Minjoo heaved out a sigh, dragging her limpy feet across the marbled floor of her house. Her light slicky footsteps could be heard around the empty wide space. She took steps in sync with her slow heartbeats.

Her body was weak and drained, she could feel a headache forming in her head, she was simply exhausted from the event and she was drowsy as hell. However, this feeling of exhaustion was not new to Minjoo. The actress was so used to this. Almost everyday unless she was on a break, it felt like this. It was almost unending. It was painful and draining her whole.

Clutching her trophy award with one hand and the pair of heels she wore earlier on the other, Minjoo made her way towards the huge organized, glass shelf that she had in the living room ever since she got this marvelous and exquisite house. She stood before it, eyeing the empty space on the right. After a beat of silence, she slowly placed the trophy that she had been grasping tightly with her one hand on the empty space, as if the trophy was meant to be put there.

The woman took a few steps backwards, her heels almost at the edge of the short platform, taking a good look at the huge shelf in front of her.

The shelf was full of awards, trophies. All she got from award shows after winning all those nominations she had. Minjoo casted her gaze on each of them, those awards stood out on their own, designed uniquely in either glistening gold, shining silver, expensive types of glass and plaques — every award held a weight that made Minjoo’s chest puff in pride. This rack was full of things that she achieved throughout the years after a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and even sacrifices.

Those awards that once meant the whole world to her. The things she chased after and wished for so badly.

But now, staring at those glittering gold awards would just slap Minjoo across the face. They were the remnants of her guilt and regrets, the ones that reminded Minjoo of her bad decisions in life. She paid a priceless price in exchange for these… awards with her name engraved on them.

Minjoo had swept one last look at the awards, feeling a hollow feeling in her chest before scoffing, walking down towards her mini cellar at the side to get herself a bottle of wine after throwing her expensive footwear at the side without care.

She then opened the television, and dimmed the lights of her modern and cozy living room. As she was opening the bottle, her face and the news about her getting another award from the most anticipated year-end award show greeted her.

“Kim Minjoo, once again and not surprisingly anymore, won the Best Actress of the Year award! She won the award two years in a row which is spectacular. Thanks to her amazing and phenomenal performance in ‘Embrace Your Fate’, a historical box-office hit where she starred in just earlier this spring, she easily swept everyone’s heart.” The news anchor delightfully relayed, his voice was chirpy and familiar.

Minjoo pursed her lips, feeling her chest tighten as she poured herself a wine. She used to adore those compliments, but now, it was more like a punch on the face. She couldn’t handle those anymore.

“Kim Minjoo is a twenty-eight year old singer, model, and actress from PANORAMA Ent., home of other talented artists like Lee Chaeyeon and Kim Chaewon. The star rose to fame when she starred as the second leading lady in the famous and hit 2016 romance drama ‘Bloom Again’. Since then, Kim Minjoo has been dominating the acting industry and getting a lot of casting offers, also bagging awards—”

Minjoo shut the television off, and walked away while holding her glass full of wine. She sat on her leather couch, sinking into those expensive furniture. She still felt uncomfortable with her outfit, she was still wearing the long-sleeved black fitted dress that she wore earlier at the award show. Her make-up was slightly messed up and smudged because she had been tirelessly entertaining directors, media staff, and other artists that kept on hitting a chat on her earlier.

She took a sip from her wine, loving how the bittersweet taste lingered in . What a delicious dinner. Her empty stomach grumbled, whining for food yet she stubbornly drank wine instead.

“Bloom again,” Minjoo whispered under her breath, smirking bitterly. “Of course, that drama…” She added and shook her head.

The drama where she got recognition for her talent and looks, where she finally got the attention of the people especially the directors. She got a lot of love calls from casting directors, CFs contracts, and many more. The drama that brought her to the spotlight, and the same drama that made her greedy for fame.

Taking a deep breath, she shook her head and downed the whole wine. She coughed a little, and wiped the excess wine off her lips before standing up then walked to her room to change and wash. She felt suffocated in that big house, with her trophies only accompanying her. She felt so alone.

Throwing her hoodie on top of her head, and pulling her track pants up. Minjoo decided to get some fresh air. She grabbed a cap, a mask, and her wallet then phone. Hopefully, Eunbi, her manager — wouldn’t kill her once she learned that Minjoo snuck out alone in a public space in the middle of the night too.

She put her shoes on and went out of her house with no destination in mind, letting her feet bring her to somewhere else where she could freely breathe and probably cry her frustrations out.

Despite the exhaustion weighing down her shoulders, and her drowsiness making her eyes close a little, Minjoo continued on. She looked around, and there was no paparazzi, thankfully. They were a handful to deal with. They probably gave her a break because of the award show.

Soon enough, Minjoo looked at where her feet brought her. Han River?

It had been a while since she went here, she was too busy and she had been avoiding a lot of painful memories from the past. A smile crawled up to her lips as she walked to sit on the grass that offered a great view of the glistening river and the lit up bridge. She didn’t mind the cold, she didn’t mind the dirt on her bottom. She just silently and happily sat there, letting her empty mind float.

A certain person then entered her mind all of a sudden, the dull ache in her heart intensified. Minjoo never stopped thinking of her at all, and Minjoo wondered if she still thought of her as well, even from time to time… was she reacting whenever she would see Minjoo’s face plastered on promotional posters? On the televisions? Whenever Minjoo’s songs were playing in the cafés?

Silly.

Minjoo bitterly shook her head. How greedy of you, Kim Minjoo, as usual. It was better that she had moved on from you and remained as someone from the past.

( You chose the path that you were currently walking down on and paid the price. You couldn’t have them both, and so, you chose career yet here you were… regretting because in the end, you ended up unhappy with all those major awards and successful dramas and movies you starred in. )

“I hope you’re doing well,” Minjoo whispered to the cold air as she eyed the stars shining brightly on the night sky.

She stayed there for a little while longer until she finally decided to go. She was about to stand up when she suddenly started to feel dizzy, she fell back down and tried to adjust her sight, waiting for the dizziness to calm down.

There was a rolling skate sound that entered Minjoo’s ears, and it stopped near her, a presence was then approaching her, holding her arm.

“Hey, are you okay there?”

Minjoo was frozen in shock upon hearing that familiar voice that had been haunting her dreams for the past years. She thought it was probably just hunger and exhaustion but the voice started to speak again.

“Miss…? Are you good?”

Minjoo finally looked up, and she was met with that very familiar and recognizable pair of warm chocolate orbs. Even in dim lights, she would never not recognize those kind eyes.

Those eyes lit up upon seeing her too, as if the owner was in disbelief and had to blink quickly and squint her eyes to see if she was seeing things right too.

Minjoo’s heart skipped a beat.

“...Minjoo?” The woman whispered, her voice remained husky and low, just how Minjoo remembered it.

With a forced smile, Minjoo stared back at her. “Yujin,” She called, that name was almost foreign in her tongue but it felt good saying that name that was almost forbidden for her to say. “It’s been a while.” added the woman softly.

It had been a while, more than five years, actually.

Surprisingly, Yujin smiled back at her while kneeling down beside her. “It’s been a while indeed, Minjoo.”

///

Minjoo fiddled on her hand as she sat on the bench nearby. God, she was nervous, for real. She just realized she wasn’t hallucinating and she really met Yujin after years of not contacting each other. And that Yujin was just fetching some cold drinks from a nearby vending machine.

Minjoo was in panic.

Before she could even take a deep breath, her ears picked up the familiar sound of a rolling skateboard. It was nostalgic. Yujin was here.

“Here you go,” Yujin halted in front of her and handed her a cold drink before sitting down beside her, there was a respectful gap between them.

Minjoo eyed the can of soda, Coca Cola, she wanted to smile because Yujin could still remember her favorite. “Thank you…” She murmured gratefully, her grip on the cold can tightening.

Yujin did not say anything. “Are you sure you’re alright?” She asked instead. “You almost collapsed, Minjoo.” She was worried, and Minjoo bit her lower lip because her heart just fluttered.

“I’m good now, I promise you. I just got dizzy for a little bit but nothing I can handle.” Minjoo assured, and started to fumble over the can, trying to open it but her fingers were too weak so to no avail, she failed and her shoulders went slump.

Without a word, Yujin gently snatched her can of cola from her grasp and opened it swiftly for her, handing it back to her after. Minjoo was flustered, muttering another thanks before taking a panic sip.

Yujin just smiled gently and opened her own lemon soda before taking a sip, taking a deep breath of fresh air.

They sat in silence, no one dared to speak a word.

Minjoo nibbled on her lower lip, feeling very nervous and giddy. This was awkward, and she was really ashamed to sit beside Yujin right now after five years. The last time they met and faced each other, it was midnight under the rain, Minjoo finally called it quits and firmly told Yujin that she wanted to choose and focus her career in the entertainment industry. That was when she got a lot of casting offers from directors after that second lead role, and her management pressured her to stop her relationship because it might get in the way.

The day Minjoo ended their three year long relationship and more than a decade of friendship. So yes, she was currently sitting beside the woman whom she had hurt very badly and replaced with all those glistening displayed trophies in her living room. Ahn Yujin, her ex-girlfriend, the woman who made her the happiest and made her feel loved — the sole reason why she was the happiest before, the light of her life.

Minjoo wanted to sink in her seat. And until now, she still loved this woman the same. She surely dated some people in the acting industry and some idols but… they weren’t simply Yujin, the one who gave her the whole world yet Minjoo paid her dust. She wondered how Yujin could look at her so kindly and gently like this when she broke her heart into pieces years ago because of a greedy choice.

Subtly, Minjoo glanced at Yujin who was silently drinking her lemon soda. She was wearing a white cap, her hair was black and long, wearing a blue cardigan over her white shirt tucked into her baggy pants, and wearing an off-white worn out converse.

It took her breath away. Her style remained the same. Nothing really changed except for her physique that became even slightly more toned and her facial features that matured nicely. But those kind sparkles in her eyes remained the same, that gentle smile — Minjoo’s heart ached.

“So… you still skate, huh?” Minjoo finally decided to break the silence.

Yujin looked over at her, and nodded. “Yeah, rarely now though since I have work.” She answered with a pucker on her lips. “So… you won an award again, huh?” She teased.

Minjoo flinched a little, “You know about it?”

Yujin nodded once again, smiling, her dimples poked out a little. “Yeah, it’s all over the news. It’s not surprising anymore, after I learned that you got nominated again, I was so sure you’ll get it.” She said softly, without bitterness lingering on her tone. “The surprising thing is… the holder of Best Actress of the Year 2022 title is out here in the Han River at midnight, almost collapsing, after receiving the honor a few hours ago.”

Minjoo giggled because of that, “Not sure why either… I just wanted to breathe fresh air, I never expected that I’d bump into you here.” She murmured, and shrugged the topic off since she was getting uncomfortable. “How are you, Yujin? You almost never changed.” whispered the woman.

Yujin smiled lightly and comfortably leaned on the bench, staring at the night sky. “I’m doing … good? Everything’s peaceful and comfortable so far. I still skate, and I’m currently a grade school teacher in a private school.” She said, and Minjoo gasped in surprise, her eyes softening as she stared at Yujin.

“That’s great!” She exclaimed with a genuine smile on her face. “I’m happy to know that you finally achieved your dream of being a teacher. Say, are the kids handful?” That was Yujin’s dream, to teach kids and live peacefully. Not like Minjoo who wanted spotlight, recognition, the pain of pressure from people, and fame.

They then talked about the kids that Yujin was teaching and how some could be stubborn and cheeky but she was able to match their energy. After all, Yujin was still a big goofy puppy.

They caught up with their life yet Minjoo avoided the topic of Yujin’s love life, oh god, she couldn’t handle that. She wanted to know if she was happy, if she had a current lover, but… Minjoo was greedy and selfish. Always had been.

Yujin also opened up the topic of her family, and that they would be delighted to see Minjoo again — maybe invite Minjoo for some dinner to catch up with them too, Yujin hoped. They were huge fans of her, apparently, and were very proud of her even though horrible things happened because of her. Minjoo wanted the ground to eat her up in shame. She had no face to show to the wonderful Ahn family because of what she did to their precious daughter…

“Can I try it?” Minjoo suddenly said, pointing at the skateboard that was laying near Yujin’s feet. “I remember you used to teach me how to skate but I couldn’t always balance myself. I learned how to but I couldn’t even go in other directions…” Her voice trailed off.

Yujin chuckled, and gave her a smirk. “Let’s see if you still know how to balance yourself then, shall we?” She challenged her.

Turns out, Minjoo didn’t know how to balance herself anymore on top of a skateboard. Thankfully, Yujin was there to hold her, like before. This used to be their bonding since Minjoo badly wanted to learn how to skate so she would be able to relate with Yujin’s hobby but she really had no talent over it.

After a few attempts, Minjoo gave up with a pout so Yujin giggled and just started to drag the actress while she was on top of the skateboard so with that — it felt like Minjoo was still skateboarding. To be honest, Minjoo loved it. Those memories started to flood Minjoo’s mind, and it made her breath hitch each time.

Yujin’s close proximity was too good to be true, and her smiles, wow. Minjoo had never thought she would be able to witness her grin up close anymore, it was still bright and almost akin to the sun. Minjoo’s heart warmed.

They sat by the river and started to talk about life while drinking beer and eating sandwich this time, laughing happily and it almost felt like a dream to Minjoo. Did she really deserve Yujin’s kindness? After what she did years ago? Minjoo became even more guilty and embarrassed as Yujin’s treatment towards her did not change — as if Minjoo did not shatter her heart whole and turned her back against her for popularity and recognition.

“You changed a lot, Minjoo,” Yujin commented after a while of good laughter and catching up, sipping on her beer lightly while smiling at her. “You’re really different when you’re on the television or big screens. You’re really great at acting, Minjoo! You know, I still get surprised sometimes whenever I see your face around the country, your face is plastered almost everywhere.” She genuinely added.

Minjoo tried to smile, feeling her hands tremble a little. “You’re keeping tabs on me, huh.” She joked weakly.

Yujin shrugged with a breathless laugh. “I can’t escape you, Minjoo. You’re the Nation’s Star Princess after all!” Her laugh was still carefree and goofy. Yujin was still a huge ball of sunshine. Her sunshine.

Taking a deep breath, Minjoo smiled at her mildly. “And you… you never changed, Yujin.” She commented with a quiet tone, and Yujin looked over at her with a casual look. “You almost never changed, really. You’re still the same as you were years ago.”

Yujin chuckled airily. “I guess so…” She murmured, taking a sip on her drink. There was something underneath her tone that Minjoo couldn’t pinpoint at all. “You must be very happy now, Minjoo. You got it all! Your dreams, goals… you’ve achieved them, you got even more than you wished for. And you deserve it a lot after everything you’ve done.” She then started to say, her voice was genuine and there was no hint of malicious manner or anything. Just pure sincerity and hint of proudness.

It made Minjoo’s heart ache. She couldn’t even speak, and she just hung her head down low. Yujin started to blabber about Minjoo’s career, and how she kept up with her, complimenting how her acting got better throughout the years of practice and experience.

“I’m so proud of what you’ve become, Minjoo.” Yujin added with a sweet smile on her lips. “You showed to everyone, to me — that you really belonged under the spotlight, acting in front of the camera.”

Minjoo couldn’t even breathe anymore, and she was feeling too much. Everything became too much, and so, words spilled from endlessly like an unstoppable wave of steam.

“I’m not happy anymore, Yujin,” Minjoo said in a dead voice.

Yujin froze, looking at her with wide eyes.

Minjoo felt tears rolling down from her eyes, passing through her cheeks until it dripped off from her chin — droplets of tears falling on her lap. “I’m not happy anymore with this fame, popularity, recognition, brand deals, casting offers, awards, compliments… I started to hate it, I’m starting to suffocate from them.” Minjoo opened up, confessing. Her grip on the can tightened that it got wrinkled a little bit, creating a crunchy sound. “Sure, the spotlight made me feel nice and loved by many. I was happy doing acting, that was my dream. But it only lasted for the meantime, everything turned bland and meaningless. Those awards? Goodness, it never held any meaning to me anymore but a remembrance of my foolish decision of leaving you for this goddamn exhausting career. The guilt only kept me from pushing on, and the people’s expectations.” added the woman, wiping her tears away harshly with the sleeve of her top.

Yujin was surprised at the sudden outburst, and she could only listen and stare at her worriedly, gulping down the lump on as she scooted closer to comfort Minjoo. She was surprised when Minjoo looked up to meet her gaze, her eyes were bloodshot red and tears were forming in her eyes — she shakily grabbed Yujin’s hand to hold it dearly.

“Yujin-ah,” Minjoo called out pitifully, her voice breathless. “I was too late to realize that happiness doesn’t mean achievements, compliments, and shining gold award trophies — happiness means you and your smile, Yujin.” She murmured, sniffling as she trembled.

Yujin did not say anything, and just pulled her for a gentle hug. Minjoo choked and hugged her back tighter, afraid to let go, as if Yujin would slip away from her hold if she wouldn’t hold back tight enough.

“Do you know why I easily let go when you told me you wanted to focus on acting?” Yujin whispered, and Minjoo’s teeth grinded with one another. “I didn’t want to let you go, Minjoo. God knows how much I do not want to because I was planning to propose and marry you but…” She paused and took a deep breath, Minjoo’s hair. “Your happiness is my happiness, Minjoo. I saw how much you loved being on the camera, and getting carried away while acting. So, I accepted it and let you be even though I lost my chance to be married to you. I do not want to hold your potential back. See? When I did let go, look at you now, the shiniest and the biggest star among them all…” cooed Yujin.

Minjoo shook her head, still crying her heart’s out. “They all mean nothing, Yujin… they all mean nothing because I do not have you anymore.” She whispered against her chest, almost muffled. “I regret it, I regret not choosing you and marrying you. My greatest love, my happiness… I regret it all. You hate me. I’ve hurt you.”

Yujin patted her back, pressing a kiss on the side of Minjoo’s head. “It’s okay, it’s okay, Minjoo. Don’t be, please. You only took the path you thought that was the best for you.” She whispered, and comforted her. “And I do not hate you, I would never hate you, Minjoo.”

They hugged each other under the midnight moon until it started to pour lightly. However, no one budged when little droplets of rain started to fall down on them, letting it drizzle over them without care. They warmed each other up.

Soon enough, Minjoo calmed down and they decided to finally go since it might pour harder. They walked over the waiting shed outside the park, and they stood side by side in silence.

Minjoo sniffled, rubbing her red nose, slightly shy. “Before I go, I want to ask you, Yujin-ah. I’ll thicken my face now,” She spoke to break the silence.

Yujin hummed, slightly brushing her wet fringes off, while her other hand clutched her skateboard close. “Go on, Joo,” She encouraged with a small smile which made Minjoo’s heart flutter, butterflies in her stomach raged.

Taking a deep breath, Minjoo did another selfish act. “Is it possible for us to have a new start?” She asked in a small voice, playing with her fingers nervously.

Yujin just chuckled over that and looked up at the sky, the moon was once again visible in the dark sky. Earlier, it was almost nowhere to be seen because of the clouds that hovered to cover them. Stars were already sparkling again.

“There’s always a new start, like having rainbows on the skies after storms, like the sun rising up from the horizon after night.” Yujin murmured with a meaningful smile thrown at her, taking off her cap to put it on Minjoo’s head instead then patted her head lightly. Minjoo melted.

Minjoo went home afterwards, her heart was warm and her entire existence was fulfilled, her soul was healed. It was almost a dream, a hallucination but she was wearing Yujin’s cap. That was a slap to her that it was real. That everything that happened was real.

This time, when she passed by her shelf full of her award trophies. Minjoo smiled as she went to her room because there were sparks again when she looked at them — just because Yujin told Minjoo that she was proud of her achievements and what she had become today.

///

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