donghae/jessica | phone call | drabble | angst

“Will you ever forgive me?” Donghae’s voice is pleading, and her heart contorts in agony as she looks down guiltily. She almost wants to wrench the phone away from her ear, to block herself from all things that’s related to him, but she can’t. She keeps it there, listening to his tearful blubbers on the other side.

Her lips form into a tight, flat smile, reminiscing on how Donghae had always been a crybaby of sorts. So you didn’t change, did you? her mind asks him subconsciously.

“Why aren’t you saying anything? Look -- I’m sorry -- I --” he frantically says, his words broken and pained.

She looks out the window, observing the bright lights of midnight Seoul as the cars below the building rush to and fro due to the ongoing responsibilities (and joys, she reminds herself. But joy has been a thing of the past) of life. She sighs. Her vocal cords must be broken, she thinks.

And so she says nothing. After all, even if she had the ability to, what would she even say? I love you is a phrase long erased from her vocabulary. I forgive you is something that she feels is unnecessary, especially since she believes no one has wronged her before. (She ignores the biting reminders of her conscience that nag about how she has wronged herself by depriving her life of happiness, true happiness -- but how can one forgive oneself? Especially when that person is someone as stubborn as herself?)

Who needs happiness? This has been her motto for the past few years. Memories of whatever happiness she had in the past (a lot of it, she grudgingly admits) have all been thrown away ever since the day he left her.

“Hello, Jessica? A-are you still there?” he says worriedly through hiccups.

Click.

She hangs up and it is the best decision of her life.

There is no turning back now, she thinks as she goes back to sleep, desperately trying to ignore the fact that she had just crushed someone else’s heart (Donghae’s, at that, which makes it all the more painful).

She closes her eyes as one tear trickles down her cheek.

pic credit | h-ydra.tumblr