Jinyoung is an expert at making mistakes.

Suji is an expert at being pretty.

He meets her when he's sixteen and maybe that's his first mistake. At sixteen, he is vulnerable and invincible at the same time - vulnerable because he's got his neck out in the wind chasing after a future that is uncertain, invincible because he's got the wind at his back and he's making a run for it. He runs fast with the pent-up adrenaline that's welling up within him, so frankly he doesn't know when he started learning how to enjoy the view along the way.

He wishes he didn't, ironically.

Because then he's losing his breath for all the wrong reasons and, dang, she's too beautiful for her own good. 

(he's up late at the company again in preparation for his monthly evaluation when she peeks into his practice room. she sports dark circles under her eyes but there's something about the way they twinkle in the dull fluorescent lights that make his heart skip a beat. she always does this - sticking her head in when he least expects - and maybe that's what he likes about her. how she's unpredictable and interesting, yet grounded and dependable. 

"suji?" he says one day, out of the blue. they're drinking orange juice because it's winter and the flu is going around. 

"yeah?" her stomach makes a strange gurgling noise and she laughs in surprise. 

he can't help but chuckle too. "you--"

he's wants to say that she's beautiful and that he likes her, a lot (yes, even when weird noises emanate from her stomach), but no words come except some guttural sound from the back of his throat and he's admittedly embarrassed.

"what?"

"nothing," he mutters. 

he doesn't summon the courage to say anything more for the next hour.)

He's thought about it before - telling her about how he feels, but soon a year passes by and she's already preparing for debut and the time is ticking. He's never fast enough, no matter how fast he runs.

("she got prettier," jaebum comments, looking at suji's teaser pictures.

"as if that was even possible," jinyoung breathes, half-whispering and hoping that jaebum doesn't hear.

he doesn't, thankfully.

jinyoung sort of wishes that suji heard, at least, because then maybe she'll know and that's more than he could ever ask for.

he passes by her practice room while they're running through the "bad girl, good girl" choreo, and his jaw drops. bitter taste in his mouth, morale tarnished, thoughts of not measuring up and losing her and how she was never his in the first place - and it's too much to handle.

he leaves, and he doesn't turn back to see the way she catches his backside silhouette in the window, biting her lower lip.)

By the time he's filming for Dream High 2 and finds out that of all people Suji is going make a cameo today, his throat feels like a desert and he doesn't get any sleep that night. She fills the shooting area with laughter and smiles, a true star indeed. He's reminded of staring contests to see who would blink or smile first, and inside jokes that caused the both of them to roll around on the floor clutching their stomachs, breathless.

Yes, he's used to running and reaching for the stars, but no amount of cardio could ever prepare him for the way his heart beats erratically whenever he sees her.

("jinyoung!" she shouts when she spots him.

jaebum sort of shoves him in her general direction and jinyoung tells himself not to be flustered. "h-hey," he stutters.

they end up lounging around watching the various shoots while running lines with each other just for kicks. she suggests ad-libbing for fun and jinyoung is almost tempted to finally tell her everything under the guise of an acting exercise.

but he doesn't.

he's an okay actor, but he doesn't trust himself with what might happen next when fiction blurs with reality. and that's the scariest part of it all, how he doesn't know what's real or not, and how he's not sure he even knows her anymore.)

Maybe they both changed. Changed in ways that only this industry could mold you into, hammering you into cookie-cutter idols that no longer seem human. He's sure that beneath all the layers of make-up and the protective shells of scripts and carefully-crafted personas, that they are still there. Sixteen-year-olds with a knack for singing and dancing and pretending that they know what they're doing. 

Running, running, running, until they collapse. And then maybe they'll achieve success by worldly standards and that should be enough, right?

(nope, not for jinyoung. because even though he's well-acquainted with successes and failures, there is one failure he'll never get over.)

(miss a is working on their newest comeback and got7 is criss-crossing the world, and they're both not going to slow down any time soon. in one rare time of rest, he eavesdrops on their recording studio session, and it's suji singing. 

he smiles, bittersweet. missed chances reflecting in his eyes and a tear of surrender slipping down his cheek.

jinyoung walks away, a scrap of paper dropping from his hand and fluttering to the ground.

he leaves it.)

(what the note reads: to my dearest suji, i love you.

if you look closely at the smudged eraser marks, you'll make out a name and remnants of a broken heart and a courage lost. your jinyoung, it reads, if you squint.

the note gets swept into the trashcan of the building janitor, and maybe that's how jinyoung intended for it to be all along.)