“Omo Wendy-ssi, so you’ve been single your whole life?”

“Yes..”, the girl puts on a forced smile and nodded in agreement. 

Seungwan had indeed been single her whole life. She was bouncing back and forth between an extrovert and introvert, also, bouncing back and forth between guys and girls. 

The first few decades of her life till just a few years ago, was one filled with doubts of her own uality and how much she wishes to open herself to the people around her. 

That was until she met Bae Joohyun. Charming and lovely, woman of the century. Wendy had found herself mesmerised by how caring the woman was and quickly fell in love for the first time. They got together, and then fell out of the whole thing together. And so, all those precious memories then were simply an unspoken past now. 

So while in truth, Wendy had dated. That truth shall never see the light of day. 

Wendy returns a look with a sad smile as she noticed Irene looking her way. Maybe not everyone is lucky enough to find themselves deserving of a happy ending like those written in fairytales. 

The sadness in her eyes doesn’t last and was quickly replaced with crescents. 

Wendy could fool the world, but she couldn’t fool Irene who hasn’t taken her eyes off the younger girl. 

======

Wendy hears the compliments people have for her. How she’s warm and kind hearted. Girlfriend or even wife material.

How anyone would be lucky if Wendy herself ever falls for them. How a nice girl like Wendy will someday meet somebody as great. 

But if all those were true, then why is she still alone?

It doesn’t do - dwelling in the past, wondering of what ifs. Because one begins forgetting to live in the present, missing out on new precious moments.  

So Wendy doesn’t do that, thinking about the past, or at least she tries not to. There are still many a times when she too succumbs to the slight gratification that comes with reminiscing finer moments and emotionally torturing oneself into crying herself to bed. 

And the present, despite all the new potentially precious moments - it hurt all the same. 

So the younger girl questions the future, picturing an easy way out. One that won’t frustratingly leave everyone in broken pieces that’s too much to be picked up. 

======

Son Seungwan is brave. But Wendy isn’t. 

Son Seungwan can do whatever she likes and love whoever she wants to. But Wendy couldn’t, not with all the attention, the responsibility. 

Wendy could understand how Irene was afraid. But Seungwan will never understand why Joohyun is afraid too. 

If Wendy and Irene can never work, why don’t they continue with trying to make Seungwan and Joohyun work?

Wendy sits in the recording studio that suddenly feels unusually large. Through the glass window she could see the members and staff’s each and every action. The staff busy with their preparations and signalling to request Wendy for a moment. Joy practicing her lines. Yeri with her headphones trapped within her own world. And there’s Seulgi, busy showing something on her phone to Irene. 

Irene. 

While the thick walls specifically snuffed out noises from the outside, Wendy could hear Irene’s laughter loud and clear. When it was time to resume with the recordings, nothing came through.

The younger girl excused herself and headed for a walk. 

The rooms seemed bigger and corridors seemed longer than the old company building from years ago. 

The short haired girl realised that things are now way different from when she had just debuted with the girls. As she made her way back, she sees Irene waiting outside the recording studio and nonchalantly heads back in when their eyes met.

On the surface, it appears that some things hasn’t change. However, underneath all that, everything has.

Along the way Wendy and Seungwan had became one, similarly Irene and Joohyun have became interchangeable, influencing the other. 

Seungwan slows down and wonders if there will ever be a next life. If so, she thinks it’s best she doesn’t sing. 

That way, she could hopefully remain as Seungwan without Red Velvet’s Wendy. And maybe she’d meet a simpler and braver Joohyun without the complex responsibilities and constraints of Red Velvet’s Irene.

To think there would be a life out there where not everything’s in the limelight and they could do whatever they like without a care. 

Just maybe. 

======

Somebody once mentioned to Wendy casually. 

“How do you manage to keep on smiling when you look like you carry the weight of the world on you shoulders all the time?”

Wendy was maybe honoured to hear that somebody would think so highly of her, a mere human being. But Wendy also wonders if there was more meaning to it, she wouldn’t have if there wasn’t a hint of underlying concern underneath the simple remark.

Wendy doesn’t know how to reply, so she smiles back like she always did. Maybe it was a just a brave front to hide the little girl that’s struggling to fight on and was close to crumbling. But the words, it strengthened her resolve to set out on what she’s been planning.

She isn’t that noble to carry the weight of the world, she just loves too much to see somebody else carry it for her. 

Be it the confident Wendy, whom millions cheered for when she performs on stage, or the more simple Son Seungwan whom is shy, hides at home and is satisfied with just munching down a basket of fruits. 

She’d be brave, be the sacrifice, or even be the bad guy, if only it meant that Irene or Joohyun Bae doesn’t have to. 

Wendy has always preferred Irene that’s full of smiles and laughter. She thinks it’s much more beautiful, breathtaking. So despite what’s to come, Wendy prays that the end will make it all worth it.

======

Irene loves Wendy. 

Ever since that very day the older girl had realised her feelings towards this younger girl whom stood out from the rest because of her unique character she hasn’t stopped loving. 

And this was a fact that Wendy probably knew all along, she was simply too overwhelmed and confused by the predicament they got caught up with to put her focus on. 

Because down the road, away from a more innocent time, things changed. There was more to a simple friendship.

The stares began to lingering for a little longer followed with a smile too bright.

The worry and excitement in their voices began to feel way more emotional, more excessive as compared to the feelings a friend would feel for another. 

“Seungwan” from the mouth of Joohyun, and “Irene unnie” from the mouth of Wendy began to feel like music. 

It was for a while paradise until it wasn’t. 

Now it was longing stares, confused eyes wondering what’s on the other’s mind. Followed by a frown that they were both eager to hide with a forced smile.

The emulations of emotions then that were meant for each other were now now held back a little and calling of each other’s name felt like sorrowful music. 

Wendy wonders what went wrong along the way in their almost perfect relationship and why did it have to come to this?

Why, when they obviously still love each other so ing much. 

======

Wendy knows that Irene knows. 

And Irene knows that Wendy knows too. 

Afterall, their bedroom were right beside each other’s and the walls aren’t exactly thick.

On nights when they are both awake, both stuck in a living nightmare. They could hear each other’s sobbing, and knowing they were both wide awake, hurting together while the whole city slept - the crying only got even louder. 

Irene was never one to cry easily, choosing to suppress them always. And Wendy was always one to smile and laugh while tears fall, tricking the world into believing those were tears of joy. 

When the sobbing dies down they would find each other in their own little connected balcony after avoiding the main hallway for the same reason they stopped crying - the 2 ladies simply cared too much about worrying and waking the other members up. 

Without any words exchanged, Irene would pull Wendy by the hand and lead the latter into her bedroom. They’d settle in the King-sized bed, snuggling under the sheets together. 

They won’t cry for the rest of the night.  Unconsciously they’d be drawn to each other and end up closer despite all the space there is on the bed. Their breathing’s would slow and they’d end up cuddling each other to sleep. 

Falling into their dreams, a place that allows them an escape from their own living nightmare. 

In their dreams, they found solace and showered with love. Deceiving themselves that in this land that they’re in, a one that’s less painful from reality, everything’s real. An illusion of a happy ending they have always imagined for themselves. 

They’d wake up shortly in the middle of the night, shattered by reality, daze out, shut their eyes in hopes to fall asleep again, holding each other tighter, afraid that the other might just slip away. 

But when the sun is up, light spilling through the small openings between curtains. 

They’d curse at the morning light that brings with it the dreaded actuality. 

Wendy often tries to cling on, prolonging whatever they shared in their dreams but when Irene pulls her hands back the younger girl would almost immediately slither out of the covers lifelessly. 

Irene would only watch quietly as Wendy