It came as a shock to no one, really. How things had been kind of tense on all sides and it’s a tug-of-war between selfishness and selflessness – but the lines are blurred and Donghae’s never had perfect vision. But even though, yes – he could have seen it coming – knowing Sooyeon, nothing could ever had prepared him for the final reality.

 

“So, you’re really gone, aren’t you?” He hasn’t kept in touch with her for the past half year because she’s been criss-crossing all over the world, her head held high, dreams higher than the stars.

 

She laughs, but it’s different now: more mature, less carefree. But she’s happy, he knows, and if anything, all he wants is for Sooyeon to be happy. “I’m not gone. But, well, it’s different now, I suppose...” The sentence falters near the end, and even though Donghae does not have 20/20 vision, nothing is wrong with his sense of hearing (and he sure could hear her wispy tone of nostalgia and regret).

 

“But you’re gone. You’re in New York. Or Hong Kong. Or Shanghai. I don’t know.”

 

“What, you want me to update you on every place I go every single second of the day?” she teases.

 

“It’s just – hard to believe. That this is really happening, that is.” He swallows because that means he’ll see her even less than before, not that they really saw each other that often anyway.

 

“Poor Donghae misses me?” she says over the line, her voice the sound of tinkling bells. He doesn’t reply, only nods. She had been such a big part of his past, first loves and the rose-tinted vision that is blinding him again now. For a second, he imagines the butterflies in his stomach and the sweaty palms of his hands and the scent of her hair, whispered I love you's in the dark and flirty phone calls and secret getaways. Jung Sooyeon. They had moved on long ago, lengthened the distance between their hands, their lips off-limits to each other’s. They had both loved and lost, and had undergone their own fair share of heartbreaks during the span of their friendship.

 

But first loves never die – they only get buried. And Donghae feels like digging their story up from the ashes.

 

He hears her sigh on the other end. “Donghae, it’ll be alright.”

 

He forgets that despite her delicacy that she isn’t called ice princess for nothing (whether it is truth or façade), that Jung Sooyeon is more than capable of weathering hardships. Somehow she always emerges victorious on the other side, her small smile and strawberry auburn hair glowing in the sunlight, while Donghae fumbles through the ashes and tries to catch a glimpse of the past and reclaim part of that pearly jewel as his own.

 

He’s lost the chance already, he knows. And he knows in the back of his mind that yes – she’s right – he’ll be alright, she’ll be alright, they’ll be alright – but now all his heart feels is the miles and miles of distance between them and even after all these years, the pain has not subsided, he realizes.

 

“Donghae?”

 

It dawns on him that he hasn’t said anything in ages. Something’s stuck in the back of his throat – what, he doesn’t know. He wants to tell her so many things, to be careful, to chase after her dreams, to stay healthy and happy (to come back, to smile at him once more, to love him again) – but none of those things seem right to say in the moment.

 

So he doesn’t say anything at all.

 

“Listen, Donghae,” she begins again, a tone of urgency. “I have to meet up with someone in a bit so I think we have to hang up.” She gives him a moment more. When nothing comes, she laughs softly. He could practically hear the bittersweet smile on her lips. “Alright, bye…”

 

He closes his eyes, lets her voice fill his senses so he can pretend that she’s still here right next to him. Shivers run down his spine, and he smiles a tight-lipped smile.

 

“Bye, Hae,” she whispers once more, before the call ends and Donghae is left in silence, her smooth voice reverberating in his ears still.

 

“Bye, Sica,” he chokes out, finally. He turns away from the pile of ashes and faces the rising sun, pinks and purples and oranges filling the horizon. He looks across the expanse of sky and imagines her sitting somewhere waiting for her important appointment, coffee in hand, maybe wearing a trench coat, legs crossed, sunglasses on the crown of her head.

 

It’s a pretty picture, indeed. He stows the image away in the back of his memory and focuses ahead. Their paths have diverged and he’s standing at the crossroads, ashes behind him. You never do forget, but you can always let life happen the way it’s intended to.

 

He chooses to let her go. He picks the other road.

 

He starts walking.

 

 

 

 

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a/n: because i miss super generation like heck and i'm beginning to give up hope that they will ever make a comeback. also because i'm still slightly sad over jessica but i'm happy for her too. and even though yoonhae is my utimate donghae otp, haesica is still too sweet to be ignored <3 college is kicking my but i took a study break to write this. originally was gonna post this for donghae's bday but that never happened, haha. whoever reads this, thank you so much and have a nice day!