I. The Start of The Light

❝ Then come in waves my feelings for you.

And not pretty whitecaps dancing at my feet. ❞

What would she say if she could convey how she feels right now? Certainly enjoyable, albeit a little unexpected. She does not quite anticipate to see him at that location, much less at that time. It all began when her gaze was drawn to the form of someone she recognized. She attempts not to worry about it too much because she needs to concentrate on the task at hand. Being shy and introverted has its disadvantages, but Seohyun works hard to overcome them. She has been in the entertainment industry for fourteen years. Singing and dancing have always been her daily work— her whole identity and purpose since the first moment she decided to pursue a career as a singer when she was in a girl group.

Her view was slightly distorted by the million applause and laughs from the audience. She walks onto the stage with a calm and steady demeanor, attempting to hide her anxiousness. She maintains a steady pace, a huge smile on her face while the glaring light from the television studio obscures her lovely round face. Everyone has taken their assigned seats and is awaiting for her to give them her distinctive appearance. She must maintain her composure and avoid succumbing to her anxiety. As she lurches through her route, Seohyun tilts her attention once more, despite the pandemonium in her mind. She claims she could still discern her pulse pounding in a frantic rhythm, flustered at the prospect of meeting him in such an odd location. She longs to see him again, to gaze into those warm, loving chocolate eyes.

They were once, as what people claim— originally destined. As the youngest of both most popular group at that time, yet with a polar opposite personality— they both became the centre atraction of the world and their fans. Seohyun is the stiff, shy girl whom everyone in the SM Family knows, but Kyuhyun is the charming wicked attractive kid who uses his nasty demeanors to draw the attention of his hyungs. They only speak to each other when they are assigned to the same program or when SMTown is present. The Seoul music video was the first time they ever talk to each other in a long conversation, then came the duet they did at the SMTown, it all slowly paced into staring in a musical together as the main characters. The many programs they did together have served as the bridge that connect both of them even closer.

Seohyun never went out of her way to find him or make small talk with him. She is too self-conscious to even approach the man. Her eonnis depiction of them both as charming is a far cry from her fertile imagination. Though she isn't bothered by the prospect of them conversing or simply being in the same room, she does seem to like his company. But whenever they were together, there was always this uneasiness between them, and him being the gentleman— has not once crossed the boundary of just being her oppa from the same company. Back then, Seohyun, not minding him— now started recalling all of those pictureque moments between them.

"Seohyun-ssi, you are fun when you are drunk," said Heechul as he tried to open a conversation for her to chimmed in. Seohyun turned her attention back to the MC of the show. Her gaze fell upon the pretty face of Kim Heechul— her sunbae at work, the one that Girl's Generation has been the closest to out of the other Super Junior members.

Seohyun laugh a little. It was not the statement she expected to be openly discuss out in the open. But then again, entertainment world is just a crazy world where something funny can become the talk of the show. She folds her legs— getting herself as comfortable as she can be. Attempting to hide her nervousness. "Really?" she said a little shy, her attention averted between the crowd and the MC's. "How do you know, oppa?"

There is a little silent in the room, everyone is anticipating of the seriousness in her voice as how to a member of Super Junior would know what Seohyun's would look like when she was drunk.

"You are the one who invited me on your birthday!" being a little offended— Kim Heechul is jokingly raising his voice at the suspicious offend Seohyun throws at him. Seohyun laugh, her genuine one. The one where she rarely shows in front of camera and only reserved to those who are close to her. "She never once contact me in years, yet when she did, she only said 'oppa come to my birthday party', and so I went," he continued, feeling a bit hurt at the earlier mention.

The audience is now laughing along with them. They keep talking about her new schedule as a model and actress, chasing her passion and desire of becoming an actress. She stated her happiness of finally being able to pursue her dream. The presenters are all reacting to her speech, putting their entire attention on her. Heechul periodically compliments her on her newfound confidence and her accomplishments over the years. Even though they are no longer affiliated with the same agency, Heechul admits he is quite happy of her progress. Regardless of how he laughs about Seohyun— along with several other members, being the least hilarious in SM.

​​"Seohyun-ssi, are you seeing someone now?" one of the hosts suddenly asks.

Seohyun gives him an uneasy glare. One of many factors she is constantly apprehensive about appearing on a talk show is because of this. Due to an unexpected topic about her private affairs. She can only manage a faint chuckle.

They continue, with mischevious smile, "I mean.... you are.... how old are you? Thirty, surely there is someone you are currently seeing." there is this mischievous glints that the hosts of the show intentionally display.

Oh, boy. She silently curses, while still plastering a smile upon her face.

Her thoughts return to the tall figure she saw backstage just a few moments ago. Where there's a good chance he will hear all that's said. However, the chances of the figure becoming him are almost zero. Why is he in this location, of all places? Kyuhyun, as far as she recalls— is ranked second as a person with a tight schedule. Then again, why should she care whether or not he hears the conversation? There is nothing going on between them. Not even a friendly gesture could be counted as one.

"Why are you asking? Are you attracted to her?" Seohyun has never been grateful to someone in her life as Kim Heechul interveres in the conversation.

"Oh, no. We are just curious," it seems to her that the others are not willing to let go of the topic, which left her speechless as how people sometimes can be as shameless as asking other person's personal life.

Kim Heechul— bless his pure soul, drives off the topic. "Of course she doesn't. Even if she is blessed with pretty face, she is too boring to talk to a man."

That gain a smack on his shoulder which he replies with exagerating grunt and scream. The other hosts are laughing at their incredulous banter. It is a common occurrence at SM Agency for members of each group to become closer since they embrace one another as family. They can make jokes about everything, even the most absurd and insignificant subjects. For Seo Joohyun, on the other hand, laughing with an opposite takes a lot of work and time to become used to. Even if they used to work for the same company, it's difficult not to feel awkward.

"I don't know," she sheepishly replied. Glancing at the backstage purposely as if the sole purpose of that is to staring at that someone she said in the conversation. "I am too focus and too happy to what I have right now. So I haven't been thinking of being in a relationship." she answers half heartedly. Not wanting the useless talk to rant on anymore longer. The hosts seems to understand her intention as they quickly change the subject. Following the corner of her eyes, she sees Kim Heechul steals a glance at her. Giving off some weird stare at her.

Not wanting to break the atmosphere, Seohyun jokes when the other hosts offer her to do a makeover. The sole purpose of the entire program. Ignoring the stare Heechul gives her.

​​​​​The event lasts for a few hours, but the atmosphere and jokes make her feel comfortable. Seohyun has always been worried of looking unattractive if she doesn't put enough effort into it. She had mostly forgotten how to communicate on variety programs, in part because she had left the company a few years prior to embark on her own adventure. Well, she hasn't really been on that many previously while she was still hanging out with the girls. However, it is enjoyable to gain new experience, particularly when working with a familiar face.

When the program eventually finish, Seohyun praises the hosts, PD, and workers right away before heading backstage to get dressed. She still needs to attend a photo session for a newly cosmetic line. Her schedule hasn't changed all that much since she left SM. She currently has access to as much free time as she desires since she's the one who controls and manages her agenda. She had never been happier.

"Ya, congratulations. That was funny," Heechul nudges her arm playfully. It has been several years but somehow Kim Heechul's beauty never cease to appease her.

Seohyun scoffs lightly, "it is nothing, oppa. I've learned my way from the best."

"Of course, all that lessons that you learnt last night from—"

"Hyoyeon eonni." she cuts him satisfyingly.

There is a pause as Kim Heechul throws death glare at her. Which she replies with an innocent blinks.

"Ya! What do you mean Hyoyeon? Ya! You really are!" with his infamous aunty's scream, Heechul hit Seohyun.

"It's the truth! Hyoyeon eonni is funnier than you."

Heechul gasps, as if he just heard the most malicious news after his own gay scandal. He flicks her forehead, hard enough until the girl stumbles a bit. Seohyun screams back, her forehead feels like it is on fire.

"Ya, don't ever appear in front of me ever again with that scandalous facts. You are really too much sometimes! I cannot be compared to that drunkard fighter Hyoyeon."

Seohyun laughs, really loud until her stomach feels like it is gonna bursts. "I'm going to tell her! Oh my, eonni is gonna be so pissed!"

The banter goes on and on. It seems like when they are still on their first stages of stepping into the entertainment industries. Where interaction between the opposite is not a problem. Where she can laugh out loud with her seniors in the company, can be true to herself despite her shyness due to their closeness as SM Family. Seohyun feels grateful that Heechul still treats her like a little sister. Just like all those years ago.

Seohyun looks around her as if her efforts may somehow cause the person to emerge. She is baffled as to why she cannot get rid of the image of the figure. Even now, she is unsure of her motivation for wanting to see him.

"Oppa, actually...."

"What?" Heechul makes a grating inquiry and still harbors resentment for her comment.

She is going to ask him about that person. When all of a sudden a tall figure appear from the opposite of her. They have their own story— those couples of years back then only filled with happiness whenever Seohyun is with him. Her heart skips a beat as their eyes met for the first time. People frequently discuss eye color as if they are significant, yet his eyes is lovely in any hue. They have a sharpness, an openness, and a softness. No one attribute alone can account for his good looks. He still has the same charming appearance as when she last saw him. But something else is there in those stunning hot cocoa eyes. His eyes, which were once so alive, are now lifeless and plain. His once-bright smile, which used to shine like the rising sun, has been displaced with a faint smile— it seems as though a wall is there to conceal his emotions.

"Hyung, are you finally done?"

Surprised by the sudden visit by his dongsaeng, Kim Heechul his chests. "Oh, Kyuhyun-ah, you are here? I thought you are not coming." he pats his little brother's shoulder lightly.

Cho Kyuhyun looks at his brother accusingly, "wow I cannot believe you forget about it already."

"Forget what?" asks him while tilting his head. A moment later until his eyes wide in realization. "OH! Oh my god, I'm sorry. Ya, Kyuhyun-ah. Is it today?"

Cho Kyuhyun with his adorable smile and wide brown eyes pouts, "of course it is today. Why else would I be here?"

Somehow, between those casual accusation, the girl can only look at the man. How long since the last time they have been this close? Seohyun knows Cho Kyuhyun is handsome. Now being this close, even from the depth of his gaze to the soft nuances of his voice, he is gorgeous. His face is the kind that made you halt in your tracks.

"Yah, Kyuhyun-ah, don't you wanna say hello to Seohyun?" when it appears that the topic of the forgetfulness will not be resolved, Heechul avert the attention away from Kyuhyun toward the thin person standing next to him during the conversation.

The lovely recollection plays out like the chapters of a cherished children's book. The meadows are covered in white bells, and the sun beckons them to become beautiful and strong. She does not understand anything else except for the jolt in her heart, the sound of his voice ringing like a soft flute in her ears. However, he does not say anything, he just keeps standing there looking at her, as if she is someone else, as if she is not meant to be here with them.

"Oh, annyeong, Seohyun-ah." he bows, his expression is rigid and awkward. He does not say anything else, scratching the back of his head while exchanging glance with Kim Heechul.

In an instant, Seohyun knows too well that the person in front of her is suffering from a tremendous wound. He is in pain, and it is so much obvious. Those heavy eye bags, skinny figure, deep cheekbones— Seohyun knows it, she should have picked it up the moment he walks in. Then it seems, she is behind those sadness.