Seungwan knew. There are some things that changed in their relationship. She realized that they are growing apart each passing day. From texting every possible minute to one text a day, calls every chance they got to one call or nothing at all.

She wants to fix this. Try to save their relationship, or whatever it is that they have. They are not officially girlfriends since they never put a label on their relationship. They do what girlfriends usually do, they hug, cuddle, kiss, etc. And Seungwan was okay with it because it never really mattered before. But now, she is not sure how to fix this. She knows Joohyun is busy, but back then no matter how busy she was, Joohyun would always make sure to make time for her. Either trough texts, calls, or a surprise visit at her place late at night. But this past month had been different. 

If she hadn’t text Joohyun first, the older woman wouldn’t sent her a text at all. Or with their morning call routine, most of the time, Joohyun would be the one who call her first but for weeks now, she’s the one who would call the other woman first. And every now and then, Joohyun would showed up at her door saying that she misses her so much, but for a month now, Joohyun has not come, not even once. To other people, this might not be a big problem and just brush it off saying that maybe the woman was just too busy and tired. But not to Seungwan.

Seungwan knows Joohyun a little too well to understands that there is something going on. It all started last month when Joohyun has told her that she met her childhood friend whom she had lost contact with for years. Seungwan was happy to hear that of course. She hadn’t think much of it, she’s just glad to know that Joohyun reunited with her friend.

But with each passing day, the time they would spent together would become less and less and Joohyun would say that she’s hanging out with Seulgi, her childhood friend. At first she thought that it’s okay, they have a lot of catching up to do, so she let them be. And it come to the point that Joohyun would came visit her friend’s house instead of hers.

It was halloween, Seungwan and Joohyun always gather to celebrate halloween together every year. But this time, when Seungwan text the woman what time will she come to her house, Joohyun text her back hours later saying that she’s sorry, she is celebrating halloween at Seulgi’s place with her friends.

To say that Seungwan is disappointed is an understatement. She had spent hours cooking and baking for the older woman. All of her favorite foods and her favorite carrot cake. It will all now go to waste. She lost her appetite and just decided to make some ice coffee.

Late at night, when she was laying on her bed waiting for Joohyun to send her just one text or maybe if she can hope for more, a call from the older woman, she got a notification from instagram. Joohyun had posted something. Her finger pressed the notification at the speed of light just to make her sad.

There, Joohyun had posted about the halloween party she had with her friends. She looked happy so Seungwan was at least glad to know that the older woman spent her time happily. But what broke her is the fact that Joohyun had never post anything about her. They have  been in a relationship for years but not even one post about her is posted on Joohyun’s account. Contrary to her when she would post about the woman every chance she got on her instagram account. 

Seungwan started to doubt everything. Is she the only one who is in for this relationship? Is she the only one who cares? What is Seungwan for Joohyun? Had Joohyun even ever loved her? There are lots of questions that she wants to ask, but she is afraid to hear the answers.

It was so hard for Seungwan to try and stop texting Joohyun first in the morning. She wanted to know if Joohyun would text her if she didn’t. And guess the answer is here. It’s been 3 days since she last texted Joohyun and to no surprise, the older woman has not try to contact her either.

Seungwan wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. Is she really nothing for Joohyun? What does their relationship mean for Joohyun then? All these years spent together, did it not have any meaning for Joohyun? She needs answers.

So here she is. In front of Joohyun’s apartment door. Preparing herself for whatever outcome she’ll get out with later. She presses the bell.

One.. two.. three.. four.. five.. si-

“Who is it?” Joohyun asked from the intercom

Oh.. she must’ve been in the shower if she couldn’t she the camera monitor

“Are you sure you heard the bell ring Hyun? Because I seriously didn’t hear anything” another voice asked. A voice she recognized so well from all of Joohyun’s instagram posts and stories. Seulgi.

Oh

“Hello?”

They are together. Guess I’m not needed here.

She left.

*****

Two weeks. It’s been two weeks since that day. Seungwan is broken inside. But she continued her schedule like usual. Being her cheery bubbly self in front of the cameras and her co-workers. Like there’s nothing wrong in her life.

That, until she saw the news today.

[NEWS] IRENE BAE SPOTTED IN JEJU ISLAND, POSSIBLE NEW BRAND DEAL? 

That was the headline. And with it was a picture of Irene sitting at a restaurant with someone. And even though the reporters blurred the face of the person sitting next to Joohyun, Seungwan knows that figure a little to well now. Spending her past month seeing tons of pictures of Joohyun with that person. 

She can’t hold it in. She is on her way to the company for practice, but all she wanted to do right now is to go back home and cry. So she called her manager, lying to her saying that she didn’t feel well and would just take the day off. Her manager did not pry. She thank God for it.

Her past conversation with Joohyun keeps on replaying on her mind.

“When the spring come, let’s go to Jeju together!” Joohyun said with a smile so beautiful on her face. And Seungwan can’t help but stare at her a little too long.

“Why Jeju Island?” Seungwan asked

“Now that I think about it, we haven’t go on a vacation together for a very long time now. I wanted to bring you abroad but aren’t you busy with the radio? We can’t go for too long, so I figured Jeju Island is perfect! Besides!! We can see the cherry blossom there!!” 

“Okay, let’s go to Jeju together!”

“I promise we’ll have a lot of fun!” Joohyun said and Seungwan believes.

Lies.

*****

Seungwan did not cry. Instead, she went live on instagram. Spending her time singing her heart out for her fans to watch. Her fans did commented on her songs choices, but she doesn’t say anything. She just keep on singing for 2 hours straight. Hoping to find some comfort from her fans.

After she ended the live, not wanting to worry her fans, she sent a chat on bubble. Pretending to be her cheery self and assured her fans that she’s fine and there’s nothing going on. She even sent 2 selfies and a voice note. Saying that she’s just in the mood to sing ballad songs, hence the sad lyrics.

When she read a reply asking for a song recommendation before she goes, she immediately recommend a song by Jimmy Brown. 

    You guys should listen to Irene by Jimmy Brown. It reminds me of our unnie💗

*****

Joohyun is back from her 2 weeks trip on Jeju. So Seungwan braced herself and called Joohyun. Asking her if they could meet for dinner. Joohyun agrees and told Seungwan to come to her apartment.

So here she is again. In front of the same door that witnessed her heartbreak weeks ago. And even though she knows the passcode to Joohyun’s apartment, she chooses to ring the bell instead and wait for Joohyun to open the door.

One.. two.. three.. four.. fiv-

“Seungwan? did you forgot the passcode? why didn’t you just come in?” Joohyun ask as soon as she open the door.

“Ohh umm.. yes I can’t seem to remember the passcode unnie. I’m sorry” Lies.

“It’s okay. Why are you sorry? I can just tell you the passcode again silly”

“Umm.. okay?”

“Are you sick? you look pale. Come on in!”

“I’m fine unnie”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes”

“081514”

“Huh?” I know what that is.

“The passcode” The day we first held hands

“Ahh.. yes. Thank you unnie”

*****

“Do you want to stay over tonight?”

“I would love to, but I’m sorry I think I can’t unnie”

“Why? We haven’t spent time together for a long time” That’s why.

“I need to go practice”

“Right now? It’s already late at night though?”

“Yeah, I’m making a comeback soon so I need to prepare myself” I can’t stay in a room together with you much longer. I’m afraid I’ll cry in front of you.

“Oh? I didn’t know that! We have a lot to talk about”

“Yeah.. next time?”

“Okay. Do you need a ride?”

“No, it’s okay unnie. My manager is downstairs. She came to pick me up”

“Oh you really are on a rush huh?”

“I’m sorry unnie, you know how hectic it can be with comeback preparation”

“Yeah.. text me when you’re done?” 

“..okay” 

“Let me walk you to the lobby”

“Oh you don’t have to unnie!

“But I want to Seungwan-ah”

“You really don’t have to tho.. but okay.. oh! and before I forget, I left a letter on your coffee table unnie. I hope you can read it in your free time”

“You wrote me a letter?”

“Hmm”

“Okay, I’ll read it right after I walk you out”

“Thank you unnie” Where did we go wrong unnie?

*****

Dear Joohyun unnie,

Hi, it’s me Seungwan.. umm I don’t think I can say this to you in person so I wrote it just incase. Unnie, you know I love you right? And deep inside my heart, I know that I will always love you no matter what. You will always have that special place in my heart.

And for once in my life, I really wanna be selfish. I want to have you all to myself. But I can’t do that. I love you so much that I want the best for you. I want you to be happy everyday. I want to see you smile and hear your laugh everyday. And if in order for you to be happy I need to let you go.. I will.

Thank you for the amazing 10 years we’ve spent together. Thank you for taking care of me for the last 10 years. I know I must had put you in a lot of difficult times, and I’m deeply sorry for that. But thank you for making these last 10 years my happiest years. I’ll treasure our memories together forever.

I think it’s time I follow what my head had been telling me this past month. I’m letting you go unnie.. I don’t know what happened, or how it happened. But we’re here. And there’s nothing I can do to undo it. 

Don’t worry I’m okay. I will be okay. I have to be okay. Coz that’s what our jobs require us to right? To always be okay. So rest assured unnie, you don’t have to worry. Everything’s gonna be okay.

And if ever you felt guilty after reading this letter, please don’t feel sorry. You did nothing wrong. It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. It just happened. And I’m not blaming you. So please live your life to the fullest, I will always support you from the side.

I actually really want to hug you for the last time, but if you’re reading this letter, that means I’m not there physically. Please forgive me that I’m such a coward to say this trough letter and not in person unnie. You really do deserves someone so much better.

Just please promise me one thing? Always remember that I always got your back. No matter what the world throws at you, always remember that at least there is one person who will fight the world for you. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m only one call away okay? 

Be happy unnie. Be free. I hope you’re happy in whatever you do in life. If we ever cross path in the future, please don’t be awkward around me and just act as you usually did before unnie :) But for now, please let me take care of my heart for a while. I’m not going to leave you, I just need time to calm myself unnie. I promised you before that I will never leave you alone. And you know me, I never broke my promise. I’ll come back and be the Seungwan you knew ever since you were 21! :)

Thank you and I’m sorry unnie.

 -Seungwannie-

—END—

Hello my fellow seekers! First of all, I’m sorry I can’t help but write this storyline🥲 This is actually my first time writing a fanfic, so I apologize for any mistake. I’ll keep on learning and improving myself so I can write a better one next time! :)

And I’m really sorry for any grammatical errors, I’ll practice my english more to lessen the amount of errors! Please let me know what you think about the story! :D

That’s it for now, stay safe guys! I'll see you around! xx