited and he knew Shotaro was as well, maybe even more so than he was even though that seemed impossible. It was incredible, and now that the older was back on his mind, Sungchan finished up, quickly shut the car door, locked the vehicle, and hurried in an icy shuffle back to the apartment to his laboring boyfriend. He had left him alone for far too long already, even if it was per his request. 

Sungchan hurried up the lobby steps and down the hall to wrench the entrance door open, trying not to be too loud since it was still very early. His eyes quickly scanned the apartment to find Shotaro leaning against the back of their living room couch, head resting on his folded arms as his hips swayed behind him. He looked a little preoccupied as he rocked through a contraction unassisted, and seeing the older struggling so much, Sungchan kicked off his winter boots and shrugged his coat off, not caring where they landed, and moved as fast as he could for Shotaro. Once at his side, he diligently used his hands to work into the base of Shotaro's spine, working into the tight muscle and hopefully relieving some pressure and discomfort there. Sungchan had watched many how-to videos in the past few weeks on massages that would help labor and muscle pains and he was hoping he was doing all of that knowledge justice. He didn't like seeing Shotaro in pain at all and it made him feel sick to his stomach. 

"They're getting stronger now," Shotaro groaned once the contraction was done, straightening back out and turning to face Sungchan as he cradled his large and heavy bump. Jisung had dropped significantly in the last two days, and the new position was not easy on Shotaro's lower back, "That one actually hurt," his contractions were still fairly spaced out, but their intensity was increasing and becoming more difficult to handle gracefully. This was the first one that registered as painful to Shotaro, "It wasn't intolerable, but still not comfortable," he exhaled what seemed to be all the air in his lungs, chewing on his bottom lip before adding one more thing, "I'm getting scared," he confessed, voice the tiniest bit shaky with the rising anxiety in his chest, "What if I can't do this?"

The sudden turn of worry in his eyes caught Sungchan off guard and it made him frown deeply. Shotaro had been handling all his contractions with such grace and expertise like he had done this before, and to hear that labor was causing fear in his heart hurt Sungchan's chest. It was hard to believe, "What makes you think you can't do this?" all the birthing classes they had attended and all the informational videos they could watch to make sure they were at least a tiny bit prepared had assured Sungchan they were okay. To hear they weren't completely was a shock and he felt at a loss, words caught in his throat. He didn't know what to say.

Shotaro shrugged, shifting his weight from foot to foot, "So many things can go right but so many things could go wrong at the same time. I'm super excited for Jisung to be here but remember, I hadn't been preparing to be a mom for a long time. What if I'm no good at being a mom?" it had been a constant fear of his, and now that his son was due to arrive within the day or so, the fear was evermore present, "And labor is terrifying, it's going to hurt. What if I can't do it? What if someone has to make an emergency decision because I'm too much of a coward to keep going," needles and surgery terrified Shotaro to no end. He could take the correct pain medication and do all he can to progress labor naturally but if something goes wrong or Jisung or he are in danger, he won't have any control over his own body, "I don't want that to happen to me."

Seeing Shotaro stand in front of him, looking so small and scared had Sungchan's heart aching. Never had he considered Shotaro to be so scared about one of the biggest events of their lives, especially with how much he already loved Jisung. He loved him so much, but to be afraid of him at the same time? It didn't seem possible to Sungchan. He started speaking before he realized his brain was formulating words, "Taro, you are the bravest, strongest person I know, and this will be nothing for you," he stepped forward, taking both of the older's hands in his, rubbing his thumbs over his knuckles delicately, "Whatever ends up happening, just know you did your best the whole time. And if it does come down to it, I'll be there for you the whole time, every second. I don't know if that helps you any but you'll have my full support. You're a fighter, hyung, and you love our Jisung. I just know you're going to do everything for him because you have a golden heart. You're the sweetest, kindest person I know," Sungchan felt like he was rambling, but Shotaro looked as though the words were helping him. He even spotted a small smile on the corners of his lips, something Sungchan considered a win, "Things will work out in the end, okay? No matter what happens today."

Shotaro smiled larger now, tired looking but also relieved as though he were properly comforted. Shotaro squeezed Sungchan's hands back before promptly abandoning them so he could wrap his arms around his waist, bringing him in as close as his belly would allow him to so he could rest his head on Sungchan’s chest, “I love you. You always make me feel better,” Sungchan could feel Shotaro’s pout against his chest and he could just about lose his mind. Sungchan hugged back so tightly, wanting to hold his boyfriend for forever if he would let him. The thought of being able to hold Jisung soon was exciting and it sent a shiver up his spine, and he squeezed Shotaro tighter into his grasp. 

“I love you too. I’ll do everything I can to make this as easy as possible for you. Anything you need, I’ll get it or do it for you,” it was a promise and Shotaro knew he would uphold that promise whole heartedly. He pulled away and pursed his lips as though asking for a kiss and Sungchan was more than happy to oblige. He leaned forward and captured his boyfriend's lips in a warm kiss, making sure every fiber of his genuine heart was being transferred to the older man. Shotaro was so in love with this man and Sungchan was so in love with him. 

Parting ways, Shotaro spoke, "We could try some of those things and exercises my doctor suggested to help labor pains," he was starting to feel that ache of a contraction ebbing at his nerves. One wasn't supposed to come for another few minutes or so but they always gave a warning for their return and Shotaro appreciated the small act of kindness his body was granting him, “I have a feeling they might come in handy now.” 

Sungchan nodded supportively with a smile, sneaking a quick kiss on the tip of his nose, "We can definitely do that. What do you want to do first?" there was so much they could do, but it was ultimately up to Shotaro to choose what they were going to try first. 

So they spent the next hour or so doing things that would help Shotaro get more comfortable as he labored. They walked around the apartment, sat as Sungchan massaged his aching muscles, tried to run a warm bath before Shotaro decided the idea of being wet and in pain did not sit well with him, and even tried eating something small. Once at the hospital, Shotaro would not be allowed to eat anything and while this was known knowledge, he was starving and needed to eat. He had managed rice and broth, too afraid to go overboard in case he ended up feeling ill. Sungchan being Sungchan, had spoon fed him after asking if he could. 'Let me feed you', he had nearly begged. Shotaro was more than capable of feeding himself but as clingy as Sungchan was, he knew he would be doing the younger a service in such a time of stress. Shotaro didn’t mind anyway; he was feeling very physically fatigued and if he himself didn’t have to lift his arms to feed himself then maybe it was okay for Sungchan to do it for him. 

There were also endless amounts of words of affirmation, which were all appreciated, and while Shotaro was told he might not want to be touched when he was in labor, that was definitely not the case for him. In fact, he felt loads more comfortable when Sungchan held him, and kisses weren't a bad addition either. It grounded him, and Sungchan was an excellent cuddler so Shotaro was using that to his advantage. It felt as though Jisung was more comfortable as well when Sungchan had a hand on Shotaro's bump and when he massaged his lower belly. This was maybe the stillest he had been in weeks and it was a miracle to Shotaro considering the intensity of what was happening to the both of them.

"That feels good," Shotaro praised as Sungchan massaged against a throbbing muscle running from his hip to his thigh. It had a twinging pain and whether it was labor-related or general pain, Shotaro didn't know, but as always Sungchan was there to help him through it, "I think it's helping my hips too. They don't feel as tight," which he hoped would help with labor in the long run. 

"But they're still so tight. It feels like ten knots on top of each other," Sungchan wondered how Shotaro had been walking at all with such a bent out-of-shape muscle on his leg. The only reason he had found it was because the two had sat down together so Shotaro could rest his feet and Sungchan's hand had naturally gone to his thigh. The firm muscle had piqued his interest and upon further investigation found the stiff cramp and his brows immediately furrowed, "You should have said something earlier. This has been like this for a while now, I can tell. I could have fixed this a long time ago.”

"You already do so much, and you've been so busy with work that I didn't want to inconvenience you with every little pain and ache I have. I was surviving just fine, and you already do so much," Sungchan was the sole breadwinner and would be for weeks to come while Shotaro was at home for maternity leave. Shotaro felt insanely guilty about it, especially when they could benefit from the double income, but he wasn't needed at the studio when he couldn't even teach. Yuta had given him odd jobs and temporary administration positions to continue working but there was only so much he could do. He hadn’t had a real, productive job in a few months, "I didn't want to take up your time.”

"You should take up my time more," Sungchan clicked his tongue and turned his head to place a kiss on his cheek, "I wouldn't mind that at all," if he could, Sungchan would spend every waking minute wrapped up in Shotaro, "Especially right now. I'm at your beck and call, Taro," another kiss on the cheek, and then a kiss on the lips after he gently turned the older's head, "I am here for you.”

Shotaro smiled so blissfully, squeezing Sungchan's hand lovingly, "You've given me permission. So I will," the loving banter and the affection was all doing wonders for Shotaro and he could almost how uncomfortable labor was. He was feeling very happy. So far labor wasn't too difficult and Shotaro, while still afraid, was enjoying the experience. 

But then it was taking a turn for the worse as he entered active labor and the pain worsened and worsened. The feeling was so intense that it reached the point that Shotaro couldn't speak anymore; not during nor between contractions. Hours into timing, involving Shotaro starting and stopping the timer on his phone when contractions began and ended so he didn't have to speak, the silence was suffocating. It was agonizing and Sungchan so badly wanted to talk and comfort his boyfriend but at the same time he didn't want to inconvenience him by talking at him. He wanted so terribly to help, but there was nothing he could do to ease the pain besides maybe help by massaging his lower back like he had been doing for hours now. Shotaro had been silent for over an hour without saying anything until Sungchan finally asked how he was feeling. Obviously not well, visibly in pain, most definitely still afraid, but Sungchan wanted to hear him speak and hear him tell him exactly how he was, "How are you feeling, Taro?” 

It took a second for Shotaro to respond, regulating his breath so his lungs would allow him to say words and create an answer. Sungchan was starting to think he wouldn't receive an answer but then Shotaro was looking up from his focus on the ground and speaking, strained and under his breath at times, "I want the pain to stop but it won't," and now that he had spoken, tears were coming to his eyes and his voice broke in a small sob. Hearing him so distraught and hurt, Sungchan wanted so badly to take the pain away and take Shotaro's place in this, "It won't stop." 

And again, Sungchan didn't know what to say. There was nothing for him to say and there was still nothing for him to do. He felt completely useless, "I'm so sorry, Shotaro. I wish I could take it all away," he massaged a little deeper into the base of Shotaro's spine, trying and hoping he was making a difference, "I'm sorry, baby. But we’re almost there,” it felt like the wrong thing to say, but he was at a loss, “And in the end it will all be worth it. Jisung will be here and you will forget all the pain. Just a little longer and we’ll have our baby,” this was a conversation they’d had before. Yes it was going to hurt, yes it was going to be long and agonizing, but his body did all of this because it was bringing their son into the world. Why it couldn’t complete the task comfortably? No one knew, but it was all for a purpose. Shotaro knew this to be true, but the pain was blinding and the emotions were strong. He was forgetting too easily. 

Now that the floodgates had opened, Shotaro let himself cry to his heart's content. Labor was so, horribly difficult and unbelievably, excruciatingly painful. Several people, including his and Sungchan's mothers, told him it would be painful but they also told him he'd be fine, but he was most definitely not fine. Labor was making him feel sick to his stomach at some times, and the pain often left him unable to think about anything other than breathing. Even that was questionable since he'd found himself holding his breath several times, ultimately making his pain feel worse. He was struggling both mentally and physically. Sungchan wanted to pull his boyfriend into a hug to comfort him, but that wasn't the best option for Shotaro right now. It had him distraught and he could cry himself. He let a few tears gather in his waterline, but he refused to let them fall. He had to stay strong for Shotaro.

“Hold… me…” Shotaro suddenly begged through tears as he reached behind him for Sungchan. He had been kneeling on the floor, elbows propping his body up on the couch cushions with his head in his hands as he tried to let another contraction run its course. The fear engulfing his body was too much and he needed to be reminded that he wasn’t alone. He acted fast and did the best he could to speak to his boyfriend, wanting him so badly to hold him and kiss him. He needed him to hold him.

And Sungchan, ever obedient, did just that. He had been sitting behind Shotaro and massaging his lower back up to his shoulders, and hearing he was needed had him leaping at the opportunity. He fit himself right behind Shotaro, chest to back, and wrapped one arm around his very large and contracting bump while the other rubbed up and down his side. It was bizarre to feel his abdominal muscles working so hard to prepare for Jisung but it was magical at the same time. He almost didn’t know what to think about it, brain blank and in awe. But he continued to hold Shotaro and placed gentle kisses on his shoulders and the back of his neck to comfort him the best he could. Shotaro seemed much more relaxed, but with the situation at hand he was still tense and stressed. Sungchan was happy he was doing something. 

More contractions and more timing ensued, and then finally, they reached the 5-1-1 rule. Shotaro's contractions were five minutes apart, lasting one minute from start to finish, and this had been the same pattern for one hour. Eleven hours into labor and he was finally able to go to the hospital to check in and get a bed. It had been a glorious moment, and even in the confusion, pain, and fear, Shotaro was excited for his baby boy to arrive. As soon as the pair realized the timing of Shotaro's contraction, Sungchan sprung into action and hurried himself and Shotaro out of the door all bundled up to brace the cold and had driven maybe way too fast to the hospital. It hadn't mattered; they arrived safely. And much to their fortune, Shotaro's water broke on the way into the lobby and all over the entrance. He had been incredibly apologetic, even through his intense pain, but the nurses who came to his aid insisted it was okay. 

"Don't worry, honey. This wouldn't be the first time someone's waters have broken while walking through the door, and it definitely will not be the last time," the older nurse had claimed this with a bright and cheery smile and the pair had been thrown by the statement, but they didn't linger on it. They had to get Shotaro cleaned up and on a bed so he could labor into birth. 

Now in a hospital bed in a gown with his belly wrapped with a fetal monitor, Shotaro was even more afraid of what was to come. He had waited as long as he could to avoid being in the hospital because being here scared him even worse with the proximity of the 'hard' part. The apartment was his safe place and it had been difficult to leave it behind, but Sungchan was his safe place even more, so it was easier to handle with his being at his side. The fears and uncertainties he felt about what was to come were keeping him afraid and worried, but Shotaro was trying his best to keep as collected as possible while listening to his body. It was still struggling to handle the pain it was causing itself, but Shotaro swore he was feeling progress in the five minutes since his water had broken. The pain was worse now, and it felt so different from before. 

And all Sungchan could do was watch from the side while doing his best to comfort Shotaro and honestly, it was helping. Even though Shotaro couldn't express it very well with the words that were trapped in his throat, he was so glad that the younger was there for him. The more pain he was in the more he felt the need for his boyfriend to be closer, and so after a total of three contractions since being admitted, Shotaro was begging Sungchan to be closer to him, "Please... help," he had slipped into Japanese for his request, but it was enough for Sungchan to understand and after a split second of thinking about what he could do, his body was moving on instinct as he fit himself behind Shotaro in the bed, legs framing the older's body with his arms and hands rubbing up and down his sides before Shotaro grabbed both hands to hold so tightly. Sungchan was as close as he could possibly be to Shotaro and this was helping so, so much. His body almost acted as a pillow and helped support his aching and fatigued body, “Thank you... thank you,” Shotaro remembered to add in a whisper, again in Japanese. Sungchan nodded in response and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek, pressing his own to the older's to ground him further. Shotaro sighed in relief, feeling a happy warmth run through his system. 

When it came to pain management, Shotaro refused a lot for fear of losing control. There was an instant rejection for anything too strong or anything that required a n