Having a best friend is just one of the things in Jaehyun’s life that he values the most. In Jaehyun’s eyes he knows that no one could ever take Johnny’s place. But it was also one of the best when you’re in love with your best friend. Jaehyun loved Johnny even before he knew what love is. For Jaehyun, it was Johnny who taught him what love is. Unfortunately, falling in love with your best friend is also the worst part of it.

 

Why, you ask? Because here is Jaehyun, sitting inside a shop with Johnny. For what reason? If Jaehyun had a choice, he wouldn’t be here right now with Johnny, let alone allow him to do this. Jaehyun never wanted to be in this position anyway but he had no choice. Besides, how could he stop Johnny from having his soulmate tattoo from being removed? Johnny didn’t even know that he was Jaehyun’s soulmate. As painful as it sounds. Jaehyun didn’t have the guts to tell Johnny that they were soulmates.

This is because Ten had been in the picture even before Jaehyun had the chance to do so. And also because Jaehyun had loved Johnny, even before he knew that Johnny was his soulmate. Jaehyun didn’t want to take away his happiness. He wanted Johnny to be happy even if it’s not with him.

Johnny had specifically asked Jaehyun to accompany him as he gets his tattoo removed and have it redone with something similar to Ten’s. It pained Jaehyun that Johnny is willing to go to this extent. But he really couldn’t bring himself to blame Johnny. After all, it was his own decision to keep his mouth shut from spilling anything. It’d only made sense because Jaehyun hadn’t been transparent about his soulmate tattoo.

Jaehyun's and Johnny’s tattoo were their birth stone, an amethyst. Its color was a beautiful shade of purple but that wasn’t enough to stop Johnny from getting it removed. Jaehyun could remember the moment when he was so happy when his tattoo finally appeared, he was all enthusiastic and ready to share the news to Johnny when Johnny came to him looking devastated. It was then that Jaehyun had learned that Johnny’s tattoo was the same as his, which is why he found out that they were soulmates.

But in contrast to his reaction, Johnny didn’t like it. He remembered Johnny telling him that he hated how it looked and saying that it was so ugly. Jaehyun would be lying if he said that those words didn’t put a stinging pain in his heart and a weird tingle in his chest. He ignored them though, he ignored everything until one fateful day. It was a day where Johnny came to him all smiles, happily stating that he found a way to get rid of his tattoo. Since that day Jaehyun always felt slightly off, it felt as if something was growing inside his lungs. But he couldn’t really put his finger on it, not until Johnny asked for his company to go to this shop. The shop where they allegedly can remove one’s soulmate tattoo.

Now Johnny was on the small bed, the right side of his arm exposed as he was getting ready to remove the tattoo. “Jaehyun, I’m so...so happy. Once this thing is removed, I can finally feel like I’m truly soulmates with Ten once I get the same tattoo as his.” Johnny says, beaming at Jaehyun who could only give him a pained smile. Though Johnny wouldn’t notice the sad smile that Jaehyun gave, too occupied with his own happy feelings.

When the tattoo artist that was in charge of Johnny came back, he asked one more time if Johnny was sure and Johnny was never quick to say yes until now. As the removal process began, Johnny reached to grab Jaehyun’s hand and squeezed it. All Johnny could feel was pain as he was forcibly removing his fated tattoo after all. During all this Jaehyun felt something as well, an unbearable burning sensation on his own skin. But still, he stayed by Johnny’s side throughout the process and there it is again–the feeling of something inside his lungs growing, making it harder for him to breathe, forcing him to let go of Johnny’s hand as he ran out of the room to go to the nearest bathroom.

From then, he started coughing up chamomile flowers, blood staining his lips as he does so. He rinsed his mouth at the sink, arms gripping at the white porcelain to steady himself. He was so confused as to why was he coughing up his birth flowers, his mind and heart racing. Until it finally hits him–between soulmates who doesn’t have mutual feelings for each other, these kind of things happen. Jaehyun looks down at his left arm to find that his once colored tattoo had turned into an ugly shade of black.

The thing is, even though the soulmate mark is removed, they are still soulmates. Other than the tattoo, there was another thing that binds Jaehyun to Johnny. It was the red string of fate, some people have the ability to see their red string of fate and Jaehyun was one of those people. He stares at the small but crimson tie wrapped around his pinky finger. As if the tie was mocking him because of its shade. He allowed himself a couple of minutes more to stay in the bathroom in case he was going to throw up again. And when he finally felt good enough, he left the bathroom and went back to where Johnny was. He sees the elder in a sitting position, worry written all over his face.

“Jae? You okay?” Johnny asks.

To which Jaehyun replies with a smile. “I am, I just had a stomach ache.” he says, clearly a lie but he was glad that Johnny was a bad lie detector that he easily believed him.

“It’s done, Jae. The mark’s gone. I’ll let this heal for a few months.. or weeks. And I’ll get a tattoo again.” he says, Jaehyun already knows and despite the stinging pain in his chest he smiles through it.

“I’m happy for you, hyung.” Jaehyun says, he’s an expert at lying and of course Johnny would think Jaehyun’s words were sincere.

Both of them went their separate ways after the whole day of being together, Johnny going to Ten’s place and Jaehyun? He went home to wallow in sadness.

The month flew by and Jaehyun wasn’t doing that well, especially with the way he keeps throwing up his birth flowers–coincidently Johnny’s favorite flowers as well. His condition only worsened when Johnny announced that he and Ten were getting married. Jaehyun’s world turned grey, he was slowly losing his colored sight. This is also another one of the tragic things that happen when you don’t get to marry your soulmate.

When Johnny broke the news to Jaehyun over a phone call. Jaehyun could remember how he kept throwing the flowers up all day, completely draining him of his energy and his will to keep on living. Johnny had told him that he wanted to get married to Ten as soon as possible. Maybe within the year and he wanted Jaehyun to be his best man.

Jaehyun couldn’t decline that of course, and so he agreed. As much as Jaehyun wanted to hate Ten for taking Johnny away from him, he couldn’t. Ten was a kind and innocent soul. He didn’t know they were soulmates. All three of them grew up together anyway, being neighbors since they were kids and going to the same school until the end of university. The trio stuck together with Jaehyun always feeling like a thirdwheel.

Ten’s soulmate tattoo came a bit later than Johnny's and Jaehyun's. It was during their university days that Ten’s tattoo showed up, it is the constellation of Capricorn. But Ten ignored it, it’s not like it mattered to him anyway. He never believed in soulmates and how they’re supposed to be in love with each other. Which is why he agreed to date and marry Johnny. Because he believed that what they have is pure love, and that his feeling for Johnny isn’t just because of a “soulmate” thing.

Things were going smoothly with Johnny and Ten’s wedding preparation, while Jaehyun’s health kept deteriorating. His doctor had advise for him to have the root of chamomiles removed and that if he doesn’t, he would die. Jaehyun’s time on the earth is ticking and nearing the same time as Johnny and Ten’s wedding date. He told his doctor that he needed to attend his best friend’s wedding before he gets the surgery.

Weeks before Johnny’s wedding, he had a bachelor party. It was a little weird because Ten was there as well and both of their own circle of friends were invited, almost as it it was a joint bachelor's party. All of them were seated together in a one table and when Ten’s eyes meets a new face he doesn't know why, but it gave him a feeling of familiarity. It felt like he knew this person from long ago.

Ten nudges Johnny and nods his head at the mysterious person. Johnny cracks a big smile as he eyes Kun.

“Ten, baby. This is Kun, my friend from that one course we shared back then in university. Kun, this is Ten. My fiancé.” Johnny introduces them, making Kun smile and reach his hand out for Ten to shake. And when their hands touched. Suddenly the world isn’t painted in black and white anymore, Ten’s eyes widens and he could tell that Kun’s did too.

Now all Ten could think of was Kun’s touch and his blinding smile. He knows he shouldn’t but his heart couldn’t stop longing for Kun after that encounter. The weeks had passed by so quick and before everyone knew it, It was Johnny and Ten’s wedding day. But nothing seemed to be going right. Jaehyun was nowhere to be seen, Johnny had called him a thousand times and he was always directed to the younger’s voicemail.

Ten sat in his room, he knows that once he marries Johnny there was no going back. The longer he sat there in thought, the more his heart couldn’t take it, his mind couldn’t grasp the idea of marrying Johnny while his soul was madly yearning for Kun. The person he’s supposed to be with for the rest of his life.

Everyone was at the venue, waiting for Ten to arrive. Johnny was nervous as hell and hw was sad that Jaehyun couldn’t make it but he tried to keep it together since it it his big day after all so he had someone proxy him last minute. Johnny starts to overthink when it is taking too long for Ten to come out. His worries was however washed away when Ten finally appeared, holding a bouquet of flowers.

Ten's eyes however searches for Kun in the crowd instead of staring at Johnny at the altar. When Ten reaches Johnny, he took his hand as they both faced the priest. Ten was really out of it, barely able to listen to whatever the priest was saying. He was only snapped out of his trance when the priest had called his name.

“Ten Lee, do you take John Jun Suh to be your lawfully wedded husband, to cherish him in sickness and in health until death do you part?” the priests asks. Ten looks at Johnny and then at the priest, and lastly at Kun who looked at him as if he was pleading.

Ten bites his lips and looks at Johnny. “I…. I’m sorry, I can’t do this.” he says, throwing the bouquet of flowers as he goes to Kun and took his hand to run away with him, without even waiting for Johnny’s response. Everyone was shocked and left dumbfounded. Johnny couldn’t do anything but stay frozen in his place. His heart was hurting and there was one person in his mind that he needed the most at a time like this.

Jaehyun was already in the process of having the roots of chamomile removed from his lungs. It took great effort from the doctors to remove every root, it was a hard process considering the way the roots were all wrapped around Jaehyun’s lungs. It all felt like the roots itself didn’t want to be removed. Jaehyun knows the moment he gets the roots removed, he would lose all the means to feel anything for Johnny or anyone else at all. He had thought long and hard about it and decided that it was for the better. He didn’t want to spend the rest of his life with anyone else if it wasn’t with Johnny.

Evening came faster than usual and Jaehyun woke up from his sleep. When he opens his eyes, he didn’t expect the person he would see was the exact reason why he had to undergo the surgery just a few hours ago.

“H… hyung…?” Jaehyun says, his voice hoarse from not speaking too long.

Johnny could only just look at him with tearful eyes, he wasn’t speaking. Johnny was just staring at him, or more like at the tattoo on Jaehyun’s left arm. Johnny in a deep breath as he finally made an eye contact with Jaehyun.

“Why… why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, feeling the guilt slowly creep up to him as he stared at Jaehyun’s black tattoo.

“Because you were happy.” Jaehyun simply says, looking away to break the eye contact.

He still felt a stinging pain in his heart. But why? He had the roots removed, he shouldn’t be feeling anything anymore. But his eyes lands back to the red string tied around his finger, following the trail as he sees the end of it wrapped around Johnny’s finger. Maybe that was why, but it didn’t matter now. Johnny is married to Ten, it made no use for him to give Johnny the explanation he seeks.

“I didn’t marry Ten.” Johnny finally says, making Jaehyun give him a surprised look.

“You what?” he asks, his voice barely a whisper.

“Ten is Kun’s soulmate.” he says again, as if it was the most casual thing.

Now this was such a news to Jaehyun. Though he wanted to jump in joy, he felt…empty. This is not how he should feel.

“Funny because he told me through text.” Johnny says with a scoff as he tears his gaze away from Jaehyun to look at the ground instead.

“How… how did you cope up with it?” Johnny asks, not looking at Jaehyun.

“Cope up with what?”

“Cope up with how I asked you accompany me to remove my…our tattoo.” he says, voice filled with regret as he could feel an uncomfortable feeling growing in his chest.

“I didn’t.” Jaehyun says, which made Johnny look up to him.

“I was throwing up flowers.. chamomile flowers.. your favorite one. And the tattoo.. it burned… it was so painful.. hyung.. I.. I can’t..” Jaehyun says as he chokes on his words.

It pained Johnny to see Jaehyun crying, now all the feelings that he had shoved away in the emotional grave in his heart made sense. He had thought that it was wrong to have any romantic feelings towards Jaehyun when he felt like a brother to him, which is why he chose to be all over Ten until he was successful in forgetting that he ever had feelings for Jaehyun. Fooling himself to see Ten in a romantic way, believing that it was real love.

Johnny reaches for Jaehyun’s hand but before he could do so, Jaehyun hides his hand away. Is it too late now to be with him? For a chance with Jaehyun?

“It’s useless, hyung. I don’t love you that way anymore.” and that was enough to have Johnny sprinting to the bathroom to cough up a bunch of rose petals himself.