YEJI’S POV

 

 

I sighed as I got up remembering the day. It’s the same day when my mom asked me to die. In short I’m the unwanted child in my family. I was always sad about past. It’s the worst. My family don’t need me. All people left me. My mom don’t want to see my face, my dad never talked to be after my university because I didn’t reach his expectations.

 

 

My siblings see me so low. And I’m so worthless that my wife left me. I was a burden to everyone. I first blame them but then I realize its just me who’s worthless. I have cried a lot. To the one I shared everything is no longer with me the only thing which is wrong I me is my personality. I cared a lot, I hate myself, there’s no reason I could say I’m fine. Every day I recall how each person left me. My mom threw my stuff out of the house asking me to leave. My dad slapped me in front of everyone because I did not score well. And my wife, she left me because I was a mess. I never demanded anything, I was being negative and she found me as a burden in her life.

 

 

The night she left me was miserable. I ran bare foot on the road to ask her to stop the car. She signed the divorce papers and threw it on my face. The memories are killing me inside. Every day I die at least a 100 times. There’s not a single day where she don’t cross my mind. She left me in a place where I’m no longer myself.

 

 

I want to kill myself but I’m not brave enough. I thought when do one love me, she would. When everyone abandoned me she would care but I’m just too much to handle according to everyone. There’s one memory which wants me to stay stronger and not forget the good part which hardly exist.

 

 

 

 

FLASHBACK

 

“Yeji”

“hmm”

I questioned while caressing my wife’s hair who is resting her head peacefully on my lap.

“What if you leave me?” she asked and looked directly in my eyes. “What id YOU leave me?” I asked instead. “That would be foolish of me to even imagine. Why will I want to lose a diamond like you?” She chuckled and kissed her forehead and replied. “You are the only one I have Ryujin, What would I be without you?” I felt her hold my hand and sit up straight beside me.

 

She placed her hand on my cheek. “You are not alone remember that. I PROMISE TO BE BY YOUR SIDE FOREVER. AND ALSO YOU ARE Shin Yeji now so you are no more weak.”I giggled. “Yes, I’m Shin Yeji” I chuckled and fidgeted with my fingers. “Why? don’t you want it?” I always want you to be Shin unless you don’t want it anymore.” She looked at me with so much concern and care.

 

 

“I will never want us to separate Ryujin, I am grateful than any to have you. I’ll stay forever” I smiled and tugged on her T-shirt. To be honest we kept it low key. We wanted to get married because we were really sure about it. We could call each other ours. We hardly kissed twice, not much skin ship, no stepping on boundaries. Not like be wanted it so bad but we adjusted by time. “your mine forever, you’re my shin forever” Ryujin spoke with happy tears.

 

 

END OF FLASHBACK

 

 

 

With tears in my eyes I stood to take a shower. I checked my phone and there it was, Yuna’s message. Yuna, Ryujin’s sister always wished me on my birthday. It’s been 5 years we got separated legally. I never wanted that. I always felt love and affection towards her. I’m still so soft from inside. I’m still broke. Ryujin taught me to live again and then she left.

 

 

By the way Yuna being Yuna started insisting me to join her to a place I never heard of. She called me and pleaded me in her baby voice. This is the first time she asked me to be at a location or else would pick me up to drive to some restaurant or other places. I changed to something fancy as Yuna directed. I took a cab to the place and it was arranged beautifully.

 

 

No one around. I guess this little girl booked this entire place. It was like a backyard to the restaurant. Long way to walk in the garden then there was a stage decorated with golden and pink decor. Just my style. I asked the staff as e was placing food on the only table in the garden, right in front of the stage, little away.

 

 

Did you see the person who arranged all of these?” I asked, “Yeah, Ms. Shin was waiting and now she might be waiting at the gate for you” The guy said. I thanked the staff and eyed from where I entered but no one. It was almost sunset and its been 10 minutes I arrived. I tried texting Yuna but nothing. I was facing the entrance and my back, the stage.

 

 

I heard the music playas I turned my head to see from where it came from. My heart dropped as I see the figure standing in front of me. After 5 years she thought of showing up. Why? To hurt me more and leave? “Why Ryujin?” I asked as she stepped down the stage. “shh… It’s your birthday” She walked closer and I stepped back. My heart pounding against my chest.

 

 

Fear talking over me. I felt something hit my back and I turn to face it. Yuna with a cake in her hand was standing with a warm smile. “unnie you almost spoilt the cake.” She said. “you helped her plan this?” I asked in a cold voice. “Talk to me hwang. Ask me directly” Ryujin said from behind. I looked at Yuna, she trembled and placed the cake on the table and looked at me awkwardly.

 

 

“I’ll leave you guys here” She said and disappeared. “Yeji its your birthday, I want you to celebrate it.” She said and made me turn to her. “After 5 years you suddenly want to celebrate it. Why Ryujin? I learned to live without you and now again you appeared out of nowhere.” I said with a heavy heart. “I’ll come straight to the point, I missed you” She spoke and took a step forward.

 

 

“Not in these 5 years you ever thought of me. Not even a text, not even a call. You know I hate my birthdays, and you chose today to show up. Not even on our anniversary Ryujin. I stayed up all day all night waiting for you. Just in hope of your text at least but nothing. Now you gave me another reason to hate my birthday. I wish I could have the courage to kill myself.”

 

 

I said holding the lump in my throat. I don’t want to cry. In these 5 years I cried every day. I see a tear rolling down her cheek. “I was a coward Yeji. I gave up on us. I made wrong decisions. I have struggled the same as you. I’m sorry I made you suffer.”

 

 

“I was living peacefully until you chose to harden it. I wanted to just die when you left. When you made me sign the divorce papers. I know I was worthless but we could have talked at least once right” I asked almost at the urge of crying. She walked close to me and stood froze. “Its not you Yeji. You are not worthless. Its me who left. And I was here to celebrate your birthday as I promised to. I did not want to break any promises I made to you.” She softly said, her eyes pleading for me to understand. “Its just because of the promises. You broke them all Ryuin. One of your promise was to stay forever. And I have moved on from it years back.”

 

 

I spoke not letting my tears fall down. She made me habituated to live with her. She made me found comfort in her and in a blind of an eye everything was gone. “Yeji I don’t want to live away from you. I want to love you. I want you to be Shin Yeji again” She said sobbing. “And on what cases will I agree?” I asked.

 

 

Seeing her cry, I lost. My tears betrayed me. “I’m sorry Yeji. I’m really sorry. If you want to hit me, go on. You want to kill me, do it” she said taking my hands and placing it on my neck chocking herself. She made me hit her. I forced to stop. I pushed her hard as a last option to do.

 

 

“stop it Ryujin. Just s-stop it” I was fallen to the ground as my knees went weak. “I deserve this. If its not you then I don’t want anyone. LET ME JUST DIE!.” She shouted. She came running to me and hugged me. I missed her warmth. She caressed my backand rested our foreheads together. “I’m sorry, give me a chance.” She made me rest my head on her shoulder. “I hate my birthday more now that I’m still givig you a chance”

 

She released me from the hug. She was kneeing down to stay right in front of me. “You are giving me a chance? I will take it slow. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. Let me court you” She said in one breadth and cupped my cheeks. “You still speak a lot” I said and chuckled. She used her thumb to wipe my tears away. This is me, I’m so dumb that I keep giving chances to the people who hurt me.

 

 

The pain Ryujin made me feel is unforgettable but the love is too. “One chance and I’ll prove you, your worth my everything” She placed a kiss on my forehead. “Happy birthday to me.” I laughed the pain away. “Happy Birthday Mrs Shin” She said and giggled. “Hey, not that early” I reminded.

 

 

“One day or the other I know I’ll get you” She said and leaned it but I stopped. “And I know I’ll give in” She gave me a hug and nibbled my neck. “I’m sorry it had to be your birthday” She spoke.

 

 

“Sorry it had to be my birthday”

 

We did not needed to celebrate my birthday. We needed to have a talk, share a conversation. No wonder it had to be on my birthday.