Love.

Love can be many things and come in many forms. You can love someone like you love your family. Love can be those two childhood sweethearts down the street that would hold hands and say cheesy things. Love can be someone you've seen for the first time. Love can be the memories of someone who is no longer with you. Love can be that feeling that everytime they look at you they just don't look into they eyes and make eye contact, they really look into your soul and settle down. They give their everything for you, they let their heart and soul pour out on a platter just for you. But love can also be someone staring at someone else from across the classroom, their mind wandering off into the unknown of their brain and the depths of their burning feelings. It can also be them wondering why that certain someone never looks at them.

That's what Juyeon feels. When she told herself that she hadn't fallen in love with the highschool sweet heart, Kim Jiyeon, that's when she realized that she had indeed fallen for a girl. Juyeon is a prestige student, good grades, no fighting or causing any troubles for the school and in general an outgoing person with a big friend group. A golden retriver in simple terms. But recently she had been acting odd and she knew that, in fact, even all of her friends knew that.

''Yah, Son Juyeon!'' The loud voice of her friend snapped her back into reality, her eyes wide open as she attentivly stared at her friends before replying with a simple hum. ''What's going on with you?''

That's a question Juyeon had been asking herself ever since the start of 11th grade. That's when she first saw the goddess in all her glory, Kim Jiyeon. Now Juyeon knew that Jiyeon would be trouble and not only because of her ridiculous beauty but her cold looks and yet a bubbly personality. She knew that the short raven haired girl would be popular and Juyeon rather stay out of that stuff.

''I..uh..I don't know.'' She sheepishly replied, knowing damn well that her friends won't buy it so she shoved a piece of kimchi into as an excuse to not answer her friends and give her time to think.

''Tsk, are you having boy problems? Have you perhaps fallen in love with someone?'' One of her friends asked with a smirk on their face and wiggled their eyebrows, earning a few giggles from the rest of the group but a sarcastic smile from Juyeon.

The silver haired girl opened but closed it shortly after. She could feel the words tugging at her soul to spill and finally say to someone that she's been tormented with the feelings for Jiyeon. She wanted someone to know that she's suffering. It is so easy to just formulate the words but Juyeon hesitated and bit her lower lip. Once her friends knew there would be no going back. So Juyeon kept shut, pushing back her screaming heart that was in pain from the flames of Jiyeon.

''I gotta go to the toilet.'' She excused herself and rushed to stand up before half sprinting half walking over to the girls bathroom.

Juyeon closed the door to the bathroom and pushed herself against one of the stall doors, leaning her head back as she took heavy breaths. It felt like her body was going through a desert, in desperate need for some water to satisfy her burning thirst but finds none. The only answer would be Jiyeon. She slid to the ground before taking her head in her hands and softy muttering cuss words at herself. 

The bathroom were a safe place for Juyeon to just breathe. No one usually came in during the lunch hours at all which made it the perfect place for the silver haired girl to unwind. Her heart was pounding frantically and her mind raced with excuses to tell her friends after just rushing off to the bathroom like that. She knew that her friends were onto her and she could only run so far before they would catch her and interrogate her.

Just when she was about to bang her head against the stall door, she smelled cigarette smoke and immediately looked up to a little wind that was placed on the wall at the end of the bathroom. That's when she saw the short figure with long black hair that she had been dreaming about almost every night for a year now. Her index finger and middle finger held a cigarette that slowly emitted a small chain of smoke. Jiyeon stood on a chair close to the window while puffing out the deadly smoke that filled her lungs.

''Don't tell anyone what you saw here today.'' The smaller one spoke with a smooth tone as she glanced over to Juyeon who sat on the ground, her hair disheveled and on the edge of tears.

Juyeon only replied with silence as she looked away quickly, a small smile spread across her lips when she heard that Jiyeon had said that to her and only her. It made her heart do flips as if it was a major win but Juyeon knew it wasn't. Jiyeon would never talk to her in public, not even spare a glance at the taller girl who so desperatly was craving her attention. It hurt. It stung her heart to know that in Jiyeon's hazel eyes, Juyeon meant nothing.

Silence fell between the two as Jiyeon went on with her thing and Juyeon went on with hers. It became unbearable at one point but Juyeon want to stay, at least she was in Jiyeon's allmighty precense which surely made her day. But no matter how hard she tried to keep her eyes off Jiyeon, Juyeon's always came gliding back to watch the short one do her thing. To watch how she breathed, how she handled the cigarette and smoke, she just wanted to watch the girl for hours on end until her eyes bled with exhaustion.

''Doesn't it taste bad?'' Juyeon blurted out and found herself surprised at the sudden outburst of words but when she saw Jiyeon raise an eyebrow in confusion, she knew she needed to make it clear what she was asking. ''Uh, the smoke.''

Jiyeon softly giggled. ''It does taste bad at first but the more you do it the more you get used to it.'' The raven haired girl replied before puffing out a cloud of smoke that evaporated into the air. ''And the more you do it, the more you find yourself craving it.'' Jiyeon tapped the stick once, the embers fell and landed on the cold floor. ''Have you tried it?''

''No. It kills you.'' Juyeon clarified, playing with the tie of her school uniform while watching Jiyeon take a few puffs. Her shiny lipstick leaving a small trace on the white stick.

Jiyeon's chest reverberated a chuckle. ''Yes it does.'' She looked at the cigarette in her hands, watching it closely as she seems to be in deep thought. ''But those who are already addictaded can't stop because to them,'' Jiyeon rose her hand with the cigarette in it. ''This is an escape from reality.'' She stated before taking a deep inhale and exhaling the clouse of grey smoke.

That's when the sharp pain came back in Juyeon's chest. She had felt it before. That feeling when you can hear your heart slowly crack open and fall apart. When you hear the twigs snap undearneath your feet. She clutches her chest tightly before exhaling. Juyeon may not be addicted to cigarettes, or drugs but she was sure addicted to Jiyeon and for that there's no cure. She was a goner at this point and knew that her heart belonged to the raven haired girl. As she tried to desperatly hold on to the last piece of her heart and soul, she could feel it slip away like sand between her fingers. There was no point in fighting it so Juyeon eventually gave in. She belonged to Jiyeon. Only Jiyeon.

''I should get going.'' Jiyeon announced and threw the cigarette out the window before jumping down on the ground, walking past Juyeon and opening the door. ''See you around.'' Was all she said before leaving Juyeon behind in the bathroom to cry for herself.

The pain was unbearable at this point. It felt like someone was opening wounds on her heart and pouring salt into them, twisting around and squeezing to make it hurt more. She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth as she felt tears fall down her cheeks. Juyeon bent over and coughed, feeling like something is stuck in . She clawed at her skin until it got red from the scratch marks. Something was restricting her airways and Juyeon started to panic. She continued to cough until she noticed blood come out and a piece of paper. Her lungs gasped for air which she got but something was still in the way yet Juyeon reached for the letter, turning it over and reading the black ink.

''If your gaze defines me, I'll remain invisible.''

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A/N: This shirt hurts man D:. Poor Juyeon who have to go through that but the last part is pretty interesting. How tf did that paper land in tho???