It is just a coincident.

One late afternoon in autumn, around October, Cho Kyuhyun at that time was still in high school and studied in math specialized class. However he disliked boring lectures about function, graphs, discontinuity, Mean-Value Theorem, Riemann Sum, inflection points, or some stupid theory about intermediate value outside schools at nineteen o'clock. However, being born in a family with father who owned a tutoring and entrance exam center; plus a mother as a famous owner of a dessert shop in Seoul, he could not be a bastard. Kyuhyun's older sister never disappointed their parents either right after she became a famous musician in Korean, even won Menuhin Competition when she was in such a young age.

Kyuhyun himself also felt the heaviness from the success of his beloved ones, and that hit his pride. He could not fail, nor be frail, nor reveal weakness since his family's name could not be insulted by others. Day by day, those pressures dripped little by little into an almost overflowed glass. Kyuhyun always smiled with his relatives, his friend, with the lovely lady that sold tteokbokki and fish cake soup at the market stall whenever he bought stuff for his mother.

Still, he never smiled when he was alone (even he pulled all the entertainment shows on tele and watched it by himself. He had not have a good sleep since he acknowledged responsibility.

Slowly blending into the busy line of people with bright, colourful light, he ought to get used to the brutal cold, but never he felt so much self-pity, lonely and tired like this. Was this due to Valentine Day? Maybe it was snowing tonight? Or it was due to everyone's smile on their faces? Or was it because he was too withered to firmly stand? It did not matter right now, it was just enough.

Just for today, Kyuhyun told hímelf: please let him be weak for once. Please, let him rest for just a second. It would not be too much, but please, let him put down his perfect armor on the ground, and he would pick it up and would never take it out again.

Kyuhyun sarcastically uttered damn it as he saw the light got dimmed, even the crowd got blurred, and he gently wiped the tears that was escaping quickly and reach under his cheeks. For more than three years, he had not shed a single tear. Even the suffocating final exams did not move his iron-made heart and ironically, he became soft just because of loneliness in a stupid yet beautiful Valentine night.

Someone.

Please. Save him. Strangers, or God, but please cure his broken soul.

-Do not cry.

Kyuhyun's eyes got widen since that deep, husky voice hit him right in the ear. On the screen appeared a beautiful girl which almost burst into tears. Oh, he get it. It was just a stupid drama TV show.

-I will be heart-broken if you cry again.

That sentence stopped him from moving, and a handsome, tanned man with hair was nicely done appeared on the screen. Kyuhyun was startled.

Having watched hundreds of thrilling dramas or romantic films with countless cheesy scenes that always makes his appetize paralyzed, or the comedy with profound dramas that made the audiences contemplate for a while; Kyuhyun never felt moved by the main characters. If they were good looking, he would commented vocally: "oh, this person is pretty" or "Handsome." in a monotone and succinctly no more or lesson. Heck! He only watched those stupid drama shows since his scary older sister always took the only TV screen in the house that lied in the living room! Yet life never became interesting without exceptions.

Because this actor made Kyuhyun relieved and calm. Kyuhyun just looked at that man's gaze yet he already felt as if he was being pampared, or cared of. He even thought he could trust, rely and revealed his honest emotion to this person.

Wondering how to deal with his feeling, that actor smiled, revealing two perfect dimples on that perfect face. He raised his hand and gently the girl's hair.

-Are you feeling better?

Kyuhyun, with his blushing cheeks under his thick black scarf, slightly nodded as he scolded himself for losing his composure just because how elegant, handsome and attractive smile. Without withdrawing from the screen, the tears on his cheeks already dried and remnanted a slightly red, and a swollen pair of eyes. For the first time after a long time living like hell, Kyuhyun felt saved and felt free.

Being saved from mental torture by his own shadow that poisoned him with harsh word into the body was a relief. For the first time after got admitted into high school, Kyuhyun believed that he had done well. Kyuhyun for the first time in that cold season trusted himself to let it go then rest, and when a new day began, do all his best to be a better him than his yesterday.

-Don't give up.

"I will not give up.", he thought to himself.

-You have me by your side.

"I believe you."

The actor afterward approached closer to the actress, put his lips on her forehead and Kyuhyun stopped his breath, because he thought he has felt that kiss. A wonderful feeling was bubbling up in his chest and it was tumultuous as fireworks, but so gentle as well.

That guy's last words, those words which Kyuhyun remembered on that day, were not luxrious. It weren't fancy, nor pompous, nor replendent, only three words, yet sincere.

Yet with those three, he became a fan of that actor.

 

-I love you.

Kyuhyun was in the most broken state in that night, yet he still believed God was such merciful.

Since that night, he felt that he was the happiest person in the world.

From that on, Kyuhyun's life completely changed. Actually it did not completely change. He just kept talking, laughing with his friend, taking his advanced math courses at school, then going home and having dinner and conversing with his parents. However he felt much delightful and merry. Since Kyuhyun started to allow himself to expressed his true emotion.

He started to show annoyance to his close friends when something did not go as planned, he started to learn more things that he enjoyed such as cooking, wine, and singing. He also had an earnest conversation with his parents about his dream, acted more childish in front of his sister to cook his favourite tteokbokki fordinner. Furthermore, instead of burying himself in studying and playing Starcraft for 12 hours during free time, he started to enjoy teahouses or snack bars and occasionally hung out with his best friends.

Of course, he also started a small habit that other fans said cute: spending about forty-five minute going to the actor's company. Not to meet or ask for some news, he just dropped a letter in a separate box for fans and left.

Kyuhyun knew his letter was nothing compared to others senior loyal fans, but he just want to let the actor know that he would be by his side. Even though he was just one of his huge fandom, he would always support and follow him through screen; through commercials that he represented, through fan meeting without him, and even through the small blogs about him. If he was happy, then Kyuhyun will feel happy. If he felt sad, then Kyuhyun would be sad too. Not sure that the actor could hear his voice (and maybe he would never be heard), thus lending words to express his feeling was the only choice.

Kyuhyun really wanted to let the actor know through words, that how important he was to Kyuhyun, how he saved his soul. Even when there were moments that the young boy almost devestated due to many changes and fails he experienced, the skillful and talented character that the actor demonstrated through the television never failed to save him. From studying for college entrance exam to extra intense math classes every night; from the evening vocal class to the intense practice test Kyuhyun had to do almost every weekend; the actor always comforted him in a unique way. No need to see each other face to face, nor being inseparable, Kyuhyun already knew that this person would be his youth, his life, his breath and more importantly, would be the one he send all of his love.

It did not matter if his love for Siwon will not be reciprocated, nor Siwon would know his existence, since as long as the actor would be happy and found his beloved one; Kyuhyun would give all of his blessing. Even if there would be a stinging feeling in his heart, or jealousy that shall not happen, Kyuhyun would be fine.

Many times his friend also told him he was the weirdest fan that they had ever seen. Why? Kyuhyun never appeared to see the actor at the autograph. Don't misunderstand. It was not that he could not go, it was just he hated gaining more attention on the ethernet or social media about the only male fan appeared on the event. Kyuhyun loved having attention in a moderate account, not being a center of the attention throughout the whole hundred thousands of fandom. Thus his best friend since high school, Ryeowook, would come to those autograph in exchange for a fancy restaurant of his choice. All on Kyuhyun.

However, seem like Ryeowook was not on his side this time.

-Please Ryeonggu, can you attend to his autograph this time?

-Nope. I have an urgent meeting today, and I have a lovely date with my wife at fifteen o'clock in the day. You have to figure out by yourself.

-I have known him for years, he only had his second autograph event for fans! Can you try to negotiate with your wife to have a date later in the day?

-Well then you can try right? Or just ask Teukkie-hyung to help you. Well gotta hang up. Have fun!

Damn it, Kyuhyun mentally cursed in his mind, and even hoped his best friend's wife would kick him out of the sofa for a week. But that would be for other business, as he dialed Leeteuk: his former landlord during the college time:

-Haha, you are still his fan?

-Hyung! Not this time!

-Oh yeah! The talent actor that captured my younger's heart since high school Choi Si-

-Alright alright! In short you would not help me right? You forgot this adorable dongsaeng right? You are too emmerse into your love life and you forgot this pitiful dongsaeng?

-Hahaha! Not really impossible, but you have to go with me, Eunhyuk will come with us alright?

Kyuhyun was startled for three second:

-Hyung... I really must go with you guys?

-Alright! Then have fun going by yourself!

-Fine fine! Three o'clock this afternoon and don't be late!

 

 

 

Ten past three o'clock! Kyuhyun, with a crumpy and annoyed expression sipped his cold drink that he ordered from the coffee shop. The fans had gathered all full in the main hall way of the building, and Leeteuk was still nowhere to be seen! What the hell? He swore he would come to his house and made a mess in his living room later.

On top of that, he mentally cursed and wondered why his beloved one did not have any male fan. If there were at least five people, then he would not have felt that embarrassed. But NO. Kyuhyun had been the only male that came to this event, and he was desparated to see Leeteuk and Eunhyuk hyung's appearance, and they did not even here!

-KYU! Long wait for you?

-Bloody hell you scared me!—He complained after being choked on a large gulp of water, his hand covered his mouth with another hand reached the towel to cover the spill. Eunhyuk laughed out and gave a tap on his shoulder:

-My bad my bad. I was a little late. Teukkie hyung said he could not come, he got sick all of sudden.

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes. P-leaseeee, that old man did not even wake up thus ditched him. Well play Teukkie hyung, Kyuhyun swore he would made him got drunk to the point that old hyung had the worst hangover ever.

-Let's go hyung, we have to sign up first.

Eunhyuk widened his eyes, yet still followed the younger:

-Why though?

He just shrugged, walked toward to the registration desk and picked up a pen, wondering if Ryeowook was using Kyuhyun's name or Ryeowook's name to signed up. What shall he act when he was around the crowd and when it was his turn to see face to face? Would he be stuttering all the time? Would he shake his hand? He was not that bad at talking to the strangers, yet damn it this person was not a stranger! He was his secret crush that he had been falling in love over and over for years! Eight years was not a short time!

Those thought disorderly stucked into Kyuhyun's head as he continued writing his name, yet he was pulled from behind and forced to turn around.

-Hyung are you crazy? I'm writing...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Someday, Kyuhyun would advice his junior about the importance of the first time impression: it could either create a rapport relationships, or turn you a villain subjectively. The first time he saw that person on the screen eight years ago, he had fallen in love.

Now, seeing Choi Siwon--a famous actor, representative for many brands, a merchant, a potential singer in real flesh not on the television or through the screen; Kyuhyun still could not believe this is the truth. Yet he had a chance to confirm to himself once more.

That his love had not been burnt off. His beloved one was always bright, tall, handsome, in fit, and a precious diament of the entertainment. Never had he felt bored from looking at Siwon in his phone. He never stopped hunting the posters of Siwon, or expressing his fan-mode in front of Leeteuk, Ryeowook, or even Eunhyuk.

The first sentence that Siwon's said was in charismatic, low bare-tone voice, and it had not changed since the first time Kyuhyun saw him on the screen.

-Found you!

That confused Kyuhyun

-Excuse me, but what are you talking about?

Siwon then pulled out an envelope from his suit and opened a small piece of paper that looked like a piece of letter with small penguin pattern decoration. Kyuhyun's heart rate accelerated more than ever in lifetime. He knew that penguin pattern.

His letter. His first letter that he sent to Siwon after seeing him on the screen. No matter how old it looked, how the colour had changed, the shape and the petite size of that penguine could not be erased from his mind.

Siwon approached the table, held the letter close to the registration form, and flashed a bright smile. So bright that he was dazzled by those unreachable rays of sun.

-At that time, I was in despair since noone wanted to give an amateur actor have another chance, then this letter.

He hesitated for a moment, then continued:

-The first one that I received from a fan, and it saved me. Never have I forgotten to bring it with me.

-But you got the wrong...

-There was no way it could be wrong. Your friend, I think his name is Ryeowook? He showed me your picture.

Kyuhyun's whole body was pulled towards Siwon, which made him to put his hand on Siwon's shoulder and he knew that his own chest would explode due to nervousness. He could not help but squirm as a strong arm wrapped around his waist.

-Even when I suffered the worst scandals that everyone turned their back against me, only your shadow has not disppeared. I always see you through your letter, daily, continuously, constantly for eight years. 

Kyuhyun blushed and looked away yet a large, tan hand pressed against his cheek, forcing him to look straight into the actor's eyes--are fulled with ambition yet magnanimous.

-After recovering from the scandals with more fame and more glamorous careers than ever, I started to open an autograph event for fan just to see you. I sincerely think the owner of this letter must be a wonderful, bright and smart person. But instead of seeing you, I saw your best friend! Geez!

Siwon clicked tongue, and lightly pinched Kyuhyun's bubbly cheek and made him pout plus hit lightly on Siwon's shoulder. The laughter from Siwon made Kyuhyun's heart flutter again, just like the first time he saw him.

-It was such a blessing to see you: cute, white, soft, fluffy, and I know for sure you were existed for me.

The actor now took one hand of his cheek, and approached to his slightly smaller, yet much softer and whiter than his hand, to give a light rub with his thumb. Siwon's arm left Kyuhyun's waist and draped around his back as he took back a step. Without letting Kyuhyun question, he leaned back, place his lips at the back of his hand and leads the crowd too much excited. The scream and excited shout did not help Kyuhyun to be calmer at all. His cheeks could not stop being as red as the tomatoes.

-All because of you, I am able continue my favourite career. You always trust me without doubt, thus I bounced back after those horrendous scandals. This Choi Siwon is successful with a humble mind, like today is all thanks to you. Silently following me for eight years, without a complaint, you have been tired and worked hard right?

His last sentence finally made Kyuhyun shed his tears of happiness:

-Give me a chance to make up for you, to pamper, cherish, learn about you and...

Then he smile:

-A chance for me love you more.

Hesitately, Kyuhyun started to say:

-Did my little letters make you happy?

Siwon exclaims:

-Oh my dear, more than happiness, it will make me the luckiest man in the world.

He continued to step closer, rosy cheeks still appear clearly, and eyes could not look straight to his.

-I'm not perfect, nor pretty, nor delicate, nor petite and even not lithe like those beautiful girls. I'm easy to be annoyed, fastidious, very sulky, and even very easy to get jealous.

-Then I will learn to love you. Although my love may not catch up yours. I will never let go of your hand.

Kyuhyun mustered up all of his courage, looked up at Siwon:

-Will loving me make you happy?

The answer from Siwon was even more firm than Kyuhyun had ever heard:

-Positively.

Kyuhyun smiled, slowly walked closer to him, so close that they were only about two inches apart. He tiptoed and place his lip on Siwon's cheek. The latter's shocking expression made him burst out laughing, yet he ought to remind himself.

That he could receive a broken heart in this relationship, even his heart might not healed if Siwon gave up and found the new love. He knew more than anyone else. Or the worse, love might not even started, the same as Siwon would not be able to learn how to love him, or worst yet, Siwon had never loved him even for a second.

-Then I agree.

Even though he was still stunned when Siwon abruptly gave him a bear hug, plus lifted him of the ground and spinned him around, he knew his love never change.

Kyuhyun had fallen in love with Siwon since he was seventeen years old. His tiny crush had been persistently for eight year, and he will continue silently love Siwon. He will forever love him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because my heart has belonged to you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your happiness is also my happiness.