03:32

"The name's Kikwang."

At least, that's what it says on the name slips and birth certificate. People usually call me Kwanggie, and I'm fine with that. I was rather overweight when I was younger, but I never saw that as a disadvantage, which brings us to kindergarten. I'd go around, thinking I was one of the most good looking boys out there--something that would probably be running through every other little, pampered kid's head. I thought that simply because I talked to a certain someone, it meant that I was automatically friends with them. Acquaintances: that word never existed then, to me. I made a lot of friends, and I felt loved and appreciated. Then came the time when I met this extremely beautiful 7 year old, about the same age as me--probably a year older. I tried to court her, being the little, naive kid I was. One courageous day, I finally approached her, thinking that the moment we talked, she'd fall in love with me. How stupid. Needless to say, that was my first rejection. It was then that I finally found out where I stood in the social ladder. Friends? I was known as a waste of space; a black hole in the galaxy. I was unwanted and unloved, and there was a time where I asked myself: was this true?

Fast forward a decade. I was a sixteen year old adolescent; proud, smirky, boyish and in an okay weight. I had a strict diet; I even starved myself. Whenever I looked in the mirror, I assumed that I was rather attractive, seeing how slim I was. Oh, hell no. I was a little too slim, to the point of being underweight. However, now that the teenagers could use their grey matter, they decided to be polite. I met yet another girl--one of the reasons why I call myself a lover--and I found her absolutely amazing. Her large grin; her large, brown eyes; her perfect, wavy hair. She had a great personality too, and that was a bonus. Being a smarter bloke than I was ten years ago, I decided to converse with her more and get to know her a little better. Then, on the 2nd month since our first meeting, I rallied all my courage and confidence that could be found in my soul to ask her out. She said yes. I still chuckle everytime I imagine myself jumping up and down my more or less perfectly structured bed. The countless of dates we went to and the ample of money I spent on her were all worth it to me, at the time. I reckon that God made me stupid, because only a retard would believe that a girl loved you for you when she was using up all your money. Then came the rueful day when she dumped me. We were at Lotto World,--tickets bought by me, obviously--and while we were queuing to get on the ferris wheel, she pulled me aside, gripping harshly on my hand. It was then that she told me that I simply wasn't interesting enough. Oh wow. Oh ing wow. I walked home while the heavens cried with me, masking my tears that faithful day.

I've learnt to guard my heart. Most women are shallow; I know that much. I exercised, trying to get myself into a much better shape. Now, here I am. A full grown man--well, not full grown--in the body of a Greek God. The exes? They came crawling at my feet. I'd be foolish if I took them back again. I know their heart almost as much as I know mine. Life seemed to be looking up for me after that. I auditioned and managed--by some supernatural force--to get into Cube Entertainment. Now, here I am, a million other girls grovelling at the path I walk.

I have not entirely given up on love, though. I'm still the same young, obese boy I was before. I'm still smirky, boyish, eccentric and cocky, but my friends; my members; my family have thought me that you've got to live life to the fullest. Life. It's such a short word yet it holds so much meaning to it. I've gained some attributes because of my beastly family: Doojoon, the fierce yet caring leader; Junhyung, the badass hyung with the weird hairstyles; Hyunseung, the 4D prince with a great sense of humour; Yoseob, the little baby that seems to be able to brighten everyone's day, making it brighter than his blonde hair; and Dongwoon, the tall maknae who takes care of his hyungs and organises our stuff. They help me when I'm down and they care for me no matter what. This is what I call real friends. This is what I call real family. I love them.

I love BEAST.

3/03/2012