Having one backseat driver is bad enough. Having four is a headache waiting to happen. But having four drunk backseat drivers is guaranteed chaos. Despite being a new driver, Yeri wondered if she would have an easier time getting back to the dorm going it alone. As Yeri pulled the van out of the city parking deck it dawned on her that she would be of legal driving age but not yet legal drinking age for another eight months… Vocalist, Sub Rapper, Maknae, and now Designated Driver. Someone ought to update her web profile.

“Turn right,” Irene said with a yawn from the passenger’s seat.

“Uhm, are her high beams on??” Wendy asked, leaning forward in her seat behind Yeri in an attempt to see the dashboard.

“Yah!” Joy swatted at her unnie from the back row’s middle seat. “That’s a—” she hiccupped, “That’s a invasion of my pershunal space!”

Yeri made the right hand turn, stopping soon thereafter at a red light.

“Quit whining,” Wendy shoved her hand right into Joy’s lap and leaned in even more. “That blue light means her high beams are on, right?”

Irene yawned again.

“Unnie, I go straight here, right?” Yeri asked as she waited for the light to change.

“Wendy!” Joy snapped louder this time. “Get your hands out of my crotch or so help me God…”

“I’m just trying to see if her high beams are on!”

“You two, pipe it down,” Irene growled, annoyed, with a glance over her shoulder.

The light changed. Yeri inched forward. “I go straight here, right?”

“No, not right,” Seulgi mumbled from the backseat. “Straight.”

“Right?!” Yeri panicked, turning on her blinker and spinning the wheel.

“Yah! What are you doing?” grumbled Irene. “You’re turning the wrong way!”

Yeri swerved into the right hand lane, crawling into the intersection.

“Yeri! You didn’t check your blindspot!” Wendy scolded.

Yeri halted in the middle of what was luckily an otherwise empty street. “WILL SOMEONE JUST TELL ME WHICH WAY TO GO?”

Irene pointed to the other side of the intersection. “You go straight!”

“Oh my God…” Joy mumbled.

Yeri pulled forward, adjusting course towards where Irene directed her.

“I’m pretty sure her high beams are on,” Wendy repeated, concerned. “Joohyun-unnie, are the high beams on?”

“What?” Irene looked at Wendy, annoyed.

Joy, meanwhile, shoved Wendy out of her lap. “If you’re going to make me sit in the middle—”

“—I asked—”

“—Then you don’t get to climb all over me—”

“—If her high beams are on!”

Wendy and Joy’s faces turned toward each other as they yelled over one another. They locked eyes. “We’ve been over this. You are in the middle,” Wendy began, “because you have the smallest hips!”

“That’s. Not. True.” Joy growled back, shoving a finger in Wendy’s face. “My hips are wider than both you AND Seulgi-unnie!”

“Don’t kid yourself, you’re built like a stick,” Wendy shot back.

Joy scoffed. “The fac-ac—” she burped, “The fact you unnies are so short doesn’t mean yours-ses hips are wider than mine! Ask our stylists! I have the biggest in the whole group!”

Wendy’s jaw dropped in shock. “Excuse me?! I have the biggest ! That’s my thing! Having a nice ! My thing!”

“It’s squishier, but it’s smaller,” Joy quipped.

Wendy shook her head. “Unnie always says—” She leaned across Joy to tap Irene’s shoulder. Joy looked down at Wendy crossing into her space once again with rage.

“SON SEUNGWAN, I WILL NOT ASK YOU AGAIN—”

“Well, I will not ask again—”

“—GET OUT OF MY SEAT!”

“—ARE YERI’S HIGH BEAMS ON?”

Irene spun around. “SHUT THE UP!”

The car went silent. Wendy and Joy stared at Irene like deer in headlights. Yeri slowed as she approached another intersection.

“Yeri-yah,” Seulgi chirped from behind Irene, “You need to turn off your high beams, kiddo.”

Yeri looked down at the dashboard. “What are high beams?”

“Motherer…” Joy mumbled. She slapped her forehead.

Vindicated but without recognition, Wendy slumped back into her seat, staring out the dark window.

Suddenly guilty she had let the maknae go briefly unsupervised, Irene turned her attention back to Yeri’s driving, having quieted the others down temporarily. “Your high beams are the bright lights for night driving,” Irene tried to explain as best she could in her inebriated state.

From the back, Seulgi yawned and opened and closed a few times as if she was still tasting the cocktails she’d been consuming at the club. “You need to pull back on the knob thing,” she advised. Her eyes were only half open.

Yeri frowned. “What…?”

“The headlight stick,” Irene pointed. “Pull it towards you.”

“Oh, my headlights?” Yeri perked up. She flicked the knob and the headlights shut completely off. The cars in front of them started to move through the intersection and Yeri took her eyes off the controls to focus on the road.

“No!” Wendy cried from the back seat. “No, you just shut off your headlights! Turn them back on!”

“Huh?!” Yeri stammered, voice almost breaking.

“Yeri, you have to turn left.” Irene said. “Get into the left hand lane. And turn your lights on.”

“Watch your blindspot this time,” Wendy added.

Beads of sweat were forming on Yeri’s forehead. She pulled forward and turned her signal on.

“Left hand lane,” Irene said. “Not the middle turn lane, the left turn lane.”

“Yeri!” Wendy barked. “Lights!”

“I thought you wanted them off?!” Yeri shouted.

“Yeri, you need to have your headlights on,” Irene pressed, palming her forehead. Yeri frantically turned her headlights back on, high beams and all.

“No!” Wendy screamed.

“Left hand lane, Yeri!” Irene pressed, “Not this lane. One more over!”

“It doesn’t matter which lane!” Wendy yelled, slapping her knee. “They all merge onto the highway. Turn off your high beams! And check your—”

Yeri swerved left. A cacophony of horns erupted from behind her. Cars skidded to a halt behind them and one maneuvered out of their way just in time.

“OH MY GOD!” Irene clutched her chest, suddenly fully awake.

“What just happened?!” Yeri moaned.

“It’s okay,” Seulgi breathed over Irene’s shoulder, trying to calm their leader down for Yeri’s sake. “It’s okay. Just keep going. You have to remember to check your blind spot, squirtle.”

Wendy glared out the window. “It’s no use… Why do I even bother…?”

Yeri steered them through the intersection onto a merge ramp.

 

a/n this was actually inspired by my parents and I backseat driving for my sister. shout out to her. might continue if I feel like it, might leave it at that